Why do people have kids when they can't really afford to have them?

United States
June 13, 2008 3:05pm CST
Is it too much to ask? I really don't get the logic behind this. Why put yourself and your kids through proverty? It seems that some people assume that "God will provide." Even if I wasn't an agnostic I would still be offended by this statement. Children die all the time due to malnutrition and preventable illnesses, clearly god doesn't provide. I am not fincially secure so I choose to wait to have kids until I am (if this ever happens).
9 people like this
34 responses
@sunkissed (4333)
• United States
13 Jun 08
Very good question, I too would love to know the answer to this question. I myself only had 2 children, they are both grown now. One is 28 one is 30. But I see so many people having more children than they can afford, it is a shame to have more children than you can afford,
2 people like this
• United States
13 Jun 08
If you really think about it, if we all waited until we could "afford" a child, most of us wouldn't have any. Life is a struggle. You also have to step into someone elses shoes. Many people who are in that predicament either don't believe in birth control or have no finacial or physical means of getting it. No one wants to make their children starve or has children and hopes they wil be in an awful situation. God gives us the tools. We just don't always use common sense or use the brains he gave us, so why blame him for our faults? if you are offended by that statement God will provide, why don't you help out a family that is in that situation and make a difference? maybe he wanst us to help each other...
• United States
13 Jun 08
Most people shouldn't have kids. Especially ones that don't use 'common sense'. And I already do help out....... it's called welfare.
• United States
14 Jun 08
The thing is, how do you ever know 100% that you are financially secure? We thought we were and boy were we wrong. I had both of my children by the time I was 23 and my husband was 28. We both had well paying jobs, great health benefits, own our home, money in savings, etc. All the things you think a responsible adult should have before having kids. We worked within the same company, which was nice. Nice until that company decided, without warning to us piss-ant workers, to haul butt to Mexico. Bye bye well paying union job, with all of the benefits. So long savings because we had to live off of our savings while searching for new jobs. Mortgage had to be paid, food had to be bought, bills had to get paid. Plus our son has autism. Toodles to the rest of our savings. Now, here we are, barely hanging onto our home. I'm back to driving my car from high school, a 1993 dodge shadow. No health benefits because our combined incomes are too much for even the kids to receive medicaid, yet too low to shell out the $115 a week for medical (that's just medical, does not include vision and dental) through my husbands employer, mine doesn't even offer health benefits. We went from a combined income of about $69,000 ( we weren't wealthy by any means, but for area of the country, we were very comfortable. Plus quite a bit of that went for treatment for our autistic son. As good as our health benefits were, it paid almost nothing in terms of autism treatment, not an uncommon thing.)Anyway, we went from a combined income of $69,000 to a combined income of $30,000. We are going to have to let our house go because trying to make the $985 payments is killing us now.
1 person likes this
@sturner03 (326)
• United States
14 Jun 08
The people that are financially unstable that have kids will always have a chance to better themselves. Alot of people don't plan to have kids. Contrary to popular belief birth control does not always work I had 2 children on it and I took it faithfully. I am not in a financial place were I can support them all on my own but I am getting there, and there's nothing stopping me or anyone else. I don't think that other people should judge that.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Jun 08
Kida are our hopes.When we are not rich ,but unfortunately we have a kid,I maintain I can bear this child.He will give me more montivition to support he well
1 person likes this
• Turkey
14 Jun 08
You have a good point but the way I see it some people may always be struggling on some level. The kids may not have everything they want but they will still be loved. My sisters and I grew up without a lot of the things that these kids have today and we were very happy and content. Sure, sometimes we had to go without but my mom always made up for it in other ways. I think this world sometimes is too materialistic. Not everything is about money, sometimes other things suit just as well...
