i get so tired of hearing but my friends dont have to or they can do it

United States
July 9, 2008 10:49am CST
we keep a tight hold on our kids. they are 11 and 13 years old both girls. all i ever hear is but so and so can go do tht. so and so doesnt hve to do this. i make my kids do chores and i dont let them date, dont let them go to girl boy partys etc. my kids dont talk on the phone all the time. they dont have a myspace page. i just get so tired of hearing it. i wish sometimes they didnt have friends just so they didnt know what they got to do and what they didnt lol. i dotn let my kids go over to alot of the other kids houses either i mean 13 years old and the kids boyfriend gets to stay the night. granted not in the same room but still i dont think so. i trust my kids to do the right thing but still. i was a kid once too
7 people like this
22 responses
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
9 Jul 08
Keep a clos ye on them, but most of all talk to them, show the good morals that bring glory to the family name-let them associate, but let them know the dangers of peer pressures, they will up morally straight and disciplined kids!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 08
It is encouraging to hear from a parent that has not given into the ills that plague the currect generation of kids. Parenting has gotten very flimsy as a whole in America. The societal norms now revolves around the most popular means to make kids comfortable. Unfortunately rearing children this today requires parents to resist the temptation to give into the temptation of doing what other parents may allow their kids to do. I now appreciate the fact that my parents were real parents while other parents has more relaxed household policies. I am convinced that the lack of discipline by parents in America will be a large contributor to the the widening gap of performance in countries like China and India.
@tzuria (31)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I agree. Too many parents "don't want to be the bad guy" and want to be a good friend to their kids, when their kids need a parent. Adults are too wishy washy, and the kids are the ones really running the house too often.
@tnhzone (242)
• Malaysia
15 Jul 08
It is good point that you protect your kids but sometime as a parent you still need to care for their feelings.Communicate with kids is the best way to let them know or to know what you want them to do and what they want to do.Over protecting migh bring negative effect.
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
15 Jul 08
My kids rarely said that to me after a while because my answer was always the same "Well, you aren't so-and-so" or "I'm not so-and-so's Mom". They weren't always happy with my decisions, but they are glad that I gave them good values as kids.
@alori61 (344)
• United States
12 Jul 08
I was suddenly without warning widowed 7 years ago, I was left with 6 kids and someone had to support them, that left me, survivor benefits does not feed a family. I have heard more then my share of it's not fair, such and such gets to, so and so has, and all the ones in between. I had my pat answers, "who told you life was fair? I know it wasn't me, life sucks and we go on with what we have" "such and such isn't my child or he/she wouldn't be doing it/have it either" they are allowed to do things and go places, but I have to know where they are, what they are doing and when they will be back. If they lie or don't do what they are supposed to be doing they lose priveledges. Kids can not be given free reign to do as they please but at the same time they have to be allowed to use their own judgement. If kids don't learn to make good choises then you end up with adults that can't. My kids are 12, 14, 17, 19, 20, 21 the 19 and 21 year old are out on their own, the 20 year old is heading for med school so she still lives at home. I don't plan to have boomerangs, I raised them to take care of themselves as they reached new levels of maturity. If they wanted more priveldges they had to prove they were mature enough to handle them, then they were given a chance, if they failed they had to start over. People may not agree with my methods but the worst trouble any of my kids has ever been in is my son decided to pick up an energy drink on the way from school one day, he spent the night in juvy for it and lost all priveledges for 6 months then had to start over earning them again. If my kids are going to make mistakes I would rather they make them while I am here to help them understand what did wrong then help them learn to make better choises next time. JMO
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jul 08
easymoney I think most kids pull that stuff a few times too, and I know even why back when I was a kid, I would go but the town kids dont have or the town kids can do this why cant I? good for you for having a tight hold on your kids. some parents dont give a damn but you do and more power to you, your kids will grow up to respect you for setting limits and boundaries which they need even if they do not think they do. Its easy to just let kids do anything they want but who wants spoiled kids like that, more power to you, just keepon parentingand dont worry.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
11 Jul 08
You know what? It doesn't matter whether they actually get to do things or not, even if they have a lot of freedom they will say the SAME THING. I had lots of chores when I was a kid, what I expect from mine is to be responsible for a few general things, like trash, dinner cleanup, their bathroom once a week, and then their own laundry, any of their own messes ie dishes, anything they spill or take out, towels, bedding etc. I think this is fair. The dating thing I can understand at those ages, but do you also not allow them to attend school functions with friends in groups? I'm a little at a loss to understand the no girl/boy parties because some kids attend those all the way from whenever little kids start having parties... like age 3 or 4? If it's a chaperoned party with plenty of adults held during daytime hours like a bbq at the lake, or at a home, I don't see the big deal. When my kids were younger, I created a myspace myself just to keep tabs on theirs. I made them remove any personal information and I would read through the content and other things regularly. When they were younger like your kids I was a stickler for going over to meet the parents of the kid(s) they were visiting. I stayed in touch with the parents, made sure I felt comfortable with them, etc. By the way, kids who have no chores are terrible when they get out on their own. They can't do anything because they don't know how. Kids who have no boundaries have a hard time keeping friends, probably not making them but it's a lot different starting a friendship than maintaining one over time. Another thing, if you are TOO strict, they will sneak and rebel, this is just a little insight from an adult who was an overprotected kid. =)
@cathylmg (283)
• Singapore
10 Jul 08
I think that we should explain to them the consequence of every action. We are once kids ourselve and we know what they want at this age. Put ourselve in their shoe, see if other alternative can be arrange. Whatever you do, try to strike a balance. Use bribe if things can't go your way. Kid will grow up to be adults. Just bare will it one more time.
