What's up with TEENAGERS these days?

@foxyfire33 (10009)
United States
August 29, 2007 10:26pm CST
This is part rant and part just curiosity if I'm the only one who feels this way. I'm not really looking for advice since these aren't my kids but I wouldn't mind a little reassurance that my thoughts aren't wrong...and I know not ALL teens are like this so I wouldn't mind hearing some positive stories either! #1 My s/o's oldest son is 17. He just decided to let his 18 year old friend just move in. He didn't ask or anything, just said his friend was going to live there now. Now this other kid is a really hard worker and a good kid in a lot of ways so it's not a big deal but that's not the point. I know I had to ask permission just to have a friend spend the night, there is NO WAY I would have been allowed to let a friend move in. #2 My s/o's 17 year old son's girlfriend has spent the week too...yes, overnight, in his bed. I personally would not be allowing this but again, not my kid not my house. And he didn't ask about this either, she just didn't go home one night and has been there ever since. She goes to work and comes back after work. She checks in with her mom by phone and apparently she is fine with letting her daughter have sleep overs with her boyfriend. Again that is not something I was allowed to do. #3 The two of them (s/o's son and the girlfriend) do whatever they want. They will stay in bed half the day and then just get up and leave without at least telling someone where they are going. They use the phone for hours at a time when they are home to the point where the ADULTS need to ask for the phone and then we only get 5 minutes if we're lucky before being interrupted because they need it back or someone is calling them. Same with the computers. There are two computers there and they will just jump on them whenever they feel like it. Once, I walked away from the computer to go to the bathroom and when I came back out they had taken it over. They help themselves to everything in the kitchen...even my stash of food that I keep there, and then refuse to clean up after themselves. I am just so tired of it and don't even want to be there anymore. I think they are rude and disrespectful. And I'm not even telling the story of what they taught my 4 year old...mostly because it involves words that aren't allowed here, let's just say it involved very crude terms for certain body parts and how they are used (by two teenagers that spend the day in bed if that helps you understand what I'm referring to)! I mean please tell me I'm not over reacting here. Is this normal teenager behavior now? Has society or parents or whatever else become this permissive? I know that when my own children get to be that age they WILL not be behaving like this. First of all I think I'm doing everything I can to not raise them to be this way, although their big brother's behavior is not making that easy. Secondly, if they do start this kind of thing, I won't care how much they say they hate me or what I have to do, I will not allow them to continue that kind of behavior. Am I alone in this?
6 people like this
15 responses
@pismeof (855)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Your question asks what's up with teenagers these days..The question ought to be what's up with the parents these day's?How is it parents decided to become so permissive? I think for far too many households parents either don't want to be bother with raising their children properly or are more concerned with being their friend rather than a guardian and mentor. The really sad part is the fact that this story that you present involves three different families so you've got to ask yourself what's happened to our society that we allow are children to conduct themselves this way.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
You are right about that. The teenagers are only behaving in ways they've been allowed to behave. Knowing the parents involved in this I think it is a mix of not bothering and wanting to be friends rather than parents. It really extends beyond just the three families too which is making it even harder to deal with for me.
2 people like this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
30 Aug 07
What you say is true. But a parent can be their childs friend as well as their parent. As long as they don't let the friendship be the main relationship though. I was my kids friends but they also knew I was their Ftaher first and foremost. Thanks. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
That is a much better way to put it...being a friend but being a parent FIRST!
@estherlou (5020)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I am so with you! There is no way I'd let this go on! I would be telling them it's time to find their own place, or to abide by your rules. There is no way the girlfriend would be allowed over anyway! They are acting rudely and selfishly and really pushing the boundaries to see how much they can get away with.
3 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Good to know someone else feels the same as me! The problem is that it seems like there are NO rules there. And none of the other adults want to step up to the plate. And of course they think I'm out of line since I have no status there in their minds.
1 person likes this
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Wow. Sounds like he's looking to be in charge.... IMO it's time to move out or show a little respect! Of course that could cause some issues with your SO.... What does he think of all this?
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
He "talks" to him once in awhile about straightening up but hasn't been much of a father lately, well ever....that's a whole different issue too. This kid has always run the show and knows what buttons to push. I was ready to send him off to his mother years ago but s/o says no.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 07
I have to agree with SO on that one. My father's wife sent me to live with my mom because she "couldn't handle me anymore". Talk about feeling like trash sent to the curb! It sounds like he's afraid to get tough.... I wouldn't know how to encourage him to do that.... Maybe get him some books.... He's almost 18 now, almost an adult. So it seems it's a bit late....
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Aug 07
And I do have to say that I didn't really like the idea of sending to his mother's either and felt horrible for even saying it. It usually came up during those exasperated moments when I saw how much "my" family was suffering because of his antics...like right now. In better times though, I'm glad he's here.
