Monotonous response
By reykja
@reykja (121)
October 8, 2007 2:06pm CST
Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for almost 10 months now. He sometimes talk of "maybe" one day living together etc and maybe having children, of course these things are still far off but he's very open about it.
However, he's been stressing a lot lately and almost changed into a new person. 3 weeks ago, he came to see me and everything went very well. Then, he started his studies in a new university and that made him stress a lot because the courses are in another language, which means that he has to work harder. The commuting by train everyday also drained him. Then two weeks ago, his grandpa passed away. At first he wanted to talk to me a lot about it, as I have lost my father, I wanted him to let things out. He was getting more exhausted and became sadder but it was really after his grandpa's funeral that things got worse. I hear from him less, he is always really tired, sometimes very frustrated and kind of throws his frustrations at me, which is hard on me because I wanted to cheer him up so badly. Sometimes it made me feel so down and almost lost my mind, showing my weaknesses to him. All this happened online because we won't see each other until this Friday. He said he cares about "us" enough that he wants to come and have a "talk" but I'm quite scared of the outcome, that it will be something I don't want to hear.
I texted him this morning, saying that I hope he'll have a good day and that he felt better from yesterday (we chatted and he almost got annoyed and started getting grumpy, claiming that he's sick of being tired all the time).
Am I worrying too much, I just want to know your opinions on this because I want to see this situation from different angles.....
I appreciate all of your opinions and want to thank you guys in advance.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@milkfish (371)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
Your boyfriend have been through a lot of stressful things lately, It would be better to give him some space first. Do not pressure him or nag him to sort things out, he will do that in his own pace. Given ample time, he will cope. Just assure him that nothing will change with how you feel about him and that you will always be there for him if he is ready to talk things out.
I don't know what he wants to talk with you. My guess is that he will ask for that "space". While it is difficult to maintain a long distance love affair, I admire you for sticking on it. I hope that at the end, everything will turn out fine between the two of you.
@svelte (132)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
I second this.
Asking for some "space" doesn't mean that it's the end of your relationship, it is more like helping him find his own self again the way you used to know him when you both first met and the first few months of being together.
Someday, he will realize that all the things you did together is somehow lost because of his own doing, and this might lead him back to you again with a renewed spirit and heart.
This new found love or regained love, I tell you, will be sweeter.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
9 Oct 07
It sounds like your guy is going through some really bad times right now and the stress is bound to make him grumpy and miserable. The distance between you doesn't help, but in a lot of ways the fact that you have been in your relationship for so long makes me think that perhaps he just needs a bit of space to sort his head out. Try not to worry too much, just be loving and caring as you are.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
I think your boyfriend needs a bit of space and time. He sounds like he's got too much to deal with right now. I'd show support and be there for him, but keep busy with your own life and wait until he has dealt with this stuff.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
This happened to me, I am a guy and I know how most of us thinks.
I suggest you keep distance from him as of the time, sometimes it can be too disturbing to reutrn the favor you do for him. For example, your messages and some endearing texts. I would lessen it and give him some space to gather himself, lessen the stress and loosen the load of pain he's feeling right nowe. He's been through a lot lately, which I believe your only participation to help is either through helping him with his studies or ask him what he wants to do as of now. Just tell him that you'll always be there for him, because understanding is what you both need as of this time.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
9 Oct 07
i think both of you should calm down.
i think he is going under lot of stress.
Due to his stress also you are also feeling the same.
Don't lose your heart.
Help him to overcome his stress firat.
You can only help him now.
Be patience with him so that it becomes easier for him to be normal again.
Then you take your points forward.
@kimhuang2007 (25)
•
9 Oct 07
He is in the same situation as my ex-boyfriend.
i think I should share the stress with him .However,We were in different cities. So I tried to see hime once a week though I was busy at that time.
But it really disappointed me when I stayed with him.He became more silent than before.And his attitude towards me was different from before.He alway neglected my feeling.He is reluctant to answer my phone.We ususally lasted our talking within many minutes.He did not like to answer my short message .But I udstanded his feeling as he was tough at that time.So I try my best to comfort him.
However all my efforts become in vain.He was always upset and locked himself in his world.
The last date was nightmare for me.He was silent at first.And then he just read and read.That is tedious for me to sit in the vacant.
After that I wrote a letter to him .In my opinion ,you should be transparent to your partner.So I show my feeling to him.I hope we can solve so awkard situation.
However ,I got not feedback from him.I tried to call him .He rufuse to answer the phone then vanished.
We have not contact each other for more than 3 months.
@twilight_75 (479)
•
8 Oct 07
It sounds like he's having a really rough time of it. Not that i need to tell you this! Your getting it as well! It's so hard trying to have a long distance relatioship, especially when your partner is going through turmoil, you want to be his shoulder his confidant, give him cuddle tell him things will be ok. You must feel as frustrated as he. When he comes to see you, try not to push your fears of the relationship on to him, it may push him away further. My partner and i see each other at weekends and i know how hard it can be. It really is too hard to give an opinion on this because only having your perspective-i do wish you all the best, and my fingers are crossed that you sort this out with him, you obviously love him very very much
