My daughter has never met her biological father

I was adopted when I was 5 and have never met my real parents, I want to I just havent been able to find them. Maybe your daughter doesnt want to ask because she is angry at him for not being around, be carefull that she doesnt grow up not talking about it because it can cause a lot of problems if she just bottles it up. Your daughter may also think that if she tells you she wants to know about her dad then that she will hurt you. she may believe it will make you think that she doesnt love you, if you know what I mean.

I really do not know anyone in a similar situation. but, i would tell to leave it as it is till it is the time. I think you already had all the good answers. so, I think you have no problem at all plus I think you give her all the care and love that she deserves.

i think you are doing exactly the right thing, dont push her let her decide what she wants to know and answer any questions honestly as they emerge blessed be

"Maybe she doesn't know the right questions to ask or is uncomfortable asking them. " That is probably very close to the truth! It could also be that she is afraid of the answers. I mean, even though he's been gone, in her head she might think he loves her and misses her....but maybe if she asks your answer will tell her otherwise and she's not ready to hear that. You could always have another talk with her. Not about him but about her feelings. Even if she doesn't open up right then it might be the foudation for future talks.

Hiya Aimerz, I am in the same position as you hun and I will tell you that when they want to know they will ask, in the meantime just leave it be. If they are not ready to talk about it they will not. If you are anything like me you feel guilty that they do not seem interested, you want them to be so you can tell them and get it off your chest. She may never get curious and if she does not it will be because she is happy and content enough with what she has got, if she does get curious it may not be until she is a lot older. My son is 16 years old now, the last time he saw his biological father was when he was 4 months old, the father although offered visits and contact just could not be bothered and so has never been in my sons life. My son has asked me twice in the whole of the 16 years and even then has only asked a couple of curious questions other than that he has shown no interest at all. I have never pushed him on it, I have mentioned it a few times myself but he was not interested and so I learnt to just leave it and let him ask when he is ready. I met and married another man when my son was 8 and we now have 4 children altogether, I feel that my son has enough around him for him to be content and that is why he has never bothered trying to find anything out. But if he does then I will tell him everything and he can then make his own decisions on what to do next.

Maybe she's just used to not having her father around. She probably knows now that your married to another guy that her biological father wont ever be around again. I'm sure in time she will probably really want to know where he is or why he was never around. My stepson is only going to be 5 in June and he always asks me why mommy never comes to see him or if she cares. He is supposed to see his mom every weekend but she only see's him maybe twice or 3 times a week for a total of maybe 10 hours. So, I'm sure your daughter just doesnt care anymore. Good luck with everything. Good luck.

My daughter is nine years old and has never met her biological father either. She has never even seen pictures of him, nor has he ever seen her. This was his choice from the time I found out I was pregnant. She knows his name. She doesn't ask questions and she doesn't bring it up except for when she forgets what his name is and someone, usually a friend from school, asks; which hasn't happened in a very long time. Like you, I don't push it. Her view point, and I know this because she has told me, is it's his loss that he's not in her life. I am married to a guy that I have been with for six years now, married two of those years. And now when she is asked who her dad is, she tells them that my husband is her dad. She says because he is the one that takes care of me and loves me. I wouldn't push the issue if I were you. When and if she ever wants to talk about, she will. Until then, I would leave the subject alone. She knows who he is as far as photos and what you've told her. She may not want to know more and if she does she will ask. But it should be in her time. I hope that helps!

My daughter is 15, has never met her biological father and actually believes the man who adopted her when she was 3 is her real father (real? yes he is). Though he made mention of her having 2 fathers when she was 4 years old, we believe she has not retained that memory. There have been clues that could prompt her to ask questions and I have asked her if she has had any questions, if anything was bothering her, anything about Daddy? I didn't want to feed her information but she seems pretty certain that she has her dad's blood running through her veins. Your daughter is aware that she has another father. You have told her, you have asked if she has any questions. Leave it at that. She is still young. We decided not to tell my daughter because of her age and some anxieties she has gone through in her young life. We feel when she is 18 we will probably tell her. Obviously my situation is different. I feel uncomfortable telling her because it would open up a whole can of worms including half-sisters and the bad choices I made. My daughter loves me and thinks I am funny and a cool mom (not many teenagers say that about their parents) so I sure as heck don't want to rock the boat and let her know what a s*ank I was for a short period of time in my life. Unless any health issues come up, I feel there is no reason to tell her because the man is 4 or 5 different daughters (I've lost count) all with different women. My husband adopted my daughter so he is her father. But if she were to ask questions I would no lie to her. Your daughter will ask in her own time. Don't push it. Let her enjoy the family she has right now.

I'm sure she is not comfortable to ask you but deep inside I'm pretty sure she wanted to hear anything about her dad! Maybe you can start sharing her a bit about his dad and in that way, she will start to open up! It is maybe hard for her to ask if she never see him in person! I have known a lot of people but they are all interested to know about their real father or mother!

