Telling your sin before God, but does it have to be before man

@suspenseful (40316)
Canada
January 29, 2008 2:20pm CST
I have done some bad things during my life, and I have asked God for forgiveness, that is confessed my sins as far as the ones I remembered. And some of them have been doozies. Now before I married I went through a wild period of trying to get guys interested in me marriage wise and felt that, well I had s*x. I confessed that all to God, but when I tried to tell my husband he just knew about the first incident and did not want to know about the others. Now I find that as a result of that first sin, I could not give birth to children after marriage. Now should I have confessed all those other incidents to my husband and would that have resulted in God forgiving me and granting me my own birth children? Or would it have made a bad thing even worse?
10 people like this
25 responses
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
29 Jan 08
If your husband doesn't want to know the rest of your past, then don't tell him. Maybe he gets hurt too for you, so he prefers not to know at all. If he'll ask you why you can't give him a child, then answer straightforward but in a nice way. God has forgiven you but there are things we have done in life that might have damaged ourselves and God cannot just undo it. Just try to pray harder and seek professional help hel. As the saying here in the Philippines, God will bless and help you but you must be the one to do something about what you want to do.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
He knows why I cannot get pregnant. We adopted, but we only got two - twins, and when we went to try to get some more, we got a new social worker who decided that I could not handle any more children because when she asked me if I would mind if my daughter had an illegitimte child, I said no. I think she felt that because I was a bad girl myself, I should not mind. I also acted more like a natural mother instead of being cold like adopted mothers are suppposed to be.
2 people like this
@chrysz (1603)
• Philippines
30 Jan 08
How old are your twins anyway? I think the social worker did not consider only your answer if its ok that your daughter will have an illegit child because any mom would not want that for her daughter to happen but of course, if that happenen, your daughter will always be your daughter. In cases of adoption, there are a lot of things that they consider. I guess you are well-off since you are able to adopt to at once. Maybe now is not yet the right time for you to adopt a new child. You can try it again someday.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
My twins were three months and we were the third choice. My husband's youngest sister had an illegitimate child and I said we could adopt hers since she gave it up for adoption (she since married and has three of her own, that she gave birth to - me, well I guess what I did was too horrible that God did not grant me any of my own or cured me of that horrible disease soon enough!) but my husband was against the idea. And I am too much of an agreeable person. I have since learned to fight, but it is too late.
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jan 08
you asked God to forgive you and the Bible says he forgives us of our sins when we go to him with a repentent heart. Your husband has told you he didn't want to hear about your past, and I don't believe telling him would have made a difference in God's willingness to forgive you. Did you ever have an abortion? Possibly that's why you haven't been able to have more children??? I don't know. I do not believe God is denying you children because of your sins. He is a loving God, not a punishing God.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
I had a miscarriage after I married, and then I went to the doctor who told me that I had been pregnant before but it seemed they never came to -(I had heavy periods, but I guess they never developed). He checked me out and said that my tubes were twisted because I had gotten an std. He tried to fix it, but it did not work. I had a long period of time before I had s*xual relations and because when I was 17 I got pregnant the first time, it would have been easy when I got married.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan 08
You can write them a letter to get it off your chest. Then you can put them in your "God" box if you have one or burn them. A "God" box is a simple creation. You can use a shoe box or other container. Write down anything you want to give God. Symbolically, you are letting go and letting God have it. Lay your burdens at Jesus's feet. That's just a suggestion.
3 people like this
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
29 Jan 08
I believe that we just need to confess our sins to God. now if you have sinned against another person say gossiped and caused that person to lose his job then you need to confess to that person. You tried to tell your husband and he didn't want to hear about the other men. You have done all you could there. I also believe that we have to live with the consequences of those sins. A man murders another person. He can ask God to forgive him but he still has to go to prison. I believe that your confessing those other men to your husband would not have changed ant thing. God forgives us but we still have to live with the results of those sins. He doesn't always take those results away.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Actually I cannot have any more children unless God performs a miracle and I am sure not nice like possibly Sarah and Elizabeth were.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35034)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Personally I feel there are some things in our life that are Best left alone, and only God should be the one to know about them. I feel when we as Christians choose to ask for Forgiveness when are Baptized in his name, he takes these things, and hides them under the Blood to forget them and never be brought up again. I know it is sometimes hardest thing to do is forgive ourselves and learn to move on. But when we can do this in life, we are a way better person afterall.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
I find it hard to forgive myself.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
to be honest I don't think one thing has to do with another, your inability to have children would still be there even if you were a saint, it is a biological issue that affects good people as well as bad. don't be hard on yourself, you can't mix a medical condition with a moral one, they are to separate issues. Your husband didn't want to know more so you have nothing to feel bad about
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Thanks. My infertility was part my fault. If it were just a biological condition, then God would have granted me an ability, like maybe me being good with lots of children, like as a teacher or a missionary and have the financial means to pursue that ambition.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
30 Jan 08
"don't be hard on yourself, you can't mix a medical condition with a moral one, they are to separate issues" Yea I fully agree...and I was going to post that but I think what you said came out so much better than how I would have probably worded it and with it being such a painful issue I htink I'll just chime in and say I agree with you... As for the whole confessing sins thing...the ONLY person you need to confess ANYTHING to is god....You made the attempt to speak to your husband, he made his position clear. Leave it at that....Only god needs your confession, bottomline thats all that matters is you have it straight without a doubt, wiht him..