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Jul 08
All I can say is that just because you were a kid once does not mean that they will make the same mistakes as you did, which I assume is what you are protecting them from. How can you trust your kids to do the right thing, if you never allow them to gain your trust? All I can say is I think that it will only be a matter of years before they rebel against your limits and not come to you and discuss their problems with you.
• United States
10 Jul 08
My son's martial arts teacher told the class your parents provide you with the basic needs, a home, food, and clothes. Anything more than that is a want and they don't have to give it to you. Children need to learn respect and discipline and the only way they will learn it is by practicing it at home. It does not matter what so and so does or does not do. Your children are learning valuable life lessons by having to do chores and do for themselves. Many people now a day don't know the basics of how to live and fend for themselves. You are letting your children know they don't always get what they want, though that's life. My sons are learning the same thing. No means no. I don't care if Jonny or Suzy has this, that, or the other I am your mom I am responsible for you and I said NO.
@kblakley (248)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I am going through the exact same thing as you. I have a 12 yr old daughter and I hear the same thing just about every day. She wants a my space page because all her school friends have one, but I do have some help with that one, as none of her church friends are allowed to have one either. We do allow her to have email and she has a couple of websites she can go to, but only if we're in the room with her....that is one reason we moved the pc to the living room. The only sites she goes to are Disney.com and 4kidstv.com....again with our supervision. As far as going to friend, she's pretty limited, we actually try to encourage the girls to stay here. She has asthma and if the house isn't clean or they have animals it will effect her pretty bad. I am so surprised at what some parents let their kids do at such a young age. On one occasion we allowed on of her school friends to come and stay the night. I expected the mother to want to at least either talk to me on the phone or meet me when she dropped her off, but she was in a hurry, so she told the girls. I couldn't believe it, she was just going to let her daughter STAY THE NIGHT at strangers house! Before my daughter even goes over to someone else's house I want to meet the parent(s). There's also some girl's house we won't allow her over simply because those girls are allowed to do more than she is, such as the internet. She also bugs me for a cell phone and we just can't justify that one, she has no reason to have one, but alot of her friends have them and their parents don't even know who all their calling. I caught one of her friends making prank calls on it one night they were here and to their dismay I took the phone away, needless to say even the mother was upset about it, but they are not doing that from my home. The mother actually wasn't believing me because her daughter was telling her, her own story. That girl hasn't been here since and I don't think she will be coming back. Now my daughter is upset because I won't let her go over there. I understand completely what your going through and I wish you all the strength to continue, I know how hard it can be sometimes, but we have protect our children and encourage them down the right path.
@aretha (2538)
• United States
10 Jul 08
i have a 7,4, and 1 yr old and i hear it all the time that i need to back off a litle bit. i have friends that hardly ever have their kids cuz there off at a friends house. i do let my oldest stay at a few different friends houses but my 4 and 1 yr old are still to little. i don't go out any where with out them unless they are with there father but we normally do everything together. i let my son stay at my sister in lawas house a couple weeks ago for the first time ever and when he came home it was bad. then when he got in trouble it was well tyler and coty got to do this or they did it and its not fair. as i told him they are not my kids you are and i don't allow that. now he is not allowed to stay there again. in todays world we have to watch our kids alot closer. i remember when i was younger i could do alot more then we should allow our kids to do today but things are alot different now. i have a cuz that has a little boy that is the same age as my oldest and i can't believe the things that kid does and says. my son gets mad he can't stay at his house but the things i hear is unreal and hes getting it from some where. they will understand when one of there friends can't hang out any more cuz they have a baby to take care of.
