Is it always gonna be about color?

@IBWISE (145)
United States
July 31, 2008 7:05pm CST
My wife and I live in Caldwell Idaho and we are being hit with a problem that we left Washington for,I am Black and she is White, we have three bi-racial children and our neighbors treat us like we committed a crime. We have been called dirty n****rs and mud monkeys, my wife has been harassed on her job and my kids are picked on at school. How do you handle something like this without going off on someone or packing up and running away.I know that there are still people in this world who still have that Jim Crow mentality but at times I just get upset and want to retaliate, but I can't because then I am being just who they want me to be. I am 52 years old and faced this issue many times before but my babies are just that babies and I don't want them growing up thinking something is wrong with them.
7 people like this
24 responses
• United States
1 Aug 08
i can hardly believe that in this day and age. i know there are still racists around but your neighbors who see you each day and can see that you're just people and a family at that. they should be glad to have a good family in the neighborhood. so sorry that you still have to go thru that. it is not right, and you are people like everyone else. there is nothing wrong with a black and white person marrying if they love each other, and their faiths are compatible. so very sorry, it is an injustice. you deserve to be treated humanely and not suffer like that anymore. never.
4 people like this
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Thank You
3 people like this
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
1 Aug 08
It is Unfortunate we can not live in a perfect society where everyone loves and accepts each other. Your poor children have to go through that silliness at school. See, that is learned behavior when the children at school are teasing your children, they learned that from their ignorant parents. Everybody is trying to do the same things take care and provide for their families, and there is always someone who tries to make it hard for you. I am black and live in New Jersey, a friend of my husband's who is black is married to a white lady, they have been getting threatening letters in the mail, and for what?????? He felt like you and wanted to retaliate, but my husband and I talked to him and told him that his family needed him and not do anything stupid. I'll say the same thing to you, please think about your family, that is what they want you to do, so they can say more negative things about you. Hang in there, I will pray for you and your family, when they see that they can not run you out, they will eventually back off. God bless you all
3 people like this
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Thank You for the kind words. Out of curiosity I have to ask what part of Jersey if you don't mind. I was born in Paterson and lived in newark,east orange.asbury park, neptune, long branch and plainfield...
3 people like this
• United States
1 Aug 08
I think it is best for you to talk to your children and try to explain it to them as best as you can so they can understand. It will never go away (unfortunately) so the best thing is to explain these types of situations and let them know that nothing is wrong with them, that they are beautiful, and that other people are just ignorant and racist. (I am not sure how old your children are). It is sad but in this day and age, yes we have progressed, but there are still people with that mentality. They grew up like that and ideals are the hardest thing to change about people. Since they are sterotyping you, the best thing is to not retaliate negatively because you will just be feeding into that stereotype. You stick it out and you pray to God for patience, temperance, self control, etc. Those people will get what is coming to them. If you do wrong, wrong will come back to haunt you. You can't take it into your own hands because it will be blown up even more. I hope this helps somewhat.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Thank you. I talk with my boys everyday and at times they seem to understand but Alex my 5 year old still get confused and cries. Errol is 10 and he kind of brushes it off but there are times when it get so bad he fights back.
2 people like this
@fwidman (11519)
• United States
1 Aug 08
You went to IDAHO???? I heard there are way too many white power folks there . I'm sorry they are being so pigheaded but you get that kind of crap everywhere I suppose. I am white and my wife is Mexican and, even though we live in Southern California, there are still people that give me dirty looks because of me being with her. It's really stupid in this day and age, especially. You'd think people would get over their racial biases by now. Usually when people atare at me funny, I just smile. After all, I got me a great woman and a wonderful little Mexican daughter and I am happy, so they can just take their misery and go to hell for all I care
3 people like this
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
1 Aug 08
hi. how are you? unfortunately it will be always about color. u know based on the history of racism. there are people who feel everyone should stick to their own race. i think mainly because it will add the problems u have to deal with on a daily basis. if u dont want your babies thinking something is wrong with them. u need to educate them about racism. they need to know that no matter whether they are bi-racial or not. they are perfect just the way they. they were made in God's image. they should not listen to the remarks and the negativity from others. they should love and respect themselves. have a nice day.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
At one point this became such an issue that we now have daily sessions about segregation and the marches involving Dr. King, I also have my boys watch things like Mississippi Burning and Rosewood as to get a view of what we had to deal with back in the day.
