Self-care/nurturing activities what are your male/female perspectives on this?
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
January 24, 2008 2:47pm CST
As we have been sharing ideas on how guys/gals do and see things differently I could not help but wonder what your views are on the subject of self-care. By self-care I mean...soul satisfying 'breathing space' activities that we do to re-charge our batteries within the fast past lives we lead.
When David and I met he was unfamiliar with the concept of 'self-care.' He worked as a systems analyst for Hudson's Bay Company...and his idea of self-care was jumping out of plane and sky-diving...or playing soccer and banging his body up and breaking a few bones in the process. Not my idea of self-care..but hay...whatever works...right?
Then he met this 'new-agey' gal who began encouraging him to take better care of himself...and after some serious health challenges the past couple of years...by George he got it! And I am delighted that he has...most of all for himself...but because I love him and want to continue sharing the great life we have co-created for many more years.
Anyway he has figured out suits him. He enjoys solitary time where he will go into a quiet room and meditate...and rest as he feels the need to. He also likes to have an evening where he can load up on favorite munchies and watch wrestling, CFL football and upon occasion golf and baseball. He loves building things and has become a capable self-taught handyman. Playing computer games is another way of relaxing for him.
For me...I enjoy doing yoga with calming music, meditating in the cozy sanctuary in the attic, I have unit called the Chi Machine that helps to restore and balance energy in the body. Having a warm hot soak in our bubble jet tub with candles, incense and soft melodies in the background is very nurturing for me. Sitting in the garden, riding my bike and connecting with nature anytime, anywhere are all things I do to nurture myself.
So...how about you? What fits into your self-care choices...if you do them? If not...why? Do you think men are as comfortable as this idea as women...are their views changing? What have you noticed as differences in the way men/women approach it even if you are not into 'breathing space' activities for yourself? We already discussed the foods we love to indulge in...but this is about soul-satisfying indulgences where we can kick back and say; "Ahhhhhh....or Ohmmmmmm...whatever fits. To me I learned a lot about how to relax from our cats...they do it so well...as this photo of Teeh-Tooh shows!
Cheers,
Raia
5 people like this
7 responses
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
25 Jan 08
Well aside from exercising my cerebral juices here for nurturing my mind, I also read books!;)
For my body, I do extra-curricular activities that help stimulate my muscles and blood vessel to stay fit and healthy. I do some swimming, basketball, play ping-pong/table tennis and some breathing exercises.
I also enjoy aroma therapy, in which I can enjoy peacefulness and tranquility. I have found out that this also helps as I breathe in the positive auras of the scent and savor it's aroma, I find privacy in doing it and almost feels like I'm close to heaven!;)
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
I posted a comment in your section...because I do value your friendship...as you know. Yes, there are many scents...I like Lavender, Frankincense (good for meditation practices) Bergamont, Pink Grapefruit (for a mood elevator)...and quite a few others.
Interesting chat...who woulda thunk? Let me know if you discover something that really works for you..and it what capacity...and I will do the same. Learning curves and shared experiences. As you said in your discussion...why we love Mylot and our friends here.
Signing off soon...but we'll keep on chatting!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
Wow my friend...I am seeing a wonderful other side to you and I respect it...a lot. You have always come across as a well-rounded and balanced person. After reading the 'whole person approach' you have within your self-care activities...I can appreciate why.
I love using aroma oils too...and depending on my mood and what feels right I have a few favorites and combinations. I also use them in my warm bubble jet baths...and know what you mean...one cannot help but respond with a deep...."Ahhhhhhhh"...or as I said..."Ohmmmmmm"..or any other chord.
Great addition...wonderful to learn more about good friends like you...thanks for your interest and support. I visited your site so we can chat there as well.
Raia
2 people like this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
30 Jan 08
I don't mind having someone around me... as long as they don't start asking me to do this and that.
I do love peace and quiet and I pretty much like doing my own things when I feel like doing them.
Mylot is a relaxing place for me... where I can actually talk to someone for the sake of talking... without any involvement or commitments.
Besides that... I watch a DVD everyday when I need time out from the computer. I just watched Apocalypto. It was not what I expected... but at the same time... there was a couple of messages in there.
1) Man has always been cruel since the beginning of times. And whatever atrocity man does today... is nothing compared to what they used to do. Actually... the killings in this film reminded me of Hitler and the genocide of the Jews.
2) The mass killings in this film takes place in the name of God and religion. Which goes to prove the point that religion has never been a good thing.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
It is great to hear from some men on this topic. Self-care used to be something my father would have scoffed at for himself and his peers. These days it is something more guys are familiar with and I think that is great. Maybe with more self-care they will start to live longer instead of the gap that has existed between life expectancy between the genders.
Your views about organized religion echo mine as well. Any religion that promotes hatred, judgment and the persecution of others in the name of God does prove your point...that type of dogma never has...nor will it ever be a good thing.
