Pulling Back From The Edge...

Crying Baby... - Crying Baby...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
May 15, 2008 6:22am CST
I’ve read a lot of articles lately about babies and children being shaken and beaten b/c of excessive crying. I ran a state daycare for six years so I know that a crying baby can drive you right over the edge. I dealt with colic, teething, sickness and just plain crankiness and I always managed to keep a clear mind. There were a few times when I had to step back and catch my breath but I’d never resort to shaking or hitting a baby. Some doctors will tell you to take a break and let someone else step in to give you a break…that’s great and it works as long as there is someone else to step in. Other doctors will tell you that it’s perfectly ok to let the baby cry as long as everything has been done for them-change of diaper, fed, comfortable-sometimes this works but you still have the crying to deal with and it can become nerve-wracking. For me, if I know the baby is colic, teething, sick or anything that is going to lead to excessive crying, I call in reinforcements…my Mom, friend, cousin, niece, you name it…just to make sure that I have someone there if I need a break. If more ppl would try to do this it might save some children’s lives. Perhaps a center set up that a parent could call to get someone to come for the day to help them out as a reinforcement. Have you ever had to deal with a baby/child crying excessively? What’s your technique in dealing with it? Do you have any ideas on how to help parents deal with the crying so that it doesn’t lead to shaking or beating? **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
8 people like this
25 responses
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
15 May 08
I am a senior citizen now but yes when my son was a baby he had colic so bad and cried so much. I found that a lot of times if I just sat down and rocked him in my moms old rocker he would soon stop crying and fall asleep. Often I played soft classical music as I rocked him and that seemed to soothe him too. Sometimes I sang a soft lullabye and that also helped'a lot.
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
15 May 08
I've had my share of crying babies and it was more trying for me than some being I have anger issues. I was told that if I ever felt that I was getting close to losing control, to just leave the situation entirely for a few min. to get my emotions back under control before going back to deal with the situation. My doctor told me it's ok to leave the baby or even a toddler alone for a few minutes...to step out of the house to regroup. Often times, by the time I came back in, my daughter would of stopped crying and gone to sleep. Soft music was my best friend when it came to my daughter. Whenever she was cranky, music soothed her into a nice sleep. Of course, I would make sure she wasn't crying cause she was sick or anything. I never shook nor hit my daughter thanks to the advice of her doctor in helping to deal with her.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
15 May 08
My boys were both crying babies ,but it was okay for me to carry them since I enjoyed having them with me all the time. I knew that the crying was only temporary and my husband would take over sometimes to give me a break.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
15 May 08
Hello twoey. I am stil a young girl and haven't my baby yet. Thus I don't know how to deal with a crying baby. When they cry, I just give them back to their parents. I think my mom is good at this because she is a mother of three and she seems to be really good at dealing with babies. I think your idea is really great. Sometimes, the mothers are just too tired and taking a break ca help a lot.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 08
I think that is a really great idea -- the center I mean. I haven't had to really experience any of that but I can easily understand where the frustrations could come from (not the acts themselves). Calling in reinforcements is an excellent idea and the center would be a huge help I'm sure to loads of people. It'd be great too if it could be free for those who can not afford it as well.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8708)
• United States
15 May 08
I also run a daycare and yes, I have had my share of fussy babies. I am right now watching twins~ talk about crys! I am alone with the babies, so if they are fed, and dry, not sick, I will let them cry it out for a while. I have found that just going to the bathroom or getting myself a drink of water , going into another room for a couple of minutes helps me regroup. With teething babies, there is something you can buy to put on their gums and it helps he babies. I can't understand how someone could cross the line and shake a baby. All they have to do is make sure the baby is safe in a crib and walk away for a little bit.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
15 May 08
There is nothing really that I can say to parents on what to do since everyone handles things in their own way but I can say Do Not Shake or Hit the baby. My oldest took a spell of crying anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour before my husband got home from work. I would put a blanket on the floor and some toys and lay there with her and try to sooth her and turn a toy on that she loved to lay there and watch it go round and round and play a song but nothing worked but as soon as he walked in the door she would stop. My son had colic and there were many nights I walked with him in my arms and rocked him and nothing worked. The doctor give us some medicine for the colic and then things got ok with that problem. Yes, there were times that I would want to scream and holler but then I would look at the sweet little baby and realize that she/he was too young to know they were driving me crazy.
