Would you ever stay in a marrige IF.....

United States
December 6, 2007 9:28pm CST
You were not happy,but had children together?... If not,why? and if so why as well! thanks so much:D.
2 people like this
12 responses
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
This discussions does really affect me now because I am in this situation. I am married for more than a year. From the start of the marriage until now I am always crying because my husband always get irritated even a single thing he thinks I done wrong. I know I have some imperfections but he does always insults me which he did not did when we were in dating stage. He also hurts me physically when he thinks that I have done too much for him to bear. This situation happens after we have a fight with his mother. His mother always go to our house and wants everything about her suggestion to be followed. And the big break was when she get into our room while we were away for vacation and she read my diary. She was so angry with what I wrote there. She scold me on the text and threaten me. His older brother also threatened me because I answered her rude text messages and the sad part is my husband was not on my side. Because their mother pretended to have a heart attack which is false because when she was brought to the hospital the doctor said that she does not have an illness to treat. She always go to the doctor, I don't know but there is no findings. For me she is just acting on purpose to win the heart of his son that I am the cause of her sufferings. Now, I want to give up but I also took pity of my one year old son. But I know that if this will continue for more years I know I will quit and end our marriage. Maybe I'll just take this for more time until my heart cannot take it anymore.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 07
Leave Leave Leave- you don't deserve that and neither does your son- he is learning from your husband- like a sponge and I don't think you would want your son to treat his wife like that. The longer you stay the more he will learn!
2 people like this
@rsa101 (16193)
• Quezon City, Philippines
7 Dec 07
That is such a sad story to read. Intrusive, rude In-laws are what I would also hate in a marriage to happen. maybe I would advice that you and you husband would try to talk for the last time peacefully of course. If things would go for the worse then ending that would be the best solutions. I wonder what your immediate family is advising you to do. Don't you have parents to what are they doing about it. Find also a network of support that you can rely and help on when finally you've made your decision.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
I know I have always thought about leaving but I am also trying to give him a chance. To somehow save the marriage we have. I hope our child will not get affected with the things happening on our life. Actually I have family but they are island away. And I don't want to tell them because they might get sad about my life. I am trying to saved this marriage but if I cannot take it then I'll tell them. Thank you for the reply. I am still hoping for a happy marriage.
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@rsa101 (16193)
• Quezon City, Philippines
7 Dec 07
I cannot relate why you are not happy? Anyway look at it at the point of view of your kids. Do you think your kids would be happier to see the two of you to be separated? Are you not happy being with your children anymore? separating could also help you be happier but you should look into other people's happiness too. Try to look not only in your own personal feelings but for others that might get affected by your decision to leave something that has been part of your life too.
• United States
7 Dec 07
Well i am not in this situation at all, i have a child but i am so satisfaid with her, i am happy being single, i dont fee the need for anything else right now,BUT i had this conversation with a friend last night,and told her i dont beleive in staying in a bad relatioship for the kids, because your negative energy will soon effect your kids, and my child is the most important thing to me. so there for i would never do it.. thanks for your responce!!!!
• United States
8 Dec 07
Thinking about the lady in the post about this one- Her son is learning day by day how to treat women bad- she should get out for his sake!
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@tiffiny (872)
• United States
7 Dec 07
Depends. How un happy am I and why? Am I just unhappy for a little while or has this been an ongoing year long thing where we both have tried everything to bring the spark back into it and nothing has been working? Personally I belive that divorce should never happen and I pray that it never comes to that for myself. But it's worse to stay in a loveless marriage becuase then your kids see that and might get a negitive veiw of how love really works. Plus if you aren't happy you should be able to find some one with whom you could be.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 07
Hey there:) thanks for responding! i do to have the same beliefs you do, i am not married, but i did have a conversation with someone about this alittle while ago and wanted to see what everyone else thought about it...im scared to get married and i am just so confterble with it being me and my daughter,i dont think i need anything else at this time.. But if it was effecting my kids in anyway,ar harmful to us,me or my children i would definatly get out of it as quick as possible~... thanks so much:)
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
9 Dec 07
Well, in that case I believe that as much as possible its better that we do our best to make things work. I mean, first know the problem... why are you not happy/ What is missing? and then try to fix it. If after everything nothing happens, then that would be the time to say goodbye. please visit my blog... I have some tips there to maintain a good relationship with your partner. www.mall-of-earnings.blogspot.com
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 07
I would have to honestly say that I wouldn't stay in a marriage "for the kids". The reason I say this is that staying in a relationship of any kind just because you have kids together is a bad thing to do. People don't seem to realize that it hurts the kids more than it would if you go your seperate ways and they are still able to see the other person. You will be miserable and so will the kids. It's just not worth it. We don't tend to think about the effects things like this have on the kids, but in the long run, it will show itself and you could have saved yourself and them a world of hurt and headache if you go ahead and part ways when things get bad....and not wait until things get out of hand!! Just my opinion. Have a great weekend!!
