Why Can't People Understand That Forgiveness Can Be A Progress?

Forgiving should be done with control. You cannot forgive twice for the same mistake. Maximum would be three times. Also when you forgive it is better to take some so as to the mistaker to understand the severity of his or her action.

You just take your time and do it your own way. Some things take a long time to forgive and some things can't be forgiven.

I believe in forgiveness. If somebody does wrong to me, I try to forget and forgive the whole incident. I feel if I am carrying the whole incident in my mind, I am making tense myself. I may be raising my blood pressure for no reasons. Committing mistakes is the part of life, we all do so, so we should try to forget and forgive, those who appears to us have done it inadvertently.

because this word "pride" not easy to swallow! its a high pride thats why its not easy to forgive.

Yup, I agree. The deeper the damage, the more difficult it is to forgive; or the longer it takes to forget. I usually could forgive, but it takes a hell of a long time to forget. And in the healing process, I tend to hold back, reviewing the situation or the person. I am not able to immediately forgive a wrong, and welcome that person who has caused me harm, into my inner circle. I definitely do not want to be harmed or hurt again. I really don't care what others say; but that's the way I feel. After all, they weren't the injured or hurt party, so how would they understand?

Yeah to forgive takes time. For me it depends on how heavy the mistake of that other person had done to me. You might not even forgive that person if its really something serious like cheating. But every person is different. In your case you might not forgive the other but another person with the same case might forgive that other person.

so why wont people just accept that the way i forgive is different and some times can take years?? like i said its not hurting anyone so why cant i just do it on my own?? me faking it isnt going to help me.. Why? Because some ppl are busy bodies and far too narrowminded and self absorbed to see any differently then they do personally....I've actually had ppl tell me that there is no way I've moved on from past hurts all because i havent forgiven certain ppl...Quite frankly I find that mindset to be just straight up bullshyt....But whatever helps them sleep at night ya know LOL any one else feel that forgiveness is one step at a time and shouldnt be rushed? Of course its a process and for that matter, one doesnt need to forgive at all...I dont if the other person has no remorse for what they've done etc..why shoudl I ya know?

no i dont forgive anybody as i dont feel like forgiving..i am not great as saint or god that i can forgive people.mistakes do happen from people but not all are genuine. a few ppl knowingly commit mistake.i hate those kinds and juz dont feel like forgiving them ever.infact i want them to realise and repent for the deeds they have done.

Forgiveness is most definitely one step in progress. It's a personal matter and everyone is different. There are some things that have happened to me where forgiveness is out of the question! The other person or people involved are not the least bit sorry for their actions and would do it again in a heartbeat! I can't forgive them. I can feel sorry for them because their lives must be miserable but, until they come to me and HONESTLY ask for forgiveness, I can't give it. I don't hold on to these things I can't forgive; I'm just reminded of them every now and then. I move on with my life and am usually quite happy. I CAN forgive easily, when it's warranted. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. If someone hurt me terribly and is genuinely remorseful and asks for forgiveness, I can forgive them easily. But that hurt always leaves a scar than will be there forever. People who think they can forget things like this are only fooling themselves. Sometimes it's not important; something small and stupid. But if, say, your spouse cheated on you over and over again, then asked forgiveness once they were caught, you can forgive if you want to continue the relationship, but you will NEVER forget it. That leaves a very noticeable scar on your psyche. Or, if a rapist/murderer killed a child of yours, could you ever forgive that person? Honestly? I couldn't. I could put it behind me, but it would always be there, like my child would always NOT be there. At least, that's my opinion.

Hey there, I feel the same way too when people asked me to forgive people. To me, it really my choice to forgive people and if it is forced then I wouldnt really be sincerely forgiving that person. And it really depends on what the person did to me. If the person backstabbed me, of coz it will take long for me to forgive the person especially when the person do not feel sad about it.

