Failed Relationships

@jillhill (37384)
United States
September 27, 2007 4:50pm CST
Do you think that part of the problem with relationships failing is due to people becoming too comfortable with each other? Some relationships are so familiar that you fall into a habit of not being as physically attractive after a while...ladies not wearing make up or taking time to doll themselve up while some men fail to take proper care of themselves too. And sometimes when you are in a very comfortable relationship you fail to try to entertain each other too parking yourself in front of the television or computer instead of spending precious time doing activities that are fun? Do you think this might be part of the problem?
3 people like this
19 responses
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I don't think it's that people become too comfortable with each other, more the fact that they start to take each other for granted. Things like forgetting to say please and thank you, or expecting things to be done rather than asking your partner to do them. I also think that, parking yourself in front of the computer or tv for long periods of time affects the relationship as well. How can you relate to your partner if your too busy finding entertainment elsewhere?
• United States
27 Sep 07
Yeah I agree with that, about taking each other for granted.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Definately...you know they will be there so what the heck....too sad for words.
2 people like this
@KarenLO (238)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I agree with you that two people become so familiar with each other that there is no spark in the relationship...eyes wander to the other side of the fence. I think that as soon as that paper is signed to make it legal...there is an ownership problem...they don't have to be nice to each other to keep them interested...I think that is terrible...during dating you are trying to "impress" the other person and also trying to put your "best foot forward"...this should continue. I also think that being intimate is so important and "changing tactics" is very important... loving shouldn't be so predictable. Try something different all the time....be a surprise package...keeps things interesting. Just the opinion of a 64 year old.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
You are such a wise woman karen! Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
@talisman (1308)
• United States
28 Sep 07
No, I don't think that becoming too comfortable with your partner is a problem that causes the relationship to fail at all. Being comfortable with your partner is part of a long term relationship and a wonderful part of it as well. If the man needs the woman he's with to put on make-up and doll herself up to be attracted to her, then he shouldn't be her. The same goes for women. An emotional attraction to a person is what keeps a relationship alive, not a physical one. Physical ones are shallow, emotional ones are not. Not spending time together can be a problem, but not one that causes a relationship to fail. Both partners need to be willing to make a relationship work. Not spending time together is easily fixed, you just go and do something together. If one person is feeling that their partner doesn't spend enough time with them, they must be willing to discuss that with them. If you can't talk to your partner, you shouldn't be with them. Relationships fail because people get into them for the wrong reasons. People are in relationships for immediate satisfaction and don't care what it takes for the long haul. People marry eachother without discussing the important things they'll have to face. Issues like children, finances, morals, values, etc. These things need to be discussed before entering anything long term or permanent. Relationships take trust, honesty, communication, love, commitment, and a lot of hard work. If you don't have those things and aren't willing to do what it takes, the relationship will fail and it'll have nothing to do with getting comfortable with eachother.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
The physical thing is what attracts us first. And when people become complacient toward their partner that is when the sparks start going out. I agree you have to work on it all the time in order to keep the check and balance in order. And be determined to maintain a lasting relationship.
1 person likes this
@luluwow (165)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I think there are several reasons relationships fail. Getting too comfortable, meaning taking each other for granted is one. It also seems like many people do not have much commitment to their relationships, believing that if it fails, they will just start over with someone else... kind of the "disposable society" mentality. It also seems that many couples just get lazy believing that they already "have" the other person and relationship and forget that it should be an ongoing adventure requiring work, time and energy. We do seem to be a society of instant gratification seekers, overly self-absorbed and unable to focus on the truly important things. Communication and honesty are key, make your partner feel like your very best friend again!
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
yes....dress and act as though you want to impress them everyday and don't take each other for granted!