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I think you do have to keep a close eye on your daughters. There are alot of sick people out there and even some you know that you wouldn't even think were sick. I have 2 girls also and they are just babies right now but I can wait for them to get older and in their teenage years. My 2 year old already goes in her room when she gets mad and closes the door. I hate to see how she will be as a teenager. I'm with you I rather be safe then sorry and even though they don't understand why you are being so mean as they may call it now but later they will think you and once they have kids they will understand why you were that way. Thats how it happen with me.
@Samanthavv (1386)
• United States
10 Jul 08
I understand it can be frustrating for you as a parent constantly hearing them whine and whine and whine about not being able to do things their friends can, but try to help them understand its for their own safety and how heartbroken you'd be if anything ever happened to them.
@successlog (3172)
• China
10 Jul 08
hi friend,i uderstand your meaning. I think as parents, they should not care the kids a lot.I think parents should release the space to their children.If they control their kids' mind a lot, the kids will become dull with their charactres. I should thank my parents who give me enough space to develop.I feel happy with my growing.My parents always let me do my things sololy. even though it is a trouble thing to me.Unless i ask for their help.I think it is good for all kinds like this..Parent should love his kids with their good style. good luck
• United States
10 Jul 08
stick to your reins. they don't realize how much you are showing your love. and someday they'll look back and realize what you did for them. they are too inexperienced to understand and they don't realize how blessed they are to have you at those very crucial times in their life. they don't know what you're sparing them from. try to concentrate on the reason you're looking out for them. you have to be steady. you are laying a good foundation for them. keep up the good work.
@tzuria (31)
• United States
10 Jul 08
My only thought is that if you keep too tight a yoke on them, you might be setting yourself up for a disaster if they sneak around your back. Here's my thoughts on the stuff (I'm 20 atm) +Chores; good. Too many kids DON'T have chores, kids need to learn to help around the house... I never really had chores, and my mom gets on my case about it now. :P +Dating and boys; probably fine. 11 is definitely too young. 13, you're getting closer... Depending on how mature the older girl is, I think allowing her to go out with groups of people to like, the mall or something, is normal. Girl/boy parties, I would think are okay, if you know the circumstances (are the parents home? is it a dance party, pool party, etc?), and then use your own judgement based on those. +Phone and myspace: I used to talk on the phone all the darn time at 13. It probably was too much, lol. Myspace pages, again, has to do with the maturity of your kids. The 11 year old is definitely too young. The 13 year old, if you're willing to budge at some point, you can give her conditions ("I'll have to be your friend on Myspace so I can watch" or "Give me the password to your account") to keep an eye on her. Letting a boyfriend stay overnight at 13 is RIDICULOUS. My mother doesn't even like letting my boyfriend stay overnight (he sleeps in my bed, I sleep on the couch LOL). You don't want to be your kids' best friend, but you don't want to be a prison guard so that they'll learn to sneak around your back and do worse things. Keeping a good balance with compromise at the right times is the thing to do.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
10 Jul 08
There is nothing at all wrong with what you are doing. The only thing I can say is hang on tight it will get worse before it gets better. Mine are 27 and 30 now. They are awesome and incredible young men. I like them as human beings as well as loving them as my sons. I like their wives because they chose well. But, boy oh boy, those teens years. Boy oh boy. All I can say is hang on.
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
9 Jul 08
I think your last sentence sums it up perfectly..."I was a kid once, too." That's why I always kept a close eye on my daughters. I trusted them...but I was a young guy once.
• United States
9 Jul 08
In my opinion, and we all know how those go, you are doing a great job. I have 5 kids, ages 16 to 2. I keep a tight reign on them as well. They all have chores to do each day, including my 2 year old...she helps me with picking up toys and straightening up before she goes to bed. I watch what they do on the internet, I have all their passwords for any site they go to, and I check their stuff frequently. My answer to my kids when they tell me I am unfair is to tell them that I must be doing something right then. I don't hear it often from them, as they are rewarded for doing their chores with things they want, like time on the computer to play games. Keep doing the great job that you are doing. In the end, when your friends are complaining about their kids and the trouble they are in, you will have your reward. The knowledge that your kids will be able to survive the transition from child to adult successfully makes it worth it.