I think I would leave things as they are for the time being. At ten she is probably still a little young to be that interested. Do you know where he is now? Is he going to accept her as his daughter if thats the way she goes? Do you have the answers to all the questions she could ask? if the answer to these are "no" then I would definately not push the subject, it could cause more harm by pushing her in to talking about it. She will ask the questions in her own good time. I was fourteen before I even thought about it.

i think as time goes by there will come a time. She will come to you and ask questions about her father. that will open an opportunity for you to tell her what she needs to know.i think its cool that u aren't pushing the subject.

I think the truth is still the truth. Soon or later she will know about all of this. What is the most important of this is the outcome. What do you want her to feel about this? Is it forgiveness or hatred towards him? When I was still a child, I used to meet my dad once or twice a month. But all I felt was hatred because he left us. My mom didn't want me to think in a negative way but this differ from one person to another. Right now, I decided to put the past behind and think about the present and future. Forgive him so I won't regret it later. So, I suggest you talk to her and ask her how she feels. Share your feelings about your ex husband with her and how does it affect you.

I think the bottom line is trust and open communication. I will share my story, and maybe you'll get what I mean by that statement. I became pregnant just before I turned 18. A few weeks later, this guy abandoned me thousands of miles away from home, with no job and no way to provide for myself. A couple months later I developed a relationship with another man, and moved on with my life. The "father" of my unborn child pretty much told me he didn't want any more children. End of story for him. Two days after my daughter and I returned from the hospital, he showed up with twenty dollars and a bag of diapers, I've only seen him once since then. A year later, my boyfriend and I had another daughter, a year after that we were married. My husband signed paternity papers for both of the girls, so legally he was both of their fathers. We originally planned not to tell daughter #1 anything different. About a year and half later we added a boy to our family, and six months later our marriage fell apart. My first daughter's father was Indian/Spanish, she looks much different then her blond hair blue eyed siblings. It didn't take her long to start asking questions. The cat was finally let out of the bag when she asked why Daddy didn't talk to her on the phone as much as the other two. And when she started asking why she looked so different. She was about 5 at this time, and a pretty smart five year old at that. I explained that I had been in a very short relationship during a confusing time in my life. The guy didn't stick around because he already had a lot going on. That Daddy Joey had chosen to become her dad so she would have one. Over the years she has come to me with little questions, most of them regarding her heritage, not her lineage. I didn't know much about the guy who gave her tome, so I haven't had much to say about him. But through this all, I have always been open and honest with her. If she asked questions I thought she wouldn't be able to grasp, I would tell her I would explain when she gets a little older. I never cut him down, or tried to make him look like the bad guy. If she asked a legitimate question that could hurt her idea of him, I approached it as gently as possible. I never pushed her to ask questions or tried to get her to open up about her feelings. I've just always provided a safe and trusting relationship with her, so she knows she can come to me at any time, with anything. I don't want to be the one to tell her that he chose a rock over a family. I don't want to be the one to tell her that he didn't want us. But in the end, I'm the only one she can really trust to tell her the truth. Now that I am engaged to a wonderful man, who is raising all three of these kids as his own. She doesn't feel the need to know her birth father. She knows he exists, and knows I will do anything withing my power to help her find him, if that desire ever rises. But, she asked my fiance to adopt her. She is totally psyched to know that when we get married, she will be part of a family with mom and dad. Her dad, is really the only man that matters to her. By that I mean my fiance. Her "Daddy Joey" doesn't even mean that much to her anymore. She doesn't ask to call him or see him. And she doesn't ask much about her father either. The dad that is raising her and loving her gives her all she needs. And her mother is always there to wipe away the tears, dance and sing, and sit and cuddle....whatever she needs.

I would say that do not push her to develop curiosity about her father. Just let her see a bit more about the world and soon she will figure out that a father completes a family, then questions will start formulating from there. Shes waiting for herself to mature before she gets into such contentious issues. Do not be eager to get this over and done with this, the time will come for you and her to thrash it out.

Perhaps she doesn't want to upset you if there was some animosity between you and her father earlier. you know kids know more about the stress between people on the outs than we ever give them credit for. My parents never divorced but they should have. they fought a lot and I knew that my dad was verbally abusing my mom even when I was about ten and I would hid behind a chair then get a terrible headache that did not quit until I would throw up. I know now that these were migraine headaches. i think you should talk to her about her dad and let her know its all right if she has questions or not, you still love her. she might not really know just what she wants to ask.If she was only six months old she probably has no memory at all of her father so maybe you should sort of clue her in in as gentle a way as possible. I take it her father did not want to have anything to do with you. that is so sad.You would think he would have wanted to see his daughter.