Is it okay to date a sis ex-husband?

Philippines
July 28, 2008 11:34pm CST
My listener Jane was really bother right now. Her sister ex-hubby asking her for a date. She didn't know what to do. She knows damn well how her sister terribly hurt by the failure marriage but no matter what they do, things didn't worked out the way they want it. Upset and hurt,but her sister accept the fact that it is better to call it quits. But her problem, after almost one year of separation, she was surprise when her sis ex hubby get interested to her and even asked her for a date. And more surprise to find out that it seems that the feeling is mutual. Now her concern is her sister. She knows her sis and ex-hubby have their own lives now, but her concern if is okay if she would go for a date with her sis ex, when she knows also that her sis was still inlove with her ex! What would be the right thing or the proper way to handle this situation when she herself, she found herself liking her sis ex! Is it proper? would this be okay?
7 people like this
13 responses
@relundad (2311)
• United States
29 Jul 08
For me this would be taboo. I have a personal rule that I will NEVER date anyone that ANY of my close friends or relatives have EVER dated or been involved with. No matter what the circumstance where. I just wouldn't! I would never want them to think that it was something underlying between us while they were in a relationship. That is just too close for comfort for me.
• Philippines
30 Jul 08
Well, even if she does it, she'll find out sooner than later that it's not worth it. Her sister was terribly hurt by the failure of her marriage and she wants to add to that hurt? I think it will be inconsiderate of her to do that. Even if they're living their separate lives now, I don't think it's still a good idea to put herself in such uncomfortable and awkward situation. Like it or not, other people will see it as a betrayal, especially since it is a family member, and a sister at that! Well, she can always choose to ignore what's proper and what's socially accepted and even ignore other people's bickering, but the truth is, at the end of the day, the so-called happiness that she is likely to find with her sister's ex, is not worth all the pain and the humiliation that she'll be inflicting to herself, to her sister and to the people who cares for her as well. Thanks for a great discussion. God bless...
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
30 Jul 08
Well..I agree they liked each other.But was it "SHE" the reason why their relationship got strained in someway or the other?This is what I also want to know.Sometimes it happens, a guy may get married to one of the sisters and then again has a soft corner for the other as well.Relationship starts breaking up because the bond between the husband and wife is not strong.Another,she should be asking this question to herself.What if she is in her sister's place?How would she feel about it?how would she react to the situation?another question, what was the main reason why her sister's marriage failed?She has a concern for her sister, so she should better find out the details and most important thing her sister "is she still in love with her ex husband"..
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
Good day...Ask her what she thinks if she is in her sister's shoes, would she want her to date her ex. I mean common what is she thinking? Her sister is trying to get over her ex and she would introduce him again to her sister's life by dating him. I don't know what's on her mind and that of the ex's. If she don't mind losing her sister as well as the support her family, then let her get on with it. Remind her of the golden rule if might help her clear her mind, think straight and decide correctly.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Considering the feelings of her sister , i don't think it would be proper for her to date with this guy.The fact that he is her sisters ex husband it would be an insult to her sister and it will cause more pain to her because as you said she still in love with him.There are alot of men outhere. Why him?why hurt her sister if she can still avoid it.
@luluwow (165)
• United States
29 Jul 08
No way! There are plenty of people on the planet to date or have a relationship with. Dating your sisters ex or friends ex or anything like that would be ridiculous, self-centered and a sure sign of insecurity. What is the matter with people?
• United States
29 Jul 08
This seems like it would spark controversy amongst you and your family. Personally I would never venture into such business, since it will almost certainly make your sister jealous or envious, even if she says its not so. Especially if the relationship between your sister and her ex is not good, I would definitely not date him.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
It will never be okay. Her sister will freak out if she knows about it. What would she feel if she see her ex everyday with her sister. cuddling, kissing and doing many acts of intimacy. That is very gross. Ewwwwwww...
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
29 Jul 08
That would be a very awkward situation! I certainly wouldn't do it but if the sister is okay with it, they should go for it. It's weird. My sister married her ex's brother and that didn't turn out well, either, but that's not to say that your friend's relationship wouldn't succeed. She'd better find out just what caused the divorce and what her sister had trouble with. It could possibly save her a lot of heartache.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
29 Jul 08
there can be abd feeling from both sides. one can feel the guit if she dates the ex of sister. also the sister will feel bad no doubt. its soimething out of my opinion.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
29 Jul 08
I would not do it as it can only end in hurt between both of the siblings. I suppose that theoretically it would all depend on the relationship the sisters have. Are they close? In this case it does appear that way, so it would taboo. A no no and definitely not something that should be pursued if this person wants to remain a good person in the eyes of her sister. I also believe that if the marriage did not work out for the sister, that there could be a legit reason and it may end in heartbreak for the sister who is pursuing the ex, regardless if she has her sister's blessing or not.
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
Oh boy I don't think that it is proper for her to accommodate him at all. Firstly because that was the person that hurt her sister and wrecked the life of her sister. I really do not know what the motives of ex hubby why he is doing this. Maybe he has this motives to make the sisters go against each other. It is hard to know. But if it was me I would not dare enter into that kind of a relationship.
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
29 Jul 08
I think it is somewhat unaccepted in the society to date your sister's ex-husband. It is ok but I don't think it would be ok in the eyes of the society because of course after you get separated from a love to whom you should go to besides your friends? your family of course! However if the problem is also your family just like in that case then it would be really hard right?