Is your dad a jerk????

@CaitBaby (447)
United States
August 6, 2007 2:29pm CST
My dad is by far one of the world's biggest jack a-- It's a long story but he has accused me of terrible things that a father should never even think of saying about his daughter. I don't even talk to him now because of how furious I am and how much he has hurt me. He has been abusive to me in every way possible and to tell the truth, I wouldn't care if I ever saw him again. I love him because he's my dad but I won't let anyone put me through that. So do you think I'm wrong for being this way? Some people think I should just forgive him for what he's done because he's my father but I know if I do he'll just do something else again. So what do you think?
5 people like this
11 responses
@rusty2rusty (6767)
• Defiance, Ohio
6 Aug 07
No, My dad is not a jerk. He is a kind and loving man. I miss him very much. As he lives in another state than me. You do need to forgive him. Not to let him off the hook for what he did or because he is your father. But when you forgive him. It better for you. It will help you become a better person. You will be less angry and feel better about yourself. I have a stepmother I hate for what she did to me growing up. I forgave her because I need to for my peace of my mind. I was angry all the time and it was eating me up. I do not have anything to do with her til this day because of it. Nor will I ever have anything to do with her again. Nor has she ever watched my daughter after what she did to me. But I also know forgiving someone can't happen over night. Nor should it. It takes time depending on what happen and what they did to you. I hope in time you will be able to forgive him for what he did. I pray in time he learns his lesson and begs for your forgiveness.
1 person likes this
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
You know, I don't think I will stay angry with him forever. Truthfully I just don't really care sometimes because I feel like it's not worth getting mad or depressed over. If my dad would get a change in heart I would love to have a relationship with him, but unfortunately I don't think that will ever happen. As for my stepmom, she is a maniac and honestly I'm afraid to go around her. But I hope he learns his lesson too because you know, he's still my dad. Thanks!
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
6 Aug 07
I don't believe that blood relation gives anyone a right to mistreat you. There is no reason you should feel like you have to forgive or give someone another chance if they have proven in the past that doing so just gives them another opportunity to hurt you. My dad has actually become a much better person from when I was a child, but there are other members of my family that I would never, ever speak to again, because of harm they caused me. I don't think that's wrong of me, I think it's fair. If your father didn't treat you properly, he doesn't deserve a relationship with you.
1 person likes this
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Thanks, you're right. I actually haven't talked to him in a few months now and I feel so much better these days. It's like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I don't care that he's my father, I don't need him in my life because all he has ever done is cause problems. It hurts to have to give up someone like that but I'm better off now.
2 people like this
• China
7 Aug 07
oh!my god ,i'm sorry to hear that,your dad did hurt you a lot. My father used to be a jerk when i was a kid,he abandoned my mom and me,he ruined the family,he ruined my mom's life and i hated him so much then,it's been a 13 years time since he was divorced from my mom ,but all that passed,now,my dad seems to be a good father,he works hard to make sure that i can finish my college studies smoothly,maybe he wants to make a new man of himself.Anyway,he is my only dad,i love him though he once to be a terrible man to mom and me. I have to say you're a kindheated girl,maybe it's better to have an in-depth conversation with your dad,the mutual understanding is very important,right?
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Yeah you're right. He has hurt me a lot and if he was willing to change then I would be more than willing to try to repair the relationship. Your dad sounds a lot like mine. I don't know if your dad abused you or not but he ruined your family and hurt your mother. My dad did that too. But maybe one day my dad will try to make a new man of myself like yours and everything will be okay again. Anyway thanks. If I hadn't already marked a best response for this discussion I would definitely give it to you. :)
• China
8 Aug 07
I'm glad you enjoyed my words. I'm so sad about this discussions in such a title that" Is dad a jerk?" Since i don't want to call any dad as a jerk,father and mother are supposed to be the lovest ,the most intimate,the trustworthy person to their kids,but how can a father do that terrible things to his daughter?! My dad also abused me by whipping me with a rope or belt,and he liked to beat me on the face then.it's so hard for me to tolerate ,I hated that action!How can he do these to me?I mean he can hurt his little girl and his wife he used to love and ruined a happy family himself just because a mistress ,a evil woman,and it was not a long time since they knew each other.He really disappointed me at that time,my childhood to some extent turned out to be the pain in my life. But still glad that they are gone forever ,and my life canna be better and better,so does you because God never let the kind people suffering aways. Come on !girls,to be strong because we still have a better tomorrow
• Romania
8 Aug 07
my father isn't the most understanding one but he is still my father! Even if sometimes he does things that a father souldn't be doing in the end he only want what is best for me ! he is just a person like everyone else, and makes mistakes , but I forgive he and as much as I can try to understand his actions! You should try it ( of course if those terrible thing you mentioned above aren't fizical abuse or something like that)!