1 person likes this
@missybal (4493)
• United States
14 Jun 08
That's a question I ask a lot... My best friend just had her first child and she wants to have 4. She keeps talking about how she hates having to work when she has a child and really wants to be a stay at home mom... She's trying to find something to do to make money at home so she can stay at home with her child, but there really isn't anything she is willing to do... Her little boy is 4 months old and they are already talking about making another, and they are barely making ends meet now and are very luck to have enough family that is baby sitting for free. My best friend grew up with one little brother, one little sister, one step brother and one step sister and through out her childhood her family was so poor that their refrigerator was almost always empty. They had times when the electricity would be shut off and they had to use oil lamps... They had times the gas was shut off in the middle of winter and they had to go to bed in their snowsuits. The phone would get shut off and their roof leaked in their room... although she has a great mom really they went through hard times and with 5 kids, so I don't understand why they would want 4 children... What they want to do in life is never going to give them the type of income they need to support a large family... I understand wanting children to have a sibling but if you can't afford much please stop at two... I am going to be 26 and still have no children because my husband and I are not financially ready.. I realize they say you can never be financially ready but you can get at least close before you start having kids. We believe that by the beginning of next year we will start but I wouldn't want more than one maybe two because I want to give my child/children things I never had and I would never want them to feel the pain of an empty stomach. It's just wrong.
1 person likes this
@gamgee (116)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
This is something which I also dont understand, I tried to ask a few mothers, very young ones in their early to mid 20s with about 3-4 children already, why have them, when its very obvious that you cant provide for them? From their answers, I could gather that its a combination of lack of education, misinformation and superstition that brought them to that situation. Lazy parents make lots of children to build their army or workers, who will eventually provide for them when they grow up, as if anyone could get a good job without proper education. I dont know how they can think of that when they dont have plans to send their children to school, because school is expensive. And here in my country, religion doesnt help either, we are very poor and over populated, and the church is still condemning those who advocate the use of birth control methods. So in a society where you think that you are blessed if you have lots of children, what elso could happen?
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 08
sometimes people have had other experiences in life i know i did, my mother was poor and yes i was raised in the system ,and i have seen and been thru stuff that no child should but it made me who i am, and that is a mother (of three children )that always expects the unexpected,is very aware of her what is around her,and knows that no matter what happens in life ,he him upstairs will always be there just like he wast thru this whole crazy life of mine yes children do suffer and it is sad but dont blame him blame yourself because if you can see the problem than you can be a part of the solution,and also when you have a child how much money you hae in your pocket is not whats on your mind,its not always easy but lifes not meant to be your job as a parent is to not to let it seem as hard as it,besisdes who wants materialistic kids anyway.oh yeah hate to burst youer bubble take a look at our economy nobody is finacially secure.
1 person likes this
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
13 Jun 08
I will be the first to admit we weren't exactly ready for a baby when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. However my husband worked his butt of from the moment he found out I was pregnant to get his business off the ground so he could provide for us and we are in better shape then both of our parents combined have ever been. I know we are a rare case. And I agree with you that it annoys me when people assume that "God will provide". Sometimes it takes a little more work then prayer to make a buck. With all that said now that my daughter is 2 1/2 years old we could probably afford to have another baby. But until I have my pre baby debt paid off I'm choosing not to have another one. With the economy the way it is right now and the constantly rising prices and insurance being so out of wack I'm just not wanting to take any chances.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
Some people are not properly informed about family planning. I believe that MOST of the mothers on poverty stricken areas realize and understand how hard it is to raise children and they themselves do not want to have many children. Unfortunately, they do not know or they are too lazy to learn how to stop or control pregnancy. Once they get pregnant, it would be against morals to remove it so they just wait for God to intervene. My family belong to the uppder middle class. I have 2 kids and my husband is a great provider. Still, we are having a hard time keeping up to the needs of the kids. We decided to stop on the 2nd child not because we cannot afford it anymore but because we want our kids pampered.
@Jhordie (5115)
• Philippines
13 Jun 08
I wish they'll be more aware of the different kinds of contraceptives... Lack of education can be considered as a factor for a couple to accidentaly make another baby. And maybe their wrong understanding of the verse "GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY" sayong that God instructs them to do that (but actually it only instructed to the first man and woman, Adam and Eve... but pls try to read the succeeding verses and it say... "AND CONTROL IT" I hope they would
1 person likes this
• Australia
15 Jun 08
Yes i understand what you mean but think it is for a range of reasons this happens so often. I think that people have babies to hold onto loved ones when things arn't going quite right, i think that people think a baby can solve their problems, lol and the rest of the people dont plan to get pregnant it just happens and they choose to accept their responsibilities instead of taking another option. I think all people should have the right to make the choice for themselves, but more should be done to protect children from abuse and neglect.
