Teenagers

United States
June 14, 2008 6:34pm CST
I know teenagers are supposed to be difficult.However my daughter truly puts a lot of effort into making me feel as worthless as possible.Now I have been a good mom,I have done this on my own with some family support.I was strict about the important things,and didn't sweat the small stuff.I have to say for the most part she is a good kid.She doesn't get into any real trouble and does well in school and stuff.But I find my self stiffening as soon as she walks through the door.If I ask her a question I get snapped at,If she wants something that I can't provide for her at the exact moment she wants it the horns pop out and she finds a way to make it all my fault,lays all the guilt she can on me,and just when she has me ready to dig my own grave because I must be a worthless human being if she can feel this way about me. She really does not hate me so much as she does think I can't do anything right,if we don't have money,then I have the wrong job.If she doesn't pass a test its because I didn't get the note cards she needed. When she is gone for a night I have such a nice time listening to my music without her interrupting it,or blasting hers to over power mine. She comes through the door and I wait,no hi Mom,just when are we going buy this,or when do you think we could go to the department store,I need all new clothes cause I have put on weight because you cook junk food instead of the healthy stuff I should be eating.Or if she can't find a shirt,I had to have done something with it and my night will be hell until we find it just where she left it. What the hell am I to do,when she is yelling and slamming doors I try to take a walk because if we both yell it just gets worse and we live in an apartment I at least think of the neighbors,she don't care? Jas
6 people like this
7 responses
• United States
14 Jun 08
Truthfully I was a lot like your daughter not that long ago. but i realized what a crappy way to treat the person who gave you life. I think you need to sit her down and talk to her about what you feel. Because you do not deserve that. My mother and i had a similar talk and it really got me thinking.. in the future do I want my children to treat me like this? Of course not then i shouldn't treat the person who gives me everything I need to live like that. Hopefully she will understand.
4 people like this
• United States
14 Jun 08
Thank you for the response.I will give this a try but she will more likely find a way to make it my fault she treats me this way.By the time she is done sometimes I just go in my room and shut the door,and stare at the walls until I fall asleep.A form of escape I guess.I gotts tell you I love her very much she has been my whole world all these years but I am now looking forward to her moving out on her own.This makes me feel so guilty but I can't help it.She is so miserable most of the time,with me anyway.I hear this is just teenagers,and maybe it is but I am not strong enough to deal with it and let roll off my shoulders,It really knocks me into a dark place that nobody wants to be in. Jas
3 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 08
This might be a good approach. I had only one son and for years was a single mom. He went though a period of being disrespectful and I did sit down and talk with him about my feelings. It was quite a wake-up call for him. I guess he thought that moms don't have feelings. :-)
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Yes, it sounds like typical behavior. She does care, I am sure you can talk to her. She's just upset, hormonal, and doesn't understand how her actions effect you, right? Well that's what happens, Jas. I'm sure you had some moments like that, right? While she may be right on some points, you probably should talk to her about doing work, and being more responsible. It doesn't go away she will always have responsibilities so I agree with what others were saying on here. Have a wonderful day. Pablo
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 08
Thank you for the advice and yes I sgre with the others on here to.I think sometimes you just need to chat with some people like on here to get your thoughts straight again.I am a single mom here and don't have dad to turn to when I have had enough and I don't always have the strength to keep at it with her she does wear me down.She doesn't just take a punishment the entire punishment is a battle .I would like to come up with something that would work that doesn't cause an all out battle. Jas
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
16 Jun 08
Oh, sorry about that. Sometimes you will need to think of what she'll need to do in order to do her punishment. I guess it depends on every child. Have a wonderful day. Pablo
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I'm sorry things are so bad with her. I would get mad at my mom from time to time but it wasn't a lot. I think I have yelled her more as an adult than I ever did as a teenager. She has given me a lot of advice with raising children because my one brother is just down right bad and always has been, and she always tells me that we can only try to do the best with can with our children because there are so many outside influences. I often wondered if my brother acted the way that he did because my biological parents divorced when I was about two, and my mom didn't remarry until I was 17. My biological father was pretty uninvolved with us as we were growing up, and mostly I think of my step dad as my real dad. But, since I have gotten older and divorced my children's father I really don't believe that having a father figure changes children's behavior in any way because we have shared parenting and he has the children two weeks out of the month and my children (mostly my middle one that has Asperger's, ODD, and ADHD) are disrespectful to me. The middle one is the worst as some have seen in my postings. I think your daughter will figure out when she is out on her own, what you tried to do for her and she most likely will regret what she has done. Good luck! You are not worthless! As my grandma always said God didn't make a nobody he made a somebody and that is you!
