Will you stay with your in-laws after marriage?

@lynnchua (3416)
Singapore
November 6, 2007 2:50am CST
If your in-laws wanted to stay with you after your marriage. Or if you are married with kids and your in-laws wanted to moved in and stay with you. Will you allow them to moved over and stay with you?
4 people like this
23 responses
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
6 Nov 07
No, I guess it's not a good arrangement...when I got married, I have never lived with in-laws..even if I turn back the hands of time, I'll never will. After marriage, we lived separately from my own family and his...it was only after several years that we invited my parents to live with us...then permanently after...but such arrangement was convenient for my husband because my parents were not difficult to live with...my husband never had a problem..in fact, he was the one who invited them to live with us, and it was ok..but me living with my in-laws is another story...
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Nov 07
Ya I do agree with you. I never wanted to stay with in-laws after getting to know her. She gave a lot of comments when she came over to visit. She like to comments on things like how I cook, how I hang my clothes, what my kids should wear etc.... so I decided not to stay with them, not ever.
1 person likes this
@psyche49f (2511)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Right...after all, it's our life, and how we live it is none of their business, if we have to be very blunt about it. Thanks for this very interesting discussion...
@SHAMRACK (8384)
• India
6 Nov 07
Hi, May be it becomes like a joint family and a nuclear family. But I hope it is just a risk taking part. If they are helpful, cooperative and as long as they do not interfere in privacy I think it is ok, but I hope it is too defficult it is as if taking a risk.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Nov 07
Hi shamrack! I don't think its a risk to stay with them. They are in-laws anyway, maybe try to get to know them before deciding whether to stay with them or not.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Definitely not. We haven't live with parents on both sides since we were married. I want our marriage life to be on our own. Meaning we don't want both sides to meddle or make decisions for us. We want to learn the ropes of marriage life. Much more, having in-laws living with you can create conflicts and problems later because surely, there will be things that you will have disagreement with like child discipline and money matters.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
13 Nov 07
I agree with you, I did not stay with both parents too. I tried once, when my house was under renovation and we shifted to my parents house for a month and my husband could not stand them. I think I won't be able to stand my in-laws too if they interfer too much.
• Philippines
14 Nov 07
but you see, even if far away from each other, there are still in-laws who meddle in the family of their children. I can't 'dig' the reason for this. I hope I am not like this when my children have their own family. lol
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
14 Nov 07
I hope so too, but what people used to say is your kids will follow what you do.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
13 Nov 07
No freaking way. I used to love my inlaws until I got to know them better. They way screwed up all their kids. I got the best one of the bunch and I'm paying for it. My mother in law doesn't seem to want to except that he has a family of his own now. He's the only son that does anything for them so she's trying to keep him at her beck and call. Her other two sons are so lazy. The one has two kids of his own and some serious anger problems that she choses to ignore rather than insist he gets the help he needs. The other is the baby of the family that she has so spoiled he won't even butter his own toast. My husband is a good man and feels a responsibility to his parents that he really shouldn't considering they have two other able bodied sons. So, sorry, went a little off subject there. My inlaws seem to intigate drama between me and my husband so them moving in would probably cause a divorce. I wish they would move farther away.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
13 Nov 07
Ya I know, some in-law are good at that. They look so pity and treated you so nicely in front of your husband or everyone else around. When noone else is around they will show you a kind of ' I dislike you' look. And speak ill of you behind your back.
• United States
10 Oct 09
Maybe you can help me. My boyfriend of 5 years and I took a trip up to Massachusetts as a visit for Christmas and ended up staying. For 2 1/2 years. We stayed to help my father with a new business idea, and it all going pretty good. Until we started to settle in. No locks on the doors. No blinds on the bathroom windows. Has to eat dinner with them every single night at 5. Could never go anywhere without them knowing. Can never have a day without them calling. I won;t even get into the psychological issues that they (my parents) are dealing with. Needless to say, we are moving to San Francisco with a mutual friend. This endeavor had lead my boyfriend to believe that he can never have a relationship with me because if he marries me, he will be marrying my family. We have talked about this, and I do not enjoy living with my parents any more than he does. In fact, I quite despise it. I keep trying to tell him it will all be different in California, but he is so sick with everything that he has told me he wishes to just drive away and leave. Help? Suggestions? Are greatly appreciated.
@youless (91532)
• Guangzhou, China
16 Jan 08
I don't mind it at all. It is no problem for me to live with my in-laws. They are very kind people actually. I think they will help us to take care of our child or do some housework when we go to work. Meanwhile we can take care of them. I like the family can live together.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
18 Jan 08
Thanx for the reply, I think kind and good in-laws are harder to be found. You are lucky to have them.
• Australia
16 Jan 08
I dont think so. But that is probably more to do with the fact my inlaws are MEAN. lol i dont like them much n e ways so i would say no 2 them, not that they would ever ask. I think it could cause problems with new partners and stuff being such a part of the family still, like hanging around for years can seam desperate. If i had a good relationship with my inlaws i would consider it, you mean visiting not living with you right?
• United States
9 Dec 07
Honestly, no. I don't care what is going on with them or why they would need to live with us, but I will NEVER allow my in-laws to live with me. They're wretched people and I want nothing to do with them.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
16 Jan 08
They must have given you very bad experience. If not I don't think you will behave like that. Anyway, try to forgive them even if you can't forget what they did to you.
1 person likes this
• China
24 Nov 07
i will agree,because i love them more than my husband.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
16 Jan 08
Will your husband jeslous of them if he sees this comment here? heee..
