Young Mothers
@prestigiousred (29)
United States
June 12, 2008 7:50pm CST
Ok I was out and about today with my children and a older lady stopped and approached me and proceeded to ask me my age I told her I was 24 years old she said to me and you have 4 children and i said yes I do these are my kids and she told me i should be ashamed of myself. Question...Is it wrong for someone to be that young with that many kids? Should it be something that a person should ashamed of?
6 people like this
25 responses
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
13 Jun 08
That woman was out of line. Childen are a gift from God. I don't know your circumsatances and don't need to know. If I see you in a store with 4 kids and taking care of them, I'd be proud of you.
That being said, I do hope you have someone you can call if things get too stressful. Or that you log on here to vent. :-)
My baby sister had her first 3 kids by the time she was 22. (Both of my sisters and I had babies together in 1984. Their first babies, my only. I was almost 32, middle sister was 26 and my baby sister was 19.) Her fourth came along many years later.
After the 3rd baby arrive, I told her if she ever got so stressed that she considered hurting her kids, she should call me, even if was 3 a.m. She was insulted to think that I thought that might happen. But sure enough, she called me in that state of mind a few months later.
24 is young to have that many kids, sure. But if you're taking care of their physical, emotional and spiritual needs, or getting help for any of these as required, then I think it's no one's business.
1 person likes this
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
13 Jun 08
By the way... Somehow it's unfair that an old lady can stop and ask your age, but if you asked her age that would be inappropriate.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
14 Jun 08
I don't tell strangers except for people who ID me or whatever. It is none of their business, I will just say 'I'm old ENOUGH, thank you'. I'm open about it with people I know. I guess I should not say I never tell strangers, I share online and such but not if someone approaches me in person to ask. There's always some reason I probably don't agree with attached to WHY they might ask, so they don't deserve to know. =)
1 person likes this
@Shawchert (1094)
• United States
13 Jun 08
There is absolutely nothing you should be ashamed of! Other people are just stuck up on the society these days... which it's hard to raise children at a young age
I was 24 when I had my son, but I look like I'm 16 so people give me these dirty looks like I'm the scum of the earth. I shrug them off and tell myself I don't have to worry about all the people of the world, what matters most is my own people, aka, children
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
14 Jun 08
I get so sick and tired of this! I have had people actually CONGRATULATE me on being 29 when I had my daughter. Trust me, it was not a congratulations. Being 29 meant that I tried without success for about 10 years. =( I'm now 33. There are pros and cons to having kids early or late, but kids come when they come, you know? Some people try and try and try for years and no kids and it is SO hard to keep getting negative tests. Other people sneeze wrong and get a positive test LOL!
If you're younger parents, you have more energy. You may enjoy your kids more because you're still young. On the other hand, younger parents don't always have the security and resources that older parents may have because they didn't have the time to sock that way, to buy the larger home, to start the college funds etc. Older parents don't always have the stamina and time to run all over doing activities though, even if they have the money for it. Older parents also don't get to retire early because well.. they still have little feet running around at home! They did get time as just a couple though prior to having kids. Young parents generally had no time to just be a couple - but this is offset by the fact that they will still be very young when the kids are grown, and if they plan wisely, they can retire early and begin traveling or doing what they've always dreamed of in their mid to late 40s when the kids have left home or are in college.
As far as people giving you dirty looks, I have had people assume all sorts of rotten things about me, from thinking I'm a teen mom, to a single mom, to a mom who doesn't have any money but has a bunch of kids... it is very demeaning. My older kids are teenagers, so put that into play and people think I started having kids when I was 12 or something because I look like I'm about 23. People are stupid, it's frustrating, isn't it?
1 person likes this
@Shawchert (1094)
• United States
14 Jun 08
yeah I don't like to have people judge me but as I said, I don't care about other people, I just grin and bear it, considering it is MY life.
And yeah I do get a lot of looks when I tell people the father didn't want anything to do with my son, either it's massive sympathy, which i don't need or they act as though it was my fault. Drives me insane and I try to get out of the conversation as fast as I can.
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
13 Jun 08
It's nothing to be ashamed of. That lady probably thinks that you are some kind of street person who has a bunch of kids to random guys. I don't think that's the case although it's none of my business as it is none of her business either. I wouldn't worry about it. You are fine!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
14 Jun 08
How ridiculous. I wish you'd told that old lady what a b**** she was for making a comment like that. I LOOK young, I am almost 10 years older than you but I get comments like that too. It's very inappropriate of people and I am never above telling them how rude I think they are.
1 person likes this
@ShealM (388)
• Canada
13 Jun 08
Lords & Ladies some people are such judgmental hypocrisies. I get that a lot myself, when I was 24 I had 3 and was preggo for #4. I used to get "do they all have the same father?", "Are you crazy?" and "You must be so busy?". For one, yes all FIVE of my children have the same father, a man I've been with for 9+ yrs, secondly, no I'm not crazy and yes I am busy but I love my children and being busy with them is a labor of love and heart. My children are my heart and soul and each one of them are my everything. I chose to have 5 children, the people who make comments should mind their own darn business - they don't have to with the choices I made, I do. There is nothing wrong with being a young mother of larger families.
I think it's twisted that people make such nasty remarks, they need to Shut up or put up with it. There is no room for degrading a young mother of larger families. Don't like it, leave - go jump off a cliff for all I care just shut it with the judgmental stupidity - I don't understand why people don't just back off and mind their own business.