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
30 Aug 07
i can reassure you that i feel as you do no child of mine would be doing any of those things, not at my house, here we make the rules and they will be abide by them untill they move out. Kids today are no different than kids of long ago they will do as they are allowed to do.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
That is very true! These kids have obviously been allowed to get their own way for so long that now they think they can behave this way with no repercussions. I'm glad I'm not the only parent willing to actually BE a parent mrsbrian, good for you!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Aug 07
Well we have to understand that teenagers now are very different compared to the teenagers before and now they are actually old and they are our parents. What im trying to say is that, everything changes and not everything are beyond in our control. We can't manipulate our kids to not to do things that they like specially if we know that it will gonna harm them you know. But atleast, we warn them, somehow, they will understand things when they grow up and whenever they get matured enough. We're just hoping that they will not gonna be revelous or whatever. Have a nice day ahead from Kiko.
2 people like this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
You are right about parents needing to warn them about certain behaviors. In this case though they are already being rebelious and no one is trying to stop them.
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I say this boys parents have totally let things get out of hand. They either need to put their foot down, or up his kiester, or make him move. Now my kids as teens were fairly respectful of me. they would always ask about having friends even just over to visit. they knew the rules and abided by them. Now once they turned 18 it was a different story. wON'T GO THERE AT THIS TIME. hahaha! HAPPY POSTINGS FROMGRANDPA BOB !!~
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I absolutely agree. His permissiveness is one of the biggest issues between my s/o and I. I have spent the past 6 years telling him he needed to step up as a father with this kid but he always gives the same stupid excuses. I have wanted to send the kid to his mother's over all the b.s. he pulls but she doesn't want to deal with him either and would probably be even more permissive...after all she was the one that offered to "hook him up" with a friend of hers back when his girlfriend wasn't ready to "put out"...some mom huh! Any time I've tried to put my foot down it turns into a wicked step mother scene where I'm the bad guy that lashed out at him for no reason...like the thing he taught my 4 year old. I was absolutely livid when my little boy said those things to me and marched right out to tell my s/o to deal with it. So he said "I'll talk to him when I see him" Ok, the kid was inside the house, I'm sorry but as far as I'm concerned he should have dropped everything right then to deal with it. So then when he does see him all he said was "Why'd you teach your little brother that?" The response "I never told him that." Now I think it's pretty obvious that he's lying since how else would a 4 YEAR OLD know those things BUT my s/o saw it differently and simply said "well you better not have" and then changed the subject. So now my s/o is mad at me because he thinks the 4 year old heard it somewhere else and that I just lied to blame his son and his son is mad that I had a problem with it and I told on him! I have a 4 year old saying that boys like to put their d***s in girls' p****s! But I'M the bad guy in this! I just want to scream...or throttle a few people!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
30 Aug 07
There's a lot more to this than just the teenager actually. It has a lot to so with the s/o as well. There needs to be some mediating of this whole issue from an outside source in my opinion. I mean therapy for you, the s/o and the teen as well. Just a thought and feeling from my own past experiences. Even if just one does this it will help some what I feel. I can only pray that this gets taken care of before it gets even more out of hand. Good luck and God bless you all.
@mkup30 (494)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Wow, I was a teenager just a few yrs ago and I treated my parents with respect. I was very disciplined by them and they were strict, but all to my benefit. This is thanks to my parents raising me right, and not letting me do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Your S/O should learn to be a parent, not just a biological father. Sorry to be blunt but can't imagine anyone here would disagree with me on that point. I feel bad for you, you are stuck in the middle of a bad and messy situation but something needs to change cuz it's only gonna get worse as this kid gets older (and into more problems/trouble)Good luck and speak up!
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Don't apologize for being blunt! I agree with you about my s/o. And the thing that REALLY worries me is that he and I have 3 little boys together. I love our boys and don't want them to follow in their brother's foot steps. I know I will raise them with MY beliefs but if their father won't back me up, how much good will it do? I need him to step up to the plate, not just for his son and the current situation but also so we aren't dealing with the same problems all over again starting in 13 years when our oldest boy turns 17.
• United States
30 Aug 07
I must say that this "child" has gotten total control of his own situation,(or so he thinks), but he really needs to learn a little respect for his parents first, then himself and his girlfriend, before he enters into the "reality zone", called life. Being a mother of two teenage girls myself, I can't help but wonder, what's up with the girlfriends parents? What is there input on this? Have they erased themselves from this picture? I commend you for bringing this situation into the light, it shows that you love this kid very much, you'll more than likely be the one to earn the most respect from him in the end. GOOD LUCK to you and yours
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I don't know about the girl's parents other than that her mother (or at least who I presumed to be her mother) has called her there. Tonight though I overheard them talking about how this girl ISN'T living with her grandparents anymore...so now I'm wondering if she's become a permanent "guest" too! It was really encouraging for you to say that someday he'll have the most respect for me. I really hope that's true. As for the reality zone...he's just barely in 11th grade (as in he's taking some 11th grade classes but has to make up a few 10th grade ones too)and I have doubts that he really plans to finish. At the rate things are going, I'm seriously suspecting he'll get through this year and not go back next year...most likely because by then they will probably be pregnant. He has commented to me in the past that he wouldn't mind if a girlfriend got pregnant because he's "used to having babies around"! Being a big brother is WAY different than being a father and I don't think he can see that.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
30 Aug 07
Well I will say you are not alone in this at all I am one of the Lucky People I guess as my Children who are now 23 and 20 have always been respectful Don't get me wrong they went through the normal Teenage stages but never anything like this I really hope that you will sort them out as they certainly need to learn respect
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Well, tonight they have ANOTHER girl spending the night and they ate the last of my personal groceries! AND they just asked if they can use MY vehicle and leave me here with nothing! Meanwhile my s/o is sick, and they're all in the bedroom smoking (well 3 of them, s/o's son doesn't YET) and dyeing their hair. The one boy that just moved in is a good kid though. Just today he did laundry, vacuumed, picked up toys, and ran to the store for gatorade when s/o got sick. I don't mind having him around!
