Are you tolerant of those that are ill?

United States
April 30, 2008 9:53am CST
Are you? I have to say I'm not. A nurse I would never make. If its my children, then yes, I can clean up behind them and sit at their side, but if its anyone else I have a hard time with it. I tried my hand at being a caregiver and found that it just wasn't my forte, but theres many people who do take care of others and are kind and empathetic. I have genuine admiration for those kind of people. I wish I could be more like them. Not to say that my heart doesn't go out to someone who is ill, but I just have a hard time with hands on care. How well do you deal with situations where a loved one is ill, even if its just the flu or a stomach ache?
9 people like this
27 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
1 May 08
i was like you mainly becuz im very stong and never ask for help. I have little tolerance for those that can't seem to get out of their tracks so to speak. then I dealt with my mother...oh my god it was so hard....she used to be such a strong lady and then I was faced with dealing with the craziest things....did it but it was'mt easy at all. she was not in her right mind and I cared for her for 8 months....not easy at all. If it is really just the flu or stomach ache then I just try to do all I can for the person....could be me next.
3 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
Yeah, that would be difficult to not be tolerant and then have to take care of someone the way that you did. Very admirable. And yes, there but for the grace of God go I.
@ellie333 (21029)
1 May 08
I am so like you on this one. I can care for my kids when they are ill but if anyone else is I almost get angry wanting them to hurry up and get better. I also can't cope with sick, it makes me retch and if someone is sick near me I want to be too. The major employers in the area I live are care homes, but I just could not do that sort of work. I also admire people that do. I will give practical help, paperworks, lifts to places etc. cooking, reading to them but I find it very hard to nurse. Ellie :D
3 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
Ellie, you have plenty to be proud of by helping out in any way that you can. We all can't be hands on caregivers.
@Monkeyrose (2850)
• Canada
1 May 08
Yes I am. I really like helping people in general. Now if they are being really grumpy and rude to me my temper gets a bit short and I need a break. I've never had to really give hands on care so I can't really say for sure. I'm squeimish at blood though. This being said... I could never be a nurse.
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
Even though I couldn't do hands on care, I do try to be empathetic to people's moods. Working in retail you often come across customers whose mood isn't always delightful, but I try to remember that you don't know what may have happened in there day that brought them into the store not being as friendly as they might be otherwise.
2 people like this
• Canada
1 May 08
I agree. I've worked in retail for over 9 years now. At first it was very difficult but I was very quiet so I just kinda took it. Overall, I realize that people are generally treating you bad for a reason. I don't put up with disrespect but I also don't take it personally.
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
1 May 08
I am emetophobic (phobic of puke) so that right there should answer the question (shivers at the thought!!!!)
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
Wow, I didn't know there was such a phobia. But I don't blame you, throw up is just what it is and not pleasant.
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
1 May 08
It downright scares me, and thank goodness my kids rarely do it! When they have though, my husband has taken over because he knows I just cannot handle it. The runs, well.. its repulsive but I can handle that.
1 person likes this
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
30 Apr 08
I'm not very tolerant of those that are sick and whine about it. I hate whiners. I'm more likely to tell them to suck it up or as my mom used to tell us when we were whiny and sick "well then die quietly and dont leave a mess" For those that are sick and not being big whiners about it I tolerate them. If its contagious I'd prefer that they go home so i dont get sick as well.
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
LOL. I don't like people that are hypocondriacs. The kind of person that if you have a headache, they have a brain tumor. You get the idea.
@saundyl (9690)
• Canada
1 May 08
They bug me too. But on the other end of the spectrum that bug me are the people who wont admit they are sick and just go to bed...the ones who sit and sniffle and backsnort snot (that sound drives me nuts) behind you or cough all over the place generally spreading the germs to everyone else.
@mummymo (23707)
30 Apr 08
I have to say that I am - unless they try to be all brave and stoic - then I get angry with them and tell them off! lol I know I am not sick but with being able to do very little my partner and kids have to do a lot for me and although not overly fussing around me I could not wish for better people to take care of me! I Thank God that I have the love of my partner and kids every day as well as that of my friends and extended family! I know if the situation were reversed I would perhaps struggle doing so much but I would be patient and loving - at least I am pretty sure I would! xxx
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 08
Thats wonderful that you have that kind of love and support. Even though I don't do well with taking care of others, I hope my family will understand and if I'm ever in a position to need help will be there for me too.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
2 May 08
I am sure you would my sweetheart! I am also very sure that if one of your loved ones needed you you would stand up to the plate and do a fantastic job without even thinking about it! xxx
• United States
30 Apr 08
I am very tolerant of those that are ill. I have been in a situation that required me to become caregiver and I did it with what I hope was an abundance of compassion and kindness. I met many professional caregivers who couldn't give a rats a** about their patient and they have no business holding the jobs that they have. That said, it's those kinds of people that are a little more emotionally equipped to deal with the situation as a profession. People who can't keep their hearts out of the equation are less likely to do it for a career. Not all, but most.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 08
You make some really good points. If you don't have the "heart" for it, you really shouldn't be in that profession. And if you find that after time, you become "burned out" on caregiving, once again you should give it a rest. I wouldn't want that kind of person taking care of my family or myself for that matter.
