My son didn't come home last night.

United States
July 2, 2007 8:02am CST
I'm sick with worry although he's probably fine. He's 19 so he thinks he's an adult and can do whatever. I've told him that as long as he lives under my roof, he'll abide by my rules. He has a cell phone so he doesn't have an excuse as to why he couldn't call me. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much last night. He's basically a good kid and doesn't pull this kind of stunt, so I'm baffled. I just wish he would call me and let me know he's ok. I could call him, but he won't answer the phone. My mom always told me that I would get paid back for the things I put her through. Boy was she right! Not that I was a bad kid, but I did the same thing and got kicked out for a couple of months. The difference was, I didn't have a phone and couldn't get to one until daylight. I was stuck in the situation, but I'm the one who put me there. Signed: One worried mom!
10 people like this
27 responses
@derek_a (10905)
2 Jul 07
I stayed out all night without letting my parents know when I was only 16. I just stayed at a friends house and could see no problem with it. There were no cell phones in those days and I didn't like to ask my friend's mother if I could use theirs and they didn't seem to worry about it either. My parents were frantic when I got home the next day, but they did forgive me eventually. I always let them know from then on if I wasn't coming home - but sometimes they ordered me home.. :-0
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 07
Let me tell you, I was sick with worry. I guess I wasn't really mad but very worried about him. I'm pretty easy going and understanding. He fell asleep and didn't have a ride because it was late. He could of called me and I would of said ok, or I would of even picked him up if he wanted to come home. I guess kids need to be reminded that there are options. Thanks for sharing your experience.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10905)
3 Jul 07
Well it's nice to know that he came back home all safe and through this experience he will learn to consider that you will be worrying if he doesn't let you know where he is in future. The age doesn't matter, because when I was in my 20s my parents still worried about me, and they freely admitted that they didn't consider my age at all - to me I was their son and they needed to know that I was OK :-)
1 person likes this
@jbei69 (1)
• United States
3 Jul 07
hes probly with a girl
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 07
I knew that he was with a girl. Actually 2 of them. That was part of my worry even though I can't do anything about that one. Even knowing that they could be out driving around was enough to get me worried.
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
2 Jul 07
Sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him that he needs to let you know where he is. Have a calender telling you when he is going out or something. Tell him to answer his phone. If it would be my kid I would worry like you. I think he is wanting to be free. Tell him if it keeps up to go look for another place to stay.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 07
I think he wants to be free too. I told him if he wants me to treat him like a man, he needs to act like one. My boyfriend let's me know what's going on and so can he. That's why we have the cell phones in the 1st place. Thanks for your input.
• United States
2 Jul 07
time to tell him it does not matter how old he gets as lond is he is at home he is not a adult and need to obey your rule. tell him it called respect
• United States
3 Jul 07
High 5^! Respect is what I'll get too because there won't be a next time. I explained that he can call no matter what time it is and if he ever pulls it again to start packing.
@tikensoup (228)
• Mauritius
3 Jul 07
Hello TheCatz :) You sound just like my mum back in the dayz:)I think you need not worry. You should however ask him to give at least a call or even an sms when he is staying out for a day. That will keep you from worrying:)
• United States
6 Jul 07
You know, I didn't even think about him leaving a text message. I'm gonna add that to the ways he can get his message to me, even if it is late and he doesn't want to wake me. I would see the sms when checking my cell. Two minds are always better than one. Thanks for the tip!
1 person likes this
• Mauritius
9 Jul 07
No problem TheCtaz:) I hope it helps.
@lexus54 (3577)
• Singapore
3 Jul 07
Your son probably thinks that being 19, he's old enough to have some freedom. You know how grown up teenagers are. They want the freedom to do things on their own without being dictated to, so I guess you need to give him some space to exercise certain amount of freedom. But freedom also comes with responsibility, and I feel if he is going to be out overnight, he should at least tell someone at home about this. I think that's the responsible thing to do. It is just a phone call away, and that should be hard to do. What if something happened to him, and no one can tell where he's supposed to be? Also, what if there is an emergency at home, and he cannot be contacted because he's keeping silence about his whereabouts by not answering calls? Anything unplanned can happen in reality. Even we adults act responsibly to inform someone at home if we should be away from home for prolonged periods, so that others at home will not worry about us. At least I do, and I feel that's a considerate thing to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
We all feel it's the considerate thing to do as a family. I guess he had a duh moment or something. After the nice long talk we had, I hope he never does this again. Thanks for your input. I really do appreciate all the kindness from everyone here.
@lexus54 (3577)
• Singapore
3 Jul 07
I think considerate is the apt word to use here. We inform because we love our family, and want them to feel at ease. It will be a good thing if he understands and practises that. I'm glad your son is ok and nothing happened during his absence. Take care.
