My Racist Relative

United States
September 15, 2008 3:00pm CST
Hi everyone. I am just pissed off right now. I just returned home from my mothers house and one of my other relatives was there and made a very racist remark. I am so furious about this because I don't understand what he gets out of trying to hurt me with his words! I have a daughter that is bi-racial.She is white and puertorican and everytime he uses this ignorant word it makes me lash out at him which blows up into a huge fight. His problem is this, his son is on probation and his probation officer who happens to be puertorican and is pretty tough on him( not that he doesn't deserve it).So, everytime this *sshole relative of mine talks about this P.O. he uses these racist words. I cannot ignore this. He says this right in front of me knowing that my daughter is bi-racial! The rest of my family isn't like this ,so why do they let him around? He is so miserable! He shoud be mad at his j#ck#ss son for getting in trouble with the law in the first place! Not to long ago I dealt with another situation like this but it didnt involve me directly and I got alot of good advice. But what the heck do I do about this? I am about to just stay away from my own mothers house if she allows him to keep coming there! I just dont know how to deal with this.Should I stay away?How can I tolerate this? Any advice would help.Thank you for reading.
4 people like this
16 responses
@diacedez (177)
• United States
15 Sep 08
hmmm.. that sucks.. its a shame people are racist still.. u should talk with your mother n have her have a talk with him.. let him know at her household the racist talk has no place.. u should feel comfortable at your own mother's house and should surely be able to visit with out there being a fight with your own relatives..
3 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Hi diacedez. You are right Some people tell me that I shouldn't go there because of him, but, that's my mothers house! I don't feel that's right! But, on the other hand, why hasn't my mother put her foot down already and made him either stop, or stay away.After all, I am her daughter and that is also her grandaughter he talks about! Thank you for your response!
@34momma (13918)
• United States
15 Sep 08
it is sad that there are still people like that, but you know something. you should never give people the power to make you upset beause they are smart enough to know better. when you get upset or mad, you give him and that word the power it was intended to have. there are people who are so not willing or ready to change. when you come across people like that rather they be family, friends, or strangers in the street, you should just remove yourself. people like that need to be loved, because hate is why they are stuck where they are right now. now you don't have to love them up close, you can love them from afar. pray for them...
• United States
15 Sep 08
He does seem to get more and more talkative about it when I feed into it. You are right I should not let it get to me, but it is so hard to hold back. If I dont say something, I sometimes end up crying because my daughter will smile at him not knowing what kind of person he really is! And I feel so sad for her. An innocent little beautiful girl that his going to have to put up with people like him! Thank you for your response!
2 people like this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
15 Sep 08
children can be great teachers. when he opens his mouth to say such hateful things. do like your baby does, and just look at him and smile. not a fake smile, but smile at him with love like your daughter does. it doesn't bother her, so why let it bother you. and it will never bother her unless you you allow it. when she sees you upset, even has a little one it bothers her. take your power back girl
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Wow, I really like the way you put things! Sounds like a good idea, I shall give ita try. It will be hard to do but, I actually heard someone say that to me before...maybe you guys are onto something!Thanks for your advice!
2 people like this
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
15 Sep 08
It really sucks when you are around people who are racist. However in your situation you should be talking to your uncle about this. Don't go and get into a fight with him over this as it is just going to feed the fire. Don't let him have the satisfaction of him knowing that it bugs you. Talk to him rationally and tell him your feelings and if he wouldn't say these things around you. Another thing is to talk to your mother. You should be able to go over there and enjoy yourself without feeling this hatred towards your uncle and having to listen to that crap. I am sure that she has heard him what he has said? What does she say or do about this situation? If nothing is going to be done. I suggest you stay away from there.
• United States
16 Sep 08
Well, my mother gets upset with this person and she tells him to stop then they end up arguing and eventually she just ends up ignoring him and telling me to not let it bother me and to consider the source, however I do wish she would kick him out of the house and forbid him to come there, if it were my daughter, I would never let anyone disrespect her like that...I just might have to stay away!
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Sep 08
Your mom is equally to blame for this then. She knows what is going on but yet she is doing nothing. Arguing about this is doing nothing so I think she needs to step up and forbid this person from coming to the house as it is not going to stop. If she won`t do that then I suggest you stay away and as far as possible.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Yes, I have heard that before. This situation has been going on for awhile now, so it doesn't seem that she is going to do anything about it.