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Thank you. It made me feel better.
1 person likes this
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Hey s, I don't believe you need to confess your sins to man only to your Father God.Psalm 32:5 I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. I also believe that if you take your mind off trying to conceive a child you may have a better chance to conceive or have you thought about fostering or adpotion? Also, some things are better left unsaid so lightening your load by telling your husband a bit but keeping the rest between you and God may have been for the best. +'s :)
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
3 Jun 08
We have adopted, but and here is the problem. When I am at a social gathering, the other real mothers and grandmothers and even the teenagers who are taking babysitting get a chance to hold the new baby or the almost new baby. Now that could be another subject, but had I given birth,they would not have felt reluctant because they had no idea whether I really wanted children or not or only wanted the two I adopted. I confessed my sins before God, and I am forever bringing up things that I had just remember, so what else can I do?
2 people like this
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
5 Jun 08
s, you are the real mother-I have placed two children w/ adoptive families & I know that even though I am the actual birth mother those children have "mothers" that are not me- don't let satan try to get at you w/ lies -satan will use any tool he can to try & bring you down,weaken your faith & make you feel less than the wonderful person God made you. I say what you should do is everyday hug & kiss your babies & thank God for the gifts he has given you. ++ :)
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
5 Jun 08
I did that when they were small. Now I have a granddaughter. So I should not listen to those who say I am not a real mother. I am.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan 08
remember Jesus words about prayer or confession (Matt.6:6. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thine inner chamber, and having shut thy door, pray to thy Father who is in secret, and thy Father who seeth in secret shall recompense thee. )
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Thank you, that makes me feel better.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan 08
you are most we3lcome the only ones we have to answer to areourselv3es and our God
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
23 Jul 08
It does make me wonder why when God has forgiven me, why I still could not get pregnant. It is as if I have to do something great, or something to further hurt myself and when it did happen, the pregnancy out of wedlock, it seemed that my life was ruined. I could not meet a nice guy and get married even after I gave up the baby, I did not know I was infertile until after I was married and that was ten years later. I mean it was as if things were designed to keep me from having children and it was a miracle that we were able to adopt. Why we had to move to Saskatoon and adopt there, and my husband's family lived there and that gave me the feeling well they allowed the adoption because of my husband whereas in Vancouver they did not allow it because I had lived most of my life in Vancouver.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
31 Jan 08
THere are things some men just dont want to know about . and If your god is a loving one he forgave ya before ys asked. I dont think what happened in the past had any thing to do with god punishing you for it. Its just the way it all turned out.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
25 May 08
My husband does not want to know about it. I tried telling him when I first married, and there are somethings I do not want to tell him. I think it is because the way my father treated me as when I did something he went all balastic in scolding me. So I am rather wary to tell my husband as my dad liked him very much. I hope it was because their ancestors both were farmers and German, and not because they had the same personalities.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
26 May 08
well if he did want to listen then he wont now and sometimes its best not to tell all just put it aside and try to forget it all. hugs
2 people like this
@magnet (2087)
• United States
30 Jan 08
I believe that I should only confess my sins to God. God will forgive me for my sins if I confess to him and repent, but if I confess sins to people then I leave room for them to gossip and think differently of me no matter how much I have changed from the past. I feel like it's none of their business. The bible says that we all have sinned and came short of his glory so the only thing that I will confess to a person is that I have sinned but I'm not going to tell you what I did. That's for God to judge. I don't want people confessing to me I would rather them work it out with God. I believe that if you truely repented for your sin that you asked God to forgive you for then he already forgave you. You are not being punished for not being able to have children after marriage. Maybe there was just a different plan.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
I do not like telling other people. When I gave up my child, I was told to not tell anybody, but that left me with a dilema, and made it hard for me to find a husband because I felt if I told, and I had the stretch marks to prove I was not a virgin when i married, that he would reject me.
1 person likes this
@magnet (2087)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Have you ever been in contact with your child since then? I understand where you are coming from. I know of someone who was in a similar situation, but she was forced to give up her child. We all made mistakes in the past. I wish that I could go back and change some things that I did that I am not so proud of. Men these days are so much different now. They don't care if a woman is a virgin before marriage.
