What would you do if your husband does not want to work?

@yenwie84 (1345)
Malaysia
September 15, 2008 8:05am CST
In this case,what would you do? I have a colleague who is facing this problem now. She always need to solve her husband's problems. She has to pay all the bills and loans monthly. Currently,her husband was fired and is now jobless. But her husband never bother wants to get a new job instead he keeps on complaining he is under stress and feel tension. What would you do if you have such a husband? Would you divorce with him? Or how? Please give advice,thanks.
6 people like this
27 responses
@SangsTurks (1447)
• India
15 Sep 08
if you really know your husband then you would also understand what he is going through. And if you feel that he is just being lazy and dosnt want to work then you can think of doing things that your instincts tell you BUT if you know that he is genuinely stressed and de motivated why dont you look for a job to support your family. It would be a great opprtunity for you to go ouside home and work.
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
16 Sep 08
This problem is regarding with my colleague. She is working a full time job now and she is having four children. She has to act a housewife,a good wife and a working woman. I don't see my colleague being inconsiderate in which part of her roles. She is doing everything since she got married with this guy. I think the guy is being lazy and want to avoid his responsibilities as a husband,father and a man.
@my2boys (822)
• United States
15 Sep 08
I am from a small town and it seems like all of the guys there are like that. They do not want to work. My sisters husbands and a few of my friends husbands do not like to work. Fortunately, my husband works very hard. He works 80+ hours a week so that I can stay home and take care of the kids and house. He likes to work. I think even if he won millions of dollars in the lottery he would still work. He can not stand to be at home. He has to be working. Is he at elast cleaning and cooking? Taking care of the house? I dont see anything wrong with the man staying at home while the woman works as long as he takes care of the house. My moms husband quits his jobs a lot and takes a year or two off in between. He doesnt do anything around the house. He just lays on the couch and sleeps all day. Then he complains if my mom doesnt have time to clean the house or cook. In this case, I would tell my husband either get a job or get up off your butt and clean the house. If he didnt want to do either one i would tell him to get out!!!
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
16 Sep 08
You are right. That's what I think too. I have told my colleague about this. Maybe after her husband has lose the job,he can just stay home and take care of the kids. But unfortunately her husband does not want to do so. He is still being egoistic. Sometimes,I just feel like want to give her husband a punch. Sigh.
@sudalunts (5528)
• United States
15 Sep 08
I wouldn't jump and say divorce him, without knowing all of the details. How long has he been out of work, or is this a constant thing with him, that is getting fired from jobs. If losing jobs is a pattern, then the wife should let her husband know that it is putting a strain on their marriage. My husband didn't want to work either. I was the main bread winner, he made a little here and there, but not enough to survive on. When I lost my job, due to a lay off, and believe me, it is not that cut and dry to find another job, my husband got a job, as a salesman, which is the easiest job to get if you are looking for work. What I am saying is, he stepped up to the plate to help out the situation while I am still looking for work. Our wedding vows states for richer or poorer, if you agreed to that, then why divorce because of it. Talk to the husband, it will all work out.
1 person likes this
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
16 Sep 08
If the husband can listen all the advices,things won't turn out to be so bad now. He has no intention to get himself a job but keeps on creating problems for my colleague such as lending money from his friends. I really pity my colleague. She is getting depressed and stressed up.
@cher913 (25900)
• Canada
15 Sep 08
i would definitely seperate from him as i would start to feel used by the hubby always relying on me for all the incoming money. a marriage should be 50/50!
1 person likes this
@yenwie84 (1345)
• Malaysia
16 Sep 08
The problem is my colleague feels like she cannot live without his hubby. She cannot independent without his husband. I advised her many times to just leave the husband but she just cannot make it. Sigh.
@Luvxoni (135)
• United States
15 Sep 08
I'd separate first, and give him a chance to understand the real stress of having to do it alone. If he fails to shape up, then I'd divorce him. I don't think she signed up for making a life with someone who is not willing to at least meet her half way in the union. Are you serious, he needs to get with it, and show some desire and initiative. I'm not saying she should get to running when times get hard, but hart times and lazy self pitying people are two different cups of tea. I'm quite sure she'd like to sit down and complain about life too, but NO she has to pay the bills and make life living for.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Sep 08
break off hahaha.. its the best answer
1 person likes this
@khatri_50 (225)
• India
15 Sep 08
In case u should not compel your husband to find a new jobbut u should tackle it carefully . divorce is not a solution of problem. take it lightly and realises his resposibilities with love and emotionbecause the life is not bed of roses.
1 person likes this
@switlyf (650)
• Philippines
15 Sep 08
I don't rreally know how to react. It would have been different if he wants to work but can't find one that suits him. I think i can take that reason much more than not wanting to work at all. Yes he can just stop working but he better be sure that he will do the household chores and everything that a housewife should be doing. i may sound harsh but let's face it life nowadays is not so easy that you can just sit down and relax. For a family to survive and be able to live a decent life i think its just normal for both of you to work, not unless the other party earns a lot. And besides he should be ashame not to work for his family. Happy mylotting!
@julyteen (13265)
• Davao, Philippines
15 Sep 08
her husband need to be understand specially this time, it is not easy to get job. her husband felt insecure because his wife do the work on his part. her wife must support him and comfort him, give courage so that her husband trigger to look a new job because of his wife. i know if her husband is not lazy man he will find job.