2 people like this
@Zelmarq (11503)
• Cebu City, Philippines
28 Sep 07
There are many reasons why relationships fail, and as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Meaning both are involved in the process of failed relationships. I am in an eight year relationship and somehow I have abused my very good boyfriend in very simple things and I have always been corrected evrytime I do the mistake of not giving him the respect that he needs. SOmetimes I get hurt about it but soemtimes i feel good because its a signal that I am already going beyond his limits and try to change for the better. We almost spend the time together for the youth ministry and I have appreciated that through this activities we are able to see each others stregths and weaknesses. I am a very choleric person and he is the melancholic phlegmatic type person. We are exact opposites and we have tried to meet halfway to make the relationship work. I am the sweet type and just feel loved through a hug and a simple smack. Though these are very simple acts of love but its important to make the relationship grow deeper.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
AT least you are aware of the problem and he is too. Good for you for working on it!
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
29 Sep 07
"It takes two to tango. Meaning both are involved in the process of failed relationships." Uh huh, like you failed to mention one-sided reasons a relationship fails (i.e. abuse, cheating, abandonment, or one is bored of the other for no reason, seeing the partner as a means and not a real person, etc) in all of these cases the victimized party has little to no recourse especially if they are male. I do appreciate the rest of your post though, its good to have another story to paint the picture.
1 person likes this
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
Yeh, i think so it is a part. Too comfortable that maybe a problem too. Especially in a married couple. I had been in a several relationship and it was all failed. But not that on those reasons. They just felt that they can't stayed with me anymore. And they said i am too good to be with them. Still questioning my mind on that thing you know. I am also thinking that maybe i have also a problem. And i am making myself to be spice up right now.:)
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Yes. if you are too nice....sometimes it's boring. I understand some people need conflict to remain interested. You might be too nice! Buggers hope you find someone who appreciates that.
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
Yes i think so too. I think that too much familiarity breeds contempt. When you are with your partner for a very long time already you start to notice every single thing about him. And you also fail to think more of yourself because in your mind your partner will accept you no matter what.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
That is just so very true! I heard a couple today and she said to him...the longer we are married the less you take care of yourself. She was upset and he tried to explain to her that many people dress etc the way he does.....she was upset.
• United States
28 Sep 07
I just got a out of a two year relationship where something similar to this was our problem. We got too used to each, and we started to take each other for granted. We didn't make time for each other out of the day, and when we went out to dinner, it was just eating, not really a date. We stopped respecting and caring for each other like we used to. We lost the initial "spark" a little while ago, and we dealt with that all right, but now we finally realized that things just weren't working out like they should. I'd like to hope that it's not possible to get TOO comfortable with someone, but thus far in my experience, it seems like that is what happened to us...
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Unfortunately I think it happens alot and might be somewhat the cause of alot of relationship breakups. If you don't work at keeping the spark...it's like a fire and goes out!
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
18 Oct 07
Sometimes failed relationship is a result of taking for granted of the person you love. And you are right being so comfortable with each other that you both failed to show love to each other and make each other feel special because you think that she already knew it. Until, one seek tenderness outside the relationship.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Yes..it's when they reach out for the one they love and get no response is when they look outside the relationship for love.
@lovein (345)
• India
29 Sep 07
Yes. Because when i understood science fully, I left science and similarly math and geography. So it is better to not know each other for long lasting relationship. This has to be done not knowingly, for this you have to have faith on God. Thanks
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
29 Sep 07
You are very right!
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
29 Sep 07
Yes that can be some of it. The spouses can take each other for granted easily and then we end up with cheating. Sure spouses should make a little effort in the appearance department here and there, and they should spend time together, but couples do need to do their own things from time to time. Aside from what you posted Jill other reasons for failed relationships include abuse, lying, financial problems, emotional distress, boredom, etc and so forth. There are also people who marry with a selfish attitude. Its always "what's he gonna do for me?" or "what can I get from him?" and "what's she gonna do for me?" I've also posted on how sick relationships have become, its ridiculous sick nonsense.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
29 Sep 07
Yes. I have seen many marriages or long term relationships end when someone loses a job..it's like they love until the buck stops. And also all the other things you mentioned. Thanks for all the info!
