Do you allow space to your partner?

You and your partner! - You and your partner and how do you believe each other
@dpk262006 (56636)
Delhi, India
October 15, 2007 5:43am CST
Do you allow space to your partner? Do you keep a watch or tab on his/her activities when he/she is away from home or for that matter you both are away from home? Do you check, how much time he/she spends in office or outside with his friends, where does he/she goes besides attending to his office or business? How many times do you check in a day. Or you do not check at all, where he/she is, when he/she is away from home? Please be honest, I would like to hear from you your true feelings, attitude and intentions regarding your partner please. Thanks in advance.
4 people like this
23 responses
• United States
15 Oct 07
Im a little concerned about my partner, reason being past experiences. I know he is not the person that hurt me, but the person that did hurt me, I trusted totally. I just cant help but think in the back of my mind that ANYTHING is possible. I come to my senses with my husband though. He has shown me that he loves me, with little things he does. Things he may not think are signs of love, but I do. He spends a lot of time away working and staying over night for 3 or 4 nights in a row and I hardly talk with him on the phone during these times. Deep down inside I think he is faithful and trusting and I feel blessed to have him in my life. Bay Lay Gray xx
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Please do not be in doubt....if you have any, check it from your partner.
• United States
16 Oct 07
I guess I worded this wrong, but thank you. Its my past experiences that haunt me not my husband and his actions, he has shown me endless amounts of time that hes trusting and faithful. I guess I should have said I'm cautious about things, but in the end there was nothing to worry about because all my worry was from a past relationship whom I trusted and really shouldnt have. Bay xx
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
17 Oct 07
What I understand is that now you trust your partner?
@smacksman (6074)
15 Oct 07
Oh yes. Space is crucial in any relationship. Even at work, if you delegate responsibility to an employee then you MUST give them the space to operate. My wife loves golf and I love sailing. Sometimes we do both sports together but mostly with other friends of both sexes. We each have had plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful being away for a week or months but I have been faithful for 37 years and maybe my wife has too - I think so. It is only with mobile phones that you can contact someone all the time and maybe that is a bad thing. I know it would drive me nuts! haha But a call out of the blue just to say 'I love you' is nice once in a while.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Oct 07
very well said..i always feel joy in my heart everytime i meet a man like you. i find you very loving, romantic, and cool. i love your idea...for sure youre wife is very much thankful for having you in her life. :-)
@smacksman (6074)
16 Oct 07
Haha - thanks for the kind words. I'll print it off and show it to my wife the next time we have a row!! LOL
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Thanks very much for sharing your wonderful and interesting views, I am really impressed with your thoughts. All in all it is a matter of mutual trust between partners.
• India
17 Oct 07
Infact I do. I have 'unconditional trust' on my partner. I beleive that 'I am the best' and that he cannot get a better person than me and evenif he sways he would come back to me. I have 'set him free' because I know he is mine. He is always with me at every available opportunity and have proved his obsession and love to me over and over again just the way I am devoted to him. I don't mind if he spend time with friends or what he is doing when he is away from me because I completely trust him that he would do nothing which would hurt me. His family and friends had been part of his life before me and I would not take that away from him at any cost.
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
17 Oct 07
You appear to me a very broad minded and open hearted person. I agree with you that it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. Very good response by your dear, I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):)
@pinklilly (3446)
• Australia
16 Oct 07
I don't keep tabs on my partner, However if he has been at work all day and is late home, I will call to see if everything is ok..... I don't call very much unless I find a need too, even when he goes out with friends. I like to give him his space... Although he has told me that he likes me calling him.......... I find that my partner calls me alot though, it feels as though he is keeping tabs on me...