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
30 Apr 08
I can do it for a love one but not other people, but I do not feel guilty about because we all have our strengths and it is a big world and everything is needed, my forte is a counsellor and a writer, and teacher, I listen to people's problems, I write stories about the underdog and I inspire people and I bring joy to many people's lives. My boyfriend is an accountant he helps people with their taxes and the financial reporting of their business, he is also a painter and paints beautiful pictures for people to admire. Everyone has something to give back to society and we need them all to make this world go around.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 08
I really loved your answer. It was very well said. Yes, it takes all kinds to make the world go around.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39918)
• Canada
4 May 08
thanks hon.
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
Hello There. I do understand you. For me, I can stay with ill-family members or friends. WIth others, I can only stay for a while and talk to them but not really in the process of taking care of them for a long time. In the family, no one is really sick except me lolz. That is why I really admire nurses and caregivers who can really truly deeply take care of other people when they are really really sick. I am a sicko at times and I really appreciate the nurses there taking care of me. :) Cheers!
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 08
I'm sorry to hear that you are ill, even if its only sometimes. A good caregiver must be very important to you. I might have to face the same thing one day and I hope that I find someone with compassion for what they are doing.
• Philippines
3 May 08
Thank you. Yes, don't worry there are lots of nice people out there. :)
@catjane (1036)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Fortunately for my husband, yes! We have been married for almost 8 years and during practically all of those 8 years he has had one problem or another that needed my attention and care. I don't mind that much but this year it has gotten to be a bit much from Flu and pnemonia in January then a fall and a hurt ankle for another two months, then his shoulder became "frozen" now his hand is all swollen up. I am going on a two week trip to visit my daughter mid May just to get a break from it all! Am I being selfish? I love him very much and I hate leaving him with so many problems but if I waited until he was even 90% better, I am sure something else would happen to him that would put my plans off. I haven't seen my daughter for 15 years and she needs me too.
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
1 May 08
Wow you haven't seen your daughter in 15 years, have a wonderful time. I have to agree sounds like you could use a rest.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 08
Yes, I agree, it sounds like you could use the rest. After all who takes care of the caretaker, but the caretaker themselves? I think its wonderful that you are seeing your daughter after so long. I wish you the very happiest of visits.
@mizcash (686)
• Canada
1 May 08
It's easier to look after ore family members than others. It's the familiarity that gives that empathizing feelibng and allows you to want to do something for them.
2 people like this
• United States
1 May 08
Thats very true and very well put. But even so, for me personally its easier to take care of my children, then say for example, my boyfriend.
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
1 May 08
i have to admit that i'm not too. i'm very impatient in these type of situations. i do not really notice sometimes what's wrong in the family and when i do, i don't keep on checking from time to time. i'm definitely not proud of this fact. of course, this usually applies to older kids and my hubby but since my kids are all young, i definitely am much more patient than my hubby you could say. like you, my heart does go out to them. but i find it tough to care for them too. i wouldn't really know what to do, basically i would be panicking you could say.
• United States
1 May 08
We can't all be the kind of person that nurtures others, at least not in a physical sense. I don't think its anything to feel guilty about. Thats what makes us all individuals.
1 person likes this
@Deea48 (1168)
• United States
1 May 08
I would have to say it has been a skill of mine for many years now. I started when I was 14, my first job was taking care of a parapoligic and her husband who had disability's as well. I worked for her off and on till I was pregnant with my second child. Then after my thrid child I became a certified nurses aid. I very much enjoyed the work most day's. It really is a thankless job often times. Except a litte unknown secret for all those that wonder how can a person do that job so long. The gifts I recieved in return often out weighed the job. I was hugged every nite. I was a aid for well over 10 years. I helped many people pass on to the next life. But when it came time to help my mom pass, that is when I quite doing that kind of work. I spent a year caring for her, watching her fade right before my eyes. In her last month I quite my job, and went to live there, caring for her full time. Since she has passed about 10 years now, I have not gone back to care giving. Although With my dad I have helped out a few times as well. I guess I would have to say I am good at it, just not so willing to do it now.