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
2 Aug 08
i think u are doing the right thing in show them movies likes, and teaching them about dr. king. its good because of the reasons u stated earlier. also they need to know that people have other ways that people today are racist and discriminate. have a good day.
@maximax8 (27049)
1 Aug 08
I am so sorry to hear about the nasty names that people have called you. Your neighbors sound like ignorant and racist people. I suggest you tell them that you are a person with feelings and nobody chooses what they look like. The world would be a boring place if everyone looked the same. I would try explaining to your children that white skinned people come from cold countries and black skinned people come from hot countries. Tell them that their skin color is beautiful. Mention that if other children say nasty things about their skin color then tell a teacher. Ask the head teacher if the children at his or her school are being taught to be tolerant of people's differences. In my home country people few people make racist comments because it isn't tolerated in our multi cultural society. Good luck.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Thank you, I cannot think of an answer to my own question but I can give my kids the best advice possible and that is, let it go and move on because trying to solve other peoples issues can and will be harder than solving your own.
@maximax8 (27049)
1 Aug 08
I am a primary school teacher. One year I taught a girl from Martinique, a boy from Barbados and a girl that was half English and half French. I read stories about black children and made the children in my class respect other colors and cultures. I think people will become more educated in time and I hope the racist comments will become part of the past, not the future. I hope that your home land will become multi cultural with tolerant people living there.
@kenzie45230 (3563)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Bless your heart. I'm sorry your family is experiencing this. I'm especially sorry your children are learning that the world is not a very nice place. What's amazing is that our society, our schools, claim that they are teaching tolerance of everyone. Obviously, tolerance is not enough. Tolerance means we're merely putting up with people and that's not what God wants. God wants us to love each other, and that means holding them in high regard, valuing them, honoring them. Most religions have something like The Golden Rule written into them - do unto others as you would have others do unto you. I researched that once, and learned that each faith has some words similar to these. Perhaps if that's what the schools taught, we would actually start on the road of real acceptance for what people are inside. Until then, it's up to parents and grandparents to teach and share this wisdom.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Segregation is a thing of the past and I refuse to let rear it's ugly head in the mind of my children...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 08
I'm with you on that. I went to school in the suburbs and the first black family move in when I was in 6th grade. We kids never did understand the things we heard from grown ups - that having a black family in the neighborhood would bring down the property values. The man was a doctor and most of the men who already lived there were blue collar workers. In the minds of the kids, it seemed like having a doctor in the neighborhood should raise the property values. We moved to the city when I was in high school, and I attended a school with about 30% black population. I got a much better education there. The school was not as good as the one in the suburbs, but the life education was worth being there.
@efc872 (1078)
• Jamaica
1 Aug 08
You are in the wrong place brother, in my country our motto is "Out of many one people"
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
You are so right about that, but the fact of the matter is I am here and know I have to deal with it the best that I can.
@efc872 (1078)
• Jamaica
1 Aug 08
Can't tell you what to do but it is going to be hard on the kids. They won't be able to function normally.
• United States
1 Aug 08
That is how many men are treated who date underage girls. Think about that before you judge a man or woman for dating a minor. Anyhow you can move to a different location. She can report those who harass her at her job. She can even sue her job for harassment. You can tell them that they shouldn't be ashamed of who they are.
@Ldyjarhead (10161)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I don't know how you can possibly compare those two things. They are NOT alike! A man dating a younger woman is one thing, but to have a relationship with a girl that is under the age of consent is entirely another and I wouldn't put that in the same category as two adults of different races.
• United States
2 Aug 08
Not all children are naive. As long as the relationship is mutual there are not hurting nobody. Sure it goes against your ideology so does interracial marriage. Interracial marriage goes against someone's ideology as well. If children can't consent then neither can fat people. Why? self esteem issues. A person has the right to date anyone they want regardless of age, race, who they are, and what they are as long as it is mutual.
