Family or Boyfriend?

United States
July 10, 2008 4:49pm CST
For the past three years i have been seeing a boy who I am pretty sure one day i will marry. Ever since the fist day of telling my mom about him she has not approved. until about three months ago i had hid the relationship from her. With the many times in between where she caught me with him and i was severly punished. She agreed that i could see him she would just not support it and i was not alowed in a car with him and he was not allowed in my car, i was also not to be at his house. There is a lot more to the story but in the end it always seeems i am choosing between my family and him. A couple of days ago it was the last straw for her when she saw him in my car with me. She say that she will no longer provide financial support and i should think about moving out. what should i do?
5 people like this
34 responses
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
10 Jul 08
Honestly if you really care for this guy,and if you feel like you love him,and if he cares for you and loves you,then I would say the best thing would be to move out,and keep seeing him,because you only really find love once,and it is your life,and you can not let your mother try to rule or ruin your life,because she has no right.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jul 08
If she were an adult I would totally agree 100% with what your saying, but she is 16 years old. I think the best thing to do would be to abide by the rules for a little while longer, until she is of age. unless she is able to care for herself (financially, ect..) then she should follow the rules. I have been there and I know it's hard but I don't know if I'd want to be homeless over a guy. I think the part of the mother saying she should move is kinda harsh but really what can you do about it, it's her house her rules...
• United States
12 Jul 08
Yes in some cases that is true,but I have known males and females who were 16 years old and were able to move out of there parents houses and survive,and it might would help if she abided by the rules for a little bit longer,but there is no guarantee that her mother would not get mad over something else,and try to control her life,which it kind of sounds like shes doing, and she should not be homeless over a guy,unless she loves the guy,because love can conquer anything,and it sounds like her mother end up throwing her out anyway,which is not good if you ask me,have a great day,good luck in your life,and Happy Posting.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
10 Jul 08
how old are you? i think that if you are hiding things from your mother then that is more why she is upset then anything. i hate when people hide things from me. but it may be she has a feeling or a reason for not liking him. you should discuss it with her and give her a chance to explain. you shouldn't have had to hide the relationship in the first place. If you are 18 or older maybe you should think about moving out. if i were in your mom's position (and one day i will be because i have 2 daughters) i would be upset that you keep hiding things and breaking my rules. she tried to give it a chance and gave you some guidelines and you broke them. if you had better respect for her rules she might view you as more of a grownup that can make good choices in a boyfriend.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 08
i am only sixteen. we have tried to talk it out many times but it always end up in a fight.
@mEisky (825)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
oh!!we've got the same age!^_^hmm..ive experienced that before..Just like you,ive got strict parents!!oh god.!hate it!there's the time i almost hated them for being such over protected while i know wht im doing and i know what's right for me!!They cant even stand what i am feeling about anything!!they're soo selfish..that time,i never listened to what they said..I never let them ruin my happiness!it's d only thing i could enjoy being a teenager.!i know they also felt what we're feeling!!i knew it..but then..my dad didnt stop looking after me anywhere i go.!omg!it suxx.:( how could he possibly feel i like them when he cant even stand me!oh..
@jess07 (319)
11 Jul 08
First of all how old is you're boyfriend? Anyway wathever his age it doesn't matter,i'm you're age and i know for a fact that if i moved out i would not survive financialy!! A while ago my mum noticed i was falling for a guy who is 19, 3 years older than me,she went MAD at me!We had a huge argument and i was told that if anything happened i could get out of her house!nice huh? but in the end i realised she was protecting me from getting hurt so i got over it, moved on.And even if i had feelings for him now i would stay away, i love my family so much,we've been through so many heartbreaking things this year that i wouldn't give them up for anything in the world!I know what you must be thinking if they really loved me they would leave me to get on with it!But parents don't work like that!lol I would love to talk about this more freely with you so why not add me to you're friends and we can talk it over? I hope to hear from you soon!! Jess
1 person likes this
@adutza (39)
• Romania
11 Jul 08
I think you should have a long chat with her and let her know how important is this boy for you. And I also think you should present your boyfriend to your mother maybe she will like him.
1 person likes this
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Well how old are you? What's your background? Why doesn't your mom approve? My fiance and I have pretty much written off our families. The way we see it, when you marry it's God first, then your spouse, kids, family.... It's about God and us and to heck with everyone else. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
1 person likes this
11 Jul 08
97% of moms want what is best for their children. My famlies opinion was important to me when I was dating. Remember your mom loves you and wants you to have the man who will be a wonderful DH and Daddy as well as support you.
1 person likes this
@Ricky007 (512)
11 Jul 08
For me, my family is everything for me..they have given me education and other support and if i am something now, it is because of them, i can't go against them for any galfrnd or boyfrnd..i am sure whatever they will do, they will do correct and for our benefit..no question of going against them for any girl/boy..