• United States
1 May 08
I'm sorry Deea. Sounds like taking care of your mother was a very painful experience. I'm sure knowing though that you made such a significant impact at the end of your mothers life means a great deal to you.
@skydancer (1986)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Well, it depends on how you would define "tolerance." If you mean whether I realize their illness is something they cannot help and therefore do not judge them in any way because of it or hold it against them, then yes, I am tolerant in that regard. However, if you mean tolerant as in whether I have the emotional ability it takes to deal with their problems on a daily basis like a nurse or a medical doctor or even a psychologist, then I have to say there is no way I could ever succeed in such a profession. I would probably go crazy, not to mention utterly depressed (I imagine it is extremely depressing work at times). I would definitely try to help and encourage a close friend or family member, in any way that I can (although I am not too good at it as it is emotionally draining for me), but anything beyond that would be too much of a burden on my life... Don't get me wrong, I am a nice person (unless you're rude to me), and a good friend... I try to treat people as I would want to be treated... but caregiver is just not in my genes, I'm afraid...
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 08
I guess I meant it in both regards. I am not very tolerant of those who cry and moan about being ill. I mean if they are sincerely ill, thats one thing, but someone who cries about it all the time and with little reason tends to tick me off. On the other side of the coin, tolerance in being able to physically aide someone is not my forte and from what you have said, not yours either. LOL.
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
1 May 08
I won't mind helping those who are ill. Rather I would feel pleasure that I am worth it that I can render my help to others. To do selfless service is I think is like true prayers to God.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 08
I admire your outlook. I wish I could say I was as kind. I am to my children obviously, but I have a problem caring for others.
@dpk262006 (56170)
• Delhi, India
2 May 08
I believe, you can, if you think..you can!
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
3 May 08
I have a problem caring for people who are ill and not looking after themselves and expecting me to wait on them and feel sorry for them. For instance if you are too sick to work, you should stay in bed till you are well or at least rest...not have a day off and expect to have your every whim catered to. If someone is genuinely ill I will care for them, if an adult is throwing up or making other messes, I would expect them to clean up. I would clean upo my own mess if I was ill.....heck, I live alone, no-one else cleans it up.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 08
I would never expect someone to clean up after me either, unless I was too debilitated to do it myself and then I would hope that I had someone to help me that was empathetic to my needs.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
2 May 08
I would never make a good nurse either...at least not with people..LOL. Heck I get intolerant when I'm sick let alone someone else. I have no problem acting like a nurse or healer with my kitties when they are sick...I've even gone out of my way to give them steambaths when they were congested. I unfortunately didn't have much of a choice when my mother was alive and I was her caregiver. No I didn't neglect her and did take care of her but she was a very difficult person to deal with in the first place. She didn't want outside help at all. Then granted she was very ill, but she was also like a boy cry wolf...any little thing that bothered her she acted like it was a major catastrophe--yeesh, so my tolerance level was real low
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 08
I've had people in my family that had to take care of other family members and I know that it could never have been easy. After all when you are sick, when aren't you cranky? The caregiver has to deal with that constantly and to try to keep an even temperment has got to be really difficult.
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
2 May 08
Yes, I am. I have taken care of my grandma, after her stroke and my son that has CP. They both needed alot of care and I think did pretty good with dealing with both of them.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 08
You are the kind of person I admire. I'm sorry that you had to take care of both, but certainly you will be rewarded for all the love you have provided your family when they needed it the most.
@tjades (3592)
• Jamaica
1 May 08
Those I dont mind tending to and I will also assist with someone who is aged and unable to help themselves sufficiently but not for long. I would much rather not to have to do any of this however. I do not deal well with illness but if I have to assist someone in need of care depending on the level of care needed I will assist. I draw the line where blood is concerned. Thats not my line at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 May 08
Blood doesn't really bother me. Although, I panic if I see my own. LOL. Its other bodily fluids, such as throw up, phlegm and poop that I can't handle. Sorry for the graphics.
• United States
30 Apr 08
LOL- my husband gives me the hardest time about this. I am trained as nurse and did my job well. I take care of my kids when they are sick. But, when he is sick...? He whines all the time how come I don't take care of him...? I guess I figure when I am sick, I get up and go about doing what I have to do. He can too. lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 May 08
My boyfriend does the same thing, but then again I'm not a caregiver and don't pretend to be. My tolerance for someone that is sick is very low. I guess I should be more empathetic.