Should you spank your kid?

United States
August 31, 2008 4:38pm CST
Ok here's the deal... I was raised where there was only 13 channels on the t.v. and we kids went out to play.. we all watched the wonderful world of disney every sunday night at 7.30 p.m. ( I know it sounds corny) I got spanked a few times... so my question is: Should we spank our kids? I think that if your trying to teach your kid not to hit his brother, and you go and hit him arent you contradicting yourself? My approach is to make them sit in a chair and not move until a certain time and apologize...What do you all think??
6 people like this
19 responses
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
31 Aug 08
There are definitely other techniques out there to teach your child right from wrong, but that's not always workable. We have slapped our kids on the hand when they were between one and two years of age, just because it startled them enough to stop them from doing what they were doing. And the reinforcement of a sternly said "NO!" drove the point home. Even now, when they are older, they might get a smack on the butt if they throw a tantrum and they need to be removed from the situation in order to get them to a place to calm down and have the time-out. That little smack on the butt startles them enough to get a hold of them, lol. Anyhow, my oldest is seven, she doesn't need that anymore. She hears by the tone of voice, when she is in trouble, lol. Point is, I'm not completely opposed to a spanking within certain limits. Alternatives are definitely better teaching methods.
2 people like this
• United States
31 Aug 08
For me personelly alternative is better... I do watch super Nanny I have found some very helpful techniques. I dont think a child should rule the household.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
I'm yet to become a mother but I vow not to spank my kid as much as possible. I mean, spanking is actually biblical, God allows parent to spank their kids but it should be done with love, not because of anger. I always thought spanking would actually help kids to realizer their wrong-doings. I think speaking to them quietly and gently will help them recognize their mistakes, but sometimes, some situations call for different methods. I mean, teaching the little kids not to hit each other I think won't contradict to spanking the kids. The former is to stop fighting, the latter is to demonstrate discipline. I like your method though... I got spanked more than just what should have been. And I thought I was a good daughter! I did what my father has wanted me to do, everything he wanted, I followed, I was a good student, a great student leader, I was the envy of some youth, I guess it wasn't enough. For I remember getting all those hits, slaps, belt buckle, even that narra chair. My father did all those in the heat of anger. Well, I'm not about to do that to my son. I vow not to spank him or hit him when I'm still angry. I'll make sure talking would be enough for him.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
Hey great thinking on not spanking your son when you have your own, but also don't talk final because raising a child is really difficult and challenging. I told myself I wouldn't raise my voice when I have my own kid. I'm eating my words now because she can really test my patience. I just try and explain to my child why mommy is angry to justify for the way I act.Hopefully, she will be able to understand me.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Oh yes kids test us to extreme.. and that great that you want to really instill good things. I know the bible spare the rod and spoil the child.. but I wonder if it met literal or in a sense of discipline which doesnt have to be physical. We do need to let these kids take accountability for what they do wrong. I like you point that we should never do this in anger...sometimes we need a few moment to catch our breath..I know
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
Well, I did say, "as much as possible" because I certainly don't know what the future holds for me.. but well, I'm hoping I would be able to achieve that goal you know...
• United States
31 Aug 08
Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of spanking. I was abused by my ex-stepmother as a child, and it left some pretty interesting impressions on me...and also the knowledge that as an abused child, I was twice as likely to abuse my own. That said, I HAVE spanked my children. This happens, if I had to pick a number, maybe once every other month. They seldom misbehave to the point of needing anything worse than a time out (and as you said, in the case of teaching them not to hit, it's counter-productive). There are circumstances where a spanking is the quickest way to get them to realize just how badly they've messed up - particularly when you've already warned them repeatedly. Spanking does not necessarily equal abuse! For me personally, if you ARE going to spank, I don't approve of using anything except your own hand. That way, when you spank, it stings your hand a little, and it really does hurt you as well (and you're also less likely to go overboard). I also only do one or two swats in one spanking. As someone else said, it's just as important, as with any form of punishment, to make sure that the child understands what they did wrong, why they are getting spanked, and of course that you still love them. Disciplining a child is different for everyone - it depends on the child, the parent, the culture, etc - so there really is no ONE right way to do it. The most important thing is that you have a well adjusted, healthy, happy child, who is also well mannered and well behaved, who is NOT terrified of you. Whatever form of discipline chosen should NOT interfere with a loving parent-child relationship, and I believe that so long as those things are true, then a parent is doing something right.
• United States
31 Aug 08
First of all I'm sorry about your step mother. And I have seen kids in public kick, swear at the parents. It's just terrible. So some kids real need discipline. I mean it sort of a two edge sword... Some kids do very well some kids are almost abusive themselves..
