I need advice. My daughter doesn't do her school work.

United States
December 6, 2007 7:34am CST
I just got a call from my daughters teacher today and she told me that my daughter does not finish her work in school. When she is sopposed to be working she is daydreaming. So she sends the work home and it it added to the hour of homework she already has to do. I have tried talking to her and now I have grounded her. Nothing seems to work. I am at my witts end and I don't want her to fail but I just don't know what else to do. I am almost ready to homeschool her so then I can watch her better and I don't have to take care of 20 other kids. If anyone has any ideas please help me.
2 people like this
20 responses
• United States
6 Dec 07
I don't think homeschooling is the solution because it may not solve the problem. I was a daydreamer in school too. It may not be your daughter being insolent. There could be a problem that needs to be addressed. Firstly, how old is she and is in class work being given generally at the same time during the day? I was a daydreamer too. And it wasn't about misbehaving. I wanted to behave. I had a few issues that needed to be addressed. Firsrly, I was hypoglycemic and nobody knew it. I just couldn't concentrate at all at certain times of the day and would "crash" by not being able to focus on work at all. I also ate to many foods that had hidden sugars and processed ingredients. Even though i wasn't eating "junk food" all day - a lot of breads and other prepackaged items have tons of high fructose corn syrup in them. Is she getting a healthy (and be honest) breakfast? Or is she eating sugary cereal? Maybe if she even isn't hypoglycemic some sort of healthy snack that she could keep in her pocket and grab when she went to recess (depending on her age) would help carry her through the afternoon. I mean, they thought I was manic depressive or ADD (ADHD wasn't a term then) until they discovered I had vitamin deficiencies and hypglycemic and slightly anemic as well. (and no matter how careful you are to feed a balanced diet, some people just process things differently and are anemic) Also, I was a daydreamer because I was slightly dyslexic and couldn't see the board. (two seperate issues). I sort of faked my way through because I didn't want to have to wear glasses but it eventually caught up to me. I was screened for hearing too. Kids rebel sometimes but more oftem than not they aim to please or WANT to do right and maybe there is something in her way that isn't about a disciplinary problem. In the end, I was able to pay attention in class and got very good grades until I was in 8th grade when I lost interest as I went to a new school and I was bullied. My grades started to slip because I was so distracted and worried in class but I transferred out and went to a very supportive and wonderful school and graduated near the top of my class.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2670)
• United States
6 Dec 07
Hey sweetie. I know you are frustrated and you want her to do good. Like I was telling you on the phone. Since you have talked to the teacher tons of times about the problem and she doesn't seem to do anything about it. You need to talk to the principal. You may even want to consider having her put into a different teacher's class. She may just be bored with the work or the work is not challanging enough. I hope you can find a good solution. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
• Ireland
6 Dec 07
Maybe your daughter has other things on her mind at school. Have you cosidered that she may be being bullied, i'm not saying she is it's just a thought... Grounding her won't make her work more i don't think as i'm only out of school a year and i know that would'nt hav worked on me
1 person likes this
• Kottayam, India
6 Dec 07
Take complete medical checkup and advise from a expert physiologist.
1 person likes this
@fanji008 (784)
• China
6 Dec 07
Hi,there! Well,I think you'd better analyse the importance of studying and doing work with her.You may have to be very patient to tell her the principles and really communicate with her. Try to find out why she doesn't wanna do the work in school.Is it because that she came across some problems or something else?I don't think it's wise to force the kids to do the things.If they understand the importance,they'll do that themselves.Best wishes for you and your daughter.Hopefully she'll overcome that:) Have a nice day!Don't worry too much.
• United States
6 Dec 07
Have you punished her? I tried that when I was her age, and I got both spanked and every toy was taken out of my room. You didn't mention if you punished her for what she's doing. If you haven't, I suggest spanking her or grounding her. Taking away her phone, tv or a toy she likes to teach her a lesson. I don't think ADD or ADHD is the cause. If you take her to the doctor, 99% of doctors will write you a prescription for ADD/ADHD meds without proper testing. ADD/ADHD has spiraled out of control and it's become a scapegoat for lazy parents who don't want rambunxious kids. If you do get her tested, make sure you request CAT or PET scans to truly ID whether she has ADD/ADHD or not. Kids daydream. Heck, I'm 30 and I still lose track of what I'm doing because I get distracted by just about anything.
