im so upset

@oscar6 (1939)
United States
September 17, 2008 7:17am CST
hey mylotters, Yesterday was the worst day of my life. I am currently seeing this really great guy named andrew (my screen name is my dogs name for any of you wondering yes im a girl) Yesterday he told me that he is going to move away and join the military. I asked him to wait a year so I can go but he said he doesnt want anything that serious yet. Im so upset I dreamt about it all night, and im sitting at my computer barely able to type through the tears. So here is my question, should I fight for him and keep him here? Or let him do what will make him happy, and become completly depressed? Hes my world, and I love him, but I havent got up the nerve to tell him that yet.
3 people like this
14 responses
@super_jj (1417)
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
Hmmm...sounds like young love to me. Hehehe. Dont worry. Let him go do what makes him happy. If he really loves you, then he'd come back to you.
3 people like this
@oscar6 (1939)
• United States
17 Sep 08
not really, im 21, not too much younger than you. This is the most mature relationship I think ive had. We are so comfortable with each other, maybe I got too comfortable. I really want him to be happy, but I know letting him go will bring me into a depression. I hope that if he does leave he will come back just as you said.
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
17 Sep 08
I think he said it all when he stated he doesn't want anything 'that serious yet'. And if he's made up his mind about joining the service, then that's the life he wants. Trying to keep him there when he doesn't want to be will not end in a good way. There's something you need to think of, are you sure you want to live the life it takes to be with someone in the service. It's not an easy life to live, you will always be second to the military, and you have to be able to deal with that. My daughter is married to the Army, in other words my son-in-law is in the Army. He has been deployed 2 times in the 3 years they have been married, a year each time. Doesn't matter what plans she has, if the Army tells him he has training, a mission, etc. the plans get tossed and he has to go. So, you might ask yourself if you could live that way.
2 people like this
@oscar6 (1939)
• United States
17 Sep 08
I know that it would be hard, but I think that it would be harder not to be with him. I dont think he knows what he wants at this moment. He says we are still dating as of now, yet he doesnt want me to come with him. He said im a good reason to stay, but I guess im not good enough. I just wish things in life were easier than this.
1 person likes this
@Amanda81587 (3046)
• United States
17 Sep 08
Well "dogs name Oscar" lol. (That was suppose to make you laugh just in case you were wondering) If he says that he doesn't want anything that serious yet then you might just want to let him do what he feels will make him happy. If you go all out to show him how much you love him and that you never want to live with him, that could jeopardize the relationship pushing him even farther away from you, giving you no chance for the future of ever getting back together. I suggest you just give him some time and space to think about it because if it was ment to be then he will realize how great you are and come back or not leave at all.
@oscar6 (1939)
• United States
17 Sep 08
Thank you for your kind words and your joke. I did smile for a moment. I really hope he does realize that hes making a mistake. Im always around him so it will be hard to be me again. It was always lindy and andrew, but now.. it will just be lindy. I dont know why things like this always happen to me, but the last boyfriend I had moved away as well.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (37409)
• Cambridge, England
17 Sep 08
If you truly love someone, that means that you want what is best for him, and what is best for him is automatically what is best for you. Now, sometimes that is hard because it may be that what you think is best for you at the moment doesn't match up to what he wants. This is where the question comes up "Do I really love him or am I really showing myself that I have a need to love someone and be with them so that I feel complete in myself?" Many times people think they are in love because they believe they have something missing which only another person can complete. That can certainly be a part of true love but it shouldn't be the basis on which love is made. To be a real strong and incontrovertible love, each person should feel complete and happy with themselves in their own right. Then they can join hands and want to be together. Love is like a bridge that joins two solid piers on opposite banks. If one can't stand up without the other, then both will eventually fall. If your guy is doing what makes him happy, why, then, should you feel depressed? If you love each other (and even if you love him with a depth that he can't reach), then that love should make you stand tall and feel happy where ever he is in the world. If you keep thinking that your life isn't or won't be complete without him actually by your side, then you are bound to feel incomplete and depressed. If you haven't the nerve to tell him that you love him, perhaps it is because you have some lingering doubts yourself ... either about the reality of your feelings or, perhaps, about whether he will accept them and believe in them.