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 08
Kids today are just SCARY. I mean, I'm all for finding less extreme means to use as discipline, but that touchy-feely phase the US went through were you couldn't even correct your children and just had to let them "express themselves" no matter what RUINED some people. I got lucky - I get compliments on how well-behaved my kids are all the time. Probably because I've found that fine line between letting them "express themselves" and knowing when to jerk a knot in their tail, so to speak.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Aug 08
You are so right about that touchy-feeling. Its almost like a fantasy world. Reality: you respect your mom and dad
1 person likes this
@Lxandra79 (1536)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I do spank my son, but not that much..becuase it makes me in a down mood. I didn't get spanked, i got beat up...I was hoping my dad would stop it but he didn't..I would call out to him, but my mom kept on going (my mom is a strong woman physically and mentally). I don't like hitting, but even though I have 1 kid he is a handful, I have low patience so it is really hard for me when he is doin something wrong. I do yell alot though, but I need to stop that 2
• United States
1 Sep 08
I know what you mean. kids think we actually enjoy yelling at them but really its kind of depressing. We get worked up and its not fun. I have a hyper active 3 year grandson and he too is a handful..so I just try to let him do a lot of physical stuff like run and go to the park to tire him out . Yes and when he sleeping he has a face of an angel... lol..
@stellarjade (1240)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I was raised pretty much the same as you. I didn't get into too much trouble, but was spanked a few times. But I don't think spanking is the right way to punish a child. It is somewhat showing them that hitting is okay, and doesn't really teach them anything. A better form of punishment would be time out, or taking favorite things away like tv, games, ect.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Yes I remember taking the videos games from my son when he use to act up. That is a good method. It worked..
• United States
31 Aug 08
Good question. Answer: NO! The parents should watch "The Nanny". There are other ways to "control" your children if that's what you're after. My Dad, all he had to do was look at me, shake his head and rub his stomach. He had ulcers, so that was enough to let me know I was being a little schmuck. My Mom, rarely spared the rod, I grew up with more respect for my Dad and I turned out fine but I would never hit my kids.
• United States
31 Aug 08
Oh that is good... I have plenty of ulcers too. I'll have to remember that one. Thank you for making me smile today!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 08
My main form of discipline is time outs, as you stated. I also agree that if you hit them after telling them not to hit someone else is very confusing to a child. However, there are times where a swat on the behind, nothing to hard but firm so they know you arent playing games, is ok to do. For example, being mouthy or disprespectful, if I put my son in a time out for such behavior and he does it again soon after, then apparently the time out didnt work and i need to resort to another method, my second option that i do after time out is take a way 1 or two of his fave things such as video game system or tv or another toy, if that doesnt work then i will spank him if he does it a 3 rd time. I use spanking as a later or last resort, as i seen my two sisters be physically abused with hangers and such when we were very young (i was spared because they always took the blame so i wouldnt ahve to get hit) this has made me try to avoid the spanking but realize that sometimes you have to do what works, and each kid is different. Some kids you never have to get to the 3rd option, some kids even spanking wont help.
@nazzy24 (64)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
im not yet a mother but spanking your child is not the answer to discipline your child there are other ways to do that..in your way it is good because you let your child realize that it is wrong and later on apologize on his/her own mistakes..
• United States
2 Sep 08
Thanks...kids seem smarter, quicker these days.. but accountabiity is what I am after. A child need to know what is right and what is unacceptable behavior.
@jde005 (65)
• United States
1 Sep 08
I personally feel that your method is a good one but I also feel that children know whats right from wrong. When you spank them becuase of something they aren't to be doing thats different from him just going up to his brother hitting him. I don't think anything near abuse should be use but i feel a spank on the hand or the bottom with nothing but your bare hand is ok. It shouldnt leave no type of mark or bruise rather. I think spanking is ok and should be a method of discipline along with other methods such as you mention earlier.
• United States
2 Sep 08
I remember back in the day we always got spanked on the bottom.. plenty of padding...did it help? I really dont know..I just remember my great grand ma in church with a wooden cloth pin.. If we moved she slipped it under her elbow and gave us a little pinch...lol needless to say we never moved in the church pews.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
My parents spanked me when I was a kid. It hurt and it made me a bit scared of them. With my two year old daughter now, I just spank her hands so far if she kicks or spanks us too. What I noticed is that she is not scared if I do it. However, I am still refraining from spanking her like how we were spanked before. I also noticed that time out or making her stay/sit in one corner until she apologizes does not work. I can't even make her stay put to realize what she did wrong. Kids are so different nowadays.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Yes your right kids are different. 2 and 3 years old are in those terrible two's anyway..so trying to sit they down is difficult. Try for small intervels....I did that was my grandson and after a while he actually knows and walk to what I call " naughty chair" and sit there until he apologizes. Its usually a minute per year ..so in his case 3 minutes ( hey I learned that on Super Nanny-it actually works!)