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Well they are and more. My father isn't the type of persom who should be easily forgiven.
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
i don't think it's wrong that you feel that way about your dad. it's good that you still love your dad despite the things he has done to you. i think you shouldn't allow your dad to do those abusive things to you. sad as it is, he is still your dad and you're going to have to deal with him your whole life. you should just be strong and try not to take the things he does to you too seriously so you won't get hurt as much.
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Well I would try to do that except I have to go to court next week because of him. I want him out of my life because all he does is make things worse and I'm tired of dealing with it. I'll have problems for the rest of my life because of how screwed up he made my childhood. I do love him but I don't like him.
• Brazil
7 Aug 07
I Do understand you that people can be very horrible sometimes, and don't care to supposedly beloved people... I do think your father or anyone like that does love, but that's his way to do things, and only when he lose you he will notice that he is/was wrong doing all that he used to do to you... I don't really know what you should do... If you actually talk to him sometimes you should try to talk with him about all this.. say that you aren't happy with his actions and etc... Well, not much to add here, Good luck
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
7 Aug 07
The thing with my father is that he never admits that he's wrong or says he's sorry. He completely disowned my older sister for no reason and they haven't talked in almost four years. I think you're right - he isn't the type of person loves, and if he does, he sure has one weird way to show it. But maybe some day he'll get over himself and admit that he is wrong. Hopefully, anyway! :P
• Northern Mariana Islands
7 Aug 07
Well to be honest my father hasnt been there for me since i was young. we never ever spend any time with eachother. though growing up didnt seem to be the hardest because my mother and my grandparents were always there for me. maybe he is a jerk yet i dont know yet the fact that he is not on the island.
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
7 Aug 07
My mother and grandparents have always been there for me too. I wasn't around my dad that much but when I was he was always an a--. I would rather never seeing him than having to put up with him. lol
@Zorrogirl (1481)
• South Africa
6 Aug 07
sorry about the extra posts. everytime i hit post response, it gives me error pages. i didnt know it went through.
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Oh it's ok :)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I dont know all the details so it wouldnt be fair of me to tell you to forgive him for i dont know the extent of the hurt he has caused you, regardless he will always be your father however that doesnt mean you have to forgive him and open yourself up to more hurt. you can love him because he is your father but that doesnt mean you have to like him. so no i dont think you should forgive him if he has indeed hurt you has badly as you say, no one blood relation or not has the right to inflict pain on another person, good luck with your decision!
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Thanks! You're right I don't have to forgive him especially because of the fact that after everything he has done to me and my family he never once said he was sorry. So if he's not willing to apologize, I'm not willing to forgive him. Regardless, I love it when he acts like a father even though I rarely see that, and that keeps me from hating him. Whether or not I decide to keep him in my life, I will always love him.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Aug 07
without knowing just what he has done, it is hard to say but i do know that you are entitled to your feelings. You are very wise to distance yourself from someone who is abusive toward you. When you are ready you could forgive him in your heart. That does not mean that you have to have him in your life but quite the opposite. That would mean that you no longer need to feel angry with him for what he did.Anger if held onto too long is like poison and it will interfere with your happiness. Right now it sounds as if your anger is helping you to stay clear of him and protect yourself. When I left my abusive husband I think my anger helped me to stay away long enough so that I would not go running back to him when he appologized and the dust settled. In fact in councelling they told me to keep a notebook full of all the things he had done to me and reasons why I wanted to leave. When I felt myself softening towards him, I would read the book. It helped alot.
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Yeah that's exactly how I feel. You know, I think if I hadn't been so angry for all this I would have probably just given up. My dad is really mad at me because I am so angry and I'm not backing down from him but he needs to learn that he can't just walk all over people and expect to get away with it. I don't want him to be a part of my life because of how much his behavior has affected me throughout the years, but in my heart he will always be my dad and I love him for that.
@sweetcakes (3505)
• United States
6 Aug 07
no