1 person likes this
@jillbeth (2711)
• United States
15 Sep 08
Sure, he's under stress and feels tension! He doesn't have a job, duh! But it could be that he is suffering from depression, so maybe she should get him to a doctor for an evaluation. People who are depressed often lack the motivation to do anything to help themselves, so that should be her first step. If it's just that he's a lazy bum that doesn't want to work, then it's time to show him the door. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it's a husband's duty to provide for his family. A real man doesn't just take up space and live off the labor of others. On the other hand, if the wife wants to work and let hubby play Mr. Mom and take care of the house and kids, and they're both happy with the situation, then that's their choice. But he should be doing just that, taking care of the house, so the wife isn't left with all the work. Actually, I've been in this situation. My first husband decided to be a bum, so I threw him out. I meet a wonderful man a year later, to whom I've been married 20 years, who is a hard-working and responsible husband who pulls his share of the load. Any woman who puts up with a bum deserves what she gets.
• United States
22 Jul 14
Both husband and wife, if equally suited to have a job, should contribute all things as equally as possible. No gender roles, except husband stronger physically so he does heavy lifting, etc. Wife must be preg and give birth if they want to have own children. That's about it for the gender roles.
@icegermany (2524)
• India
16 Sep 08
its very sad and if the husband doesnot work it really becomes more difficult to run the house and if it continues it will surely cause problems between husband and wife and really the wife should have a lot of patience to overcome this problem. i cant suggest for a divorce here because if you think that your husband cares for you and loves you and he is trying his best to find a job but nothing is working out due to some bad luck or so then i feel that she has to wait a little give her husband inspiration and workout patiently and try him to find and get a job. if the husband dont want to do a job then he have to better give up all the responsibilities and he should never promise to take any responsibilities and i think he is a lazy kind of person then he is not fit to get married at all coz after marraige there are so many responsibilities which comes with it and the person should be fully prepared to commit and take responsibilities and then only a person should get married or else no he should never get married and trouble others, may be a wife or by having childrens. i think even the person parents should guide me and tell him to get his job as soon as possible coz alone wife cant take all responsibilities and if the wife is working till the extent its ok but if the wife is not working then it becomes a disaster to run the house. i hope you agree with my discussion.
16 Sep 08
Get a divorce immediately. Stop making compromises and stop providing him financial assistance. Everybody has a right to a dignified and independent life. The world is not going to end if you live single. There are lot of other things in this world which can cheer you up. There is music, good books,the beautiful nature around you, sincere friends and you should find area to which you can divert your energies to.
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
16 Sep 08
My husband was (I'm separated now, after 23 years), in another way, like that. He too would always complain and complain. Either work was too much, or colleagues were not good, or the weather was bad and make him tired, etc. Your friend should first give it a try by talking to him gently, about how nice it would be if he were man enough to take care of her. If all fails, then I think she should give him the cold shoulder. If he is not bothered, then I don't see why should she. There is a limit to everything. I wish her all the best, that all goes well.
@syankee525 (6298)
• United States
16 Sep 08
myself as a man, he needs to stop making excuses and get off his lazy butt and be a real man. i am disable and money got tight for us, my wife said she would work but she's is legally blind. so i told her i would work instead of her. i have lots of medical issues but i get up and go to work everyday. no matter how sore i am. she needs to kick his worthless butt to the curb if he can't start being a real man..
@ronaldinu (12456)
• Malta
16 Sep 08
Your friend's husband needs help to deal with the shock of being fired from work. He needs your friends support. ~Divorce will create more problems and will not save any. I would do whatever it entails to help him get out of his depression. It might take some months but eventually he will get out of it.
• India
16 Sep 08
First of all, I will try to find out if he is really stressed out or just acting. If he is really stressed, I will shower him with love, take care of him, send him for a vacation and also take him for a counselling to a professional. I would try to make out his field of expertise and help him to start a business which he can run from home and feel less stressful. If he is just acting, I will warn him and give him some chance. If he continues to do so, I will ask him whether he is ready to take up and do all the household jobs like cooking, taking care of the kids etc., I would opt for a higher paying job and will work extra hours in the office and earn more money. If he is not willing for this too, I will surely divorce him.
@underdogtoo (9605)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
I used to be a jobless husband, not because I didn't want to work but because I couldn't find work which is practically the same as an end result. It took me 8 years to find me a good job and now I am doing something I never dreamed of doing and I am enjoying myself immensely. I was a computer systems analyst and software engineer. Now I am a farm manager. Cheers!!
@Miziou (35)
• Poland
16 Sep 08
If there are kids, things get a little compliated - but if no - dump him. This situation will last forever. She can't take care of all the things all the time - and he is not a little baby anymore. If he's not grown up to be a man, then he should get back to his parents and stay there. Put feelings and emotions aside and try to explain him that this cannot be. They both have to work. To have a family means to share responsibility.
@youless (72246)
• Guangzhou, China
16 Sep 08
It's hard to say. But I think a husband should take some responsibilities and he should work and earn for his family. It seems it's so lazy and irresponsible to leave it all for his wife. I love China
@salonga (25991)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
I can't stand a sluggard husband. I'm happy I don't have one! Otherwise, I'd surely separate from him. He should be the one feeding me and not me feeding him! It's the husband whose been tasked by God to sweat out for a living and if he would not do this task, he has not right to build a family.