Think Hard: Is it okay with you?

baby - baby and his dad
Philippines
April 16, 2008 12:38pm CST
For those who doesn't want to have a child then it is no big deal but what if you dream of having a child in the future with someone you really love but it turns out... Your partner can't give you one... not because they don't want to.. but because, they can't have a child... How would you feel? Is it okay with you? Will you reconsider?
13 people like this
46 responses
@livewyre (2455)
18 Apr 08
I think marriage should be primarily about your relationship not just to have a family. If you love someone then you accept them in 'sickness and health' whether they can have children or not. My wife and I didn't have children for the first 10 years of our marriage, because that was not why we got married. however now we have a beautiful little girl and we are tremendously blessed.
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
You are actually right! That is marriage should be all about... I hope that all people who marry will always remember the "for sickness and health"... Thank you so much for your response!
@livewyre (2455)
19 Apr 08
Thank you for the best response
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
You are most welcome.
@Esoteric1 (866)
• Canada
17 Apr 08
Personally I have a twelve year old son, so I can't really imagine not being able to have a child. Either because I cannot have one, or because my spouse cannot. I would think it would depend on the strength of the relationship. As I can see how that would be a very hard thing for a couple to deal with. If the relationship is strong and true there are other ways to have a child. One could adopt for just one example, there are a few other. I do not know them all but if I were faced with that situation, I would look into it further.
• Philippines
17 Apr 08
Thank you for the comment!
• Philippines
17 Apr 08
I want to have kids someday, so my answer is its not okay for me. :P
• United States
2 May 08
What if you were the one who was unable to have children, would you want your spouse to say they weren't okay with you now because they wanted children and you cant give that to them?
• India
17 Apr 08
No! Never. I married with my partener because I love her. I even can't imagine the life without her. So what if your patner can't give u a child. Just tell me, before falling in love or getting married with your partner u ever heard about it that any person make sure that his partener can able to give birth . I dont think that u ever heard about it. For me, if it happend with me,deffinateley i feel bad that i can't have my own child but to have my own child i can not sacrifice my wife.I can't even think in my dreams also. I will choose the second option and u know that. yes I will go for adoption.
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Yes, you are very right. Adoption is the best option since there are lots of kids who needs love. Thank you for your insight. Much appreciated.
• India
30 Apr 08
thanks. whatever I said that was my real feeling.
16 Apr 08
If it was true love then of course it would have to be ok. I would definitely adopt. I don't see any problems at all in adopting (except perhaps the hassle some people have found in applying). I could love any child as my own I think as long as I had them from a young age. It would be a different matter though if my partner actually didn't want kids...!
• Philippines
16 Apr 08
I agree with you. I would personally love to adopt in case one of us can't have a baby but I hope we could have one someday *smiles*. I love kids a lot so I would be really sad if I can't have my own babies but that is okay I think. hehe.
• United States
2 May 08
I think that you are wrong and that people who are willing do give a chance to the older children. Have you adopted an older child? It's not right to judge EVERYONE on the planet, just because the major preference is for a young child/infant. The reason that most people prefer an infant is because they don't come along with the emotional baggage that an older child does. A lot of people are not capable of handling whatever traumatic situation that the child comes from. But don't say that everyone wants infants because that's just not true. I know at least 4 families who adopted older children / siblings.
• Philippines
10 Jun 08
it would really depend on you. though some people would opt for adoption, others would want their own flesh and blood. there are numerous ways of having a child. you can opt for in vitro. you can discuss it with your partner.
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Yes. you are right. I wish to have my own baby but just in case, I would go for adoption since there are lots of babies out there that doesn't have parents. Thanks for responding! Cheers!
• Indonesia
10 Jun 08
i feel no good .iam agree with you..we must have child for future us.
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Thank you for responding! Cheers!
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
Even before my husband and I finally decided to get married, we mutually agreed to have and raise two children; a boy and a girl ideally. After getting married, we were really anxious to have our first child, to the extent that my husband is already monitoring my monthly menstrual cycle. That time, I developed a certain kind of fear somehow - a fear wherein I thought I was barren and that my husband is going to leave me because of this condition. Because of this, we had a heart to heart talk with each other. He assured me that he's going to love and accept me of who I am, my imperfectness and being human, inside and out. It really eased my mind a lot. After almost two years of being married, God finally sent us our best gift from Him. And she's turning three this year. She's still our only child until now, though we never use any contraceptives. I believe that having a child or the ability to bear a child is not the basis of love or showing you truly love someone.