I agree with you on that. There are certain levels or degrees of hurt done to us that we find difficult to forgive sometimes. I am a forgiving person, i might get hurt both physically or emotionally so bad at times but i can find it in my heart to forgive easily. But to a certain level that the hurt doesn't go away then, i may not be able to forgive no matter how long ago it was ( i mean the hurting).

well....yeah , forgiving is not easy and i really dont understand why people who hurt someone expect themselves to be forgiven within an instant...When i get angry at anyone i take it out on them , but they should`nt think that if i have shouted at them means i will forgive them after that ....i feel you can forgive someone only when you forget the pain they gave you, so it basically depends on the extent they went to hurt you....more they hurt , more the time in forgiving

People like me never understand this! and dont even wanna, forgiveness can never be progress, it would just be a force ! Progress is always about some one's will not with anyone's Force!

Well maybe they have been too hurt that they don't want to forgive anymore. I agree that forgiveness is a process that may sometimes take a long time. If you bottle up your emotions and keep it to yourself, you may do more damage to yourself. I think people can't quite understand why it's a process because the word itself is already taken for granted. People don't take it to seriously anymore.

Forgiveness has to be earned just as trust has to be earned. Both, depending on the person and the situation, may happen quickly or take a long time. Then there are also things which cannot be forgiven just as there are people we never trust. I cannot fake forgiveness any more than I can fake trust. So if the person/people can't accept my honesty then.. pffft! Go away. I don't think I've run into the situation where anyone has jumped on me because of my lack of forgiveness or trust. I can be civil even to people I genuinely dislike. I just maintain a conversation with no pretenses and no emotion. It's not always comfortable but better than screaming, yelling and going to blows. Handle things the way you need to. We aren't cookie cutter people, we aren't all the same and we aren't going to handle difficulties the same as the next person. All part of human nature.

I agree with you. Forgiveness is not easy and it very much depends on what the person did and how the person acts. Some people never deserve to be forgiven because they keep on doing the same thing or just are not sorry about what they did. It is easy for someone who did not get hurt to say you should forgive but it is hard to forgive while you are still in pain. I do not believe you should fake forgiveness. That is something that must be done properly or not at all. I have been known to hold a grudge for years. I may have regretted in in the end and wished I could go back and change it but that was partly their fault for not trying to make amends. Anyway. Even if the person said sorry that does not take the pain away. I have seen people do things to hurt and then said sorry and figured that they should be forgiven. No way. The whole thing was a set up. Just saying sorry is not enough. Did they do anything to make amends for their crime? Forgiveness can only come when both parties have resolved the issue between them that caused the problem. It takes two.

I agree with you. For me, feelings don't turn on and off like a switch. I suppose people ask quickly for forgiveness just so they can quickly get over the fact that they did something wrong. But if you do that, forgive quickly I mean, it kind of sends the message that you weren't affected that much by what they did. The thing that I find bothers me the most when people insist on quick forgiveness, is that it destroys the value of it when you finally do get around to forgiving. Forgiveness, if its to have any meaning, must come from the person who was wronged, and it must be their idea. If I coerce someone to forgive me, it just doesn't have the same meaning.

hi moonlitmagik of course forgiveness can be an ongoing process but if you can speed it up a bit you save yourself that sickening dull pain of hatered one carries around on their back like an unseen load. it does no good and only hurts yourself as a huge unseen load of misery on your soul so that when you do forgive you dump away all that hatred and now are rid of that ton of misery.

Moonliymagikchild, Do not fret one little bit because you are far from being alone in your feelings. I, myself am a very difficult one to get angry but when i do you know you have done something wrong and do not expect me to forgive you over nite because it wont happen. it does take me a while to forgive and yes in some case maybe years some case maybe quickly but if you ticked me off to make me angry and put me in that position in the first then no one has any right to tell you or me or anyone else who feels the way we do that we have to forgive right away. The bible says to forgive but it does not state when we have to forgive or how long we should take, that is something up to us. Be of great courage, take as long as you need because forgiveness is part of a healing process that comes in steps with many people. You are not alone. Do not fake it to please anyone either unless you feel it is absolutely neccessary because you will only hurt yourself. Zelda

well i do not why as we all know ,homer sometimes nods ,nobady is perfect ,,if they are really hurt me, if they apologise to me with heart , i will forgive them...if they are mt enemy ,,perhaps i will not forgive him,,two days ago ..my enemy hur me deeply i feel so terrible .i hate him, why can they do this like that .i do not know why .so tell me why .give me a reason , add up to,if they apologose to me out their heart ,i think i will forgive them