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
8 Dec 07
If I had been unhappy for some time, and we had not been able to work it out together, then of course I would leave. It may be hard for both myself and my husband, and our children (young or otherwise) to separate, but I know what it's like to see your parents miserable with their relationship. My children would come first, and I honestly think it is much better to have them growing up in a house full of happiness and love, not witness parents who no longer have that love and enjoyment of one another. Of course I'd want it to be amicable and not deny rights to the father, so long as there had been no physical abuse etc. =)
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@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
7 Dec 07
oh hell no! My ex (the father of my two oldest kids) tried to pull that crap on me "we need to stay together for the kids" and there was NO WAY I was doing that to myself or them! If I'm not happy, I'm not staying..I mean think aobut it, what is doing something foolish like that teaching your children ya know? That its ok to stay in a loveless relationship and I dont want that for them. Not to mention the fact that the fights are not nice when the love is gone, the comments and attitudes are also less than savoury and the children dont need to and shouldnt have to live under those conditions. I personally think its a form of child abuse to be honest with you....and nevermind the later in life when the kids are grown and the parents split but are stupid enough to tell them "well we stayed togethr for you but we've not been happy for many yrs"..the guilt of that would just be so wrong!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 07
Staying "for the kids" almost never works. The kids usually end up more screwed up than they would if you just divorced. A couple who are not happy together, or especially if one or both is abusive, are not a good model for a child. My mother stayed "for the kids" for 15 years. Her husband verbally abused her constantly. But she thought it didn't affect her children and staying in a "real" family was better for them. She didn't know that he was verbally and physically abusing the children when she wasn't around.
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@skinnychick (6907)
• United States
7 Dec 07
I know someone who did and still does because it is comfortable- he loves his wife but isn't madly in love with her- in fact he is madly in love and has been for a long time with someone else. He has never slept with this other women but has been emotionally attached to her for a long time. Now that the kids are grown, I think he stays because of comfort even though she is not real supportive of him. I think the end is near though because she has mentioned these same feelings to him! So I don't think anyone should stay in an unhappy marriage it just eats you up inside!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
If my husband and I weren't happy but we weren't fighting a lot, I'd probably stay and DO something to make us both happy. Maybe time alone with each other could help -- we could probably go out on date, just the two of us, leave the kids with their grandparents or a babysitter, and just go have fun by ourselves. Maybe we just lost the "magic" or "spice" of the relationship because we were too caught up in raising the kids and stopped having fun with each other. If that's the reason for us being unhappy, there's a lot that could be done about that. We would just have to work harder for the sake of our relationship and our children of course. However, if we're the type of couple who's not happy together and fights a lot, especially in front of the children, I would probably suggest that we live apart for a while and see how it goes. I don't think it's healthy for the children if they see us fighting together all the time. But in general, I would really prefer to try to work things out with my husband and keep the marriage because marriage is really supposed to be a lifelong commitment and it's not something you could simply get out of if you weren't happy.
• United States
7 Dec 07
I wouldn't stay in a marraige if I wasn't happy. If you had kids, I think it would only affect them negatively. Children can pick up on whether or not their parents are happy and it will take some toll on them if parents stay together and are unhappy. As long as you let your children know that you love them, then I think everything will turn out okay. It happened with my parents and it's happening now with someone I know. In the end, I think it's all for the best for everyone involved.
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@kurtbiewald (2628)
• United States
7 Dec 07
hey, like in that cereal commercial. Let Mikey try it first then. See if he likes it.
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