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Thank you for sharing your stories. I am really touched by your husband words that he will love you not matter what... I hope that you will have the best time of your life with him and your kids. Have a blessed day! Cheers!
• India
2 Jun 08
Nope i wouldnt leave, thats not love at all. I would defintely adopt a cchild, and that would really replace for everything else.
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Yes, I definitely agree with you. As long as you love each other, there will always be solutions in any problem. Cheers!
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
2 Jun 08
well, i hope that my hubby will be able to give me children and i will be able to conceive as well... but if God says otherwise and we can't have children, then we just have to submit to His will... anyway, we as human can only try and He is the one who make the final decision... as long as we have each other, we are happy... take care and have a nice day...
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
I agree with you. God always have reasons why we don't have it or so... Thank you for your response. Cheers!
• China
2 Jun 08
Graciousness.Is very good,what apity I am not understand very much to English,you write I am not very can understand,but must pray gor heavenly blessing you on.
• Philippines
11 Jun 08
Thank you! God Bless!
• United States
20 May 08
Well hopefully if it's something they knew before you married they would have told you. I think that while it's hard to deal with you have to remember why you married that person and why you love them, it's not because of the child they could give you. There are other options out there to become parents too and perhaps that would work for you as a couple.
• Philippines
1 Jun 08
yes, I really agree with you but sometimes, they would only know it when they are in the marriage. Thanks for responding! Cheers!
@teena22 (422)
• Italy
18 May 08
i always love kids...thank God i got 2. but if ever i had a partner that can't give me a kid, it would be sad, but adoption is an option too. as long as we're happy together with our adopted baby it doesn't matter if it's our own blood or not.
• Philippines
19 May 08
yes, as long as you love each other then you will be able to get through this and there is always an option like adoption. Thank you for responding!
2 May 08
I'm not sure it is possible to say how we would react if that situation happened. I could easily say yes I am fine with it, lets adopt, foster or go down the IVF route. That's now though. If I were to faced with that situation the reality is that I would probably react totally differently. We can not predict how we will respond to a future event beforehand. Instead all we can do is say how we think we may react based on how we view the situation now.
• Philippines
2 May 08
Yes, you are also right. Thank you for responding!
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
29 Apr 08
I would be disappointed about not being able to have a baby together. I would still love him...and I would be willing to look into other options available.
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Yes, you are right Saundyl. Thank you so much for the reply.
@johndur (3049)
• Pasig, Philippines
29 Apr 08
if its the reality that you cant have a child from the one you love then so be it.besides there is a lot of ways to have a child and call it your own,there is the "babymaker" where you will have to pay for her to have a child from you which requires husband participation,adoption is also one and a lot more ways to have a child that you can call your own.
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Thank you for the information and response. Appreciated. :)
• India
28 Apr 08
There are a number of costly ways to have a baby if you are particular about having your own child. But then, if you desperately want a baby and you partner can't give you one, you can always go in for adoption. There is something called surrogate parent, though it is costly. I feel adoption is the best for childless couples. You don't have a kid--some kid doesn't have parents. Why not offer each other what you have? I seriously wouldn't think that my partner not being able to give me a baby is a great problem. I would immediately go in for adoption. Cheers and happy mylotting.
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
You don't have a kid--some kid doesn't have parents. Yes, I agree with you. many kids needs love from other parents too. Good one!
• United States
26 Apr 08
Nope, I love him and we chose to adopt. We have each other and we have a wonderful son.
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
That is so nice and sweet. No words can express how you are truly blessed with having each other and a wonderful son. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
it would be really hard to accept if ever my partner can't help me conceive a baby. of course we'll still try to consult doctors and kneel lots of prayer to God. but if all things fail and God didn't really willed us to have a baby, i'll consider adapting a baby. i really love to have a baby and i'll make sure that when i adapt someone i will never let him feel that he doesn't came from me. he'll be pampered with lots of love..
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Me too, I really love having a kid of my own but I will consider other options just in case.
@rhane7315 (5673)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
it would be ok for me, maybe i'll suggest that we should try the artificial insemination, that's what other couples do lol but if it still doesn't, then i can't blame it on him because he also doesn't want to be in that situation either
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
Yes, that is right. That is another way to do it.
• United States
25 Apr 08
I aint marry the gal because she can bear a child. I marrey her cos I feel her; can't give me child, that is cool wid me. Peace!
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
yep, thanks for dropping by my friend!