Should I tell my daughter, I know she is pregnant

@venshida (4838)
United States
April 18, 2008 4:50pm CST
I was in my daughters room looking for the cordless phone. I saw a book, and I opened it. In the book, it had paper work from her doctor. The paper work indicates she is 6 weeks pregnant. I want to confront her, but then I am thinking wait and see if she is going to say anything. This girl is 21years old has a temp sales job that she started about 3 weeks ago. It's a commission based job, and she said she has not had any sales. The baby daddy is not working either. I am already struggling to make ends meet, and another mouth to feed is just to much. If they both had a job, I would feel a lot better. Was I wrong to snoop? Should I confront her?
3 people like this
20 responses
• Australia
19 Apr 08
Ewww that's a tough situation that you're in. Man, you're backed into a corner really because if you tell her you were her room and found the slip from the doctor, she may get angry because she'll think you were snooping. However, on the other hand, this is a lot of stress for her to carry around on her own but then, sometimes when you play, you pay. Still, it's nice to know that you have someone to talk to and someone who will stand by you emotionally, even if it's not financially. Perhaps if you just calmly explain to her that you went in there looking for the cordless phone and you spotted the book and your curiousity got the best of you and you're sorry but now that you know, you want to let her know that while you may be disappointed in her, what's done is done and you want to stand by her and just let her know that she can come to you if she needs someone to talk to. I think it's more important that she knows that she can count on you for comfort and advice. I have one question though and be honest with yourself, as well as others, did you really go in for the phone or were you already suspecting something was up and you were hoping, as any concerned mother would have been, that you would find something that would tell you what she was up to or what was going on with her?
@venshida (4838)
• United States
19 Apr 08
Yes, I did go into to look for the phone. Her cordless phone is the only one that works so I use hers. We have discuss it and with God's help we will be alright.
1 person likes this
• Australia
20 Apr 08
Well, I'm sure if you're just honest with her and tell her you'll be there for her, everything will work itself out. I'll keep you all in my prayers and I hope the best for you both!
• China
19 Apr 08
I think your daughter need your help but she don't know how to tell you the truth. she need courage and she need someone support.So you must let she tell you truth and you must tell her you love her and support her forever.
@venshida (4838)
• United States
19 Apr 08
Well, I discuss it with her, and even though I am disappointed we are doing better than yesterday.
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Apr 08
she is twenty one and I hope she trusts you as you evidently do not trust her and why? I think you werewrong to snoop but she is wrong in not levling with you too. so now you know you should sit her down and have a heart to heat talk with her and tell her you found the paperwork.You three will need to talk too as her boy friend will just have to find a job is he is to suuport your daughter and her baby to be.It looks to me as if the two of them are both going to have to find paying jobs.
@venshida (4838)
• United States
18 Apr 08
Yep, they do need good paying jobs. On the trust issue, she did have some problems in the past so there is a certain level of distrust on my part.
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
18 Apr 08
Maybe those are the reasons she hasn't told, and is just afraid to.. you could confront her, but if you did I would try to be as supportive as can be and let her know your there for her.. maybe your support would make her feel better. I know when I was pregnant with my 1st son, it was hard to tell my mom. I didn't want to disappoint her. I knew it would be hard to take care of this baby, but my mom was so supportive and that really helped out a lot. on the other hand, my dad was telling me to get an abortion. that one made it tough because I had always been a daddies girl, I didn't want an abortion at all, so it made me be in a really tough position. so.. I have had it both ways, one parents support and the other not so supportive.. the one that really helped was the support of my mom for sure and that meant the world to me. so, if you can be supportive and be there for her, I am sure it would mean everything to her.
@venshida (4838)
• United States
18 Apr 08
I will support her with the baby. There some issues with the boyfriend, but I am sure it will be worked out.
@mommy_uv3 (109)
• United States
13 May 08
She may be upset that you did snoop, but then again she willprobably thank you for it in the long run. I mean she can't hide it forever...lol There are so many things that she has available to her right now, that she might be able to help herself. She may not like it, but she can try to apply for food stamps and cash assistance, something that she can help to suppliment her income until she can get on her feet, as she is only part time and he doesn't have a job, she should also apply for WIC, as that will help her a little too, giving her milk and healthy things for her to eat while she is pregnant, and when it comes time for formula when the baby is born, it will save her hundreds of dollars, as baby formula is getting more and more expensive. She might be mad at you for a little bit, but i think she will be glad to get it off her chest. She might not have said anything to you, because she is scared on how you will react, she might think you will be mad at her, because she is not in the best position right now money wise.
@freak369 (4851)
• United States
13 May 08
That's a tough call. I don't like to snoop because my parents did it to me and I hated it. On the other hand, it is your house and I have to assume that you are paying all the bills. That throws a slight twist on things, not to mention pregnancy is a little more serious than going out, getting drunk and writing about things you did when sloshed. That is a tough situation to be in but eventually she will tell you about it unless she decides not to have the baby.
