Changing your name - women getting married

@dawnald (84124)
Shingle Springs, California
April 21, 2008 3:38pm CST
Well I didn't change my last name when I got married. It wasn't a matter of rebellion or women's lib or whatever (well maybe a little bit lol). I simply identified with the name and I didn't want to call myself something else. Not changing your name seems to have been a lot more common in the 70's and 80's than it is now. Any insights on why that is?
9 people like this
27 responses
@kezabelle (2985)
21 Apr 08
Im not really sure maybe because now women feel the need to keep thrir identity more its hard to know without knowing why women always used to change their name when me and my partner get married I will take his name I always knew I would I want to be Mrs _________ our children also have his name its what I felt happy doing so I suppose it all depends on the person
5 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 08
I think you misunderstood me. I get the impression fewer women are keeping their own last names now that 20 - 20 years ago!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 08
20 - 30, I mean (I hate that you can't go back and edit lol)
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 08
My husband and I got married in 1980, and for my generation I think we all felt the need to move back into a family group. We were coming out of a generation of "free LOVE" and Feminism. Not that we did not want to hold on to our new gained womens rights but more important back into family values and morals.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 08
I don't know. Other than for business of career matters I did not know women of my age that didn't take her husbands family name. I was proud to take on my husbands name. Thank goodness I did to, as I ended up having all boys and I would not have wanted to be odd person out. For me it is who we are.
4 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 08
Well I am the odd person out but I don't mind. lol
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 08
And Dawn that is certainly alright. Nothing wrong with that!
3 people like this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
24 Apr 08
I go through periods of 'rebellion' in my life but at the end of the day there are some traditional things I tend to come home to. One of them is having the same name as my husband and kids, and another is being a stay at home parent (who doesn't stay at home much) =D I do have to point out though that I do neither one BASED on the traditional reasons/meanings, both just feel good and right to me, and allow us to live our lives the way we want to. I kind of avoid traditional or gender related things for the reasons associated with them, but I feel they are good if you have your own motivations for them.
@pooh08 (672)
• Vietnam
22 Apr 08
I don't like change my last name when I get married. Many countries has that habit but my country is not. My name is given by my parent not my husband in the future.
4 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 08
I think it may be that 20-30 years ago women were just getting into real carerrs and felt that if their name was different they could loose valuable contacts that they had already established, i believe it was more of an identy thing and they didnt want to loose it by taking on someone else's name, nowadays i think women have become more secure in who they are that the name is not as important. I know I am getting ready to re-marry and I am keeping my name but adding his. I have 5 children and when I divorced 11 years ago I changed mine and the childrens name to my maiden name and I dont want my children having a different last name than mine, but I have no problem taking on my future husbands name so I will just add his to mine.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 08
Same comment as above - it's a nice compromise but the name I would end up with would be way too long for me! But if it works for you, great!
2 people like this
• United States
3 May 08
Thank you :)
• Canada
22 Apr 08
personally am not married. however i see no problem in associating myself with my partner. therefor i would change my name to my partners last name with out question. i think its a just a religious culture or tradition that i am happy to keep passing on. not changing your name in the 70s or 80s may have been more popular am guessing because that was around the time women were pushing for independence, and the begining of women trying to prove themselves as equals to men. ???
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Apr 08
proably true...
2 people like this
@mnflower (1305)
• United States
22 Apr 08
Really if you do some research there wasn;t really alot of people changing the name to there husbands, it was a phase for like 3 months and then resorted back to taking there husbands name, it is called respect has been used that since the day of time what does your husband say about it???truthfully I bet he not happy..you kinda loss something when the other wont take there name...I have seen marriage end because the wife wouldn't take the mans name it is proper...womens lib is way overrated. I am female and I see so many women complain the way things are, we sure lost alot of respect fighting for all that crap...take a look all the divorce rate has sky rocketed...but to each let it be I know I would never disrespect my husband like that...
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 08
Interesting... Well there was never any disrespect intended. I am just used to my name, simple as that. At any rate, we have survived 25 years and my husband thinks it's kind of cool that I kept my own name. So it's not a problem for us.
2 people like this
@sedel1027 (17868)
• United States
21 Apr 08
I changed my name because I wanted to. I do know many women who didn't because they were known professionally by their last name and decided to not change it.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 08
True, another good reason some people didn't change it. Or they use one at work and the other for personal matters...
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
Here in our country we can't do that. Once we get married we have to use our husbands last name. We have no choice on that here. I have never heard of what you are saying though because what I know ever since here in our country everyone used their husbands name as long as they are married.
3 people like this
@dreamy1 (3818)
• United States
22 Apr 08
If I get married I'm not changing my name either. I've gone many years with this name it's me and it's going to stay. Besides I don't want to go through the hassle of changing all my records like credit cards, passport, social security etc. It seems like a real pain to go through all that and I don't think it's necessary to change it. If I have children I have no problem giving them my husbands last name but not for me.
