A part of my life that still bothers me sometimes
By luintaurien
@luintaurien (972)
United States
June 21, 2007 10:00am CST
When I was a teenager my uncle was an alcoholic. He used to come pick us up at my parent's place with my cousins drunk, but my parents wouldn't realize it. On the way back to his house we would be traveling on gravel roads doing 120 miles an hour and going over bridges at the same rate of speed. He used to hit his kids and sometimes us. He threatened to kill us several times. One night I remember very well his daughter went into the bar to ask him something and he became very angry. he came out of the bar and got in his car. He chased us all over town as we were riding our bikes and trying to get away from him. We all ended up at my grandmother's house on her couch and my parents would not let us have anything to do with him after that unitil he had cleaned up his act. He only did this after his wifer divorced him and got full custody of the kids. She got the state's permission to move to Colorado and take the kids with her until he had cleaned up.
I have tried to forgive and let this go but every time I see him it still pisses me off. He took away part of my childhood as a result of his stupidity. I feel that he is still very close to me and I love him dearly but I just can't quite let it go. We lied to our parents and kept his secret for so long that I don't know how to feel about him for sure and I still try to forgive and let go of the pain and grief that I felt then.
Am I wrong to feel differently about him now? Should forgiveness be this difficult? How should I relate to him? Any ideas or thoughts on this? Similar experiences? Please share.
5 people like this
7 responses
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
21 Jun 07
There are some things that are very difficult to let go of. What you need to do is to give it to God and let him handle it. The hard part about that is not taking it back but you have to keep giving it to him until you can stop taking it back. If you ever get the chance to read "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Tem Boone. It is a remarkable book about faith and forgivness. God will take care of it if you can give it to him and leave it with him
2 people like this
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
24 Jul 07
Thank you for the book suggestion. I have written it down so that I can find it. I know you are right but it can be very difficult to be forgiving.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
24 Jul 07
I know how difficult it is to let some things go. I still have things that I just keep Hidden in a box in my mind and I seem to have to take back take out to feel sorry for my self with. It's easy to say give it to God but it is a struggle.
1 person likes this
@muralikrishna88 (102)
• India
22 Jun 07
The fact that you still love him after all that he has done to you speaks about your good nature. Not many people are like that. But its really good to be that way. To be quite honest with you forgiveness sometimes can be really difficult. I certainly can share your pain as I had a father who left me and my mother when I was 6 months old. I still have'nt met him after that. When I do I don't know whether I would be able to forgive him what he has done. I really can't answer your question. Hope you can answer mine.
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
24 Jul 07
For your sake I hope you can attempt to forgive him. Depending on his age when you were born and things of that nature I can see the responsibility being too much for him. A lot of people can handle a relationship but when it comes to having children they are not ready for the responsibility and run. I was married when I was 20 but I didn't have children till I turned 31. I was not ready for it till that time. I know that I need to start finding a way to forgive him for my own sake it is just very difficult.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
21 Jun 07
Forgiveness is always difficult. There's nothing wrong with the feelings you have, and in fact it's really great that you're even trying to forgive this person.
I suppose my case and yours are kind of different, because I was always abused by most members of my family, so I didn't have anywhere safe I could go. However, the feelings involved are the same, I am sure. Forgiveness for me is a long process, starting with just resisting the urge to actually attack people. I don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling as close to the person as you think you should, since that is part of what he gave up when he chose to treat you and the other kids badly. Just being kind to him and doing your best to be polite is fine I think.
2 people like this
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
24 Jul 07
Thank you for your comments on this. It sounds like you have had a pretty rough life. I hope that you fare well in the rest of your life.
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
22 Jun 07
I know how hurt you must be, but to hold onto the anger will only hurt one person and it won't be him, it will be you. He still living his life in spite of what he did to you and you need to live yours. The only way to move on is to forgive him for what he did because he was drunk at the time and didn't know what he was doing. By forgiving him you will also be letting go of the anger. Forgiveness isn't easy, I know from my own experiences, but it is necessary, if not for him, for yourself. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
25 Jul 07
Thank you for your comments. I know that I need to let go of this. It is just hard at times and especially since he refuses to change at all.
@poetshannon (113)
• United States
22 Jun 07
i think you should let him know how you feel. i have he said he was sorry for his actions if not maybe you just need for him to take responsibility for his actions at that time.
1 person likes this
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
24 Jul 07
That is part of it. he has never takenm responsibility for any of it. He still drinks even after all these years.
@swaroopssy (1)
•
21 Jun 07
ofcourse forgiveness would be the best solution for ur problem , but mind u it is not forthe sake of ur uncle but by forgiving him heartfully u will be relieved fron this thought. so let go off all such experiences and enjoy the peresent moment. BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME.with love swaroop.
1 person likes this
@koikoikoi (1246)
• United States
21 Jun 07
Well what can you do? Your feelings and emotions don't let you decide. Do I hate him? Do I love him? What do I do? It's just some things that you can't let go because you know that it was just a mistake. I wouldn't for give him because he was an adult and he knew what he was doing to children. But then again that's just me.
1 person likes this
@luintaurien (972)
• United States
24 Jul 07
I know what you mean but now that I am taking courses in psychology I know that he is sick. It is not just him and it is an addiction so he really can't control it.
