What do you do when your child WON'T STAY in time-out?

@miamilady (4924)
United States
March 28, 2008 3:22pm CST
My family is pretty much past the time-out stage. We've graduated to grounding and...taking away the cell phone or taking away online privileges. But, after reading some other discussions and responses to one of my other discussions, I was remember when they were younger and we used time-out. There were a number of times when my daughter (especially) just would NOT stay in timeout! There was no MAKING her stay either. Duct tape would have been nice (i'm joking), but I was pretty sure that would be either illegal or just too cruel. So, I'm just wondering... For those of you who use time out with your children. Have you ever had a time when your child just wasn't gonna stay? How did you/do you handle it?
5 people like this
18 responses
@sedel1027 (17868)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Well the way the SuperNanny would do it it that every time the child got up, she would walk over to them, pick them up (not say a word) and put them back in time out - as many times as needed. That is pretty much what I use to do with my son, but I would talk. I am a softie though.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Supernanny! lol My son has nightmares about that woman! Just kidding, but he has said "mom please don't call her!" I don't think my kids are quite as difficult as some of those kids, but they have certainly had their moments. Does supernanny have children of her own. Some of her advice is good, but some of it, I think is a little unrealistic at times. Thanks for the response!
@sedel1027 (17868)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I don't think she has kids of her own but has something like 30 years experience as a Nanny. We have tried a few thing with my son and they have worked really well. I like watching that show because it gives a good perspective on how kids should and should not be handled.
• United States
6 May 08
I also use the SuperNanny method and we are still working on it but it seems to be effective. Also, She teaches to put your child in time out for 1 minute for each year of how old they are. Like for instance a 3 year old would have time out for 3 minutes. When they are young though, Even 30 seconds is almost forever!
• United States
28 Mar 08
Well I dont have children personally but I think I am an expert on this because I babysat for 8 years. Since it wasn't my place to spank the children I would place them in "time-out" with their nose in the corner. If they didnt stay I would keep putting them back in the corner and their time would be extended by FIVE minutes each time. And it really worked because after the first few times of getting extensions they learned that I wasn't playing games.
@Kecia08 (554)
• United States
28 Mar 08
I don't have children of my own, but I have worked in a day care center that used time out as punishment. I agree with you, some children just refuse to stay in time out. I watch Super Nanny a lot to learn new ways of dealing with unruly children, and she emphasizes time out in almost every episode. She recommends the time be 1 minute for every year of the child's age. There should be a designated area in the house that is time out, and the children should ALWAYS be placed there when they are being punished. If they get up and try to get out of time out, they should be placed back in there, the first time the parent should say "You are in time out for X minutes." After that, every time the child gets out, you should silently place them back in. No matter have many times you have to do this, you should not give up. Some families spent 2-3 hours placing their child back in time out before they realize that they are going to have to sit there for the certain amount of time, and they will eventually give in.
• United States
28 Mar 08
No disrespect to nanny 911, but if I have to put my child back in time out for 2-3 hours before they stay, I guarantee a swat on their butt is going to be their punishment. That is absurd, and a waste of time.
1 person likes this
@Kecia08 (554)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Being persistent shows the child you mean what you say and do, and that you are not going to back down. It's a lot more effective at showing them who is the boss than physical punishment...in my opinion anyways.
• United States
28 Mar 08
I am sorry but what full time working parent has 2-3 hrs to repeatedly put their child in time out. One swat on the but with a firm voice will show you mean business just as good as letting the child win by putting them in and out of timeout for 3 hrs. Dont you think they might find that just a bit amusing. I suppose in a daycare that is what you would have to do. It is not what I would do at home
1 person likes this
@rev1wendy (613)
• United States
29 Mar 08
I raised three children. They are now 27, 26, & 25. Which means there was a time they were 5, 4, & 3,etc. My daughter was the oldest and a dream to raise. Then came the boys. I used the corner for time out. I can remember standing behind my oldest son for 15-20 min. until he would settle down. At around 12 or so, I stopped using the time out. But when my oldest got rude with me, in front of his friends, at about 14 almost 15 years old, I made him stand in the corner for a half hour while his friends had to wait for him. Low and behold, the boy found a whole pile of respect in that corner. Enough to use with me for at least the next year. We still talk about that day. Especially now that his son is almost 7 and checking those bounderies.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Great story. I'd love to hear more about what he had to say about that day. Was it the embarassment in front of his friends that did the trick? Or something about your no-nonsense approach?
• United States
29 Mar 08
Both. He said he has yet to be that embarassed and he is 26. Also, he tells his kids, with a laugh, "Don't mess with your grandma. She don't play." He was my headache. Middle child syndrom. whatever. He was a pathalogical naughty boy for 15 years. lol I love him dearly. I am honored to be his mother.
@smacksman (6076)
29 Mar 08
Sorry, but it is way too late to think about discipline now and you are in for the ride of your life with rampant teenagers. I don't envy you. If they are not 'house trained' by 10 or 12 you've had it! A firm smack on the butt when they are two is a good start with a few more reminders in later years as they try to push the boundaries of acceptable behaviour. It is 'old fashioned' I know, but it works a lot better than modern ideas that we can see in our society today simply don't work.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
29 Mar 08
lol! YOu remind me of my older sister! Her children are older than mine so she's always two steps ahead of me in life. Instead of saying stuff, like "they calm down as they get older" She would say stuff like "just wait, it gets worse!" As far as "too late"? It is not as though I didn't discipline them as children. I did. I had some success with it. They aren't complete barbarians! I just happen to have an extremley headstrong daughter who, I truly think, will always be that way no matter what form of discipline I would have used with her. I'm not saying this about you...but I think that's the one thing that gets to me about people who like to "blame the parents" always for the behavior of their children. Of course, parenting does play a major factor in how a person turns out, but the person's "nature" also plays a huge factor! I won't claim that I have been the "perfect" parent. There is no such thing! But, I think I've done a pretty good job, and yet, I still have one child that is stubborn and probably a bit narcisistic among other things and another child that has major issues with insecurity. I just keep doing the best I can. And yes, even I, sometimes see a child who is out of control and think to myself that the parent is at least somewhat responsible and doing things differently. I freely admit that my "theories" are often contradictory.