@jcj_111776 (3221)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
hi jill. That's one reason for a relationship to fail. Sometimes, a couple need to put some spice in their relationship to keep things interesting between them. Having to go through the same, daily habits will surely snuff out the passionate side of any relationship. Even if a woman can't keep up with the daily make-up, she can make it up with something else that will definitely bring the warmth back in the relationship. And it's the same thing for the man.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Yes...you have to love yourself too...and respect yourself in order to give it back to someone else. And taking care of yourself or making an attempt to be your best for your partner would help to maintain the relationship.
@nangel78 (1458)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Well I do think lack of time together is a factor in some not being successful. I also think it is lack of communication and self-esteem can come into play as well.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I believe that too....communication is so very important!
@navtech (1776)
• India
28 Sep 07
Dear jillhill, it is a nice discussion you thought of. I agree with you that comfortable relationship failed due to no entertaining each other by a oartber parking herself/himself in front of the television or computer instead of spending precious time doing activities that brings happiness among the couples. This the basic reason for comfortable relation fail.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Thank you navtech.....I think we all must work very hard if we want something to last!
• India
28 Sep 07
Yaa all U said waz totally correct but I think dat the supreme reason for a relationship to breakup is lack of respect.I think as long as respect b/w the 2 is maintained relationship is never hurted cauz of anything,but as soon as one starts loosing the respect for the other,things start turning in a diff. manner & sooner the relationship vanishes. So to keep a strong relationship one must respect the qualities of the other person,watever it may be.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
That is also true....love and respect! Thanks for sharing!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
28 Sep 07
it is true sometimes. But there are many reasons as well. Still not spending time together is one main reason. Nowadays more people cheat also and so the relationships are broken.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
It is very unfortunate but you are right.....we live in a disposible world..even when it comes to love.
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
I believe that it's the love lost, even on our side or from our partners. I don't look much into physical features when loving someone, I go for their wits and a natural talent for humor. I think it really doesn't credit the saying, as long as we share the same views in life. I have experienced some of those in my previous relationships, but the thing that triggers break-ups are also because of those. Too much enjoyment, one gets used and fed up with such. A couple tends to look for other things, different recipes, so to speak. So I think it's better if people try different things, to spice up relationships. Explore love and life, exchange healthy views and always consider other's views.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Right...keep it interesting and spice it up! Thanks for posting!
@lyndee22 (1211)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
There are many reasons of failed relationships. What you've stated are just part of it and they are common denominator. For some there are more deeper reasons constituted to failing such as indifference, betrayal of trust, infidelity, financial problems, psychological problems which includes behavior of an individual. No matter how we try to secure the relationship we had if the foundation is weak and both parties doesn't work hand in hand, it will end up a failure.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
You are so right! Great answer to a difficult question. Thanks for posting!
• India
28 Sep 07
No, I don’t think so. See I am from India which is considered a conservative society so definitely my opinion will vary but I think the problem lies in just the opposite. Relations are not like clothes that you get bored and buy new ones every now and then. Changing partners and short relationships are catching on in India too and I believe that like your societies, we are also witnessing a sea-change in the way people look at each other. With time being precious and equated with money and fame and instant solutions to almost everything in lieu of money, we are becoming way too impatient with each other. We are not giving time to ourselves to familiarize us with our partners. We are having too many options and the fear factor of probing the unknown, is gradually disappearing from our lives. Western societies were conservative some centuries back and you had your forefathers who married once and spent their entire lifetime with one partner only but now as I said, people do not have time to invest in a relation. Familiarity should make us more comfortable and after spending a decade with a person, where should the need arise to doll up oneself or to go to the gym to maintain those biceps? Who are we trying to impress…the same person who knows me inside out? And about physical relationship…we need a friend, a soul-mate in our old age, not a romping affair in bed. How long will you be having satisfaction in bed? It will end one day. What will remain after that? And skirmishes are a part of life, every family should have them, they are the spices in our life. But these should not be extended to become divorce issues. Familiarity is not the problem, rather we are lacking time to invest in familiarizing ourselves with our partners and instead looking for instant gratification in every relation, which is not the way things work.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Wow....I do think everyone should work on a relationship if they feel it's right for them...Thanks so much for the indept explaination of what happens in your culture! I love learning new things about different cultures!