• United States
16 Sep 08
hey marlena BTW my name is marlena too. i know how you feel. my faher is cruzan and my mother is white. i never experienced true racism til i moved to the states. i don't understand the ignorance of it all. i've even encountered it here on myLOT. it's something that we think is getting better but sometimes it feels like it hasn't changed a bit. i'm sorry you're going through this.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Hi medney! What a beautiful name you have!hehe. Sorry to hear that you;ve experienced it as well. And, you say you've experienced here on Mylot too? Wow. That's really something. Well, it's no wonder when ignorance is everywhere.
@carmela0210 (1591)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
i can really feel what you feeling right now!it happens to me already, living in a family of chinese,(my mom is from a rich chinese family here in our province), my mom get maried to a pure filipino that give her a hard time until now because until now my father is not accepted on my mom's side and thats includes us their children, everytime we have a family gathering they see to it that we are always embarassed by badmouthing us by saying that my dad doesnt belong in the family and neither us because of how we look like, what they dont know is they are not in china anymore, they are here in my fathers land the philippines, when their people who dont belong here its them. But on my part i just ignore them, this will past, and you should do it also, ignore that relative of yours, maybe until now he doesnt accept on what happen to his son being in probation.
• United States
16 Sep 08
I am sorry to hear that you go through this as well. Is that a picture of you,? You are very pretty. They have no idea what they are talking about, I think that you look just fine! And if that isnt you, Chinese and filipino sound like a very unique combination! so I am sure you are pretty! I find beauty in everyone and they have no right to say that about you. It is very hard to ignore my relatives rude remarks.He doedn't seem to stop, as if he enjoys it so much. But, he is a miserable person with alot of bad going on in his life,like I said in the other post, it takes the focus off of him! Thank you for your response!
• United States
15 Sep 08
It sounds to me like this j#ck#ss is blaming the probation officer for his sons mistakes. Sounds like the guy is messed up and it's no wonder his son is in trouble. If I were you I wouldn't be going to anyones house when he's there. Welcome to myLot!
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Thats indeed true! From what I've seen fromalot of people that are racist or seay racist things, they are miserable with whats going on in their own life and to talk sh8t about others is a way to make themselves feel better!
1 person likes this
@Sarah1108 (310)
• United States
16 Sep 08
I think you should tell your mother that you wont come around if he is there. That will upset her because she will not be able to see her grandchildren. She might talk to him after that. What an A&s though. Really he is the one with the loser son. Atleast the PO is doing something with his life and not getting into trouble. I am in a interracial relationship. I deal with the looks. I have been fired from a job because of me dating a Haitian. It is crazy to think that people are still out their acting like this. I dont do well with racist people either. I am quick to jump on someone that says something that is not right. Its okay if he does not like the PO thats his problem call him an a hole or something but dont bring his race into it. PEOPLE LIKE THAT JUST MAKE ME SICK!
2 people like this
@kareng (7986)
• United States
16 Sep 08
I would tell him how you felt and that he is really inconsiderate with his words in your presence. I would then talk to your mom and tell her how you feel. Just tell her that you aren't comfortable with him around, especially the way he talks and makes racial comments. If she tolerates it, I guess it is her right --since it is her house. She may not know how you feel. But now she will and may have just needed an excuse to kick his butt out. Good luck!
• United States
16 Sep 08
I know how you feel, my mother's boyfriend, and a lot of his family members are like this, and I do not like it at all. No one is allowed to use the "N" word in front of me unless they are quoting someone. I do not like that word. I met someone who was the Black version of me. I know what my ancestors have done, and I am by no means proud of it. If you use the "N" word around me, I will walk away. I have never used that word. My mother's boyfriend would be so racist around me, and he knows that I do not like it, but he will do it anyway. One day, I got in his face about it, and since then, I will not go anywhere with him, I will find any excuse in the book, not to be around him. If you do not want to be around, do not be around him. Tell your mother that you will not come over to her house until that man leaves. If you do not want your daughter to be exposed to that kind of hate, then you must do what you have to do. I hope that my children are never exposed to that because the world is already harsh enough as it is without having to add racial hate to the mix.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Good for you. I like the way you think. It's such a shame more people don't think like you do about this! I think the reason why I never told my mother that, or gave her the choice to either make him stay away or I won't come there, is because I'm kind of scared to what she will say. It will hurt me alot if she chooses to do nothing and be okay with the fact I don't come around. She does defend me but, by her not keeping him away, shows me that it's not as important to her as it is to me!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Your daughter, and her safty, come before your mother and anyone else. If your family cannot accept that fact, then they have no right being around you and your daughter. They have to earn your love and respect when it comes to something like this. Do not stand for their racist ways. If they are unhappy about you not coming over, then they can come to your place and apologize.