• United States
6 Dec 07
had you have read ALL of my post and not half of it, you would have seen that I do advocate PROPER testing and not just walking into a doctor's office and going "Junior is 8 and he won't quit running around in circles. Turn him into a mindless zombie." Whether you want to admit it or not, there are far too many kids being medicated for ADD/ADHD. My neighbor is a school teacher and out of a class of 27, 24 are on ADD/ADHD meds. She teaches 4th grade. That is a bit much and like I said, lazy parenting.
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
If you say that you've talked to your daughter, I wonder what she answered to you about what may be causing the problem. As a kid, I wasn't really fond of homework but since you say that it's a classwork and she mostly doesn't finish it during class, then it would be good to ask the reason why she can't finish it during class. Does she need more time to think and concentrate or maybe she is not motivated with what she is doing. First, it is really important to identify the cause of the problem as to why she is not finishing her work - if that would be intentional or that is because she needs extra help. Allowing her to homeschool might be a good idea if she really has a hard time in school, but if you find out that it is a matter of time management that your daughter may have a hard time with, then it would also be good to coordinate with the teacher a little more if it would be possible that you both work in tandem on how she is coping with school work and monitor her progress. I finished up my last 3 years of highschool through homeschooling and that was good because I had more time for myself since I wanted to work at the same time. But it is still advisable to send your daughter to school normally. Consistent guidance and follow-up on your side will be really needed if she does have a concern, AND most especially a lot of PATIENCE from you will help her grow and be more motivated.
• United States
6 Dec 07
My daughter just tells me that she doen't know why? I try to let them have a snack before we start homework and then when we are done I try to take them outside to play. So I have asked her time after time why she doesn't finish her work and she won't answer me. I try to be very patient and I try to motivate and it gets better for awjile and then she just falls back. I feel like I'm just running out of ideas. Thank you for your help.
• United States
4 Feb 09
Gosh! Your daughter and your situation sound like my mine. I know how frustrated you must be because I am too! I want to do what is best for my daughter but I feel like I am getting such scattered advice. At its root, I do not believe in medication but my daughter did test positive for ADD. We tried it when she was in 2nd grade but she had so many side effects we took her off it. She is struggling in 3rd grade, I believe in part because she has a completely unimaginative teacher that does not motivate her. We are considering trying another medication but I am stalling to be honest. I know this post is not helping you but at least you know you are not alone.
4 Jun 09
I have problems studying and have been looking up way to stop my self from daydreaming. i have been doing it for years and it got worse the more independence i got, but the way to deal with it is not to put her in a rooom and teach her one on one (more stress more i dreamed and ignored work). Rather ask her to write down her daydreams, because most of the dreams are the same and differ just a little. Writing them down stops them re-occuring so offten - this is a dream journal-. Other people meditate but that didnt work for me. This is my own experince, also grounding her for dreaming could bring on stress and she might daydream more, because she got grounded for something she could not stop.
• United States
14 Apr 09
OK I know that you posted this a year ago, and your daughter is about 11 now. I have a 10 yar old daughter that is the same way now. She talks too much in class and daydreams and does not get her work done. I have tried taking away the things she likes and her teachers have taken away recess, but she actually does not care. she will sit in her room and do nothing. I feel like I am failing her because I dont know how to help her be motivated in school work. she is very outgoing and plays softball, and she will be failing with F's all year until it is about 2 weeks before report cards and then comes home with A's and B's. So my question to you is. did you ever find out how to help your daughter?
@cosylvia (401)
• China
7 Dec 07
Although i have no the daughter still now,but i can understand your feeling,coz when i am a kid,my mum force me to do so much homework but i have so little interesting ,so i advice let your daughter have some interesting in it,,specially guide to her finish homework..wish your babe come on later!!