• United States
28 Mar 08
I have two children, one who is more cooperative than the other. My son is past the time out stage, but he used to sit in time out fine. My daughter on the other hand, who is 3 almost 4, is a stubborn little thing. There are two things that i find very effective with her in regards to punishment. One is if she is put in time out, comes out more than three times and is returned, we have a gate we put in front of her door so she has to stay there. I can see her at all times, and she is in no way in danger. Two she hates to be ignored, so if she is really carrying on a good tantrum, I say to her I am ignoring you, until you can act normal. And I ignore her completely, again she is usually in the same room with me and completely safe. It doesnt last long, maybe two minutes, and the tantrum is over, and she goes to sit in time out as she was requested to do. I have to admit when I first started this I thought she was going to beat me. The screaming and crying and whining was awful. Now she knows I mean business, and tantrums are very very rare. Thank goodness I know how to count to like 500 lol.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
29 Mar 08
It's great that you found something that works for you. Yes, kids are very different from eachother! Thanks for your response.
@Hatley (164027)
• Garden Grove, California
7 May 08
when time out did no longer work, losing computer time sure did. no computer for an hour and I stood firm. it worked.
@DavidReedy (2411)
• United States
5 May 08
This won't make me popular in today's standards... But, frankly, if a kid won't behave--spank 'em. And put 'em to bed. They'll know you mean business then. DR...
@mummymo (23709)
30 Mar 08
I actually prayed for a length of rope at one point my friend - you are not alone there! My daughter too was the worst but I was just as determined as she was and it took a lot of time and a lot of patience but I just kept returning her to where she had to stay and telling her she had to stay there for such and such a time and that the more she refused the longer she would be there ! There were many times where we had very late lunches/dinners etc but eventually when she was put into time out she would stay for the alloted time. Don't know if it was coincidental or connected but at the same time she started to accept she had to stay in time out she nedded to do it very rareley! xxx
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
30 Mar 08
I would give them a smack on the bottom if they didn't stay in time out..Of course I did the minute for every age, like at a year old they only stayed there 1 minute and 2 years old, 2 minutes, so really when they were that young, the 1 smack is all it took and by the time they were 4-5, they didn't need time out, but either a talking to or taking things away came into the picture..
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
30 Mar 08
well I never had time out with my kids they got a spanking hand right on the butt no sasing or back talk and they never did it again! That was before y acouldnt correct your kids!
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
30 Mar 08
I have tried time outs but I also discovered that you can only use this for a few minutes at a time. Too long and they get fidgey or start looking for something to do. Plus when I put my kids in time out, I spent all my time making sure they stayed. I caught them frequently getting into more trouble. Then it gets to a point where you have to figure out a way to make them be still where you can watch them. Then I would resort to making them do a chore that was easy or useless. Sweep the kitchen floor. Count the number of forks in the drawer. fold towels. They usually hated having to actually do work.
@winterose (39929)
• Canada
29 Mar 08
you have to establish who is boss and put them back even it if means doing it 100 times. I suggest getting dr. phil's book.
@cadri4n (45)
• United States
29 Mar 08
It once took me over an hour to have my godson sit in time out. My son is pretty good at it, he doesn't get put there very often but when he does, he cries and pouts but stays. My godson who is a little more rebellious, sometimes refuses, but the best thing to do... is to just keep trying I think. Otherwise they get the message that next time they get put on timeout, there's a chance you might let him out.
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
29 Mar 08
Actually I never had a problem with my kids doing their time outs when they were younger...BUT...I have a very loud voice which to this scares the crap out of them AND they (still to this day) don't like when mum is mad and stressed..so they'd do their time and not cross me on it...
@biwasaki (1745)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Someone told me that since young children have a short attention span, it is best to put them in time out for a minute of each year of their age. If they're 4, then a 4 minute time out, etc, etc. This seemed to be pretty effective for me and I didn't have to worry about them trying to sneak off. Also, I've started having my 5 year old regulate her own time outs. If she is in time out for bad behavior then she has to sit and think about what she did and why it was not such a good thing to do. When she can come to me and tell me what she did wrong and why it was wrong, then her time out is over. This seems to work pretty well for her and she hardly ever repeats the bad behavior.
28 Mar 08
I am always surprised at how good mine are. If I ask them to stop doings omething and they won't I am always suprised when they stop doing it to go to the naughty corner. I have no idea why it works but it just always does.
@gemini_rose (16194)
28 Mar 08
I do not use time out on mine, if they are being naughty I just send them to their room and this is enough for them to know that I am mad with them. It is not very often I lose my rag, its usually dad that does that and they take no notice of him, as my 7 year old said he is all hot air. But they know when I have had enough and they do not need to be told twice to get upstairs. I tell them not to bother coming back down until they can behave and be nice. They always come down about half an hour later and apologise too.