3 people like this
• Pakistan
22 Apr 08
Changing ur last name depends on the person it self but here where i live last name is ur cast and that cannot be changes, most womens do change but Pathan families in our culture they are very curious about their cast so they dont change their last names
@jairgirl (2879)
• United States
22 Apr 08
hello dawnald, i have changed my name when i get married for the reason that i am tired of my last name. i feel it is more of a rebellion in my case coz i have always wanted to change it since i was a kid coz i am not a fan of my dad,, i feel he dont deserve to be next to my name after what he did and i feel my mom deserves it more. my mom oppose it and i have to respect her and told her i will change it once i get married which she likes coz she was never married so i guess it is like a dream on her part knowing her daughters will get the last name from their hubby. anyway, i agree with your thoughts about keeping your last name as most people have known you in such a name and changing it is like starting all over again. some people i spoke with regret that they changed their name after marriage coz when they get divorced they have to do some more changes again and they said it is easier if you just keep your name the way it is the first time. i dont care one way or the other, i just like mine change. i feel we all have the right and own reasons for doing so and whatever others decide, as long as they are happy then i am happy. i feel such thing should be done with their own will and shouldnt be because someone say so. takecare!
• Philippines
22 Apr 08
I've talked to my fiancee about my intention of not totally changing my maiden name into his name after we get married. I would retain my maiden name and still use my new family name. I would like my name written with a this symbol(-)beside my new family name.
3 people like this
@jamie08 (430)
• United States
22 Apr 08
i never really thought about it, when me and my fiance get married i was going to change my last name.
3 people like this
• United States
22 Apr 08
I'm not sure. I thought it would be more common now a days. I didn't change my last name when I got married to my second husband, but I did with the husband I have now. It took me awhile to get use to my new name, but it wasn't that bad.
3 people like this
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
22 Apr 08
I think the name should be an automatic thing both ways... this is just my idea on things that I think would help the legal side of things in one area easier.. a girl marries a man and the mans name is tacked on the end of the womans, if they are then divorced then the mans name is just dropped, children that come into the marriage just have the mans name....and to carry it on further, no marriage certificate as such but contracts of what is brought into the relationship by both so ownership is easy to sort out when divorce happens....Oh yes things will be different when I rule the world...
@kbourgerie (8775)
• United States
22 Apr 08
I believe there are several reasons for this phenomena. One being an increased sense of independence. Second a need to be responsible for your own credit and financial affairs and not have to take on those of a spouse, as in joint accounts. You can more easily divorce and hold on to your own credit rating under your own name versus "Mrs. Smith", but that is only a guess.
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I dont know why that is really but I do know that I didnt change my last name and have no intention of doing so ever...Originally it would have been to inconvenient because my kids have different last names to my husband and at the time even if they wanted to change their last names their father would have never allowed it (and I wouldnt have either I dont think) so I just kept my last name..Its easier BUT baffling to so many ppl since my husband has HIS last name, OUR son had his last name, my son has his fathers last name and my daughter has MY last name (my two oldest had the same father)...LOL ppl dont get it..usually government ppl, border officers, doctors offices and so on LOL
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
25 Apr 08
It was extremely annoying to me before I was actually MARRIED to my husband because my last name was different. Our little one was born before we got married, and since I was going to have his name as soon as we got married, she got it too, of course. I have older (step) kids and although they look just like their dad, they look NOTHING like me, so having a different last name from them was very aggravating as far as dealing with school, doctor's offices and the like. It's not so much trouble now because we all have the same name, so if they hassle me because I look young and they don't look like me, I can pull out my license and prove it. It's interesting to see the different reasons people have for keeping a name or changing it. I don't really understand the reasons behind people who say they do or don't based on traditions in their countries, to me it seems like it's just a personal choice. In a perfect world, you would do it or not do it, based on what you wanted, not based on somebody's 'right' or 'wrong', tradition, pressure from parents, family, friends, or your spouse. =P
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (29389)
• Philippines
23 Apr 08
i have thought about this over and over in the past. i have always thought and even suggested to friends that we ca just hyphenate the lastnames together. ut for me, i would want to take on the last name of my husband... for the smae reason as before... i think my father does not deserve to be recognized in my life.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Apr 08
I am not sure why but it might have been there were not a lot of married women in the work force back than. I think it was a honor to take the mates last name. I know I felt proud when I took my husbands last name. I have two sisters who kept their maiden name. One of my sisters said that way if her marriage ended in divorce she wouldn't have to change it back. The other sister kept her own name and said that the other sister made sense. I took my husbands last name because I didn't look at anything but we would be together forever. I didn't look at the fact that it was possible in the future that a divorce could come about. In August my husband and I will be married for 37 years.
2 people like this
@terri0824 (4975)
• United States
22 Apr 08
Well, I did change my name when I got married. I was divorced eight years later with two daughters so I thought I would keep my name and thought I would eventually remarry and my name would be changed then. Well, it's been 17 years since I divorced and I still have his name. So, I've now had this last name half my life. So at this rate I will be keeping this last name because I have never remarried and doubt at this stage of the game that I will ever remarry.
2 people like this