2 people like this
• India
30 Jan 08
confession - pray to god
Hi suspenseful, God is great . God can do all miracles which medical science cannot do. So keep praying to god, Yu have alredy confessed to god and hope he will give you courage and confidence to you to confess in front of your partner, and tell him about all past incidence pls do not keep him in dark, if he realy loves you than he will accept you as you are. than it will the turn of god and you may have your own children. Iam sure if you did not tell all incidents and keep him in dark than life will be worst for you. Have self cofidence and move a head, Almighty god is with you.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
I told my husband that I had a lived a wild life and he accepted that, I tried to tell him that my boyfriend was not the only one I had s*x with, but he did not want to hear it. I do not think I should have to give dates and details, then not being a Christian, well I do not know what my husband would do.
2 people like this
• India
30 Jan 08
Hi suspenseful you have already confess to the god and confessed to your husband and even you wanted to clarify it in more details but he didnot want to listen than live it up to him. You have told him what you can tell now Please have patience and wait for his reaction almighty god is with you and god knows that you has not hided any thing from your husband. Live it upto the god every thing will be favourable. good luck
2 people like this
@sun2day (1063)
• Virgin Islands (U.S.)
3 Jun 08
No matter what sins you have committed before having your husband. There is one who is greater than us all and the Forgiver of ALL SINS. Your sins are already FORGIVEN. Psalm 32 verse 1 says" Blessed is he whose trangression is forgiven,and whose sin is covered. So you see your sins are already covered by Jesus Christ the only Son of God. Pray and ask him to help you in these difficult times. If you dont mind Yon can choose to read the Story about The woman Hannah. 1Samuel Chapter 1 Verses 1-18. She wanted a child and God bleesed her with Samuel. So if your husband choose not to hear anything, maybe it hurts for you to tell him more about your past, so if I were you I would not tell him anymore, but be to him the best wife you can ever be. God bless you both.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
5 Jun 08
I will do that, but he is very fussy. He had this perfect mother who never done anything wrong. Come again, she was not watching the pot on the stove and my husband's older brother tipped it on himself. He now wears a beard. But I guess because she was a perfect housekeeper then that was all right. Hannah was a good woman, and I doubt that her husband would have married her if she were not a virgin. I doubt her situation is applicable to me, but I will trust in God and keep praying and keep my whole past history of my wild past from my husband since he does not want to hear about it.
1 person likes this
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Jesus tells us that only way to the kingdom of God is through Jesus, not men... I believe confession works same... When you confess & ask for forgiveness, it's through Jesus, not your husband... That being said, it would a personal preference if you wanna tell your husband... If you tried & he doesn't wanna know about it? Well, I guess you can respect that... If you still feel the need to talk to your husband about it, maybe you guys can go to a Christian counslor & talk about it...
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
3 Jun 08
I do not want to bring it up, and he is not a believer. That is why I was relieved he did not want to hear about all my bad past. Then when I heard of some of my friends waiting so long for a birth child, I wondered if that was because they were virgins when they married or whether it was because they were not afraid to tell their husbands anything. It does say to confess your sins before each other, and that does confuse me since my evil bad horrible sin was done before I was really a Christian.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Well if your husband is not that comfortable in knowing all the details I think you don't need to to feel that you are relieve from the sins which you think you have confessed and ask forgiveness from them. If you are a Catholic you could do that by doing the sacrament of penance. if you are not maybe you could try you local minister or if not consulting a therapist about it would definitely help. I think you are relying too much on your conscience. I do believe that you should calm yourself down and believe that He has forgiven you and go and live and be happy with the blessings that you have. You have a wonderful and understanding husband who has accepted you and your past. Be gratefuil with what you have and am pretty sure if you become aware of that you will live a much happier person than what you are now.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
3 Jun 08
I just want to know if the reason why I was not granted my birth children after marriage was that may be I should confess all I did wrong. My husband has not asked me, how many, etc. and he has not wanted to know and knowing him, I know that he was right in not wanting to know, he is the kind that believes that once you are, you always are =- like easily fooled, etc. So I do not want to do something or say something that would make him think worse of me.