• United States
1 Aug 08
"How do you handle something like this without going off..." Dear IBWISE,We are in a stage of growing in America where our generation is witnessing the ideal of the "melting pot" creating one of the greatest shifts in racial integration this very young, (under 233 years old), country has ever seen. Simply look at our coming election's candidates, where for the first time ever... a bi-racial man may win the Presidency. By racial integration, I'm not referring to the illusion of integration, like those would have us believe in our schools where white and black are now supposedly happy attending school together. But rather, the racial integration of our offspring, which goes beyond the perceived notions of "white" or "black", and where living, breathing, human beings are being born of a higher kind of Love that transcends the limited perceptions of those who choose to remain stuck in the game of "black" and "white". The key to handling all of this, and there's going to be a lot of it in the coming years for everyone in this country, is to learn how to "transcend" the dualistic limitations that others may attempt to impose on you and your family, and to teach your children how to transcend playing the game of "black" and "white". I have 4 absolutely gorgeous, talented, hilarious, bi-racial nieces and nephews, and in a similar way that my family, and yours are going to face these issues without running for the hills, is making this conscious shift on a micro level... the nation and world as a whole is doing it on a macro level. However, America is not the first place or time that this has happened. The reality is, many civilizations have come and gone that have dealt with very similar issues. Ancient Egypt for example is the birth place of many diverse cultures, simply because it was a major mecca of trade by way of the lands, and seas. So the key to teaching your children is helping them understand firstly, that they are not a series of parts... that they are one in spirit and self. If you allow yourself and your family to engage in the kind of dialog that you are trying to resist, ie. any kind of dialog that engages them in the duality of their "blackness" or their "whiteness", you will indirectly be feeding the fire on the very issue you want to help them understand. So rather than go on about the obvious, here is the approach I would take to help teach your children... 1) Educate yourself on how to transcend the duality of the game of black and white. Though many of us may perceive the world in terms of subject/object... ie. "us vs. them", the reality is that there is only one "us". We all breath the same air, we all want to be loved, we only have one moment to share, etc. Teach your children they are perfect just as they are... until they lose all consciousness of the fact that they are perceived by others as "bi-anything". 2) Focus more attention when talking to your kids, that they are one in spirit that transcends the game of black and white... which are they? Are your kids black, or are they white? Teach them they are neither, they are one in spirit without duality or separation from their true self, their loving parents, and they are an integral part of the human family. Literally avoid using certain terms like bi-racial, milotto, interracial, etc. (though we are using those terms here for sake of discussion)... these are all illusions and exist in our society because of those who are engaged in the game of black and white, and continue to perpetuate the illusion because in some way shape or form they are profiting from it. Those who think dualisticly will always be a part of the world. This is why it is up to you and your children when they are able to understand more, that the only way to eliminate dualistic thinking from your lives, is to transcend perceiving yourselves and the subject/object relationships of the world as dualisitic in nature. Realize that every time someone says or does something hurtful, that they are poisoning their own minds. Learn to "keep to the center"... Transcend!!! 3) To help you center yourself in this Way, I highly recommend picking up a copy of Lao Tsu's 'Tao Te Ching' as translated by Stephen Mitchell. The 'Tao Te Ching' (also known as the book of the Way) is over 4500 years old. You should be able to find it at a Border's or Barnes & Noble bookstore near you. Here is a sample chapter of why I recommend you get this book... Chapter 28: Know the male, yet keep to the female: receive the world in your arms. If you receive the world, the Way will never leave you and you will be like a little child. Know the white yet keep to the black: be a pattern for the world. If you are a pattern for the world, the Way will be strong inside you, and there will be nothing you can't do. Know the personal, yet keep to the impersonal: accept the world as it is. If you accept the world the Way will be luminous inside you, and you will return to your primal self. The world is formed from the void, like utensils from a block of wood. The Master knows the utensils, yet keeps to the block: thus she can use all things. (The word 'Master' is used throughout the book as "one who masters himself", not over others.) -----End Sample Chapter----- One last thought, you and your family represent one of the greatest shifts in racial integration in America. If you think about it, this is nothing new and has been happening since the beginning of time. So your family and your children represent a coming Golden Age in America. What "our" young people learn will shape the Way into the future for many generations to come... even if that means it all has to come to a head. The more people we can enlighten by "being a pattern for the world", the better chance we have of America's future being a harmonious one. Sincerely, Ilias Glenis http://www.MyMonkBuddy.com
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
After reading this my problem seem small but I thank you and GOD bless you....
