my GF'S parents request many money from me

@zhwbeast (329)
China
June 5, 2008 10:08pm CST
Now,I have planed to marry with my GF,and we sure we will love each other at the days coming. But there has a problem,that her parents need many money and my family could not bear it.so the marriage now are uncertain. In my opinion,the couple which could stay together with each other just for the feeling.but now I also hard to earn money.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@agihcam (1916)
• Philippines
6 Jun 08
What is the purpose of your GF having much money?Is it for the weddings?Why do they concern for the weddings itself?To become popular in your city or what.Sounds not could to me,don't angry with me or tell to your GF to not blame me.This day,we are trying to save more money due to gas price hike and our daily needs,so I guess your parents GF need to be practical and not having so much expenses for your weddings just to become popular for your visitors,I would go instead to have simple weddings wherein every body can eat as normal but not much,and save your money to your future needs.I have seen many couples that after got married,they need a hard work to earn money since they have lots expenses during their weddings and lots of loans need to pay.That is my advice,I'm sorry if I did wrote something sensitive.Thank you.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
6 Jun 08
But the problem is that the money they asked is not for the fees of the wedding.In their words,the money is just for her family.And the wedding fee also must spend by my family. Sometimes I think that they are selling their daughter.
1 person likes this
@agihcam (1916)
• Philippines
6 Jun 08
O buddy,you are facing a complex problem.If that money is a one time pay only then maybe you could have find a way to do that,but if it a long time.meaning even though you got already married and they will still ask money to support them,then I will left the decision to you.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
6 Jun 08
It's a lucky that I just pay them for one time,in her parents meaning.But my GF told me that although her parents ask money from me now,when we get married,I also need to give her parents money if they in trouble,like they must build a new house for her brother's wedding I must support them. Now we often blame other for something,I could not believe that a so loved couple to becoming now. I could not know how to do. I'm from china and my english is not very good,please forgive me if you have something not understand in my words.
• Philippines
6 Jun 08
That's a big problem. It's up to you to decide. I am not in the position to advice you not to marry your GF if you really love her. I am just really curious if her family is really asking money from you directly? It's weird if you are to ask me.
1 person likes this
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
6 Jun 08
Not directly,but by my GF. They told my GF that if my family do not give them the number of money they request,they will not allow her to marry me.
1 person likes this
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
6 Jun 08
I don't understand why her parents are asking you for money? Why are they asking you for money? Sounds to me like you are not only getting the girlfriend you are going to have to support the entire family. That is just a little absurd to me and is not right. What does you girlfriend say about this situation? I think you need to talk to her about this.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
6 Jun 08
I don't understand the meaning of her parents two. We are in the different city,and have different custom in wedding. For my family,when the man marry with the woman,we not pay for it.and my GF's custom it is neccessary. Maybe her family is poor and she has a brother,they need the fees of her brother's marriage like house from me.
• Canada
6 Jun 08
What are your nationalities if you don't mind me asking this. I have really never heard of something about this and have started looking the information up. There are several different cultures that have a "dowry".
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
6 Jun 08
I'm from china and my country has the custom of give the woman's family money for her parents bring her up.And now some city like my hometown is changed.but there are also popular in some not very devoloped place
@maehan (1445)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Well, that's really tough. I understand your situation and worst of all is the culture. Probably, you want to negotiate with your GF parent and tell them your condition. Good luck to you.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
5 Oct 08
hehe,now we just have little diffirent of it,and we will married next month,thanks
• Australia
18 Oct 08
I really feel for you. Are you living in America or China? I live in Australia and am married to a Vietnamese. My wife's family live here in Australia as well. Both of them collect a generous amount from the government as a Pension. They still expect my wife to give them money regularly. I've struggled with this for 4 years and finally let them know that I don't like giving money as gifts. (I often took them out to dinner and bought them food). After telling them I don't like giving them money they just about threw me out of the house. Now they've said they never liked me anyway. I can't believe a culture would disabandon their daughter like that. The in-laws used to try to convince me that Vietnamese families were closer and richer then "Western" families. I don't know what to do now. It's not fair on my wife to give up her family. But I also think it's not fair that we have to pay a lot of tax to give the earderly a Pension. I also know my children (when we have some) will not be expected to give us money. Am I being unfair or selfish here?
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I am very sorry to hear that. I think you should be able to stay together and love each other also. I know that marriage does take some money but you can work towards that at a later time. I think you both shoudl just hold off on it but still be with one another. Why is your girlfriend's parents asking you for money? They should know that you are planning to be married and you will need all the money you can get also.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
5 Oct 08
the reason her parents need money because her family is poor and their house now could not live and plan to build a new one.
@Hatley (158039)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jun 08
zhwbeast I think what the problem is is that your girlfriends family are asking a dowry from you as that may be the custom of her people. you need to talk to her parents and to her and get what they mean straightened out. your family evidently does' not have that custom. Is there any way you could borrow the dowry money from some of your relatives if you really love the girl and want to marry her? you say your family does not have money? could you not go ahead and marry without that dowry thats so old fashioned.here in the US we have done away with that altogether.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
5 Oct 08
yes,I know what you said and it could not believed in US.but It's just the diffirent custom and we must know the pressure from the custom is so huge which many people could not bear it.