Breaking the unspoken rule

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I just came from picking up a friend. This is a very special friend, in need of much TLC. A fragile self esteem, self conscious about her weight and with a soon to be ex-husband that left her with 4 small kids for her best friend just before Christmas. She smokes. Quite a lot, specially since Christmas.I think she is allowed the slip. Plus it's none of my business, really. But this discussion is not really about her, although there would be a lot to say, except indirectly. It's also not about smoking or not smoking. I hate that kind of discussion. People have their own ideas and I see no point in asking if it should or not be done, or if one should start or stop smoking, still I will be touching that subject as well. What is this discussion about? Well.. it did start when I picked up my friend at work. She had just put on her coat and was getting her purse while I waited just outside the room. As she turned to say good bye to her coworkers one of them commented loud about some sort of smell "OH of course - she almost yelled - it's your jacket and the smell of cigarettes!Oh Good, woman, it's awful!!!" Now, I don't know about you. I grew up with a set of unspoken rules that were actually loudly spoken to me: Don't tell your grandfather Alfredo that he looks like an elf, don't laugh at cousin Esmeralda's earings, and for Heaven's sake don't tell aunt Maria that her blouse smells like mothballs." "But ma... he does look like and elf, and cousin Esmeralda's earrings seem bigger than her. And I can't stand that smell from aunt Maria's clothes...""My dear, I guess we can all agree that uncle Alfredo looks a bit like an elf, but there is nothing he can do about it, and telling him so, will only hurt him. Do you want him to feel sad? True cousin Esmeralda doesn't have the best taste in the world, but she is a wonderful person and surely that's what counts. Aunt Esmeralda is old, hon. She is worried about her clothing getting holes from moths, so she uses mothballs on her drawers, that's how she learned how to deal with it. Telling those things to any of them would hurt their feelings, and they don't really deserve that."" So it's ok to lie, them? " " No, but sometimes when you don't have anything nice to say, maybe you should say nothing... And if the smell from the clothes bothers you, maybe you can stay just a bit behind, so it won't be so strong. But they are very happy for being here in your birthday, and there is no reason to make them feel sad."I remember this conversations often.That unspoken rule, that prevents us to ruin someone's day by telling the lady in the next house that she has bad teeth, the man that brought up our new sofa, that he smells, that your coworker put way too much perfume, or even that you know that that gas was passed by the only other person in the room - your boss:) People don't go around telling those things. But somehow when it comes to cigarettes there's no need to be tactful anymore. We're all so righteous that we can hurt their feelings because instead of bad breath or gas, it's the smell of cigarettes in someone's clothes. I"m not talking here about someone smoking in your face - that second hand smoke. I"m merely talking about the - in her case - faint smell of cigarette smoke on a coat. My friend said nothing, she just backed away and when we got home she put her coat on a basket for dry cleaning. But I saw she felt bad with that comment. She could, of course, have commented that maybe it wasn't her jacket but the armpits of the person that talked - I have been close to her enough times to have seconded the opinion - or maybe the perfume of the receptionist - something called " get your man... from 100 miles away" . But she said nothing, and just lowered her eyes as if she had been caught doing something wrong. She kept smelling her jacket as we were on the way to her home and was silent like no other day. She's my little chatterbox and she does not deserve to be hurt that way. She never smokes inside her home, she comes outside. She never smokes during her breaks at work. She's extremely respectful of others and either will move away or put out her cigarette if she's outside smoking and someone stops to talk to her or his close enough to be affected by the smoke. Why is it that the unspoken rule can be broken because we're dealing with smoking? Or obesity? WHo gives anyone else the right to be rude just because it's those two subjects we're talking about. I don't see anyone turning around and telling the lady at the bus stop that the colors she's wearing don't go well together, and that maybe she could use a bit less make up. I don't see anyone telling the girl with the greasy hair, that washing it every once in a while is beneficial. I don't hear anyone telling the teens with the bad language that washing their mouths with soap might cure the habit. But I hear the "YOu really shouldn't have that hamburger, lady" said to the slightly obese woman that is getting ready to bite into - what can be her first meal in the day. Or " with your weight, you shouldn't wear that skirt" to the coworker that they rarely see. And I see the woman fanning her hand in front of her nose to the men, that was actually nice enough to throw out his almost whole cigarette because he reached the bus stop and there are other people in the line. What gives people the right to be rude when it comes to these two things? Tact and politeness don't need to be observed because it's a cigarette, or a fat person?I know, I know, I"m ranting. But I"m sure I"m not the only person that observed this, or am I?