Wow.. unexpected email
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
August 11, 2007 8:49pm CST
3 years ago I met a guy who swept me off my feet. We fell madly in love, moved in together after only a few months and then only a short time later he started sleeping with a coworker. I found out, but I made the mistake of taking him back, too. He proceeded to cheat on me with 2 other women to show his gratitude.
I finally told him to get out, and he fought me on it for months, and then finally just disappeared, leaving all his stuff in my house. I told him to come get it, and after a few weeks, when he hadn't, I changed the locks and told our roommate, who was a coworker of his, to pass on a message that I was having a great big garage sale.
He didn't come. He sent his ex mother in law to confront me and hand me a note stating he'd charge me if I sold his stuff and that he would be by later to come get it. She called him and we set up a date, which was the day before I started my vacation and I told him as much (my first mistake) so he HAD to be there that day.
He didn't show, but he broke into my portion of the house and took all his stuff plus about 20 things of mine. He completely broke the doorframe (I still need to get that fixed) and left my place in total disarray. I had to find out from my landlord the next morning on day 3 of my vacation, 800 miles away.
It's been 2 years since all that happened, and I am with an incredible man now who makes all those hurts of the past really seem like the past, until I recieve this email today:
Subject: Hey B
Hi
I know you are going to love getting this from me, but I just thought that I would drop you a line to say hello. Hope things are well ( I really mean that). Sorry about how things went with us. But I guess in the end you were right all along. Should have known not to argue with a woman. One day I will figure that out. Take care of yourself.
Wayne
How do I respond to that? Should I even bother? I'm so mad and angry that he even bothered to extend this stupid olive branch to me 2 years after the fact, although I'm happy that he finally admitted he was wrong and I was right.
What do I do?
9 people like this
25 responses
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
12 Aug 07
That weirdo is an egoist he does not deserve a woman's respect...you can choose to respond to his e-mail and point out to him that everything now is just 'water under the bridge' and that you have moved on...or don't bother to reply at all so he'll get the hint that he's now totally out of your life which is really good for you. Don't let the memory of the past haunt you by making the mistake of befriending him again. A certified womanizer like him couldn't let his zip up all the time, so why bother?
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
*LOL* Thanks. I pointed out to him at the end of our relationship that he was a womanizer (I won't even go into what he did to his coworker when it started causing a rift between us) and that HIS mother and I actually had a conversation shortly before we broke up where she actually apologized for raising a pathological liar (this wasn't all her fault, he was a troubled kid who she had to place in a group home at age 12 because she feared for the rest of her family's lives). He called me a liar when I told him that and that all those people that loved him because it was their obligation to knew the score and that he wasn't a well adjusted person. That everyone knew he had a problem with lying, so I have to wonder first, if he'd benefit from seeing a psychologist, and secondly, if I was right about that, too, and he's finally come to terms with it.
@MikeMe (100)
• United States
12 Aug 07
I would ignore it. I'd bet good money he sent it to a: get a rise out of you and/or b: to see if the door is open for his return. I know the temptation is to send him back an nasty note telling him what he can do to himself.
If you want to have maximum effect, just ignore it. That's the loudest, most effective message you can send. By NOT sending a reply you are telling him that you've not the time time or inclination to be bothered with him and that he is no longer a factor in your life.
Any and I mean ANY email you send him will be interpreted as interest and that he still has some effect on you.
3 people like this
@smacksman (6053)
•
12 Aug 07
Tell him how blissfully happy you are now and that it was the very best thing that happened to you in your relationship with Wayne was the day he left.
And enclose a bill for the repairs to the door!
@smacksman (6053)
•
12 Aug 07
Yes you are right but then 'hell hath no fury than a woman scorned' so I would get as much satisfaction from it as possible.
Sending a bill for the door was just a ploy to make your point. There is no way he will pay - his not a gentleman - and it would be a waste of rations trying through the courts. No, the idea is to make him KNOW that he did wrong.
Enjoy your life and put Wayne way on the back burner. It would be silly of me to say 'forget him' - if you have loved someone that is not possible, so just stuff him in the background and filed under 'lessons learned'. haha
1 person likes this
@smacksman (6053)
•
17 Feb 09
Thanks for the 'best response' breepeace.
It's 2 years on from the discussion. Tell me, how did it all turn out?
For the good for you I hope.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
*LOL* I thought about that, just to rub it in his face, but then I think of how everytime someone stresses how much better their life is without someone else, it ends up sounding fake and fabricated and I don't want him to have the satisfaction of thinking my life might be lacking without him.
But how I wish he would fix the door! :) I know if I ask him for that, though, it'll turn into a big argument about how it was a necessity for him to pry open my door with a crowbar to get his stuff, despite the fact that my landlord had redid our tenancy agreement the month prior when he hadn't been living there for 2 months (nor paying rent to STORE his stuff) so really, it was breaking and entering. Basically the only thing I can do is take him to small claims court to have the value of my belongings returned plus the cost of the door frame, but I'm not even sure I'd win anymore since it's 2 years after the fact and I don't have records or receipts of everything he stole anymore. That's all in addition to the stress it'll cause, so I'm not even sure it's worth bothering about. Just fix the door myself and continue to remember that he was a jerk. :)
@twils2 (1812)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Hi Breepeace, I wouldnt bother responding to this. After what he did, it sounds like hes looking for forgivness and he might take any kind of response from you as such. I would just try to fofet the whole thing and move on with your life. If posible, maybe change your email address so you dont hear from him again. All my best, Terry
3 people like this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
I think I would answer the email by saying quote "I am in a relationship worth saving and I would like to ask you nicely that you delete any contact you have in reaching me. Good luck in finding true happiness." unquote. I would also tell my new partner everything and end it this way. Sounds to me like he's bad news anyway !!! Good luck dear friend.