2 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 08
I have seen some of your other postings.Here I am complaining,and you are inspiring me.God Bless you.You must be a very strong person.I will keep working at it and I will take the advice I have been given on here. Jas
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I am very glad that you are going to keep trying. It's a very hard road being a parent of a difficult child. It is so easy for most to say, "you need to do this to a bad child" or all the other comments that people often give, but when you have a child with ODD it's not that easy. They really don't care. It's their prerogative to PI** others off. I know it's very hard and sometimes you just want to cry or scream and it is ok to do that. You can't let her beat you down. You are a good parent you have to remember that. It's the ODD not you! Take care, good luck, and I am always here to chat! Thanks for the best response.
2 people like this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Sit this child down and talk to her. there may be some reason that she is acting this way. If not YOU ARE THE MOTHER sit boundaries and when her mouth takes her past them make her pay the consequence..she will think before she starts trashing you next time! Now for the good news, when my oldest daughter (now 28) was young she dragged me through hell. I was a single Mom with two children and minimal family support. I worked two jobs to provide food, clothes and shelter. It did not leave a lot for wants. We were talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago and she said that she didn't know how i put up with her and all the things that she said and did without killing her or just throwing her out into the street. That she was sorry for the misery she put me through, I was a good mother to her and her sister that she was just angry at everything and i was there to take it out on. I promise you her mouth keep her grounded or doing yard work often until she relized that i meant what i said and if she didn't get punished that minute (she would catch me on my way out the door to work) i would get her on my day off! So believe it or not, this too shall pass!
2 people like this
@spalladino (17926)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I've raised four children, three of them girls, and I have to agree with cjgrooms, you need to take back control of your house and your daughter. She is at an age where she is testing the boundaries in her life and you are the safest target because she knows that you love her and that you will back off because that's what you have been doing. My kids will all tell you that I am a good mom, and a very nice and fun mom but don't tick mom off or I turn into Momzilla. Not that I yelled or hit them but I did ground the heck out of them when they needed it, took away stereos, video game consoles & tv sets, and made them do housework, which they hated! I always believe in giving someone fair warning so I would warn them if they started to go too far with me or if they were on the edge of getting into trouble over something like curfews, school work or chores. If they chose to ignore my warning they paid the price. Teenagers go insane for a couple of years but one day you will have your daughter back and, trust me, she will appreciate you more if you teach her now the consequences of her actions. Disrespecting you should not be tolerated, talking back and blaming you for things should not be tolerated and, definitely, slamming doors should not be tolerated. I know that these confrontations are hard and it's easier to walk away but you're not helping her to learn to survive in the adult world by allowing her to lose her temper and run her mouth whenever she's frustrated or angry. She'll push back for a short time but eventually she'll get tired of being punished and will start treating you better. Hang in there and don't let her get you down.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
15 Jun 08
Been there done that and guess what I survived and so will you I promise. At a certain point you have to stop worrying about your child liking you because at this time no matter what you do they won't. To start with make a list of all the things that bring out the horns and then put a discipline on each offense.. When you are able to talk to her and she is being reasonable then is the time to talk to her. Is she old enough to get a job. That could be an answer to the desired things that she thinks she needs. Just remember that this too shall pass.
• United States
15 Jun 08
Thank you for the response.Yes she is old enough to get a job.She has put in some applications and hasn't gotten any responses.Guess what? this is my fault to because I got her a prepaid cell phone and the $50 I put on it at the beginning of the month was gone in two days because of text messaging.She disregards the fact that she could have given them my house phone number.And I refuse to put more minutes on the phone so she can text message. I hope it does pass,I am going out of my mind,a person can only b put down so much it gets to you after awhile.I don't know why I allow her to make me feel so guilty but I do. Jas
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
15 Jun 08
they are good at make you feel guilty. it seems as though it is their job to do that. But you need to work on not letting her do that to you. You have to remember that you are a god mon
@sissy15 (5392)
• United States
15 Jun 08
I'm not sure really what kind of advice to give, but I can say she is a teenager and it is usually a phase they go through, some are worse than others, and hopefully she will get out of the phase. I was kind of snippy towards my mom when I was a teenager, although I wasn't quite as bad as the way you describe your daughters behavior. I didn't really mean to make my mom feel like that, I don't think I realized I hurt my moms feelings when I said things. I am very close to my mom now. She was a single parent who did her best to make sure I had what I needed, and I think sometimes it's easy to take your parents forgranted. I only went through the phase for maybe a year or two. It was also after my parents divorce though, so that had something to do with it too. Well I hope you get through to her.