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
I have had my fair share in being spanked by my father before. That was his way of disciplining us. When I have my son, I chose not to follow my father's way of disciplining my son. Actually I wasn't sure if that was the best way because I grew up pretty well disciplined when I was young because of that method my father applied to us. I risked and I would say that I chose the right path in letting a child grow. He is a happy little child of mine who knows only to love us back because he never experienced being spanked at all. We do discipline him by teaching him why is is being disciplined and not force him by fear to follow our rules. So far it is working for us. As I said he is happy child and so far its working for us not to ever spank our son.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Im so glad to hear he a happy child. That is lovely. My mother when she was a little girl on a farm would get a lashing. I remember she told us the time when she had her picture taken and it was displayed in country store window....boy did she get it from my grandpa who was so very strict especially with the girls... That was a different place a different time.. So I understand the reluctance in many parents to spank.
@oreed8 (77)
• United States
1 Sep 08
yes i think u should spank your child to let them know who is in charge because if u be easy to them, when they get older they well walk all over u and u would have know control over them, so scared them while they young,
• United States
1 Sep 08
You do make a good point that sometimes kids do attempt to walk over you. I have seen it in markets ect.... Being consistant and letting them know you will not tolerate this behavior is so important. It helps alot when a husband and wife back each other up, because kids can detect a weak link.
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
1 Sep 08
I have to say those were the days watching Disney on Sunday night! I guess we grew up around the same time. I got overly spanked by my real father. He didnt know when to stop and he usually used a leather belt. I only remember getting spanked a few times thou. It did make me think before I did anything wrong. When we get older we do basically know right from wrong and when we do wrong there needs to be a consequence. Im not saying a spanking every time but with some kids other forms of discipline doesnt work all the time. We have luckily not had to spank our children often. I dont count the little slap on the butt. To me a spanking is over the knee and with the hand. I do think that using a belt or anything else is wrong. When younger a tap on the hand seems to work for us. I do wonder if the no spanking and the fear of Children Services hasnt changed the way things are handled and maybe that is why kids have gotten so much more out of hand. I have actually heard of kids telling there parents basically .. you dont dare cause I will call Children Services. So in some homes the kids rule the roost as some parents are scared, that isnt right either.
@ESKARENA1 (18299)
1 Sep 08
well here's the deal, i was raised with three channels on tv, i went out to play and was guided by parents who saw spanking as what it is, assault. All it teaches a child is that big people make small people do what they want by hitting them, nothing more.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
1 Sep 08
Spanking is all right if it is seldom done and when all else fails, or the child is too young to reason with. We just spanked our sons once each and that was because they were unable to understand or nothing else worked. But if you keep spanking for every misdemeanor, then it loses its effectiveness. Then it becomes a "if dad hits me when I am bad, then I have a perfect right to hit my brother when he does something to annoy me." Spanking then is no longer a means of discipline, but a means of retaliation. I believe in the good old method of taking away privileges and putting one in one's room. Another is when they refuse to finish their meal to bring it back until they do. My mother bit my brother's hand when he bit me. I do not recommend that one though. So there are methods of punishment that work depending on what the child did. What i mean to say that it depends on the offense and if all the parent does is spank it is applying a heavy hand when a light touch would do. And when you spank, you use your bare hand on the behind. Hitting is done anywhere.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Yes I think you should spank your kids. I spanked my kids at a certain age for fighting and they were smart enough to figure out that they were in serious trouble and not that it was ok to hit your brother. Now before they turned five, I used time out and that worked,but there comes a time when it doesn't work and you have to use different messures. People are so scared to lose their kids to abuse these days. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU CHILD UNLESS YOU DO ABUSE THEN,and spanking them, on the butt for something serious that they aren't to do is not abuse!
@4magoo (396)
1 Sep 08
Hitting and spanking are two different things. A spanking is something a parent or significant adult gives a child to help teach them a lesson. It is not rooted in anger. When one child hits a another child it is done out of anger and to hurt and not to teach. Spankings have been used for 100's of year and the current movement to never spank a child is NOT in my opinion, a good plan. Children need discipline and boundries.
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
1 Sep 08
i did spanked my kids. now as i got older and they got older i learned different ways in dealing with them. but when i did catch my two playing with a lighter yeah they got spanked. but most of the time they lost things. like vedio games. leave everything there excpet the controlers.. drove them nuts. or make them hold books, so if they were say 7, seven book for 7 min. if they cried or moved another book each time. then i had a think they called drill segrant. push up, and other things. but to tell parents they can't spank thier kids is wrong, if they decided to it, it's on them. i got spanked when i was younger.
@ml4box (336)
• China
1 Sep 08
what i want to mention is: kids are born so. they'll know what to do when they grow up. don't worry about it.