@Abby123 (261)
14 Jun 08
Most of us want to have kids at some point and if we want them we go ahead.but if we waited til lwe could afford them maybe we would wait for ever,in the end we mange and thats what counts.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
14 Jun 08
You have raised a question that is extremely relevant to India where the most appropriate term 'population explosion' is often used. Unfortunately, this is seen to a great exent amidst the rural folks who think that THEY get cheap labour to till their lands [forgetting that they would have exra mouths to feed]Education brings with it greater awareness and many of these people are struggling with their poverty and are unable to get children educated.They show less inclination too and so it becomes a vicious circle.We would find it difficult to understand their psychology and logic and God help them!
• Philippines
14 Jun 08
Good day..No social offense meant but I believed that parents who aren't "educated" tends to have more children than those who are. A deeper analysis would show that men in this social status compared to woman would want many children despite their inability to provide. Maybe this is to show off their manhood and psychologically cover up their insufficiency in terms of providing for the family. We can see these type of setup with developing country a.k.a 3rd world. Sad to say the catholic church only approve of natural way of family planing which is hard and sometimes unpredictable compared to medical approved family planing method.
• United States
14 Jun 08
I don't understand it either. I see so many young parents with kids at work shopping and paying for their food with food stamps. I also see the mothers of these same kids, pregnant again with their third or 4th child. I keep on thinking to myself,if you can't take care of the ones you have without being on welfare, why have more? The only answer I can come up with is free money from the government and us as taxpayers. I would like to see that change in the future where it is mandatory that after the first child is born into the system, that the parents be required to work or attend school to get out of that vicious cycle. As far as the statement "God will provide" my ex sister in law was like that, it didn't work out too well on her part, they were in debt with 8 children and my ex brother in law would only work if God told him too. They were both a little loony.
@angemac23 (2006)
• Canada
14 Jun 08
It is none of your business why people have kids.....everyone living creature on this planet has a right to have kids, and money should not halt that....Kids dont need material things,, they need love and support and that takes no money.....having kids is not an option that one earns, it is our natural right, it is why we are here, to pass along our genes and keep the species going. Poor people have the same rights as the rich....if you are so concerned about why poor people have kids and think that they should not, than means you must have money...so why dont you share it and spread the wealth....not everyone has opportunities coming their way....A lot of people, actually a large, very large percentage of the world lives in poverty....they are the majortiy....rich people are a minority in comparison.....Sorry, just noticed that you said you are waiting to ahve kids...my mistake, that is your choice, but some peopel know that their situation will never change and want to have families.....what do you think about people in minority races likes blacks and natives??? They often do not get the opportunities that whites in this country get.....thats not fair....do you think that they shoudl not have kids because they are being denied the same opportunities....or third countries where poverty is rampant.....are you for population control or something.....my apologoes if I offended you, but this gets me going as I think this is everyone's right....
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
14 Jun 08
Being financially secure does not make you a better parent, what makes you a good parent is a heart that is bigger than others, when I first had my child I was not financially secure but it did not stop me from providing my child with what he needed. I worked my butt off. I ended up having 5 children with loving hearts. I believe that children being brought up in a home that has financial challenges teaches children that things are not handed to them on a silver spoon. I know a couple of couples that were financially stable after the child was born the husband began abusing the mother, she left and now she lives in what you call poverty. So you see it does not mean that being financially stable is the answer. The answer is how much you love your child! You can go ahead and throw in that you single handedly support a family on welfare, but did you know that it is a dollar from your paycheck that does this. You should be worried about all your dollars going to support the raises that congress makes. Here in Mass. you can only collect welfare for two years and that is it. We all work out here and raise the children we have, yes some use the system as a crutch but the way it is set up you can not live on welfare. Maybe you should ask your reps to do the same thing in your state.
@nandans (1161)
• India
14 Jun 08
People don't think much about the future.. They realise it later ..