• India
13 Nov 07
It depends on the in-laws. If they understand me and treat me as their own daughter, I would not mind living with them. But this is rarely the case. All over the world, in-laws are known to be interfering, rude, and domineering. So, I think it is better to live separately and be good friends than live under the same roof and be bitter enemies. Of course, I am all for helping people (not just in-laws) if they are in trouble and need help.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
13 Nov 07
You are right, I have not come across any nice in-laws. They can be nice if you are not staying together. I have a friend whose in-laws are nice person, they can go out together, like shopping, have meals etc...But when they move in to stay with her, Oh god they are different, they interfer too much into her life till my friend could not stand it.
@tantal25 (839)
• United States
9 Nov 07
for me i don't want my in laws to stay with us at home... i guess i want private life, just me and my husband. and of course, i wanted to prevent other people from interfering when of course, if time comes that my husband and i had arguments. i don't want other people to interfere nor judge us about our lifestyle
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
9 Nov 07
Yes I agree with you, sometime in-laws interfered too much.
• Philippines
7 Nov 07
HEllo.. just dropping by... maybe i'd allow them to stay temporarily maybe.. but for life, NO :-) not that i'm being mean or something, but i just don't any conflicts, which are sure to arise later on... very common with Filipino way of life for extended family, but i guess it's the same thing whether you're filipino or not (i am filipino by the way). I'd like to preserve harmonious relationship with my in-laws by keeping that distance :-)
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Nov 07
Not only filipino, I think everyone like to have harmaonious relationship with their in-laws. Me too, But I won't stay with them.
@Iesha86 (16)
• United States
7 Nov 07
I guess it would depend on the situation. If my mother-n-law really, really needed somewhere to stay then I would do it. I don't know if I could take being around her all the time. We're not very close and I kind of prefer it that way.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Nov 07
I can understand. If you are close to her it will be Ok but if not try not to stay round with her too often or else your hubby will be in a difficult position.
• India
7 Nov 07
Definitely yes. Maybe i'd do the same if my parents wanted to move in with me. As a daughter and daughter in law, i consider it my moral responsibility. Moreover it would make my spouse REALLY happy as he is an only son - and that would matter above all.
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
7 Nov 07
Hi kempakka! I think your husband will really be happy.
• Philippines
6 Nov 07
hmm..for me i dont want to stay with my in-laws..i want me and my husband to have our own house far from our in-laws..as what i have observed, sometimes inlaws are the reason of the separation of the couple..this is only based on my observation..i know not all but there are other.. but if ever they will stay with us just for a week for a vacation i will let them stay in our house..
1 person likes this
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
6 Nov 07
Ya, maybe. For me I won't want to stay with them, but its Ok for me to stay near them.
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
18 Jan 08
Nope, the way to a happy relationship with your parents and with your in-laws is to keep a decent distance between all of you. Sometimes it works, but most times it doesn't. Personally, I wouldn't risk jeopardising the delicate relationship between in-laws and myself. Even if it means free laundry services, someone to look after my kids etc. I'd rather just go to the extra trouble of fetching my kids to their home rather than have to see them all day and all night. And my in-laws are real nice people too.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
23 Jan 08
You are right is good to keep a distance. It quite difficult to stay together because of different habits. Thanx for the response.
• United States
16 Jan 08
I have a separate house on my property that is completely independent from the house my husband and I live in. We were going to make it into a game room, but decided against it and right now, it just sits with some of our personal belongings in there. It's a glorified storage unit complete with A/C, heat and a full bathroom with washer/dryer hookups. If my mother in law or my father wanted to move in, they are more than welcome to move into that apartment. I love both of them dearly, but they don't belong in my married household. They know that and would not ask anyway.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
18 Jan 08
Your are lucky to have understanding in-laws.
• China
16 Jan 08
it depends on what kind of characters they have, personally I don't like so much all the big family live together,I feel the quiet life is ended in this way, especially you are living with the persons that you don't have the same thoughts, for sure at first you can always make the concession, but you cannot make the compromising all the time. I need my privacy is respected.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
16 Jan 08
Ya! I agree we all need privacy and we can't compromsing all the time.
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
10 Dec 07
well it depends what sort of people they are. I wont have a problem with my in laws moving in with me at all. I love them and respect them and they love and respect me. They never make trouble for me and my husband in fact they are often on my side and I can call and tell them something and they will sort out my husband. They live in Europe and me in Australia but I still talk to them more than my husband does.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
16 Jan 08
You are lucky to have such in-law and they are blessed to have you.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
14 Nov 07
A year after we were married our in-laws had financial issues. We moved in with them so we could make their house payment, pay the utilities and anything else they needed. We stayed a year and moved back out. We couldn't justify paying rent for us and a house payment for them until we could get them caught up. Living with them on a permanent basis would not have been a good decision. We wanted a family and our privacy.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
14 Nov 07
Your in-laws is lucky to have you. I agree that if they had a problem we should help them. For permanent basis it would really not a good decision.
@nkhanna (925)
• India
13 Nov 07
for me i guess its ok.what matters to me is the privacy.so definately my partner n me ll take care of it.however its our responsiblity to take care of our parents in their old age or whenever they need us.afterall even we r going to b old some day.n we will also need .just a matter of gud understanding has to b maitained,which definately takes time.for me its ok.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
13 Nov 07
Its so nice of you. I know it's our responsibility to take care of them whenever they need us. But the thing is that I can help getting angry when my in-law comments on the things that I did everytime when she see me( three times a week).