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
17 Oct 07
I agree with you that it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him to do those activities which he likes and allow him the liberty to fulfill his desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. Do you really fee that he keeps a tab on you??? Very good response by your dear, I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):)
@michecu (637)
• Philippines
16 Oct 07
I'm not the type who puts my partner in a box and check every time he is out. I believe that for a relationship to flourish you have to give each one space to grow. It is too choking to be kept in close watch and also too tedious to keep watching what the other does. Trust is very important in a relationship. But its not easy to give your trust to someone unless you know them deeply enough. For me, the secret to building trust is by giving each other space to move and be yourself without fear and pretension. When you have more confidence to be what you are, you build confidence and security within yourself. If you are confident and secure, then you will have a more openness to embrace what and who your partner is and you learn to trust him.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
I agree, it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):)
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
15 Oct 07
If you asked this of me a few years back I would say no, that I did not allow space for my partner and wanted to know his whereabouts especially after he finished work. I have come a long way since then and its not because I mistrust him or anything, a lot had to do with me, myself and my insecurities. Nowadays he just informs me out of respect and I do the same too. All that I expect from him is that he calls to let me know where he is going. He is one that always asks me if it is ok for him to play golf, or socialise with his friends, or go to a bbq and never goes anywhere without asking me first, and vice versa. Of course I don't say NO to anything and he doesn't either. We have come a long way in our marriage and there is a lot more open communication now than before which makes life a lot more pleasant when it comes to things like this.
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
So you have become wiser as your life has progressed. I agree with you that it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. Very good response by your dear, I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):)
• United States
15 Oct 07
My wife and I have been married for 15 years now and we give each other a lot of space. We trust each other and realize that it's not healthy to be together all the time. We all need diverse experiences and relationships to maintain a healthy physiological balance.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
I understand that you are wise and intelligent couple and you know how to respect each other. Best wishes!
@cutepenguin (6456)
• Canada
15 Oct 07
I know what my husband is doing all the time. We talk basically constantly. We're pretty new to the marriage thing, I imagine that we'll probably be giving each other a lot more space when we've been married for longer or when he starts a regular full time job. I don't check up on him, perse, although I will drop in so we can go out for lunch. And we do need to know where the other person is anyway because we only have one car.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
When you talk constantly with each other...do you feel that you are actually allowing some space to your partner or not?
15 Oct 07
I dont actually question my partner, as i have found he has always been honest with me when it comes to things such as this, i do though however find my mind wandering sometimes, if he doesnt answer his phone if i am calling for some reason, and i know he's not busy at work or doing something else that was planned, that does get me thinking. But at the end of the day i think the bottom line of it all is trust, and i do ultimately trust him, otherwise i wouldnt be with him. I personally think that if theres no trust there in a relationship everything else wouldnt run as smooth as it could!
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
I think you are right in your approach and you and your partner have mutual trust between both of you.
• United States
15 Oct 07
I personally don't think giving each other space is crucial in a marriage but my husband and me do have our own time so to speak I guess. Once a week he will usually go to a friends house and play poker and that is his night with his friends. I usually don't call him unless I want him to bring me home some food. LOL. I don't really spend time with just my friends but my time is going to the gym and maybe a friends house every now and then. He won't call me unless I am gone for quite a few hours or I am still gone after I had told him I would be back by a certain time. For the most part we are pretty much always together though on our free time.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Thanks for sharing your views and thoughts with us. I liked it.
@azimsay (545)
• India
15 Oct 07
No I am not to allow space.Why should I? My partner will do wrong thing in mean while I will not take responciblity of that.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Do not your trust your partner?
@alfecris (181)
• Philippines
15 Oct 07
yeah of course though you are already a couple it does not mean that everything you have and your partner have could also be yours or either must be open for each other to know, each of you must give some spaces so that no problems would worse.
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Yes, I agree with you that 'space' between the partners is required to given.