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
26 May 08
I was taught that god forgives all that is all you have to do is ask,so since you confessed you should have been forgiven,confessing all the others to your husband would not have gotten you the forgiveness you are looking for and I really don't think God has held it against you.Have a great evening.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
26 May 08
That is nice to know. I was also taught to confess your sins before man and I felt rather embarrassed when I belonged to that 2 X 2 church and I found that those who confessed sins such as one lady had been a mistress to a rich man and had a child by him was not forgiven. And she was not the only one who had done a grevious sin and was not forgiven. It seemed all their talk of forgiveness was a sham. The church I go to now does forgive and those who did commit sins and ask for forgiveness are once again allow full membership in the church. In fact last year I was at a wedding of a girl who had an illegitimate child and she was not even marrying the father. That would never have happened in the 2 x 2 church I attended when I was in my twenties. So you see, why I am still reticent by confessing my sins before man and now I know that I only have to confess them before God.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 08
God is Sovereign!! Remember when Rachel begged Jacob to give her children? What was his response to her? I can not give you what only God can. (paraphrased that) We NEVER deserve anything good God does in our lives. It is all a result of what Jesus Christ did on the Cross for us. Without His blood we could not stand before a Holy God and be clean. Now You are to confess your SIns to God, your faults(I worry too much) to one another. Your husband does not need to know all of that other stuff because that is not who you are now. I am so thankful God does not judge us based on our past! Remember it rains on the just as well as the unjust; in other words a physical condition does not equate sin or evil in your life. It is just a fact of life. WE go through things with his grace upon us to bear these trials. Don't think God is punishing you! He loves us and will draw us closer to Him by allowing us to go through things we don't understand. Just continue to live for Him, teach those babies about Him and see what else He provides for you.
@drrt_801 (116)
• Philippines
30 Jan 08
wow, this is a tough one. I was in a different but the same scenario. The first one was accidentally revealed and I was forgiven but it was all too hard at the beginning. There were times that we recall it and then she would cry and be quiet for awhile. I mean, it was almost a year ago when it happened and we seldom talk about it now. I was glad that she found out about it. I knew from then that she really loved me because she accept me even though I have already betrayed her. Maybe what I am trying to say is if your marriage is based on Love and not just the papers, you should tell him. take the risks of all those punishments. if he forgives you then good. if not, let it move on. It is hard keeping something from the one you love. and if you truly love your husband. you should be honest to him. Now, it is up to your husband how to react to it. And you should accept it. That is what we call consequence. No sin gets unpunished. just my thought. you decide.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
25 May 08
I have already been punished. I have been unable to get pregnant. I did hint that I had a wild past, and I did tell him about the baby and he knew I had non specific gonnerea and although it was probably caused by my first love, it could have happened during the time when I was trying to get God to find me a husband and had to show him how desperate I was. I do not have enough money to move out and if he did, even though I could get married again after that, he would take all the stocks etc. I do not want to tell him as he does not want to hear about my past. He knows I was not a good girl, but I am hoping that God says it is all right not to reveal all to my husband. I think that if I said I had a wild life, that will explain all.
1 person likes this
@baronarthur (4188)
• Indonesia
30 Jan 08
If you are a truly Christian, before you confess it, God has forgiven you. I can't see the connection between your confession to your husband and God will grant you a child. If God wanted you having children, He will give to you even though you are a sinner. If your husband didn't want to hear the other sins, do not push him. Because there is no relationship between your confession to him and having a baby.. Just thank God for every opportunity, for your husband and learn from your mistakes.. If God wants you having a baby, nothing is impossible. But if God doesn't want to give it, He knows what's the best for you..
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
It is if God does not want me to get pregnant, is it because I am like that horrible woman who drowned all her children? I do not want that to be the reason. And my gynocologists after examining me said that I would probably only give birth to monsters. And that hurt.
1 person likes this
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
30 Jan 08
If you have asked forgiveness from the heart, i believe that God has forgiven you. But you also have to forgive yourself. In committing sin, we bear the consequences of those sins even after we have been forgiven. Being unable to conceive is just a consequence of the sins that you made. God doesn't actually punish us because God is all loving and forgiving. You also have to forgive yourself and tell the truth. As they said, guilt could hinder you to go forward. Subconsciously, you may have felt guilty because you have not told your husband the whole truth. All i can say, is to keep on praying because miracles do happen. God loves you.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
My husband does not want to hear it, I tried to tell him before and I hinted that I had lived a wild life, but he just accepted it.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
30 Jan 08
You need to realize that only God can forgive you of your sins, not man. Whether you tell man or not is totally irrelevant and not always necessary. Also, you need to realize that God is a miracle worker. By that I mean, you may think that you can never have children...but God can restore and heal anything and everything. There have been cases where people have tied, cut, burned, you name it to their tubes and miraculously they were put back together as if the surgery had never been done. YOu have to have faith and pray. God isn't punishing you for you past. if you have asked Him for forgiveness and truly meant it, then God doesn't even remember the sin you committed in the first place. Every sin that God forgives is wiped away and He has no memory of it. Keep the faith and pray. Good luck to you and God bless
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
I do have faith that God will create a miracle but I am not a good person.
1 person likes this
30 Jan 08
Have a faith in god.God is great.he loves all of us.As some one say's "Only one sacrifice clear our all sins of life" Its true and also If you look to the god he looks to you.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Jan 08
Thank you. That made me feel better.
1 person likes this