Turning My Back On A Friend

@Rozie37 (15503)
Turkmenistan
June 17, 2008 8:41pm CST
I use the term "friend" very loosely in this situation because I am just starting to see that this person is not yet capable of entering in to a healthy friendship, though I have tried to make this happen for over two years. She is about seven years older than me and has had a horrible life. I have spoken about her before on Mylot and I guess that she should no longer be an issue in my life at this point, but I was/am burdened with the weight of doing the right thing. This friend's mother was taking traquilizers when she was pregnant with her and she was not expected to live after birth. She was born physically deformed and with serious learning difficulties. To had insult to injury, not only did her mother abuse her, but the mother allowed her three siblings to abuse her also. She says that her mother never talked to her or took her to the doctor when she needed to go. One of the few things that she ever told her was that she had other children to raise and was not going to give her any special attention. As you can probably imagine, she is a very angry adult. She is also very hard to deal with. She is a Christian and sometimes quite intelligent, but there are times when she can take you to a place where you are so angry that you really want to hurt her. In other words, she is a hand full for even professionals to deal with. I have tried my best to be there are be a friend to her. When a counselor told me that I may as well give up on her because she was never going to change, I became even more determined to try to help her. Now I have reached the point where I have no choice but to admit defeat. Merely speaking of her is so emotionally taxing that I become drained. I am just now learning ways that I could have better dealt with her in the past, but I fear that it is too late now. For instance, one day we were watching television in my room and she got up to try to fix my antenna. I do not know what happened to her at this point, but while she was trying to adjust the antenna, she was bumping a glass frame that my sister had given me for Christmas. I asked her to stop and she continued. I got louder and I could not understand why she would not stop. Finally, I got up and slapped her on the arm to get her attention and she stopped. Now my counselor says that I should have moved the picture. This person also makes some pretty terrible racial remarks to me. The worst thing about it is that she does it when I invite her over to sit with me and my other friends. It's like she is purposely trying to humiliate me. There have been so many things that she has done and I have had to forgive her for. I am not saying that I am perfect, there are some things that I have had to apologize to her for. I also do not have a problem forgiving her. The problem is that now her behavior is starting to affect my mental health in a negative way and I am having to admit that I can no longer try to help her. If I continue trying to help her, I won't even be able to help myself any longer. The worst thing about it is that this morning the nightmares started back. In my nightmares about her, I am always cursing her out at the top of my lungs. I can not do this any more. Tell me what you think of this situation.
2 people like this
4 responses
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
18 Jun 08
I think you have tried your best and sometimes your best isn't the answer.....I have a friend that sounds alot like yours....without the deformities. My "friend" is an overbearing person that only thinks of herself and is in competition with everything I do. I have tried to seperate myself from her....not answering the phone..changed my email address and didn't notify her....and just yesterday she showed up where I work because she hasn't be able to get ahold of me. Now this woman is a pain in the rear. The last time I went for supper with her I unfortunately got a hair in my butter for the bread they served....she went off on the people in the restaurant and demanded a free meal! And it didn't even happen to her!!!! I do not and will not tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone. I am not that kind of person.....so if you decide to seperate from her.....good luck!
2 people like this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
18 Jun 08
She went off about your issue and then demanded a free meal?? She must think that it is all about her indeed. But showing up at your job is not cool at all. I pray that we both have success in getting these toxic people out of our lives. Thanks for sharing your story.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Wow, thats sad for her, to be so angry and have such a tough life. Its fine and dandy to try to help someone, but its not good to jepordize your health. If you are dreaming of cursing at her, its not good. She is invading your dreams, this situation is bothering you too much. Personally I think its time to take a step back, you do have to think of yourself and your health. You don't have to put up with no ones abuse, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Good luck hun, you can save the world and everyone in it. I still haven't heard from mylot yet on the email notifications. I will let you know if I do. Your still my girl, hehe.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
19 Jun 08
Thank you for your continued support. You always manage to cheer me up some how. God bless you.
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
20 Jun 08
God Bless you to Rozie, I wish the best for you. That makes me feel special that I can cheer you up. Thanks for saying so.
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
22 Jun 08
She really has had a hard upbringing hasn't she - I feel for her and for you too Rozie, for wanting to be a friend to her and trying to get her the help she needs. It looks like she isn't going to change for the better, so I would probably admit defeat and keep my distance. I would still be there for her at a distance and if the reason she needs your help becomes too much to bare, then step back and let go. She is causing more stress on you and your life and that is not healthy for you.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
22 Jun 08
I still look out for her and if she needed me I would be there in a heartbeat. But the constant everyday thing is too much for me. We have been in too many crazy situations that could have turned out a lot worse than they did. I believe that God protects me from a lot, because he knows that I am only trying to do the right thing. My biggest aim in life is to please God.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (45666)
• United States
18 Jun 08
I think at the very least you need to take a step back from this person and see whether or not you want to continue with the "friendship" or not. If you decide not to I think you should write to her and let her know why you are choosing not to continue with the friendship. She may be unaware that her behavior is affecting people negatively.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
18 Jun 08
She knows very well how her behavior affects others. I have went back and forth with her for over two years. I am the only one here still struggling to try and be her friend and help her. Everyone else is wondering what is wrong with me. I am simply trying to do the right thing.
1 person likes this