1 person likes this
@ibcandy2 (40)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Wow....I think many have us have been in your shoes before. I am going to be 100% honest with you. Everytime that my mother told me that I should stay away from a guy and I didnt, I ending up regretting it. It is like a 6th sense that she had. It is great that you and your boyfriend have been together for 3 years being the age that you are but when you both get out of school, your life as you know it is going to change. You will be able to get out and meet people other than the people in school and honestly, I dont even talk to anyone that I went to school with. I do think that you leaving home at 16 is a mistake. I was in a relationship with the dame guy all 4 years of high school and then I graduated and started hanging out with him more and as a result of that, I became a single mother at the age of 18 and he was of no help and still isnt till this day. I am just saying that relationships come and go. Dont leave until you are ready to leave. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will understand that he kind of needs to lay low until you are atleast 18 and can take care of yourself. If he doesnt understand, then that should tell you alot about him and your relationship. Good things come to those who wait. I know that isnt what you want to hear but it is life and life sucks sometimes. I think it will be ok. You guys will be together sooner than you know and wont have to worry about what your parents think because you will be self sufficient. You should start trying to get a job now and saving up some money for yourself so you can leave at 18 and be with your man!
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
10 Jul 08
According to your profile page, you are 16. Not very old, and certainly not an age where you should be thinking of leaving home. Unless you have a full time job and can support yourself with rent and food and such, perhaps you should start listening to what your mother says
1 person likes this
@srpkinja (375)
• Canada
11 Jul 08
This is such a serious decision for you. I have a boyfriend as well, who am 99.9999% sure that I will marry and I dont know what I would do in a situation like this. I mean, if you parents dont like this guy, they dont like him for a reason. If I were you, I would sit my parents down and ask them why they do not like my boyfriend. If they give you a valid reason then you should accept it what for what it is. An altimatum between your boyfriend and your family. Personally, I would pick my family because they have been with you through everything and they will always be there for you, but you never know how long this guy will stay with you. Also, ask your parents if he can come over to your house so he can get to know them better and maybe they will change their mind about him and you will not have to choose between the two. I hope some of this has helped you. I wish you luck with your boyfriend and your family and I really hope everything works out for you. Good luc!
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yea I would sit down and ask your parents why they don't want you to be with your boyfriend.
• China
11 Jul 08
The guy who your boyfriend will be your husband in the future and will live togeter for many years.so I think you should hear your parents' opinion.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jul 08
Sammyjo you are way too young to be this involved, no wonder your mom is having trouble with it, you are only 16, you should meet a number of boys and date a lot before you settle for a boy you met at 13. Your mom and your family are concerned for you and believe me getting pregnant at 16 is much too young.you are still bascially a child and need to grow up some first. Tell your mom that you understand why she is worried and tell your boy friend that you are too young to get married or be sexually active yet.let your mom guide you into growing up first. enjoy your teens, dont become a mom until you and the one you chose are old enough and have funds enought to raise a family.
@matola (32)
• Tanzania
11 Jul 08
Has she suggested anyone else? you haven't said why she disapproves,probably if you tell us then we can give suggestions.
• Canada
11 Jul 08
i would say find out why your mom won't let u see him.
• Malaysia
11 Jul 08
mom..have being good to us before we even form into the shape.. i think mom has her own reason of stopping us from having any relationship with the guy. Mom only have only one... my ex-bf, i break up with him because of my mom not approved him. i have a tough time during that period of time, so angry of her... don even want to talk to her for any longer, even think of succide, but till the moment i found that she crying inside a room... i made the decision of breaking with HIM.now, my relationship with my mom pretty good, i have a good bf. my ex-bf.. he also have a pretty nice gf .. MOm only have one... dont make her sad...
• Malaysia
11 Jul 08
So happy to hear that u had meet ur Mr Right!^^ but u seems so young, at your age, you must lisent to ur family advise first....bcs ur family will always be there for you and they will never hurt you!... Do have a good talk with ur parents....maybe they will understand your situation!^^ :) good luck to you my dear~ cheers^^
• Brazil
11 Jul 08
family is better!!!!!!!!!!!
• Malaysia
11 Jul 08
What is the reason your mother do not allow you to date with that guy? Did she tell you the reason? I think there's certain reason she do not want you to date with that guy. Actually for me, family is more important. I wouldn't leave my family just because a guy. Our family will be forever, when we are in trouble or upset, they are the person who always support me. I do want to upset them just because a guy. Some more a guy just started dating few months only, should be not too deep feel. Consider nicely who is more important to you.
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
think about it listen to her why there must be a reason behind it, family must always come first they are forever and permanent if you love the guy and you think nothing is wrong with him try fighting for him but it will be difficult
@qhwater (393)
• China
11 Jul 08
well, sammyjoz. i do think that if you and your bf love each other deeply, then go on the relationship. actually you mom does not believe your bf now and she wants you to be happy in the future. but if you could enjooy your life with the guy in the future she will be very happy, and she will pray for you and take back what she said before, of course. just remember that what your mom has done is for your happiness in the future.
• China
11 Jul 08
let your family see what you see in him.