Having your heart break when your kids are hurting.

@kbkbooks (7030)
Canada
May 9, 2008 2:31pm CST
Today I took my 17 yr. old son for a hearing test at the audiologist. He has been to the army doctor for his pre-enlisting checkups, and they demanded a special hearing test because of some small detail they found in their exam. The audiologist found that my son has a 35 decibel hearing loss in his right ear. The army standards allow for up to 30 decibal loss. The doctor said they MIGHT still pass him since it's only in one ear, but we are pretty sure he will turned down now by the army. Mike has been looking forward very very much to going into the army reserves this summer. They pay really well and then they help with college expenses. Without being able to go to the army, he's going to have to work really hard at some other job to earn his college expenses and buy a car. He was also feeling very patriotic about serving his country, even though he doesn't want to go overseas. In Canada they don't have to go overseas unless there is conscription, otherwise its voluntary. On the way home, I was already feeling very sad and I started crying for him as soon as we got in the car. He was just very silent, until about half way home and then it all came out. My boys have been raised by both their dad and me to be very open about their emotions. I would much rather see a man cry than to know he is breaking up inside. Still, it's hard to watch your children cry. All you can do is hug them, and tell them you love them, and be there to listen and hope it's enough. Mike has been very mature along the way through applying for the army. He has said all along that if God wanted this for him, then it would be very clear, and that if God didn't want Mike to go, He would also make that very clear. His spiritual maturity is a source of great pride for me as his mom, although I know we did our best to teach him, his faith is really his own, just like every other important decision. At this point, the audiologist is going to make a report for the army doctor and since the loss is only 5 decibels over the limit he said they MIGHT let it pass. Mike says he doesn't think God is saying NO right out clearly yet, but he knows when the results from this report come back it will definitely either be yes or no finally. He's not ready to give up hope but he also knows not to hope beyond reason. However, with God, all things are possible. It's just so hard to see your kids go through these hard decisions and trials. I know he has the right attitude. I am just thankful my arms are strong enough to hold him, even if my spirit isn't strong enough to keep from shedding tears in his disappointment.
1 person likes this
5 responses
9 May 08
hello kbkbooks, im so sorry to hear this, but maybe, just maybe he will get through. I understand exactly how you feel, its hard when something happens like this but all you can do is be strong for your son. Its a shame there arent more young people like him in this world, you sound as if you have a very mature, caring, loving son there! No wonder you are so proud of him. I sincerely hope all works out for him - keep us posted! Incidentally my 17 year old just had his medical - he is going into the Merchant Navy in August, he was lucky, he passed ok but im heartbroken that he will be leaving home! Typical mum haha, we want them to do well for themselves and stand on their own two feet but when the time comes, i know i will be in tears when he leaves.. those apron strings are so strong!
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@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
9 May 08
I know what you mean. As you can guess, I am feeling pretty ambiguous about this whole thing. Part of me is really glad he didn't pass, and I was really in despair about the fact that he was going to go away for training all summer and who knows what in the future. Now I may or may not have to deal with that, at least for him. His younger brother is so far as I know going to go ahead with his registration process for the reserves. Same dilemma...
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10 May 08
oh dear!! well all we can do is be there for them, as mothers always are..... and pray that they make the right choices in life and are safe. Have a good day xx
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
10 May 08
I am so sorry to hear about your son's hearing problem..hopefully they will look the other way and let him serve and protect his country like he's been wanting to. I wish him good luck!
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@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
10 May 08
My son's dad looked up on the Internet about the army hearing standards, and from what he found, he thinks Mike might still pass. Keep praying please! :)
@arvee17 (730)
• Philippines
10 May 08
i am so sorry to hear about your son and him might not be able to go to the army... i guess you have to be strong for him although yours son's disappointments are also yours... but you have to be strong for them...
@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
10 May 08
Thanks so much for your caring. What a great community we have here at myLot.
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
9 May 08
Sounds as if you and your husband did a terrific job of raising a fine son. I know it's so hard to see them suffer through the trials of life, it breaks my heart when one of my boys is disappointed and his dreams get tromped on, I'd rather me feel it than him! But then, they wouldn't grow, would they? Happy Mother's day on Sunday!
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
9 May 08
For sure dealing with their heartbreaks is a growth experience, not only for them but for us as parents. Life is about the bad and the good, and we can't just hide from or erase the bad because it's just part of reality. Being able to face it is actually a very healthy thing.
@selby70 (283)
9 May 08
I am so sorry and I hope he gets in, he sounds like a great son. It is awful when they get these knocks when they are getting older because you know we cant just put a plaster on and make it better like when they were young, my youngest son 21 when he was applying for jobs he was so upset when he coundnt get one and I always said to him keep your chin up you will get a good job and he did Thank God.
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@kbkbooks (7030)
• Canada
9 May 08
You can't put antibiotic cream and a plaster on their hearts and egos. I guess that is part of the experience of life that we just have to deal with. We are not the first mothers who ever experienced it, and we won't be the last.