@anonymili (3138)
15 Oct 07
Hi pal, hope you're well? A very interesting discussion you've started here. I allow my partner a lot of space whenever he needs it. In fact, I have to encourage him to spend time away from me as too often he is happy to just stay at home with me every evening. I think it is healthy for couples to spend time apart from each other and see their friends and enjoy their own interests. E.g. he likes fishing and I hate fishing, he feels bad about going away for a fishing weekend because I won't go but I have to tell him again and again that I don't mind and I want him to enjoy this hobby of his with his own friends who also enjoy it. I don't feel I have to keep track of his movements when he is out with friends or at work or even out shopping on his own. A relationship is not about keeping the other person in your pocket all of the time, it is about mutual trust and respect for the other person and showing that you don't have to know exactly where they are every minute of every day :)
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
I am fine dear because I wish blessings and wishes of dear friends always remain with me! Mili, I agree with your intelligent thoughts, it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. I agree, when there is faith between partner, it is not necessary to know the details about him/her for each and every minute. I feel that you are liberal and you are following the right approach. An excellent response by your dear, I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):) Deepak
@ssh123 (31096)
• India
15 Oct 07
I do not think in India people do such things. The very foundation of marriage is shaken if such disbeliefs and mistrusts enters into married life of any. In fact this concept is western. They even hire spy or detectie agency to keep a tab on his own wife or her husband. Why cannot people trust each other instead of living in such conditons of total disbelief
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
Dear, I agree with yoru views, it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. Very good response by your dear. :):)
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
16 Oct 07
Hello Deepak...... Allowing space to a partner actually means, how much you trust or how much faith you have in your partner.It also means how much you love your partner and how much it effects you if she is not with you.......I think need of space is given more importance only in the early years of marriage. As the time passes, and you get involved with children and family and share more and more responsibiity, you get more and more attached to your partner and don't think about having any space etc etc. Me and hubby did not feel anything like that. I think if a couple has full faith in each other then they will give each other full space and only people who feel unsecured and are suspicious by nature will keep following each other and note down every activity of his/her partner, which is not right and can bring harm to good relationship.Only lack of faith in each other can stop partners from giving space to each other. I have given full freedom to my hubby, par woh kahi jaate hi nahi,....mere pass hi raathe hai........:))
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
16 Oct 07
You ask him to stay with you ONLY...then he would surely go away (Aadmi log ultey kaam...yaa kahlo jise mana karo vo jyada kartey hai....LOL!) I agree, it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him/her to do those activities which he/she likes and allow him/her the liberty to fulfill his/her desires, as much as possible. When you allow space and do not restrict him/her your way...then only things work out. Very good response by your dear, I am really impressed with your thoughts. :):)
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
18 Oct 07
Thank you Deepak for choosing me as deserving person.
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8304)
• India
17 Oct 07
If a person wants to cheat her/his partner, by hook or crook he/she can do so. Hence it is ultimately the belief and confidence on each other, that is important. If a person cannot be believed, somehow it will be known in someway or other on it's own.
@dpk262006 (56636)
• Delhi, India
18 Oct 07
I agree with you that it is all matter of trust and faith between the partners. When you have the trust, you allow sufficient space to your partner, to allow him to do those activities which he likes and allow him the liberty to fulfill his desires, as much as possible. :):)
@SViswan (12071)
• India
2 Nov 07
I give my husband space. I don't keep tabs on him. I don't think I need to. I don't even think about whether I trust him or not. He usually tells me when he is going out with his friends and I don't mind that at all. The only thing that angers me is when he goes without informing..it upsets all my plans with the kids and I probably had something important lined up which cannot be cancelled at the last moment. Another complaint that I have is that he doesn't give me my space. Not that he keeps tabs on me...but he thinks that my responsibility is towards the family and kids and I can't have time and space to myself when they are with me.
@shadowing (309)
• Malaysia
16 Oct 07
Well, I won't check but I want to know where is he. He can do whatever he want (of course there is a limit there) but I need a call from him to know where and what he is doing, then I am ok with that. I mean I don't want to look like a silly gf who know nothing about my own bf whereabout, I guess it's not something which is over. Haha.
• United States
16 Oct 07
I am protective but not overly so, besides I know that I can trust my girlfriend so there is no need for me to keep watch on her constantly, I trust her judgement and decisions otherwise I don't think I would be with her. But, nah I dont keep "tab" on what she is doing all the time because one she tells me on her own anyway, and two it doesnt really matter because like I said, there is no reason for me not to trust her and what she does.
@sophylline (1042)
• Philippines
16 Oct 07
I value so much the space that I need to be able to grow and breathe freshness whether by myself or in my relationships with people. And much more in my relationship with my husband. The same thing I give to the other end. I let my husband do what he does. I know he is working hi @ss off for our welfare and I honor and respect that. He works very long hours in his own business and I let him do whatever he thinks needs to. I never interfere with any of his business affairs, I never ask him to tell me details, he just go right out and initiate and feed me his everyday happenings. I trust him and have no doubt about our relationship.