@patgalca (14480)
• Orangeville, Ontario
30 Aug 07
You haven't said what your s/o has said about this. I think it is totally unacceptable behaviour. Your s/o should be setting the rules as it is his son. If he refuses to set some rules then he is not being much of a father and you might want to consider moving out. He needs to consider your feelings in this matter and you are to be working as a team whether it is "your" house or not. You do have a small, impressionable child living there and you have every right to be concerned. Your house is being invaded by strangers. This has got to stop! Tell your s/o to grow a spine and put his foot down or you will be forced to take matters into your own hands. What those matters are is up to you but don't let this go on another minute. If you really need help, write to Dr. Phil. He has been known to handle these situations quite well. He has done shows about freeloaders, as well as fathers who aren't acting like fathers. Good luck. I hope you get this situation resolved and get your house and your privacy back.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Well my s/o could be a whole discussion all by himself for starters. The part about it not being my house and moving out if things don't change isn't that easy to deal with since it isn't his house either. I have had my own place for the majority of our relationship but reached a point where I had to move. Since I'm a SAHM and my youngest is only 9 1/2 months I very wrongly assumed that he (my s/o) would realize it was time to get a place together and would provide the funds for OUR new place. Instead he keeps claiming we can't afford it. He has been living at his parents' house because he says it's "easier"...it's closer to his job and he knows his son and I don't get along. Anyway, I'm over there now with him since we still don't have a place together but am treated like a guest...and not like the two teenage guests. So that is why I said I have no say in any of this and can't just up and leave because of it all. As for my s/o's fathering skills, he has always been too permissive but with the excuse "If I'm too hard on him, he'll go live with his mother" (who is even more permissive). I'm not saying that was the right way to be but can understand why he felt that way...and I also see how this kid has USED that to get his way. My s/o and I are barely speaking because of this and everything else... I should probably stop before I go off about him now too.
@KATRINKA (1659)
• United States
1 Sep 07
This is not normal teenage behavior. Maybe I should say it's the parent's fault. Obviously the parent is not parenting. These kids are crude, rude and disrespectful. Which makes me wonder, and please slap me if I'm out of line, how is your s/o treating you? Does he treat you with respect? Unfortunately, you're in a tough situation. These kids are not going to listen to you, nor are they going to give you the respect you deserve. If you do say something to these punks, you'll cause a rift between you and your s/o. Parents don't want to hear anything negative about their kids, because they take it as attack on their parenting skills. I wish you the best. Keep me posted...
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I know what you mean. There are far too many teenagers like this, and far too many parents who allow this type of behavior. As long as our society, and parents in particular, allow it to continue to allow it, our teens will continue to push it as far as they can. If we allow this much to go on now, what will it come to in the end?
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I think that scares me more than anything. I mean just on a personal example within our family...this kid is the big brother, the example, the influence on three small boys. I do NOT want them to grow up thinking that this behavior is acceptable. Because if this is their sense of normal then what will they try to "push the norm".
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
31 Aug 07
This is true. If the younger kids think that this is acceptable behavior, they are likely try to see what more they can get away with since children are always trying to push their boundaries. Who knows where it might end up.
@chertsy (3805)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Please don't take this the wrong way. If I was in your situation, I would stop trying to get the 17 yr old to do anything. You need to go after the s/o, this is his fault for basically walking around with his thumb up his butt and letting him do whatever he wanted. You can do this in many ways, you can tell him it's either him or you and your 3 children that will be effected as long as he's there, which already seemed to be happening with your 4 yr old. This doesn't mean you walking out of the relationship. He needs to step up to the plate and do something, before this kid ends up getting his gf pregnant, or worse getting into trouble with the law. Honestly, maybe leaving with the kids for a few days can be a wake up call to your s/o. Just tell him I'm sorry but I can't take your son's crap and your not doing anything anymore. I just need to get away for a few days and I will not allow my kids to be around this environment. Good Luck with this situation. I do pray it gets better.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
2 Sep 07
Nope, not overeacting at all! I would not let that ever happen in my home. That is very disrespectful for the son to allow his friend AND girlfriend to stay with him without asking his parents. Its obvious that either parents don't even care whether they stay or not. If they wanted to live together then I would of told them to leave my home a long time ago. Having friends over for a night or two is FINE if my son asked us first. Having his girlfriend sleep over is a NO NO in my book. They can take that behavior somewhere else if they wanted to do that, besides I wouldn't bring up my son to behave in this manner anyways.
@ArsonCuff (3121)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I blame television and mass media commercialism...just look at the slogans that go on clothing