How long have you been married? How do you keep things new?

@jasyjen (162)
United States
July 22, 2008 2:22pm CST
I was just wondering how many people on mylot are married. I've been married 15 years now and things are in such a rut, and I see no way for them to turn around. How long have you been married and what do you do to keep your love alive?
5 responses
• United States
22 Jul 08
First off, congratulations for being married for 15 yrs!my relationship has been for 4 yrs now,and still going good.You have a very good question.As a matter of fact I felt this way before,so I read some books,talked to some people,and thought and thought and tried things.The best things that worked for me was I thought alot about what we did for fun in the begining of our relationship,and realized we went out together and did alot more,now with his working extra hrs and our new baby,we just got to comfortable doing nothing.We didnt put in enough effort to find a sitter and get out.It felt great to be away from the kids,the house,the stress.we took a ride to the town that we met in and went to the coffee shop that we would go to alot.It was really nice.Now that one time wasnt it,we had to make sure that we remebered to take the time for one another on a regular basis! I also changed somethings about myself,I would always think to myself,he doesnt carress me like he did,or compliment me,etc.I would blame him for alot.But then I realized that I too didnt do some of the things I use to do,so I started to,and then he followed.also you can give compliments to one another,try new things together(maybe even in bed). these are just some ideas,and some things that worked for me.most importantly though,relationships have their highs and lows.I dont know how long its been like this for you,maybe you could see amrriage counselor,sometimes they help too.I hope evrthing works out for you.
@jasyjen (162)
• United States
26 Jul 08
Thank you very much. You sound like the kind of person that has a very positive attitude and that is awesome. I appreciate your suggestions and comments. Congratulations on your new baby! Beautiful.
• Canada
22 Jul 08
I have been married 20 years and you could call it life in a rut. There are many things that are so day to day that it feels like we are in a rut. I have fould that focussing on my interests such as gardening and my hobbies helps to feel I am getting something out of life. I would not leave my wife for the thought that it has to be better elsewhere but what everyone thinks marriage is all about, I could take it or leave it right now.
@jasyjen (162)
• United States
26 Jul 08
I know what you mean. I wouldn't leave to look for someone else either. It may be exciting for awhile, but in a few years I think it would be exactly the same. Just with a different person.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I have been married for almost 13 years and we are in a rut too. It seems as though nothing ever changes. We did take a trip together a few weeks ago and that helped some. I will also take some tips on how to liven things up in our marriage.
@jasyjen (162)
• United States
26 Jul 08
It's so discouraging. I miss that electricity that my husband & I used to share. Now, there is NOTHING. Not a spark or a fizzle. Nothing.
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
22 Jul 08
I've been married for 9 years, second marriage for me, third marriage for him. Talking about a rut, I am in one. I think that if we were able to get away occasionally things would not be so boring. I know you can take a walk for free, go to museums for free, but after that you com back home to the rut. I think going away, being in a different environment would be very helpful. I was working up to a month ago, then I got laid off, my husband was not working. Now he found a job, is in training this week, we only have one car, and this week end he has to go away for business already. So I will be home with nothing to do. I am happy that he has found work, since we need the money, hopefully after he has worked for awhile, we may be able to afford to do some week end get aways together. We love each other, but just sitting around looking at each other is very boring.
@jasyjen (162)
• United States
26 Jul 08
Sitting around looking at each other.....that made me laugh. Only because I know what you mean! The same thing. Day in. Day out.
• United States
22 Jul 08
i got married three months ago and basically everything is knew i am leanring these things myself... We also so only knew each other 5 months before you got married so everything is new to use... Learning each other and learning how to deal with each other... I still learning how to keep everything knew.. its so hard to keep everything knew i guess after you have know each other for a long time there really isn't thing you can do to keep things new.. I already have a disscution on keeping the love alive why dont you read it i got alot of responses...
@jasyjen (162)
• United States
26 Jul 08
You are lucky to be so new in your relationship. New relationships are awesome! I hope that you're able to keep everything interesting & exciting. But it's hard after being together for so long. Good luck.