WHen it comes to arguments.. are you good at them?

@arkaf61 (10891)
Canada
October 29, 2007 12:39am CST
I"m not. I don't like arguing in the first place. Unless we're talking friendly arguments, where we're just discussing different opinions. But when it really counts I'm really not good at it. Often I find myself thinking " I should have said this, or that" but at the time I don't even remember those things. I do ok if the other person remains logical and reasonable, but once it passes that stage I"m done. PLus arguments really bother me. What about you? Are you good at it? Do you usually win?
5 people like this
24 responses
@raijin (10380)
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
I'm just the same as you, I am not good at it. I don't really think that arguing puts us in a "win-win" situation, as many times it ends up into misunderstanding. I'd rather go for healthy conversation, where both parties are open to listen with each other's opinions. I sometimes avoid opening sensitive topics, especially when I'm with my loved ones. I'd rather keep my thoughts to myself and maybe talk about it on a proper place and at the right time, I find it better to maintain a healthy relationship!;)
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Yes, that is so true:) I to prefer a healthy conversation with open minds and respect. It's funny when I started this discussion I was thinking of my mother in law. I dread getting in an argument with her because she often gets of topic and becomes nasty. Half the time I have no idea where she's getting at and end up withdrawing because I'm feeling like exploding. She thinks she wins this way. Me, I just hide for cover when I see she is in a mood for arguments LOL
1 person likes this
@raijin (10380)
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
In-law's, they always thought they know everything. Good thing you know how to handle such situations, since I've heard others who loves to be engage in such arguments just to make them feel good!;)
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Not me LOL
@tess1960 (2387)
• United States
29 Oct 07
I'm not good at argueing either. I was verbally abused as a child by my father and learned not to make waves. As an adult it took a lot of therapy to be able to disagree with anyone. I ate a lot of Rolaids in my younger days and it's remarkable I never developed a stomach ulcer. Now I bite my tongue still but eventually say what I am feeling or thinking. I can be totally honest with my brothers but not with mom or sister as they always get defensive and want to argue more. Hubby and I now argue silently as he has learned I will just clam up when it comes to vocals. I was a bit too vocal with my oldest child and had to learn to argue without being mean or loud. She does not do well with loud arguing either. It's been a source of problems for her marriage but she is doing ok and he is learning. I find now when a disagreement is serious to talk it over with a nuetral person first and find a kind way of bringing up the conversation works best. Unless I am being attacked verbally, then I either react and explode or I just say "forget it" and walk away.
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@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
You raise a very important point. WHen people become defensive they don't even hear what is being said, just because the brain is busy looking for the next thing to defend themselves. I have a problem with that too. If I realize the person is just getting defensive instead of focusing on the main point I usually just leave it because there is no way that the specific argument will get anywhere. I think you have been working out your known issues quite well , both by understanding them and by finding ways of fixing what you see you might be doing not so well. Exploding every once in a while.. well... it's allowed :)
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2387)
• United States
29 Oct 07
THanks!!
• India
31 Oct 07
well i have to say i am just too good at that a bit too vigorous and aggressive when it comes to arguments at times even it has put me in troubles
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
31 Oct 07
I guess you get too involved huh? I know that some arguments really get the adrenaline going:) As I said, it's not how involving or exciting an argument it, what takes me is when people go from good - or even poor - arguments to being rude. ENjoying a good argument is really fine :)
@yanjiaren (9050)
31 Oct 07
I am not very assertive and end up always getting bullied lol, so I prefer to shy away from arguments. I am like you, a friendly debate really livens me up and I am good at those but any other argument makes me either very vulnerable or tearful or even stupid. I hate arguments and try my best never to engage in them if I cna possibly avoid it.
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
31 Oct 07
SOme more thing we have in common : I know that if I can possibly avoid it I never engage in an argument with my mother in law.. I end up thinking that I am probably crazy after one of those lol
@tlb0822 (1414)
• United States
30 Oct 07
In most cases I do win arguments. But i hate arguing. I tend to avoid it at all cost. Sometimes it is better to agree to disagree rather then get into an argument that neither is going ot rememebr in a week. I always try to keep arguments short and to the point.
