Tired of being a mom

@jalucia (1435)
United States
May 29, 2008 9:41am CST
I was listening to a radio program and this woman wrote in to the program complaining about being a mother. She basically said that she was tired of being the one that her kids depended on. (She was recently divorced). She was tired of being the main provider for her children. I think all of us moms get tired from time to time. The part that was a little scary was that she was actually writing into a radio station hoping for a real solution. I think that, even though all of us moms need a break here and there, when your problem is that you are tired of being a mom - there is no solution. The most you can hope for is a sympathetic ear or a little bit of time to yourself. To complain to your friends/family is one thing ... it's comraderie. But, to write into a radio station about this makes me think that maybe she really is looking for a way out of motherhood - for good. What do you think? Do you ever get tired of being a mom? What do you do to get past it?
14 people like this
47 responses
@freedomg (1685)
• United States
5 Jun 08
There are times in my life when being a mom is really overwhelming and there are a lot of things that I would really like to do but know I probably never will because it just doesn't fit in with being a mom. I just try and take a few minutes to my self and remind myself of all of the bonuses that came with motherhood. The lady who wrote in may have been just venting a temporary emotion,or so I hope.
@Amberina (1542)
• United States
5 Jun 08
When my kids where little I got tired of being a mom but I still did my job it did help to complain to vent out all the flustrations and lack of sleep. As the years past and the kids have grown I actually miss the days when they where babies and safe and sound in their little beds at night. Not all women are cut out to be mommies and if this lady (not sure of her age) is really seriously looking for a way out she can always put them up for adoption and give the children a chance to have someone who does want to be a mommy.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6563)
• United States
30 May 08
I've noticed here that most people that have not felt this only has 1 child. I felt this too when my children were at home. I had a boy and a girl. My boy was 5 years when my girl was born. So he was used to being the only 1. He was okay with his sister until she learned to crawl to the toys. From then on it was war. My children are thankfully grown now with their own children. My daughter now feels the same way. She has three. There is relief from this. The first time i heard someone say it i thought they were crazy but now i know how true it is. "It is much better being the grandparent than the parent".
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
30 May 08
Gotta appreciate your honesty!! :) I can see the believability in that quote. The funny thing is that grandparents often make it a bit harder on the parents by spoiling the child every chance they get and/or not backing up the parents' mode of parenting. But, that's just how it goes ... that's life.
@jdyrj777 (6563)
• United States
31 May 08
I try not to spoil my grandchildren. If i send goodies home it's through my daughter. She distrubutes according to the childrens actions. If she is too hard on them i tell her in private. Just last week she became upset with how they acted in the store. She was going to send them to bed without supper. I do not think its ok to do that. Depriving a meal. No way. I didn't say aything in front of the kids. But i did text her about that. when i called her later they were eating supper but had to go to bed right after.
@jdyrj777 (6563)
• United States
31 May 08
I just wanna add that my daughter a babysitter that lives closer to her than i do. Im just the stand in. The kids know when grandma is playing and when shes not. One of them even said i was mean and was gonna tell mama on me. I just told him "go right ahead then she will know you've be bad". LOL!
@kellys3ps (3732)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I think every mom feels a little burnt out from time to time and needs to take a little time away to recharge and refresh -even if that means simply locking the door to go to the bathroom alone.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
20 Apr 09
Girl, and let me tell you, that's how I get my regular alone time - in the bathroom. Many times, though, that hasn't even worked. Picture having someone bust in the door while your in the bathroom because they need something that they think is ultra important, or hearing children yelling and screaming while your taking care of your personal business. Being a mom can definitely be hectic :)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I just read this and boy did it strike a nerve. I'm a mother of 3 (13, 11 & 3) and married to a military man, which essentially means a lot of time mothering the kids alone. I have severe depression to boot. I have all the sympathy in the world for said "radio lady", I feel her pain. Personally "thinking before having kids" is a fantasy. There is absolutely NO way to know what you are getting into before hand. There is always someone who has the "perfect" child, and others who are dealt children with severe issues. I have serious regrets that I should have never brought my children into this world, because they didn't deserve to have to deal with a mother like me. But as far down as I can go, I remind myself that I'm NOT as bad as some (think Caylee Anthony), and thinking of going through my life without my children makes me strive to do better and get through "just one more day". I don't deserve criticism for my faults (I do just fine belittling myself) I just need to know I'm not the only one. Some of us have a harder time with parenthood than others.
