How do you break up with someone without hurting their feelings?

United States
December 20, 2007 11:24pm CST
My best friend came to me with this same question and it does not seem like it is a question that is easily answered. YOu would figure that if the person is in love with you, no matter what you say or do they are going to haet you so what can you do? So I come to the mylot family I know and love for support and clarity. I told her that she should do it face to face, and that she should be honest about her feelings. She thinks it is easier over the phone. I think over the phone will make her look like a monster. So what do you think? HELP ME PLEASE !!!
3 people like this
13 responses
@Adoniah (7523)
• United States
22 Dec 07
Only a coward would break up over the phone! Face to face is the correct way. This person is not thinking about the other persons feelings, only their own. I do not think that they are looking for advice either. They sound very selfish and do not deserve the person that they are breaking up with!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Dec 07
I can see your point. And maybe you are right. I do agree with you that face to face is the best way, I have been saying that from the start. Thank you for your comments.
• United States
21 Dec 07
Eh, over the phone is just wrong. It seems to be cowardly to me. If at all possible, it should be done face to face, They are owed that much in my opinion. It won't be easy, but to me, it is the right thing to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
I agree with you 100%
@sophylline (1042)
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
I'd hate to tell it to you dear, I don't think there is any way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. I can sympathize, though, and can see why your friend would prefer to do it over the phone. However, I agree with you, that it is more proper to do it face to face and do the process in a gentler way. And yes, she should be honest about her feelings. It is better to face it head on and finish it once and for all so that both parties will avoid more unecessary pain. The more you procrastinate and take longer, the more it will drag on.
• United States
21 Dec 07
right! and it is time to be done with it. The longer she waits the more I think it will hurt both of them.
1 person likes this
@deserve40 (1607)
• India
21 Dec 07
I think that it depends on the other person a lot. See when you have decided to break with a person you have to tell it to her. Now it you tell it on the phone it may not be good because you may not be able to explain yourself properly over phone. However, again as I told you, if you feel that the other person will take it sportily if you can explain her why you want to break then the best way is to meet her personally and say in quite good mannerful way that you do not feel that your views are matching with her so you cannot continue to be friends anymore. You should add the you do not have any personal bitterness for her in your mind but you have to break any way. This should be okay to you. Even after taking this much care, you may hurt person and for that there is no need to feel sorry because you have tried your best not to hurt her.
• United States
21 Dec 07
you are righjt, it is never easy to explain something over the phone. I am so fearful that face to face she will not be able to do it, and that he will keep her hanging on for ever( though I know she should do it face to face). I wish it was an easier situation.
@nkhanna (926)
• India
21 Dec 07
well i really dont think so that its possible to break up with some without hurting their feelings.be it whatever means of communication you use,its surely going to hurt the other person since he or she was in love with you.now you wanna break up,i dont know for what reason,it will not be easily acceptedby the other person.this can only be possible if they dont love each other was there with each other for some time pass.otherwise human hearts cannot endure the pain.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
I see your point, and yes it has to be hard. But she is moving and wants to do different things with her life. He is happy where he is in his life, and he doesn't want to do anything else, that is not enough for her. So instead of draging out a relationship that will fail once she has moved she wants to cut all ties so she can start a new chapter. Thanks for the input.
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
Sadly, there is no solution to your question. You can never break up with someone without hurting him or her. Its ok to hurt someone by being honest rather than hurting him/her later on by living a lie. Your friend has to talk to the guy face to face and just try to break it to him gently. This will still hurt and she has to brave it. No phone break ups, that would hurt more. Just pray for courage. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
thanks so much. I agree, that it should be face to face. I could not imagine how I would feel if someone tried to break up with me over a phone.
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
21 Dec 07
I think it is not very possible not to hurt anyone when you want to break up the relationship. Perhaps think out how to let the other one break up with you at first.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
good idea! But what if you can't get him to break up with you? He is a really nice guy that doesn't think she does anything wrong. But maybe it is worth a try, thanks for the input.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
31 Dec 07
Breaking up with someone over the phone or via text message, email etc etc is NONSENSE! The ONLY way that would be acceptable as far as I'm concerned is if the one breaking up felt physically threatened..other than that though...doing it that way is just flat out shallow and coldhearted IMO... The BEST way to break up with someone without hurting them...Well I really dont think there is a way to be honest with you..not if the one getting dumped doesnt want to break up...I would have to say that the nicest way would be to do it face to face and explain why they want it over etc etc and just be gentle and kind about it ya know...
1 person likes this
• China
22 Dec 07
I met the same experience, but it is very very difficult to do something, usually i choose to speak frankly and escape a little bit, sorry, i know this does help nothing, but my understanding is that no matter what you do you will hurt him/her.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
21 Dec 07
Well you have to understand that breaking up with someone will always hurt the feelings of the person who doesn't want to break up. I guess there is no other way to tell it but tell it as honestly as you can to the person. That's just it and there's no other way how you will do it. It will just hurt the other peron's feelings. But do tell the person that you are talking in the space of honesty and there's nothing that you cannot do but tell the truth. Hoping someday that he'll be able to handle the situation okay
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
21 Dec 07
It's a difficult problem for us because love anyone must pour there sensity into it,although we can break up it in a soft way,it also could not be accepted without hurt.
1 person likes this
@irishidid (8119)
• United States
21 Dec 07
There is no easy way to break up. That's why there's a song called Breaking up is hard to do!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Dec 07
I think the only way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings is if the breakup is mutual. Even if you break up over the computer, face-to-face, or over the phone, it'll hurt. I like to always make sure everything important like that is done in person, so if there is a reason for them to be mad, you can sort it out as quickly as possible...
1 person likes this