3 people like this
@smallT (376)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Its a shame that there are still such ignorant people in the world. I hope you can continue to keep your peace and teach your children that those small minded silly people just can't help themselves because they are ignorant. Why can't we all just get along?
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I was taught that from ignorance comes bliss and for my kids their time will come as long as they remember that your life is what you make it , not what you let others make it for you.
1 person likes this
@smallT (376)
• United States
2 Aug 08
A great lesson to learn indeed!
@cjgrooms (4457)
• United States
1 Aug 08
How can people still be so ignorant? I live in the deep south and i was raised that people are just that, PEOPLE. You tell your babies that there is nothing wrong with them, however your neighbors are another story, they are STUPID, STUPID, STUPID and one day they are going to pay for such ignorance and stupidity. I swear i think white people are just jealous that they have to risk skin cancer to get tanned and other races dosen't!
1 person likes this
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I pray everyday that people will come to their senses and realize that if you look beyond the skin we are all the same...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (152488)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Aug 08
hi ibwise thats so awful and I feel for your children. it seems in this mo dern age we should have moved past all that crap but evidently not. I have so many friends in biracial marriages and they seem to be doing really well, but then perhaps they have not told me the bad stuff.to treat your little kids like that is just plain hideous.I am not just sure how you treat something like that. I know you dont want to lower yourself to their standards but isnt there somebody ath their school that you can talk to about your children being called names and harrassed? the superintendant or school principal perhaps? You w ould think in Idaho folks might just be a bit more tolerant. this is surprising. I would talk to the school officials as I cannot believe that they would condone the kids acting so hideous good luck and God Bless.
• United States
1 Aug 08
I found myself in a similar situation almost a year and a half ago. I raised my children to be color blind. My daughter is in an interacial relationship and we are so proud of our first grandbaby. We moved here thinking that it was a wonderful, peaceful place. Ultimately, without going into major details, I was faced with a situation that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would face. My son came home from school and looked at me and asked....."Mama, how come the other kids don't like me cuz I am white?" This is the most racist place I have ever been to. I had no idea that places like this still exsisted. The bus driver was black, and was allowing a group of black boys to terrorize my son. We all ended up in the principals office. I asked the bus driver how he handled the same question from his children years ago when they were young. I let him know that he may be used to dealing with whites that were predjudice, and that after living here, it is obvious to me that our community is terribly divided, however......I was not, and never have been that way, and I was ashamed to be part of a community that was so vicious and divided. I don't have any answers. But I can say this. For all of you out there that think "those days are gone" and "its time to let it go"...........BEWARE.......People are still treating each other like crap all based on the color of their skin!!!!!
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
2 Aug 08
It is fortunate that we have only lived here a short time and caught this early because I can work it out before it get to late and damage sets in,as it stands now my boys have not been exposed to as much of this as I was when I was growing up, and catching it early gives me a better chance of correcting it in their minds before it has a chance to set in.
@Ina926 (172)
• United States
1 Aug 08
There is always going to be somebody out there who thinks that he or she is better than the rest, know matter where we go there will always be racism. I am from Texas, way down to the South, we are very close to Mexico so there are alot of Mexicans and hispanics here and we still get crisicized by others. One time we were at the dollar store and a white lady called my son a dirty mexican. What do you say to something like that? We are hispanics but, some of my ancestors camefrom Mexico and others were indian, from what my parents tell me. I don't think there is anything wrong with you or your family, some people are just narrow minded. As long as there is love in your family that's all that matters.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I can only begin to tell you about the love my family has for eachother. That is what makes my family strong and people like that only draw us closer to eachother...
@meltem28 (15)
• Turkey
1 Aug 08
Are there such people who have no brains in usa and in the world? Do they still exist? They make the world a disgusting place to live in.I am against every kind of discrimination.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Yes there are still people like that and yes it is hard at times to deal with but GOD helps me and my family get through it.
