Have You Ever Let A Friend

@Rozie37 (15508)
Turkmenistan
January 6, 2008 5:40pm CST
Get away with something that you did not like? I guess it is the people pleasing disease, but lately, I have been pretty much letting friends get away with things that would normally turn me into a raging lunatic. This guy who lives in my building is very sweet and we are close. Close enough that we play around a lot. We tease and call each other names and hit each other. I assumed that this guy knew my limits, because I have went off on him several times. But apparently, I will have to stop playing with him all together. The other day, I was sitting beside him and when I got up it hit me on the but. It made me angry, so I picked up the bell pepper front my plate and through it in his face. I was shocked, because I knew that he knew better. But, like I said I will not put myself in a position to allow that to happen again. He is a touchy feely guy and he always finds a way to take things too far. Most of the time, it is just verbal, but this time he went waaaaay too far. Then, you would not believe that the very next day, my friends boyfriend did the very same thing. I am starting to think that my being nice, gives them the idea that I am flirting with them. I do not even like this guy. To me, he looks like a bomb. He does not bathe and he is an alcoholic. But, I am the type of person who tries to treat everyone the same, no matter what. So anyway, after the boyfriend hit me, the first thing I thought about was my friend(his girlfriend) because he always pats her on the butt like that. At first I told him that I was going to tell on him. Then, I changed my mind because she is so abusive to him. She will yell at him for hours and hours and call him everything but a human being. Now, the thing about it is, if these guys had not been friends of mine, they would probably be in the grave right now. I can not stand it when a man puts his hands on me without my permission. I have been abused and molested and believe me, I don't play that. In fact, the boyfriend had hit me another time because I was ignoring him and I pushed him so hard that he flew up and across the room. I am not a little girl. Well, I ended up getting him back this morning, by finally telling his girl friend. She asked me to over-look it because it was the alcohol making him act like that. And she is right, normally, he would never act that way. He is very sweet and quiet when he has not been drinking and that is why I did not want her to yell at him. Then, she told me that the other day, he came into her room, sat on her down and he fell back and slammed his head against the wall. That made me feel even worse. He is slowly losing his battle with alcohol. He does not believe he has a problem, so he doesn't feel the need to stop drinking. But, the next time he puts his hands on me like that, drunk or not, he is going to feel my wrath. He better realize that he has a problem and get help, because I will not be so understanding next time.
6 people like this
6 responses
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
7 Jan 08
I don't tolerate any such behavior either and would of either done the same thing or told him to his face to not do that again. Maybe he was just playing because you both were playing at the beginning. It's nice that your friend accepted it as is and didn't make a fuss about it.. I know some other girls would not have let that go!
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15508)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jan 08
Yeah, I believe that they are playing and that is why I have to stop playing with them. They don't understand when they have gone to far. As for my friend, she accuses everyone in the world of wanting her man, but she does not accuse me. She knows how I feel about that. To me, messing around with her man, would be like messing around with my sisters boyfriend or husband and to me that is gross. Not only that, she knows that I am not the least bit attracted to him.
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
7 Jan 08
I know what you mean, totally gross LOL
2 people like this
@Shaun72 (15970)
• Palatka, Florida
7 Jan 08
I don't blame you a bit. i am very funny that way myself. i don't like men touching me that way either with out my permission. I understan I was molested also years ago. I have heard plenty of times to get over it. But that is easier said then done. Anyhow you are right that is your body and only you should give people the premission to touch you in places you don't like.I went to a consler a few years ago and he said the same thing.
@Rozie37 (15508)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jan 08
It is about boundaries and respect. I have been direspected enough and if these guys knew how angry that kind of thing makes me feel, I would be the last woman in the world they would want to touch. Believe me, they would know that it is not worth it.
2 people like this
@Shaun72 (15970)
• Palatka, Florida
7 Jan 08
That is a good way to be stand to stand up for your self.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12096)
• India
7 Jan 08
I learnt it the hard way that being nice or open can sometimes be mistaken by the other person as flirting. Whatever their problem, there's a line I draw and no one's allowed to go beyond that. Now I don't get too friendly with anyone and keep my distance ..so they never cross the line.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15508)
• Turkmenistan
8 Jan 08
I hate to think of myself as being simple. I know that everyone is not going to think the way I do, but I need to consciencously think of that when I am in the situation. I will have to start demanding respect and not just assuming that because they are my friends, they will give it to me. I mean, it would be nice, but so far, it isn't happening yet. Maybe this is what they mean by 'magical thinking.'
@anniepa (24853)
• United States
7 Jan 08
I don't blame you one bit, I'd put him in his place so fast he wouldn't know what hit him! Drunk or not, that's no excuse. I'm surprised you didn't floor him! Annie
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15508)
• Turkmenistan
8 Jan 08
I am surprised that it did not affect me to the point that I wanted to floor him. But, I just think that it hast to do with the fact that I know him so well. They are both good guys, but I have to establish good boundaries in my relationships with men.
@sid556 (31030)
• United States
7 Jan 08
Sorry but it sounds like all of you guys have anger and limitation issues. Also it seems as if this touching inappropriatly problem is happening frequently with you with different people so either you are sending mixed messages or maybe just hanging with all the wrong people.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15508)
• Turkmenistan
7 Jan 08
You are right, there are a lot of people in this board and care that have serious anger issues. I imagine that may be some of the reason we live here.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Jan 08
Yell, scream make a seen do what ever you have to do to get it in these guys heads you do not what to be touched in the butt! When something like happens to me like that I say very loudly "EXCUSE ME!" and they tend to get very embarrassed. I have also said Excuse me you did not just touch me there did you? Man that gets them running in a hurry. I agree with you men have to learn we are not play toys to be touched whenever they want to cop a feel. I think you girlfriend needs help she can go to jail for being abusive. She can kill him in his weakened condition and be locked up for the rest of her life. She needs help with anger management. Yes he drinks but to me they both have a problem and need help.