@idowrite72 (2217)
• United States
31 May 08
I think you are right that we each are tired of being the mom and those of us who are raising/or raised our children on our own, even more so. I was very lucky since my family was a big help and offered much support to me. They were willing to watch the kids for me so I could get out and do things for myself. I was able to bowl once a week during bowling season and I belonged to a women's group......a sorority that is not college affiliated. I was also very involved with the things that my children were doing...sports, Girl Scouts, PTA, etc. But even with the time for myself and out of the house and my family to help out, it wasn't always easy and there were times when I wished that I could just walk away. I knew that I never would or could because I loved my kids too much and couldn't figure out why their dad could just walk away and not want to be a part of their lives. I believe that this woman was looking for help of some kind whether it was a sympathetic ear or someone to help her to figure out her life and how she could better handle being the mom when it is such a hard thing to be. Many times our friends and family just tell us what we want to hear or don't help at all.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
1 Jun 08
She was most definitely reaching out for help. Maybe the fact that she had to write into a national radio station is indicative of her support system, or lack of. It's just so weird that fathers feel like they have options when it comes to parenting their children, whereas most mothers don't see, nor would they entertain any other option but to raise their children.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
30 May 08
I think the lady just needs to take a break and learn to realized that when you vowed to be a mother it is a 24/7 with no benefits, no overtime, no holiday and no pay job. Many of us have those moments but soon realized we signed up for it and should not complain to make it public. But again, if the kids are 21 and over, then she need to tell her kids to clean up their act and start behaving like an adult.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
31 May 08
I don't think that she had any kids over 21. One of the boys was 11. I don't know if it took her 11+ years to feel this way. But, the feeling of needing a little break usually sets in almost instantaneously for some of us.
@chertsy (3818)
• United States
30 May 08
I don't think she was looking for a way out of motherhood. I mean, there really isn't any, unless she signs over her rights to a court. I think she was looking for ideas on how to deal with it, heck she could have wrote in, in hopes the radio station would feel sorry for her and give her free stuff for her. A mom wouldn't really be sane, if we didn't have those days or moments, where we wished that our kids would disappear. That's where schools comes in handy.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
31 May 08
You're right, she could have other motivation for writing in. And, school isn't so bad when you graduate and become a mom :)
@smilyn (2964)
• United States
30 May 08
That is true..Almost every mother feels tired at a time or another for being a mom. That is human nature. I have atoddler.He never sits at a place. I would be totally exhausted but still he would have all the energy..Sometimes I would be very tired of him both physically and mentally. At those times, what I do to get a relaxation is to call my friend. She is a mom of twins. we discuss about the naughty activities of kids, their behaviours. we enjoy the kids attitudes and activities..that is all...My mind will be very calm and relaxed. I also visit blogs of moms..All these helps to share my views and thoughts and thereby overcome the thought of getting tired.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
1 Jun 08
It's great that you have found some sort of support system. Sometimes it really helps just to be in the company, verbally or physically, of another adult.
@ZephyrSun (7399)
• United States
29 May 08
I don't think that I could ever write someone and complain about being tired that my kids depend on me. This person sounds like my ex-husbands new wife. I have a son that has a variety of special needs (ODD, ADHD, autism, and other issues) there are days hard such as I just want to go to bed until my husband gets home, but I can't and don't. I believe that your children didn't ask to be here and if you are too selfish to take care of them give them to the other parent or find a family that will take them.
• United States
16 Feb 09
having a child with special needs is indeed a challenge, add to that a teenager that has entitlement issues and another with learning disabilities and YES i am tired of being a mom! Sorry to burst your bubble but no one is really prepared to have an ID or and LD child! So get off your BS about children not asking to be here and realize that it is okay to be tired of being a mom for some of us
• United States
29 May 08
There are times when I wish that I had finished college before having a child, but now that she is in my life I would never even think about not wanting to be a mother. If she doesn't want to be a mother then she should have thought about that before she brought them into this world to have a mother that doesn't want them. That is her duty as a mother to take care of them. That is just rediculous.
@jalucia (1435)
• United States
30 May 08
I've struggled with the finishing school/having kids dilemma myself. But, just like you, I wouldn't trade my kids for a thing. I know that education, or anything else, would not fulfill my life more than my kids or give it any greater purpose. The dj said exactly what you said... it's her responsibility to mother those children, they didn't ask to be bought into the world, she made the decision to have them ... You'd think these statements would be common knowledge among all mothers. Unfortunately, some mothers think that they have options when it comes to being a parent. It's bad enought that a lot fathers already think this way.
@magikrose (5427)
• United States
29 May 08
there are times that I wish I was not a mom and that I had taken a diffrent path and when I start feeling that way I literally give myself a time out in my room and think about all the wonderfull things my children have brought to my life. Then I start to feel better about being a mom. I also think about how I would feel IF I didnt have my kids and realise that basically my life would be empty. No matter what the way I look at it I need my kids just as much as they need me.