1 person likes this
@silentlyscreaming (48)
• United States
14 Jun 08
As long as you take care of your children and you love them, what have you got to be ashamed of? The lady who confronted you is the one who should be ashamed. My closest friend, is is 39 and has about 6 years on me, although we were both pregnant at the same time about 12 years ago. She had 5 children by the time she was 27, 4 of her own plus they have had custody of her niece for the last 14 years. People always had something to say when she was out alone with all 5 kids. I've even had it happen to me. I had both of my kids by the time I was 23, yet I have always looked quite a bit younger than I actually am.
1 person likes this
@carrotcake14 (361)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
i think she's the one who should be ashamed.How dare her judge you like that,to think she's a complete stranger.She don't even know you personally. If you are an irresponsible mother, then you should be ashamed of yourself.But then you're not. Even if you're still young then, you took the challenge of motherhood.And that is something to be proud of. You know this world is very cruel, because there are lots of people who thought they're living their life with no flaws at all. So cheer up, and chin up!!
1 person likes this
@newtondak (3946)
• United States
13 Jun 08
No it is not something to be ashamed of. That lady should be ashamed of the way she acted - it is none of her business how many children you chose to have at what age. The way I look at it, as long as my tax dollars aren't being used to support someone's children, it is their own business how many they have and when they have them.
For whatever reason, our society has come to think that it is not acceptable to have children before the age of twenty and many choose not to have children until much later than that. People don't stop to think that God created women to have children at a much earlier age than what is commonly acceptable in our society.
People also don't stop to think that waiting until later in life to have children is contributing to more problems with infertility and with birth defects.
1 person likes this
@shamashemnice (482)
• Egypt
13 Jun 08
Should not be ashamed because it is not wrong.
1 person likes this
@tessah (6617)
• United States
13 Jun 08
the only thing wrong is what this woman did. i cannot believe she had the audacity to even approach you like that much less say such nasty things to you!! it boggles the mind!! maybe shes just b|tichy because she has no family and took her resentmensts of that out on whoever happened to have what she does not.. who knows ..;shrugs;.. at any rate.. it isnt anything to be ashamed of in the least to have family at your age.. or even younger. if youre content with yer life.. to hell with anyone else.
1 person likes this
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Ashamed?????? Absolutely not. If you are doing what you can to be a good mom to those 4 kids, you should be very proud of yourself. I was a young mother too. Three kids by 23, and four by 29. They are all doing very well. Three are adults, and one in junior high. They are my proudest accomplishments. Would life have been easier if I had been a little older when I became a parent? Very likely, it would have. I advise my children to wait, go to school, have some adventures, before they get married and become parents, but only to make life not such a struggle. You have taken the route I did, and no one has any right to make you ashamed of that! Be proud, be happy. I wish you every happiness!
1 person likes this
@didnotask4it (118)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
That lady's funny, like she has never been out of her cage. Don't let her affect you. As long as you know you're giving quality time to all of your kids, no matter how many you raise, you must be proud and not ashamned at all.
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Forget that witch! I am 31 with 4 kids and my oldest is 15 (will be 16 in Oct.) I have had a lot of older people make comments to me. You have had your kids at the time that was right for you. You are young enough to play with them and will be young enough that when they move out you will be able to enjoy life. Not that older people don't. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Please don't let people like that even stay on your mind. Tell them what you think of them (if you you want) and then just enjoy your kids.
1 person likes this
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
13 Jun 08
That lady is just old school. Don't you worry about what she thinks. I am 23 and have two kids. I love my kids and take good care of them and that's all that matters. Do not be ashamed of it, there are plenty of people out there who wish that they could have just one. You are going to have such a wonderful and close family when you get older and your children will be there for you and eachother.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
14 Jun 08
I don't think it was any of her business & if i'd been you & been asked my age i'd have told her it was none of her business.
I have family members that are a year younger than you with 4 kids & although i couldn't understand why they kept having them (especially when all they did was complain about having no money or whatever), it's not my place to say anything so i just don't worry about it.
People like that just need to mind their own business & like someone else said, she was WAY out of line & you shouldn't have given her any information since she's just a complete stranger.
Having said that, there's also no need to be rude to them, being older they have different values, morals & things were different when they were your age so they still expect to see things like they were when they were your age. She may not have actually meant to offend you - just take it with a grain of salt & try not to think too much about it.
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
13 Jun 08
No you should definately not be ashamed, that lady is way out of line and it is none of her business. I was also a young mum, I am 29 years old now, and have 3 kids, my eldest is 12 years old, got pregnant at 16. I am proud of myself for raising 3 beautiful kids. You should be too, don't listen to what anyone else says.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Jun 08
no not at all, what a rude woman to say that to you.
maybe she was worried about overpopulation but still she'had no
right to judge you. she did not even know you. No you
should not be ashamed at all. young mothers often are the
the best moms as there is not such a large age gap. dont'
let stupid women like her hurt you.
@giorazor (46)
• Georgia
13 Jun 08
Oh! it is not ashamed at all, on the contrary, why not having 3 or 4 children if GOD gave you the chance.
If you trust in GOD, thre is no way for shame,cause having children means living with hope.And the hope itself means trusting and loving GOD!!!
P.S. If you trust in GOD
do not be asamed of your blood!!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
15 Jun 08
of course it's nothing to be ashamed of, they every one are a blessing. i would have probably tolds her she was a meddling old woman & to mind her on buisness. she must be a miserable old woman. pray for her & count your blessings every day for your four wonderful children.