• India
16 Sep 08
Oh wow, I hope you are feeling better after this rant. Yup, I understand your pain, and I am sure I responded to your earlier discussion on the same topic too. Now, does this relative stay at your Mom's place? If so, and if he bothers you so much, better avoid going there. You could, instead, invite your Mom to your place. And if he doesn't live at your Mom's place, you could just ask your Mom to warn you if he is there before you visit, so that you can visit when he is not there. I hope this helps. Cheers and happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Yes, something similiar happened to me involving other ignorant people but this hurts me alot more being that it is family and directed towards my daughter and I. He does stay there alot. So, it's very difficult to be there when he isn't. But, I suppose I could have her contact me when he isnt.It just should'nt have to be this way.I blame my mother also for not kicking him out permanetly. She could always visit him, right? Thank you for your responses, I greatly appreciate all advice all of the advice given to me!
• United States
16 Sep 08
You didn't mention whether or not you discussed this with your Mom. That is the first thing I would do. You said the rest of your family is not like this. Yes, maybe your Mom should understand how you feel about your racist relative making uncalled remarks. But it is possible she doesn't. To make sure talk to her. I don't know how close your Mom and you are but don't stay away from your Mom's house because of this jerk. It is sad that this racist relative doesn't have any kind of couth about him. And also I don't know how old your daughter is but you know he won't hesitate to make these remarks around her also. As sad as it is there are these ignorant people around.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Hello sunshinelady. That is a very cute picture! Anyway, my mother is very aware as it happens right in front of her. She defends me of course, but I dont think she does enough. If it was my daughter I would have kicked his rear end out a long time ago! It hurts me that she doesn't. As for my daughter, she is 19 months old now. She doesn't understand him, I don't even know what I'll do when she gets a little older.Do I keep her away? I don't want her to feel any pain from his words.
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
16 Sep 08
it is very unfortunate that there are people of this kind around in todays society i think he is a total idiot and stupid!!!! is your mom able to come to your house or is she not in good health or something is why you have to go to hers but i would talk to her and tell her how you feel and if she does not do anything to defuse the situation then there is a major issue!!!!!! but i think she should not invite him at all if she knows it is gonna cause conflict between the two of you!!!! and on another hand i think he needs too go to counselling for anger management and not take it out on everyone else because you did not put his son in jail and neither did your daughter to me he is a big jerk and he needs too get a life and see people for who they are not by skin color or racial background we are all apart of one race and that is the human race and he needs too get that through his think skull and accept people as they are!!! this is my opinion!!! happy mylotting and have a great day!!!!
@animeniak (425)
• United States
16 Sep 08
I understand that you are pretty darn pissed off because of your relative being racist, and I'm sorry to hear that. One thing I can suggest is that you can just walk up to him and just tell him not to be racist in your mother's house. If that doesn't work, maybe it won't work (unfortunately), then all I can think of is just pick a fight on him, which is probably the most effective way I can think of to make him not to make any racist mark. Your family should be aware of the fact that your relative is ticking you off because he's just spitting out bunch of racist mark, which he will deserve load of punches and smacks in his face!! You should NEVER tolerate it, because it'd be right for you to walk up to him and tell him on his face to not to make any racist marks. Hope that helps, and happy mylotting :)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
Good day.. you don't have to bear your brother's racism. I mean stay away form him and if that means staying away from your mother's house from time to time then so be it. It won't get any better arguing with him when he had his mind set out to that form of thinking and you sure doesn't need the aggravations from him.
@Amywrites (143)
• United States
16 Sep 08
Hello marlena, I too have a racist Brother. I have chose to talk to my Mother and tell her how I feel about it. I too have a bi racial cousin's. I have no respect for anyone that is racist, It is very hateful and much negitive energy. I told my Mother I do not want to be around him and I do not want it around my children! So either she respects that and arranges time with you without his presence. You should just stay away until it is convenient for you.
@syankee525 (6296)
• United States
16 Sep 08
i hate people like this too. they are jerks, i would tell him straight up you don't care to hear it. keep it to himself. we have what we call adoted kids, kids think of us as their second parents. come here when they need to talk or whatever. one of our friends came over doing the same thing, using the n word. we got into it. and me and my wife told him not in our house and he will not dissrespect our son like that. my wife threw him out. told him he wil respect everyone in or outside of this house.. that person is a jerk