1 person likes this
@lucy02 (5018)
• United States
2 Jul 07
Are there any friends of his that you can call? If so I would call them and ask if they've seen him and you are worried because he didn't come home all night. He should call and let you know he's safe. If it embarrasses him, good! Maybe that will teach him to call you and abide by your rules.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
2 Jul 07
maybe the embarassment it would cause would do no good. Next time he would do worse... at least i would... if i were 19.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
Sometimes embarrassing them makes them act out, but I didn't do that so I don't know how it would of turned out. I did end up calling him and making him feel bad for not calling me. I don't think he'll be pulling this stunt again. Hopefully his friends were sitting there when he got the call. Thanks for your help.
@sunshine4 (8712)
• United States
2 Jul 07
My son went threw this at 18. He would go out and not answer his cell phone. I would worry all night and then he would show up and get upset that I was mad that he didn't call. Talk to your son. Tell him that if he isn't going to come home he at least has to show some respect for your feelings and call you or else he will have to live somewhere else. My son chose to live somewhere else and one month later he was home. Now he lives here and respects our rules.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 07
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's good that your son has decided to respect your rules. I'm definately going to have to nip this in the bud because I don't like the way I feel. I've told him he could move if he didn't like my rules, but I'm going to have to enforce it if he's gonna start getting out of control. Thanks for sharing your experience.
@sunshine4 (8712)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I will tell you, you will worry if he moves out also. It is something that has to be put under control right away or they will continue to do this kind of behavior. Good luck to you and your son.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Sep 07
im 19 and i dont make it home till 3 am sometimes i am a chronic partyier and live in the fast lane. i do however agree with you if he already knew what the deal was he should have let you know. on the other hand im spoiled and have been since day 1 and i can probally get away with as the saying goes "murder" i feel bad about how i act but my mom loves me and knows that i will make the right decisions. my mom lets me do whatever i want and i feel it has given me a real understanding of right and wrong and the differecne between wants and needs. you might disagree with me but your only 19 once and we only get one shot at life and never know when it might be over so live it to the max. again i would need more info to judge the situaition seeing as i am biased but as long as he does what needs to be done let him live a little. my quote that i live by is this "keep it real,keep it real safe"-CZheck
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22913)
• China
23 Aug 07
I am so sorry to hear that your son was out overnight without calling you to let you know if he was ok or not. Maybe he was with his friends at a pub or a disco hall or at a net bar to surf online. I hope that he was ok and will never stay outside overnight again without letting you know about it and keeping you worried. Anyway he is an adult now. He should know how to protect himself away from home. Be blessed, friend.
• United States
24 Aug 07
So far he seems to have learned his lesson. I'm pretty sure he can protect himself. If something would of happened like an accident (or something worse) I wouldn't of known where to start looking for him. I would of had no choice but to sit and worry, which is what I was already doing. Maternal instincts are good, but sometimes they're a little over the top. I guess at this point, I'm glad I was worried for nothing. Thanks for the blessings. Sending blessings out to you too friend.
@TerryZ (22148)
• United States
22 Aug 07
Well I sure hope he got home by now!LOL I was guilty of that many of times. I think the kids today have it made by having a cell phone.LOL
• United States
23 Aug 07
ROTF Yes, he's done made it home AND had his 20th birthday. He's supposed to be paying part of the bill for that cell phone. Now I've been on him about getting a job. He was given an ultimatum last night. He either gets out there and really looks for a job or he has to move out. I'm guessing he thinks he's Prince LazyMon or something.
@arcidy (5017)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Well you should tell him about how worried you are that he dosnt come home and you should warn him if he does it again then you should ground him if he doesnt call you or something you should have to worry like that and a good punishment might be is take away is phone because if he never uses it whats the point I know my mother did that to me a few years ago and it worked lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 07
I made him pull weeds, mow the lawn, and do some various other chores that he normally doesn't do. Thanks for the advice.
@lingli_78 (12861)
• Australia
3 Jul 07
i am not a mum yet but i totally agree with you... your son should have phoned you and let you know where he is... and you are right that as long as your son lives under your roof, he must abides with your rule... even though he is 19, but still it is not right for him to do that to you...
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 07
Thanks for reassuring me that I'm right and I'm not just being an over protective mom. I just want him to be safe and have a good future ahead of him. I just hope he truly understands that.
@dio123 (1790)
• India
3 Jul 07
Do not worry at all, this are commong signs of growing kids, he needs a lot of your attention and care, You must need to sit with him and have a cool discussion with him he might be facing some problem So you need to talk to him, Do not make strict rules for growing kids and your son at the age of 19 must need some freedom at home and in the society, think it twice and I forcing you to have talk with him
• United States
6 Jul 07
Ok, I'm gonna let him know I'm here for him if he needs to talk about anything and see what happens. Maybe there is a problem he's dealing with. Thanks for showing me a different perspective to look at.