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
short and to the point sounds good. I don't mind long sometimes as long as I am learning something. But often I'm not :)
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Yes, i am very good at arguing. I have lost arguments very infrequently over the years. My mother is my most formidable adversary though. She is one of the few people that can win an argument with me.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
That is good. SO are you the person that always has a good answer even when the other veer of course and end up forcing points on things that have nothing to do with the initial argument, or are you the person that will go off course but still wins? I am thinking I probably wouldn't want to be in an argument with your mom LOL
@cobradene (1171)
• India
29 Oct 07
I don't concentrate on winning or losing, but I usually stand by the right. I know people have many times argued against proving the wrong as right. But, I do my best to argue as long as I am support something moral and just, but even if I'm losing, I would stand by it. And if I see it's not making an impact on the minds, then I just leave the place.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Arguing a point of view, and idea, a fact is actually a good way to get different perspectives on things or learn more, so it should never be a matter of winning or losing but one of sharing different views. I like that kind of arguments and have no problems with them. I"m more thinking about argument/fighting specially when it's not to the point or fair.Like when you argue about a broken glass and the other person comes up with stories from 20 year ago that don't even have anything to do with the glass, or they just turn nasty and rude. That's the ones I have a problem with. And as much as possible I also just leave. But sometimes I would love to be able to remember a good thing to say that would shut them down at least for a moment LOL
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
i also felt the same way like you do, like when the arguments is on going and i just have few things to say but when im alone and just sitting i was like "i should say this and that" and then i just regret it.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Oh my , yes!!!! I remember my sister in law coming to my apartment with the sole purpose of raising an argument, and using things that weren't even anything of her business and the only thing I could say was this is none of your business and please if you came to my house for this just leave. Hours later I"m doing something else and all the right answers come to mind LOL
@saucer (47)
• India
29 Oct 07
ya people say i'm good at it,wel then no wonder,i'm an advocate brat so cant help it,its in my genes.../
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
LOL There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you know how to keep focused on the main issue and stay away from being rude :) Those are the things that bother me, not the arguments themselves.
@tatzkie (644)
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
i usually win. I love arguments because it sharpens my mind and hone my diplomatic skills. conflict is inevitable in the world thatz why to argue is equally important.
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@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
OH I don't mind those. But with some people there is no diplomacy that will work LOL
@peanutjar (5251)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Hi arkaf61.We hardly ever argue,its more of a teasing thing.I usely alwasy win though,my bofriend never wants to admit he wrong sometimes,haha.I mostly ignore a argue maker,it makes them more mad if you do not answer and start in also.Hehehe Peanutjar:)
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Your boyfriend is not the only one that has trouble admitting that he is wrong. He has plenty of company in this world lol Teasing is fine as long as it's not abusive or mean spirited. As for not answering, you're right, it certainly can make them even more upset :)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Arguments not good, how about discussion.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
You're so right:) I appreciate a good discussion too :)
@xParanoiax (7005)
• United States
29 Oct 07
I'm pretty good, I win most of them...I don't hold a candle to my best friend who NEVER loses them..but oh well lol. I don't like arguments either. Most of the stupid ones I've ever had end in violence. I mean I don't mind violence, if anything I love a good fight to get the blood and adrenaline going...but obviously violence isn't always fun lol. Especially if said argue-ee hated your guts to begin with lol. Anyway, I agree arguments are better when the person you're arguing with is logical and reasonable. But unfortunately not that many people are logical and reasonable. It's why -I- don't start arguments. I simply finish them, stupidity that some people can display is toxic to me. Like poison got injected into my veins *shrugs* It makes me afraid I'll end of like that someday lol. I mean it's a scary thought.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
It sure is scary sometimes. As you realize there are arguments and then , there are arguments :) I like to keep to the point or if I stray it's within the same lines. But if we're arguing about potatoes, and the person comes and tells me how my daisies are ugly, or why I will never be able to clean silver, and then goes about my whole line of shoes or the reason why my roof has a hole.. I just get lost LOL If on top of that the person keeps attacking me with things that have nothing to do with the argument in the first place I get so confused I can't even thing of an answer. I do finally when the argument is finished - maybe a few hours after, or the next day LOL
29 Oct 07
I love a good argument! Especially with my hubby. I think if we didn't argue every now and again, I'd get bored! I always seem to lose though and end up sobbing! No matter how silly it starts out! I lose track of what I'm rowing about and past arguments come up and sometimes it just gets silly nd we are rowing for the sake of it! I don't think I've ever won an argument in my life! I'm hopeless, perhaps there are classes out there to help people row more productively! Lol!