@oscar6 (1939)
• United States
17 Sep 08
your right, I am afraid to tell him I love him. Im afraid that he wont say it back and ill feel even more crappy. I know he really cares about me (since he is still with me) but I dont know how deep that is. When he told me last night, I started crying and then he started crying because I was crying. He said that it hurts him to see me like that, so deep down I know he cares. Part of me also thinks that he doesnt think hes making the right descision.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (37409)
• Cambridge, England
17 Sep 08
You both have doubts, then. That is good. You need a lot of talking - and listening - between you so that you can both make the right decisions. Here is a site that is not about relationships but about straightening out emotional problems (and problems that may not seem to have an emotional basis but, in fact, do). The technique is most often used to help with pain, fears and phobias and even addictions but it can be applied to anything! You could identify, perhaps, how fearful you feel about him going away and work on that feeling. While you do that, no doubt, other aspects of your fear may go through your mind and you would then work on those. The technique is very simple to learn (15 minutes to half an hour to understand the basics) and simply involves tapping on certain acupuncture points while repeating to yourself certain phrases that you identify with. You can do it privately or with others and there are so many testimonies about the relief it brings - and permanent cures of long-standing problems, too - that you can be certain that you will find it useful for all sorts of things. The Home page is here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252 and you can download the manual for free (and no strings attached) here: http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/1 Of course, there are DVDs and books you can buy but they are absolutely not necessary - or ever pressure-sold to you - unless you decide that you want to know more about it. In fact, all you ever need to know is available for free on this site and other ones which advocate the technique.
• Canada
17 Sep 08
My husband is actually about to leave for the military so I know how hard it is to have someone you love, leave for something like that. However, Seeing as your situation is slightly different, my advice is to let him go. I know it will be hard to do that but at the same time it's a win lose situation. If you tell him how you feel about him and he stays he'll be miserable because the military was something he wanted to do. If he leaves, he's happy and you're miserable. I know him leaving isn't your first choice but as everyone's saying, if it's meant to be then he'll come back to you. One of my neighbors has a shirt and it says "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be. If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it." Well...Don't kill him if he doesn't come back. But if he comes back then he was meant to be yours. Hope this helps and know that if he goes you have friends who love you and will help you through it :)
1 person likes this
@JayJashG (290)
• India
17 Sep 08
Well you should allow him to take up his choice! Tell him about your love! I think by now he would surely have an idea about it! You say you are 21 but just understand one thing if he's gonna stay here without taking up his choice things might change! If you try to understand his choice then it will surely help you to take the relationship fine and no hard feelings! Talk it out and make a choice! You are comfortable enough right make sure you start the talk casually. Or try giving him some hints about the topic so that he'll start. All the best!
@tazzybaby (115)
• United States
17 Sep 08
You know the old saying "if you love something, let it go"? There is truth in that, its not just words. If you love someone you want them to be happy, even if it hurts you. If he wants to go that badly, fighting to keep him with you won't do you a bit of good, you'll just hurt yourself more.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 08
You did not say how old you are, but I am thinking you are 17 years of age because you want him to wait a year so you can go with him. Some men, when they tell you they love you dearly and want to spend their lives with you, they mean it and some not. However, when they say they don't want to get serious, 100% percent of them mean it. Listen to what he is saying to you. He is telling you the truth. It is over. If he really loved you, he would wait for you. He is not doing that. Don't waste your time. Look for a guy who wants you now. Another thing, if you sleep with a guy, it can make you want him more and think he is your world. Wait for the right guy..marry him and then give yourself to him. If you gave yourself to this Mr. He is my world, it is so much easier for him to leave you. Men want what they cannot have. Always remember that.
1 person likes this
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
17 Sep 08
Gotta let him go... My feeling is right now he cannot sort out what he wants, doesn't want to be making a lifetime decision yet, doesn't want to be bound down, feels a bit smothered. If you fight for him as in trying to stop him from leaving, it will only cause him to be more determined. Do yourself a favor and give this move your blessing, but ask him to stay in touch with you, try for a long-distance relationship. If he really loves you, he will start to miss you. If not, well aren't you better off then rather than being in a relationship with somebody who seemingly will become more miserable and start to resent you for it? That'll end the relationship anyway, or make for a miserable relationship. Let him go, let him 'see the world', let him miss you, and if he comes back you can be sure he'll stay.
1 person likes this
18 Sep 08
i suppose are the at you first or early love. first be composed about yoourself and how important he is to you then you cna only take a decision ehat i suggest you is to not to leave him
18 Sep 08
Hi there....its probably not what you want to hear but its the old saying if you love someone let them go....if its meant to be then he will come back, you wouldn't want to spend your time together with him resenting you for not letting him follow his dreams, i know you are wanting to go with him next year but maybe he puts it off for a year, something else may come up and he will spend his time wondering what if!!! If you dont mind me asking, why are you unable to move away with him now? How long have you been seeing him?!
@shyama86 (73)
18 Sep 08
Dear Friend, From yr note I assume that you hv not revealed your mind to your so called lover and he is also not serious about it. So you hv two choices. One is speak to him and open yr heart whether he too is interested well and good you can continue the relationship. Secondly if he still decides to go let him do what he wants. Please dont be depressed or dejected. see life is full of ups and downs. You should hv the courage to facewhatever comes. Think everything that happens is for the good only and pray to God to give you the will power to face the realities of life courageously.
• United States
18 Sep 08
good question
@modstar (9617)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
You should fight for it. The worst regret is when you never give a fight to bring back your love. A feeling of guilt because you let him slip away just like that. We don't know maybe he's just misguided or something that's why you need to do something to get him back before it's too late.