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
HI, i experienced that too. Basically im a good son before...its a natural feeling of a mother to be worried about his son but the way you describe your son that he is good so you should not be worry about, just trust him and ask for the guidance of the lord. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jul 07
You do have a good point. I do trust him, but all that seems to fly out the window when I feel like I have a crisis going on. LOL He was a troubled child when he was young, so I guess I have flash backs. I should just chalk it up as he was due to get into some mischief. Thanks for your input.
@vanities (11308)
• Davao, Philippines
3 Jul 07
yeah its true..i was then told by my mom also..but the thing was i was precisely a good girl when im still single...but my son is good boy too but sometimes do that stuff like your son...as mother all we can do is pray i guess for their safety while outside and during the night...its the strongest weapon we could have ...
• United States
3 Jul 07
You're right. I'm gonna say extra prayers for his safety now that he's older and going out and about. Thanks for reminding me that we should turn to God and ask for safety.
• United States
3 Jul 07
if you can reach him and let him know how worried you were..maybe this would have an effect..a son can be very stubborn and muleheaded..so can a daughter.. just try to reach him without kicking him out.. if he is 19 and probably out of school..he should be working or going to school..we were not allowed to not work and if we did not work we had better be going to school..do what you want with your son..but to get respect..you have to stand up to him and let him know that you are not running a hotel for him. he either obeys your rules or take the consequences. This is called TOUGH LOVEbut do so with wisdom..get some guidance from people who have the answers..chidren have to be taught..that is how we learned..and i was no angel either..but i did have respect for my parents home.. if i would have talked back to my mum in front of my father..(and he was a gentle man() I would have not heard the end of it..we five kids all knew the rules..my brother was a very tough guy..but he knew never to talk back to my mother and we all loved her with her cranky ness..lol
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
I did end up calling him and telling him what he put me through in just so many words. I definately didn't want to handle things the wrong way. Once I had my bearings we sat down and had a talk. Hopefully it sunk in. He does work but things are a bit slow right now. I think I'll find something to help take up some of his extra time. Thanks for sharing your experience.
@maehan (1447)
• United States
3 Jul 07
When I was at your son age, I do stay out late and totally forget to call home. I think hard for a reason to tell my mom, usually I told her I am unable to find a public phone, public phone is spoilt. She is very upset rather than angry. I can see that from her eyes. Till one day, when there is only 2 of us in front of the TV (normally, my brothers are around), she told me that regardless how old am I even to an age of 50 years old..... I am still her child. And, she will continue worrying about me as long as I am not with her. So, no matter what time is it, I have to call her to assure her that I am fine. Till today, she is in Singapore and I am in US, I make a point regardless how busy am I, I call her at least once a week. Let him know that you care and worry for him.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
Thank you for sharing your experience. Maybe I do need to remind him I'll worry no matter how old he gets. That's great that you make sure you still call your mom. Being so far away, she probably worries even more.
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
rules rules rules... endless of rules. that is why kids rebel to parents. i did the same. As if parents don't trust their children. Best way to handle is... talk to your son about your concerns-- his safety, your worries. NOT YOUR RULES! It would only make the situation worst.
• United States
3 Jul 07
You're entitled to your opinion but I disagree. We have rules for all walks of life. As a parent and a citizen, I have to abide by rules or pay the consequences. That's why as parents, we have to enforce rules with our children. It's not that I don't trust him. That's where the problem is. I trust him 100% and he took advantage of the situation. The rule he broke was: if you're going to be much later than what you said, call....if you're staying the night call. I could of just kicked him out on the street, but I didn't. He gets free room and board. The least he can do is respect my wishes. I do understand what you're saying though. I didn't necessarily bring up the fact that he broke a rule. I just let him know how worried sick I was. Thanks for your reply.
@koikoikoi (1247)
• United States
3 Jul 07
Well one thing is for sure when he gets home you need to show him who's boss. If he thinks he's an adult then treat him like one. Make him pay rent, wash his own laundry, do you pay his cell phone bill? Let him pay, no, make him pay his own bill or no more cell phone. Doesn't his father, your husband tell him anything? Well another thing is for sure at least it'll come back at him for pay back.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 07
He usually pays his cell phone but work has been slow, so I've let him slide until it picks up. He will be doing some yard work. I've got weeds for him to pull, and various other chores that need done. His dad isn't around but my boyfriend does help keep him in order. I'm sure he'll be payed back too because what comes around does always go around.