1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19438)
• San Marcos, Texas
15 May 08
Never had a day care in the sense you did, but i do have 5 children and raised them and now helping my children raise theirs..they love staying the night with me cause they know i give rules more than mommy and daddy, I do spoil them but don't give in to their crying..to stop it i whisper and for them to hear since they want to know what i said they stop and then i sing a song to them, to get their mind off what made them to cry...falling down, tummy hurt or tired/hungry. It stops them enough to ask what they want or need me to do..now if its a baby..then i'm singing alot and talking in there ear to soothe them and cuddling with a cool cloth..they usually fall asleep.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
15 May 08
Oh my goodness, can I ever relate to all this!! I have four children and 3 of them were criers, what a nightmare. My second child was not only a crier, he would not sleep, I remember that in the space of 9 days I had all of 7 hours sleep. I was a right mess I can tell you and my hubby worked nights so I was alone in the day while he slept and at night. I had no support, so I used to have to put him in his pushchair and put him in another room so that I could have a breather. With all of them, there have been times that I was so low with all the crying that I just felt that I could not go on, it was so hard. But when I felt that feeling of not being able to cope, that feeling of despair and an impatience for it too stop then I would take them upstairs and in their cots they would go and I would come downstairs and leave them to it. I knew there was nothing wrong, they were fed, clean they had no colic, it was just purely crying. The only advice I have is if you are in that situation and there is no one to help and no escape, then make sure that they are clean, and fed. Then put them upstairs in their cot and leave them, put some music on so you cannot hear them and just take that time to relax and calm down. I would just pop up every 10 - 15 minutes to make sure that they were OK. When they stop crying or they calm down a little, then pick them back up, hug them. They learn from this that the crying does not get them anywhere.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Having a child that cried all the time, I can relate. If it wasn't for my mom, running to my rescue, I could have easily went over the edge. My son had CP and no one caught it until he was 6 months. They always just told me he had colic and to give him gas drops. He was actually having muscle spasms and was hurting. It was so nerve racking.
@Samanthavv (1386)
• United States
16 May 08
Exactly. And the parent can always just walk out of the room and take a breather if need be. Set the baby down somewhere safe, leave the room, and breathe. The baby might keep crying, but they won't die from it. Odds are they'll fall asleep from it. However they could die if you lose your temper.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
29 May 08
I have heard of people shaking their child and causing brain damage it is a shame that they don't get help sooner alot don't want people to think they can't deal with their kids but that what being a mommy is about testing your limits and when they get exceeded or oout of bounds they should have a safety net to be their to catch them in other words as you stated to have a wingman to takeover when you no longer can handle it and need a break their is no shame in it and mothers shouldn't be made to feel that way. It is good it you have family or your church helping you when you need it. It can be overwhelming at times and frustration can lead you to do things you would never think to do in a million years. My mom's way of dealing with it with my little sister was to bring her to me to deal with mostly. So was my sisters(I would keep her kids up to 2-4weeks at a time) and sister in law( I kept hers for the whole day).For me actually singing lullaby's worked something about the singing would help soothe my nerves some. And it is always good to take a few minute breather. I have heard that you can let them cry but for a few minutes, put some earplugs in for five minutes and breathe deeply. It sometimes centers you. I really don't think I could let a baby cry over 5 minutes. I have found that sometimes running the vaccum or turning on music helps the baby. My grandmother and great grandmother would give the babies catnip tea or sleepytime tea it worked well for my newphew as well. But I have never personally used it myself. Itis best to always ask your doctors opinion on things like this though. always talk to your doctor about what your going through or dealing with, he can and probably will give you good advice. And talk to your family they need to know what your going through as well so htey can be there on call to help when you feel ou need it most.