@juhiram (189)
7 Dec 07
Have a good interaction with her every day and also try to be a good friend rather a good mother and this interaction will make you aware of what she is and also what she is looking for actually !!So that there is a chance to move her to different works and cultivate intrest in her to do the right work at right time ...//ofocurse to be a good friend for her may take some days but rather you have to be patient with her always dont scold but still act as a friend!!
7 Dec 07
i can't finish my homework while i was a child.i don't think i'm lazy. just because i can't catch up with my teacher in class,i don't understand what she/he told me,the result is i can't do my homework myself. so in my opinion, your daughter need more concern,be patient to do homework with her and communicate with her.let her understand you're worrying about her.also you may put her into another teacher's clss.i hope you can find out the best solution.
• United States
7 Dec 07
Lots of good comments here. there is one other thing that comes to mind. How long has this been a problem? Maybe her current teacher has a teaching style that just isn't compatible with her learning style. Does she engage the students or just lecture to them? Learning styles are auditory (lecturing will work), visual (better if they read the material), and Kinesthetic (they learn by doing. Need an interactive style of teaching). Since she likes to play outside, my guess is she is highly kinesthetic. My grandson struggled with a similar challenge. I think it's not her fault and punishment is not the answer.
@almajoes (54)
• United States
7 Dec 07
Try taking away some of her privileges. She may not react kindly, but this is a good teacher. School should be a priority and this idea should be enforced.
@foxygirle (377)
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
Why not ask professional advise. Maybe your daughter is bored in school or is not interested in school activities. And is afraid to tell you what she wants for fear of being reprimanded. How is she doing with her homework?
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
She wants to draw your attention. Try spending time with her doing her homework. Make the atmosphere during the session light. Don't scold her if he didn't get it the first time around. Try motivating her by some reward after a good work. Aside from that is your child getting the proper nutrition? Nowadays kids are resulting to eating junk foods or fast foods. Try watching what see eat. Give her vitamins to boost her energy. Is she getting the right numbers of sleeping hrs? Is she getting what we call "quality sleep"? Her quality of sleep will really affect how she performs during the hrs she is awake. I hope this helps.
@lightningMD (5937)
• United States
6 Dec 07
My step-daughter just turned 10. We were having the same kind of issues. It was taking here forever to get her homework done. She just couldn't focus. We took her to the doctor. He diagnosed her with ADHD. Since she stated on medicine she is doing much better and her grades have really improved.
@cutepenguin (6460)
• Canada
6 Dec 07
Where is she sitting in class? I have had students who had trouble staying on task, and I asked them to ask their teacher (I'm a tutor) to move them to another place in the classroom. Some kids do better if they are sitting in the front of the room or at the side away from the window. Others respond well to sitting next to a classmate who is a good student. When your daughter does her homework at home, can she focus? Maybe it is the noise of the classroom and the other students that she is having trouble ignoring. If this is the case, have her practice at home by doing a task (maybe an art project or writing a story)in the kitchen while someone else is doing something. If she gets distracted, gently ask her if she is on task. Tell her to remind herself to stay on task.
• Saint Lucia
6 Dec 07
is this your first discussion? you are probably new here. well you should try to talk to your daughter and try to discipline her. teach about the importance of school to her and her future. i don't have kids but i hope this helps.
6 Dec 07
daydreamers are often very intelligent - the monotony and rigidity of schoolwork bores them and they go off into their own imagination - the place of great inventions. I had one. He was perfectly capable and school didn't suit him. His mind didn't work in the linear fashion that things are so often taught in school. Instead his mind would wander off at tangents from the main subject and so he wouldn't hear the next bit. In the end he saw himself as useless and school as pointless. Kept bunking off and more or less failed his exams. I still have great faith in him though because he has got a job he likes even though it is menial and he has had a few attempts at some business projects. Don't despair. YOur childs happiness ios far more iomportant and she will come round if you just encourage but don't push.