• United States
29 Apr 08
i think that i would probably confront her. i'm only 25, but i have a daughter and stepdaughter, and i believe that if it was my daughter i wouldn't be able to hold back. i would let her know that you love her, and that you support her in everything that happens to her b/c maybe she thinks that she can't tell you everything. that's one thing i will always let my daughter know b/c i don't want her to hide stuff from me, even though they will do probably regardless. i hope everything turns out good for you, i will be praying for the best for you and your daughter.
@trusko (198)
19 Apr 08
Hi Venshida, I think you should wait for your daughter to tell you. And then taking from there ;-) Good luck
• India
19 Apr 08
i think you should talk to her politely about it dont scold her
@edigital (2711)
• United States
19 Apr 08
My opinion is that, as she did it anyway, now to give her any knock with bad impression will not result good. You could understand it seeing the symption of pregnancy and hiding the paper seeing story you can talk with your daughter saying that "I understand you may have some health problem, tell me fact I will help you" then she will be glad to tell you the fact. At this stage family members should be behaved as friend and family not like emnimy. So you must extend the hand of co-operation now. The incident occured is not solveable now so it will better to treat it as normal than to make it more complicated.
@smints8985 (1595)
• United States
19 Apr 08
Yes it was wrong to snoop... taking it from a daughter's side since I am only a year older than her. We want to be able to share things with you but we also want to have a level of privacy. To confront her or not is the problem, as of the moment it would be best to show her that you are there for her no matter what, then let her open up with you instead. Things are going to get revealed after some more months obviously so she really cannot keep it a secret for long. I know it sounds a bit unfair on your part to be struggling to make ends meet and not being able to confront your daughter of the situation, but all I know is that scolding or lecturing her at this stage and time would really do you both no good since the situation is already there. It would be advisable to show her your support at this crucial time in her life, and make her realize that she should in fact be thankful that she has a mother at her side in times like this. I hope things get resolved soon.
• China
19 Apr 08
I too will not be excited ,I will chat well wifh her.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
okay... so have you been feeling that she is indeed pregnant? and that has caused you to snoop around??? i think you really need to give her hints that you feel there is something she needs to tell you... you were wrong to check out her private things... but of course, you should be helpign her out with this problem as you need to be helping them out too for your grandchild...
@itsmepinky (1301)
• India
19 Apr 08
I know it is a bit intimidating and it might sound as if you are interfering in her personal life , but i feel you should confront her regarding this matter. After all she is your daughter and the more time you take , the more it will difficult to handle the situation. ~pinks~
• United States
19 Apr 08
Yes you were wrong to snoop. Your daughter is 21 years old, she is not a child anymore and she deserves her privacy. You need to sit on this pregnancy for awhile. She will eventually come to you. She has a lot going through her mind right now. Probably many of the same worries that you have as well. But your focusing a lot on the negatives. If your daughter comes to you and is happy about the baby do not burst her bubble with all the negatives.
@figjam00 (1450)
• India
19 Apr 08
I think you should confront her and tell her the consequences. I think then she will be able to take prudent decisions. I beleive she would tell you but I think she's waiting for the right time.
@yona06 (585)
• Indonesia
19 Apr 08
I think that if you tell her, she might get upset by knowing you have invaded her privacy. But it would also be wrong to just sit and wait as you never know what a person could do when they feel troubled and confused. Maybe you can just ask her to have a nice girl to girl talk without mentioning that you know she is pregnant, ask about how she's doing and if she is in any trouble. Convince her that you will always be there for her, to help her. Maybe she will be encouraged to tell you about her condition. I hope this helps, and I wish you and your daughter good luck.
@tjades (3593)
• Jamaica
19 Apr 08
It is said that two wrongs do make a right. It seems as if there is some level of distrust betwee n the both of you so whatever measures are used the subject will have to be dealt with catiously so as to not create a bigger rift. I think you ought to weigh the pros and the cons of both approaches then choose one that is best suited for the temparament of the relationship you share with your daughter. If there is some level of distrust I would not suggest that you tell her you snooped. That may be best left for a time when your relationship gains more trust. Using the delay tatic may also be a good idea as your may be struggling with just how to tell you she is pregnant. She is no doubt mindful of the situation you are all facing and that may be laying heavily on her conscience. I think you may have too be more of a best friend here than a mother, It may just allow you to be more objective in the matter as no doubt you are hurting as a mother. I hope the young man willstart working soon as babies take quite a bit to maintain. (lol)
• United States
19 Apr 08
Confront? Sounds ominous. Maybe you could just talk and perhaps comfort. It's your house I assume and that somewhat entitles you to look. Don't be too hard on her or yourself. Peace
@allen0187 (32563)
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
i hope everything works well for you, your daughter, and the unborn child. it is wrong to snoop but sometimes we resort to such things because we know there is something amiss. such is the case here. bid your time and wait until your daugther tells you that she is pregnant.