Hanging out with ex-boyfriend's family?

@foxyfire33 (10021)
United States
June 6, 2008 10:14am CST
Would you ever/have you ever willingly hung out with an ex's family? Have you ever asked if you could? Stepson's recently ex-girlfriend called him Thursday night. She asked him if she could please come over this weekend to see me and the kids. She told him that he doesn't have to spend anytime with her and he can just ignore her but she really misses us....keep in mind she was just here on Sunday, so it's not like she hasn't seen us in months! It just boggles my mind. The last thing I ever wanted to do less than a week after a break-up was go visit with the family. But then again, it's probably just an excuse to keep herself in his life...isn't there a word for that? So besides the first questions...would you be flattered or concerned if a child's or relative's ex would rather spend the weekend with you than with his/her own family?
2 people like this
9 responses
@checapricorn (16076)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I guess, she wanted to be close to him and maybe hoping to have him back, so, she is trying to find a way in whatever means. I will be flattered if I will be in that situation if during their relationship, we are really close and oftentimes hanging out! But, I will be surprise if it's the opposite!
@foxyfire33 (10021)
• United States
6 Jun 08
This is my first "mother in law" experience so I really am glad that it was all positive...the more I think and respond here, I think that's the problem...I do like this girl and I don't want her getting hurt if he doesn't want anything to do with her ever again.
• United States
6 Jun 08
I see..Anyway, hopefully, that scenario will help them both to move on and still with a healthy relationship and being very sports and open what is destined for them! Maybe she enjoy more in your family than spending her time with her own family!
@sedel1027 (17872)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I can't say that I have done that, but the lady who watched my son for a few weeks last summer, one of her sons ex-girlfriends would come and hang out. They had been together for about 4 years before they broke up and she was really close to everyone in the family. I think that it is cool that she was able to do that. I believe they did get back together.
@foxyfire33 (10021)
• United States
6 Jun 08
They had been together for a year and a half so we all did definitely have a bond...I think it's kind of all right. I just don't think they should get back together soon and that's what I worry would happen. I can tell by the way he talks about her that part of him does love her...I just think they're too young....and that's coming from someone who was madly in love at 17 and got married at 18, been there done that and would do it a million times over again but it doesn't make it right!
@sedel1027 (17872)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I got married and divorced young, but I don't think people shouldn't be in a relationship if that is what they want. They could always stay friend and then get back together or stay in a serious relationship and get married after a few years. A year and a half is not long to know someone. I have friend that were with someone and living together for over 8 years and then decide to split up. If they love each other, odds are that they will be getting back together.
• United States
6 Jun 08
I actually have. When my ex-fiance and I split up, I had really come to feel like a part of their family, and I did spend some time with his parents a few times. Eventually, I stopped going over there because it started feeling a bit strained and awkward, but it was nice to be able to spend a bit more time with them right after the split. My own family was pretty much estranged, so I didn't have them to go to, either.
@foxyfire33 (10021)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I suspect she doesn't feel very close to her family so that could be exactly all it is. He did say she won't be over this weekend so maybe things will sort themselves out during the next week.
@lilybug (21183)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I have hung out with the family of my son's father a few times. It was mainly so that they could see my son though. One of my aunts when I was growing up broke it off with her fiance before they even set the date. I went to a summer camp a few years later that he was a camp counselor at. He told me that one of the things that upset him the most about the breakup with her was that he missed her family. I really liked him and part of me wishes that they would have gotten married, but he was way to nice for her so he is better off without her.
@foxyfire33 (10021)
• United States
6 Jun 08
And I sometimes miss my ex-hubby's family...and they've invited me to family events since the divorce, so I do understand that. I guess it just seemed different because we had kids but maybe it's the same regardless.
@ellie333 (21030)
6 Jun 08
I have always stayed in contact with one of my ex-boyfriends and his family but then we all get on well. Obviously initially I didn't spend anytime around him but he didn't live with them. They consider me as much family as real family but I do think it strange after only a week that she should be doing this and sounds like maybe she still thinks there is a chance for him and her as break up so recent. I don't know as every situation is different and I am certainly not in contact with most ex's or their families just the one and that is because we were really only ever supposed to be good friends I believe rather than anything else but even my children go and visit his mother on their own. Ellie :D
@foxyfire33 (10021)
• United States
6 Jun 08
We had gotten kind of close, and she was over here a lot so maybe she is just missing that.If it hadn't been so recent...or if he didn't live with us...I don't think I'd mind her visiting. The boys miss her too. I just worry that it's too soon and that she's clinging to any thread of hope that he'll want her back.
@sid556 (31030)
• United States
7 Jun 08
I get along with both of my exes families. I never would just invite myself over but I did and still do keep in touch with all the family members. I do get invited to some family get-togethers. At the beginning, I just declined because it was just too awkward with my ex and also it was HIS family and I didn't want him to feel weird either. In the beginning, my communication with his family was mainly thru letters and visits at my place or a public place. As the emotions grew less intense , we did have to find a way to work together to raise our children so there are times when we are all thrown together and it's ok. If there were no kids involved and he was just a boyfriend, I think I'd give it some time and space before visiting the family if I knew he'd be there. My guess would be that there are some ulterior motives going on in this case.
7 Jun 08
There's nothing wrong spending time with your ex-bf family. If they asked you to join them, maybe It's because you've filled a part of their family more than just being a girlfriend of their son. That what makes you a really good person because somehow they still wanting you to be there during their family affairs. I'm sure your girl have something they really like.
@meljessxena (2319)
• Australia
7 Jun 08
i think it would be hard to hang out with my ex bf family, i still talk to my bf sister online at times, but not very often. it would be way to hard and i think it would upset a few people (my partner mainly) to keep in contact with my ex bf family. i spose you would be flattered if people wanted to spend time with you over their own family i guess your family must of felt like a "real family" figure for her.
@cjgrooms (4458)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I would be concerned about this young girl. Maybe she needs someone (therapist)to talk to. What does her mom and dad think about this? If they have no concern then maybe that is part of her problem.