2 people like this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
I already forwarded the message to my boyfriend and asked him what he thought I should do. He would prefer that I don't bother to contact him, since he's worried that the jerk will take that as an affirmative sign that I want to re-establish contact, and since my current boyfriend was my rock and closest friend during the last few months of my relationship with the jerk, I definitely owe it to him not to bother responding to this.
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
*LOL* I think that's probably exactly what he expects to get.. better late than never or something. He won't get it from me.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
12 Aug 07
i wouldn't even bother to reply to it if i were you... he just doesn't deserve to be replied... he had been treating you badly in the past and acts like a jerk... so why bother??? just ignore him and carry on with your life... take care...
2 people like this
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
12 Aug 07
Since he is writing you it is obvious that he is thinking about you and that would give me a satisfied feeling somehow =)
I would have responded saying that u have forgotten all about it and that u are now happy in a new relationship and that I wish him all the best in life.
That way you are not rude, but at the same time you will damage his ego when he knows that u are over him adn happy with someone else!
2 people like this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
If it were me I wouldn't respond. There is nothing interesting to talk about. He admitted you were right, but then again you know you are right anyway, so there is nothing new or important about that. You are now mad because you remember what happened, so why accept the branch if you're not ready for it? but this is just me.
@LightninStrike (5915)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
12 Aug 07
well i bet you were baffled at that mail at first. About what to do, it depends on the way you are. If you are sure it's not going to disturb you, reply back with a short email and tell him ty for sending it but that communication must end. If you think it's going to hurt you, just don't reply. Now you have found someone special and you don't need the sorrow.
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
12 Aug 07
First of all, you said you have someone in your life now, so I wouldn't even give him any reply, delete the e-mail and hope that would be the end of it.. If not and he e-mails you again, then reply saying you have moved on and don't want to renew any relationship with him. If that still doesn't work, you could always change your e-mail address. I did that once, not because of unwanted mail, but because when I got internet my son set it up and I hated the address..
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
Yeah, I don't want to risk losing my sweetie over this moron.. he was there for me during all of the crap in the end of that relationship, so he deserves better.
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
12 Aug 07
He sounds like a user. It may be that he is fishing, to see if he can re-establish contact, maybe get your forgiveness and try to worm his way back in. He may need a place to go and you may not be the only former girlfriend he is emailing in hopes of finding one who will relent and take him back.
Don't respond unless he sends more email. I am not sure if you should block his email because then you won't know his mood or attitude and as he has already broken into your house once, he's not someone you can trust to stay away and keep boundaries.
Keep cool and hope he doesn't contact again. If he does, tell him to stop. If he doesn't, get a restraining order, you have reason to since he has committed a break in and stolen from you. A restraining order will stop the correspondence.
2 people like this
@nangel78 (1454)
• United States
12 Aug 07
I would not respond. You have a wonderful person in your life now and that is what matters. I would not dwell in the past and move forward. I understand what you're dealing with. It is hard to not want to respond and tell them what you think of them. Yet in the long run and with all of the progress you have made to get past that, I would not give him the time of day.
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
14 Aug 07
Personally, i found the part where he said
"But I guess in the end you were right all along. Should have known not to argue with a woman. One day I will figure that out."
kind of sarcastic...
I really wouldn't respond, i wouldn't give him the time of day because of what he had done and just let it go, but that's just me i guess, sometimes, that's what they want, to get you aggravated, and if you respond they know that they did what they were intending to.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
The guy knows your email address, that is obvious. He probably does not know your address, but he could easily have transferred the money he owed you for destroying your place by Paypal. Since you probably did not receive any notice by Paypal that a certain individual did not pay you or by any other online payment processor that you have more money in your account that you expected, or your bank did not send you a notice neither did a constable show up telling you that someone left some money for you at the station, it is obvious that this guy does not really feel sorry for what he has done. The email shows it. He thought it was just a lover's spat, rather than what it really was. If he was truly sorry, he would have paid for the damages. Therefore, my advice, is do not respond to his email and if he does decide to repay you, make sure you have a lawyer do it for you.
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
12 Aug 07
Yep, I agree. If he was really concerned about making ammends, then he would have done good and offered to fix the door frame, but since he didn't, it's only a meaningless apology 2 years after the fact.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
14 Aug 07
I wouldn't even bother, he is not worth it after all the trouble you went through. You don't want to bring it all back again - I would delete it and forget about it. You are happy now and you don't need to hear from him period.
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
12 Aug 07
If I were you, I would just ignore his email. Believe me, he doesn't even deserve a moment of your time to even read his letter. Besides, I think it would make your current beau feel more secure about your relationship if you ignored any communication with your ex. Afterall, that trash wore your heart out with pain. Remembering about all that heartache will only hurt you all over again. Good for you that he finally admitted he was wrong and you were right. Sorry for him he lost you!
1 person likes this
@Sadistica (2)
• United States
12 Aug 07
Hah! He sounds like a real jerk, unfortunately. If I decided to give any response at all to this filthy slime, it would only be that of an estimate of the money he owes you for the damaged door and possessions of yours that he stole. Other than that, I wouldn't even stoop to his level. Every time you think about his pathetic e-mail I suggest that you go and give your new, "Good Man" a big sweet kiss. Good luck!
1 person likes this