• United States
28 May 08
I have dealt with my own children as well as one other baby in this matter. The baby that wasn't my own was simply spoiled by the parents and I was told about it before hand. This was when I ran my home day care and I told the parents that I had other children to tend to as well so that if nothing was wrong with the baby I was going to let him cry for a bit. It really does help their lungs gain strength. Within a week the mom was asking me how I handled all of the crying and got him to where he didn't cry so much. It was just a simple technique of letting him cry. I have the ability to not be taken to the edge by a crying baby. For those who do, it would be a good idea of having someone there to help out or to know how to walk away and breath before going back to the baby. If the baby is sick, then you just have to deal with the situation and keep in mind that the baby is having a harder time than you are.
• United States
26 May 08
I think this was a very good discussion I read of stuff like this happening all the time and it just breaks my heart I happen to have a daughter that is not only a crier but she is also a screamer and as funny as it sounds I have found something that has worked but when she crys I act like I am crying with her and when she screams I scream with her this seems to make me feel better in some strange way and seems to shut her up for a few minutes she goes from crying to laughing at me most of the time when I do it though my son looks at me like I have lost my mind hey it works and sometimes its even funny so.....
• United States
23 May 08
I have noticed a lot of this, too. I think part of the problem is that these people get a slap on the hand. I noticed the sentences are really short for these crimes. I think the other part of the problem is people having babies so young, they just aren't equipped with the patience to do it. When my daughter was a baby she had colic and cried a lot until I found a way to alleviate it. The crying could be bad at times and she didn't sleep well because of it. We all know when baby doesn't sleep long, mom doesn't sleep long. I had help with my baby because my mother moved into my place to babysit while I worked, but some parents don't have this kind of support. I found that taking my daughter for a walk helped when she was crying a lot. Simply getting out of the same four walls can help a lot. The movement also seemed to help my baby to settle a bit. Some parents take babies for a ride in the car which can help, but I didn't care for the crying in such a small space. I also found that music helped. I would put on some music and would help relieve the tension that was building.
@flowerchilde (12547)
• United States
23 May 08
That is all true! And very good advice! I guess what I've learned as a big key to childcare (as a parent or even grand parent) while the kids are young is to be able to put your interests (even life) on a back shelf for those few years.. Having help, as you said is still key! If you have it.. But still, if you're able to let go and think "this is what I'm doing now" instead of thinking I have to do this.. I want to read that book, watch that movie.. go here, go there.. you will have much more conflict. It's hard, being (what?) self-less? Or much more so than usual.. I know not everyone can do this.. there's careers, etc.. demands, expectation(although phooey on most of those!) but if we can do it as much as we can, it helps a lot..
@whittby (3073)
• United States
18 May 08
Yes, I did foster care for years. I had one baby just because he had colic and the mother couldn't cope. I leaned the colic hold and helped him out the best I could. He went home after the colic reolsved. Initally, I held the babies trying to comfort them. Then it dawned on me I would be doing them a favor letting let them work it out themselves in their cribs and getting themselves to sleep. After all, they were going home to their moms and it was to the benefit of both having a kid that would go down for a nap. It worked out very well, letting them cry it out. I always checked to make sure all was okay and didn't let the crying go on for long periods of time though. I was amazed every time at how quickly these little guys adjusted. I had a lot of guilt doing this initially, but just being able to sit down aat nap time did me a world of good.
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
17 May 08
I have been incredibly blessed, not just with two children, but two wonderful children that rarely cried. When they did cry as babies it was easily fixed. I do recall the odd occasion where they cried for a longer than normal and thinking I understand now how some parents go over the edge after endless days of crying like this! I think too many mothers are under the impression that they need to do it all themselves and are reluctant to ask for help. I know Granny brought up 7 kids just fine without any help however back then there were a lot less stimuli and we were all a lot more relaxed than the high paced fast tracked world most of us live in today. I think that it is today's environment that causes a lot of the problems
• United States
17 May 08
I like your idea of the new parent hotline. Not all parents have someone to help them and to have a hotline would be great.It could save lives , the parent's and the child's.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
16 May 08
after doing all to make baby comfortable. I let them cry as for teething did the oragel trick Colic thats something I didnt have to put up with . they stop crying after while no used to shaking or beating that tends to make them cry harde I would think dont you?