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
LOL I"M sure that there are some sort of classes that will help with that. At least at getting your arguments straight and to the point - which is one step close to win them . I find some invigorating as well. As long as they follow rules. It's the ones that get out of bonds that really bother me :)
@infoguy (210)
• India
29 Oct 07
Am very good at arguing...And for no reason i would ever surrender up my argument that quickly..It really bothers me a lot.If i loose any argument i keep thinking over it as to why i lost it what i should have said etc etc.....I usually win most of them so loosing few really matters a lot to me...may sound bit funny but i can t give up that easily ...
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
See, the thing for me is not even about wining or losing. I enjoy discussing many different things and I don't always have the same opinion of the other people. It's just when people go off topic and become rude that it bothers me. I honestly don't really care who wins, because in the end, I will still have my opinions and the others theirs. But since I'm not good at fighting dirty I really dislike some kinds of arguments and even more to have an argument with certain people.
29 Oct 07
I have never been very good with arguments, either trying to act as peacemaker or trying to avoid conflict where possible. I usually find that if I am caught up in an argument I can never think of anything to say other than *I don't want to argue*
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
I know what you mean. I can hold myself in an argument until it stops making sense. Then I'm lost LOL
@nanclie (73)
• China
29 Oct 07
I'm not at it.Sometimes if I want to argue with somebody,he must be my husband.I don't like to argue with anynoe if they really don't treat me fairly.But somebody of my roommates like to argue with anybody because they feel unfair things around them or when they really like somebody.People are different from people,someone like,somebody don't like.Most people may not really like to argue with anyone,like me.Yes??More arguments bother me too.To tell you a secret,I never win in the arguments.Thanks!
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
I know what you mean:) I sometimes win arguments but I find unfulfilled because it is later that I remember the best things to say LOL Have a wonderful day = with no arguments :)
• South Africa
29 Oct 07
When I am in an argument I try to make my side seem more technical. The more technical it becomes the less the other party will understand it and eventually they will probably think your right (only because they are confused)
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
LOL that's an interesting strategy. I"m ok with those. It's the ones where people argue in anger that I have problem with :)
@luzamper (1360)
• Philippines
29 Oct 07
I don't like argument at all if possible. But sometimes we really can't avoid it. Sometimes I just go away if also possible. I like a simple and peaceful relationship with anybody. I'm not really fond of having arguments with anybody.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Yes! If only it was possible I would love that too. Peace and harmony are so much more fulfilling. Like you I avoid arguments, at least some kind of arguments, but as you say we can't always do that.
@mimpi1911 (25455)
• India
29 Oct 07
Oh I you pushed a sensitive button there!! I am not good at arguments atall. Most of the times i keep silence and grope for right words at the right time. Obviously, I am a bad talker and mostly listen to others. However, if you ask me to write I will reason with you like an expert and you will be amazed to find someone so different in person and in writing!!
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@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Because writing allows us to think before we say what we want to say. I understand you perfectly. I am good at talking, and have no problem finding what I want to say. It's just when it comes to arguments and verbal fights that I have a problem.