• Singapore
11 Apr 13
You touched my heart , magikrose. Sometimes I am in similar situation too. I even slap myself to wake up to reality that I am a mother. I soothe myself by reminding myself that I am not a perfect mother, no mother is perfect in this world, so just do my very best. I believe your kids are proud to have a mother like you. :)
• Singapore
11 Apr 13
I think she has no one else to turn to . I don't know why, but I somehow feel that she is very lonely . Being a single mother can be very challenging. In fact, the role of a mother is to take care of kids , educate them, etc. Not to earn income. Earning income is the father's role. Earning income and take care of kids , i can say Wow , is indeed challenging. P Perhaps, she want a solution whereby she's hoping for someone to come to her to help raise one of her kids or something. As for me, being a mom is a blessing. Ever get tired? Yes tired at the end of the day after all the playing, housework, etc. But not tired of being one. When I am tired and need a break, I would ask my husband to take over for some hours or a day. Then I will be rejuvenated . :)
3 Dec 11
I am seriously considering dropping my child off at his father's house and letting them sort it out. Yep, I took on being a mother and I knew what I was getting into. Except I didn't know that my child would be a brat despite my 100% best daily efforts, have constant troubles at school (private school that I pay for by myself), possible learning disability, needs medication, etc...and I get no help whatsoever from any family member. Not one. I think a little dose of reality for both my child and his father is in order. He can pay for everything for a little while like I have been, my kid can learn to appreciate what I do and listen to me while he is with his father...maybe they can both come to realize life is not about them frolicking and doing whatever they want to do while I pull my hair out to try to make things right. If not, they can stay living together. Either way, I'm done being Mother Teresa. Next time I get a call from the school, he is going to his dad's. Does this make me a bad mom? Too bad. You come get him and take care of him by yourself for 10 years and then tell me how you feel!!
@newtondak (3952)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I guess I'm wondering what she thought a radio station could do about it - did she think that the would provide her with a full time nanny or a free day away from the children? I'm thinking that she was just looking for someone to feel sorry for her and to give her something for free. Is she playing the martyr and actually doing things that cause her children to depend on her rather than to let others (the ex, the grandparents, aunts and uncles) help out? Sounds to me like she as "Poor Me Syndrome"! I think there are a lot of people who don't think about what being a parent involves before they have children. Then things get a little tough and all of a sudden they don't want the children that they have. Who pays the price - the children!
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
17 Jun 08
I love my kids but I need a break from them from time to time. I am with them 24/7 and somedays are better then others. When I do have a bad day I ask my hubby for an hour alone time in the tub. The bath water has always relaxed me and to have an hour of no one talking to me about I want this or that is so nice. Its something that I need and take them as much as I can. I am a SAHM so they are always with me and then they sleep in our bed with us. Like I said I don't get many breaks but you need them. Alot of times when I go shopping with my mom and the kids stay home I start to miss them even though I was happy to be by myself. That womens husband needs to help out and take the kids unless they got a divorce for something he did to the kids. Then she needs to hire a babysitter but if shes crying out for help then someone needs to help her before she does something crazy to those kids.
@chrislotz (8209)
• Canada
8 Jun 08
It is awful to announce our family problems to the public. But also it is really something to say a person is tired of being a parent. I think that is awful. I have two children who are now adults, and no matter how hard things got I was never tired of being a mom. But I do know someone who says the same thing. She says if there was a way she could give her kids to someone she would. Her kids are now 14 and 15 years old so it isn't as if they are babies anymore, but still. She says if she knew it was this hard to be a parent she would never have had them. I can see these kids leaving home as soon as they turn 18, because she tells them too, how she feels about it. They know they aren't wanted and so they just stay out of her way and don't have much of a relationship. I think it is so sad. My kids, now 25 and 33, have always known they were loved and wanted no matter how hard it got for me.
@Hatley (112637)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Jun 08
I think that a single mom needs to enlist the aid of her family or friends to help so she won't get burned out. she was probably really just plain tired and that can translate into thinking you dont want to be a mom any longer but all she needs is a bit of help now and then so she can recharge her batteries so to speak.
@Aiping (10)
• China
4 Jun 08
I understand you. So when my boy was born, I was 31 years old.I think about to be pregnant for a long time, I desided to be a mother, only one childred's mother. Now, I'm not tired of being a mom
@bombshell (11268)
• Germany
1 Jun 08
hello!i am not tired of being mom!if we have patience we really enjoy being a mom and its a normal thing that sometimes kids drives us nuts but its our kids.all we have to do is patience and need sometimes of ourself.
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
1 Jun 08
I agree with you. SHe is making it public that is tired. There is something odd there. I am a full time stay at home mother. I am with them 24/7 and rarely get to even go grocery shopping by myself. So I understand how she can be tired. I think every mother does. But to announce it to the entire world...i dont think that is right. I do complain to family and friends something...but you need to just vent sometimes. It helps....