@sk66rc (4264)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I know exactly what you're going through... I myself am involved in inter-racial relationship, though I'm an Asian male living with white female, & having mix daughter now 8... I noticed things when I goto school to pick up my daughter, when I take her out to fairs & amusement park walking around with her hand in mine, people tend to take closer look at me... I once was aproached by park ranger & he told me that someone reported a white child being abducted by a "ch*nk"... Yellow monkey was another term I've been called as well as twinky, just for the record, refering to "yellow outside, white inside" thing, similar to an "oreo" comment when refering to black person dating white person... My daughter has been pushed & been called "ch*nkie", although I felt like pointing out their ignorance by stating that "ch*nk" is a racial term for chinese people, not "korean"... If you're gonna insult someone, at least use the right term... It just shows the stupitity & ignorance on their part in that they can't even insult someone correctly... I know that my girl friend has endured a lot in past 6 years solely based on whom she's living with & decided to have relationship with... What gets me going is that she's been very strong for me & she has done more than I can ask for someone to go through... Funny thing is, I've lived in the same house for 17 years, past 4 of it with my girl friend, & most of the people here in my neighborhood are decent & nice... It's just that few that makes things hard, especially for my daughter... I always tell her to stand up for herself & if anything happens to go to her teacher... I will not leave my house on be half of some ignorant people...
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I hear you and I will not leave my home either. Thanks
@rowantree (1190)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I'm really sorry for your situation. I believe that color will always be an issue. I hate it. I don't understand it. I think we are all much more alike than we'd all care to admit. I think we all feel that we are special in some way, more so than our neighbor or our friend and I think that's a load of crap. When did all this start? How did all of this start? Why can't it be stopped? It's insane, so many years and while I do see progress, there's still a long way to go and I don't feel it should take this long!
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Yes this is a problem that we have been facing for a long time and when people start losing that " I am better than you " mentality we may start to see a change..
• Philippines
1 Aug 08
Kudos to you for not retaliating out of anger. I'm proud of you for setting a good example for your babies. In your community don't you have a support group or something? Well I assume you don't have any police records so I can safely say that what ever you are doing keep it up, just love them and never show them that you are bothered so by the time they are all gown up they have a good sound foundation of what is right. Its true that many people still see in color and I doubt it will go away some time soon, but I'm still hoping that it does. You should always remember that what is different scares a whole lot those who are white (they are weak minded and pathetic because they can only pick upon those different from them)and you should never stoop down to their level. If this harassment continues and involves any physical injury i strongly urge you to go to court. :)
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Thank you. I know with my faith we will get through this unscathed.
@Ldyjarhead (10161)
• United States
1 Aug 08
Let me say first off that I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this still today, in the 21st century. It's abominable that we as a human race can't all get along, but as long as you have any number at all of those white supremecist type organizations, it may never end entirely. That is one of the main reasons that I am afraid for this country if Obama wins the election. I have absolutely no issue with him being black or anything else that he claims as his heritage, but it is the way he feels about it that scares me. I honestly don't feel like he is trying to bring this country together. I feel that he is trying to win over those people that want unity, but he's not all about unity, he's about wanting to advance the betterment of certain races, forgetting that blacks aren't the only Americans that are living at or below poverty level. His book talks about 'the whites this' and 'the whites that' - I was appalled, and he stands by his words today. I digress - I'm sorry. As for your current situation, I don't have any solution for you. I'm very saddened that your children will suffer the most, and I think that's the main reason most people are against interracial marriages. You've made your choices as adults, but your children will have no choice in the circumstances they were born into (and that's NOT how I feel, but that's what I hear). I'm sure you and your wife are upstanding citizens and an asset to the community. All I can say is to continue to be so, show them who and what you are, don't kowtow to their antiquated beliefs - rise up above it, as I'm sure you have. It can't be an easy road and I won't say that I know how you feel because of course that's not possible. I applaud you for this post, and wish you God's blessings.
@IBWISE (145)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I thank you for your comment and your blessings, as for Obama I have to back away because I have been hearing so many negative comments about him and I just don't see what he is doing wrong that has'nt been done already by Bush,Nixon,Johnson, and others that have turned this country on it's ear. I did my time in the U.S.Army many years ago and it bothers me to see that with all the problems we have here our leaders spend time and money worring about other countries first.I don't know where Obama is headed but I will say that he can't do any worse than what we already have faced.