Hope you and Bobcat continue to take care of each other!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
Peace and quiet...yes, that is my idea of relaxation too. Good to hear men responding to this discussion. Hopefully if more men develop self-care techniques they will live longer and reduce the gap between the lifespan of men and women.
You and I are on the same page with the idea that any organized religion that promotes, hatred, judgment and killing others in the name of God is definitely not a good thing.
Hope you and Bobcat are enjoying some relax time...and taking care of each other.
Raia
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12645)
• United States
25 Jan 08
Thats something I don't do and need to do. I do find that most of my time on the computer is relaxing, specially when playing games on Pogo. In the summer its easier, I can get in my pool and float around. I don't have time for just me time. I have a lively house filled with people and animals. It does seem like I am always doing for them, but that is part of who I am. I take care of everyone. I do have quiet time in the morning, before everyone gets up, but then the animals are wanting my attention. I am going to remember your words and try to find some time for me, to just do whatever.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
Hi Polly...I appreciate your perspective and honesty about how challenging it can be for loving people who are care-givers to others to create breathing spaces for themselves. However...in our work as life coaches we encourage both men and women toset some boundaries even for just a little while each day so they can re-charge their batteries too.
No one can run on empty without eventually have the depletion of their life force create some imbalances...and sometimes even illness. The body wants to survive...and when we don't give it time to 'fuel up' it will find a way to slow us down. Believe me both David and I have experienced that. Now we guard our time and make sure we are attuned to our needs even though we work in a helping profession. Remember the Golden Rule...treat others like ourselves...so giving out to others is great...but every now and again we all need to give to ourselves too.
Just my perspective of course...but it sure works when you can do it!
Take as good care of yourself as you do with everyone else!
Raia
2 people like this
@zeloguy (4911)
• United States
24 Jan 08
I think that we all have our different ways of self-care. Although I believe we all need our quiet time, nurturing our bodies may be completely different depending on what our likes and dislikes are.
For example, someone may use sports as an outlet for stress while others may knit or sew. One is completely different than another but both do the same thing for different people.
Quiet time and reflection are what make us stand out. The ability to look back and see what we have done and then from that make decisions that will (hopefully) better our lives.
As we grow older we also change the ways we self-reflect and the time we take to do so.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
Thanks for your friend acceptance...and I am looking forward to more chats...I have enjoyed the ones we've already had.
Your analysis of how there are as many different ways to take care of ourselves as there are people. I also respect your comments..."The ability to look back and see what we have done and then from that make decisions that will (hopefully) better our lives. As we grow older we also change the ways we self-reflect and the time we take to do so." They not only true..but very insightful. Much appreciated!
Raia
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
Hi perspectives, My self care is quite different now that I've retired and grown a little older. I do like to take walks and enjoy nature. I love all life and try not to harm any living thing. I reflect a lot and spend some time reading and in meditation. I'm often happiest when I am writing, whether it's poetry, or prose, I always feel like I'm creating something and for me that's good. Blessings.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
Hello...your responses here are always insightful to read. When I dropped by your site and commented on your poetry I was impressed with how good you are. I understand your love of writing...it is a creative pursuit alright.
There is a certain wisdom that comes with age...and like you the frenetic pace I once kept in outwardly driven activities is now more balanced with inner contemplation, yoga, meditation and other creatively satisfying activities.
Thanks for your input...and friendship.
Raia
1 person likes this
@cordacs99 (15)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
Some people like to take vactions, some like food, I like electronics, DVD, Computers all the bells and whistles. And for when I get a head ache from over using all the above, I count on quiet time to myself.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
Ah yes, quiet time. That is what Aussies said he enjoys too. For many...including me that is a great way to center and create some breathing space. Thanks for dropping by...I am rather amazed that more men than women responded to this discussion. Who would have thunk? Yes, we need to move away from stereotypical thinking...because obviously men are getting the hang of self-care. Great...hopefully it will prolong all your lives and the quality of it too!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Winter08 (441)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Self-care ... not something I do well at all.
My "dream" self-care:
An extended weekend (or 3 to 4 days in mid week) at a spa that has salt water pools/hot springs, massage, walking/sitting aries (i.e. gardens, etc.).
A spring/summer holiday to a small vacation resort that has really good walking/hiking trails and a restaurant with a variety food ... salads, burgers, soups, pasta, veggies.
A slow, meandering exploration of small-town bed and breakfasts, museums, fairs/festivals.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
31 Jan 08
Although I have a lot of self-care things here at home...bubble jet tub, infra red sauna, hammock, exercise equipment, sanctuary to meditate in...I still love to do the kinds of things you have presented here.
Do you want to do them alone...or could a friend tag along when it feels right. Love to share some of them with you! Thanks for your input here...look forward to more chats!
Raia
1 person likes this
