Anger and hate eat you up from inside

@klaudine (3654)
Indonesia
September 24, 2008 10:43am CST
I used to be a very forgiving and forgetful person. I just forgive and forget if someone did something bad to me. And one day, a year ago, something just happened to me and I became someone else. I kept grudge, I had this anger and hatred inside of me and I really suffered from it. Anger and hate ate me up from inside and I feel hollow. Anger and hate is like a bad cell eating another cell of you and makes you someone that is no longer a whole a person. I wonder why it could happen to me. I started to think about revenge and how to make people suffer. I started to hate people and pull myself out from the society. The only place where I still like I used to be is here in the virtual world, where I don't have hate and anger. have you ever hate someone so much it makes you sick? Have you ever hate someone so much, keep the anger in your heart and change you into a worst person you would ever met?
6 people like this
19 responses
@lynnemg (4541)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I have learned over time that it does me absolutely no good to hold a grudge. i have a few people who have enraged me for one reason or another. The way I deal with those people is to just cut off all communication with them, and move on with my life. If they call, I ignore the phone, if they send me an e-mail, I do not respond, if I bump into them on the streets, I turn away. Just eliminating those people from my life has given me more peace. Holding on to anger will only hurt you. Chances are, these people don't give it a second thought. They are moving on with their lives. Why should you let anyone have that kind of hold on you?
3 people like this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Well said.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
You might be right. But I have cut off all the communication with those people and yet, I still feel the anger, I still hold the rage like that. I have eliminated those people out of my life, but it never gave me peace. It wasn't their existence who bothered me, but it was something in my mind. Thank you for your encouraging answer. Have a nice day lynnemg, you are so kind
@SukiSmiles (2000)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Oh once a upon a time something like this happened to me, but it was in the work place. And yes, the stress of it can make you mentally and physically sick. I just spiraled downward and I was not a happy person anymore. I was sucked into her negative world and it was hard to battle. Sometimes I still battle the scars it left on my self esteem - although I hide it well. I had to let go of it the hatefullness, loneliness, helplessness, bitterness and all the other negatives. It's not an easy thing, but if you don't make an effort, it will never go away. I just kind of woke up one day and said, hey, this isn't me, where did I go? And started the journey back.
2 people like this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
That's right SukiSmiles!!! That was exactly what I felt. That was exactly what I am doing right now but I can't let go. I can't stop hating and just like what the negative things did to you, they also sucked me down into the darkness and painful feeling that never stop. How do you deal with that? Keep telling myself and make a suggestion to myself about that didn't help me at all
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Sep 08
It's a daily journey that can take years. You have to work on it all the time, several times a day sometimes, especially in the beginning. Go out, do things you used to enjoy. Find small things that make you happy or that you find joy in. It's okay to start small. For example, if you loved to hike and decided okay - lets go climb a mountain and you haven't done it in a few years. It would probably be better to taking a walk through some gardens and work your way up to hiking trails and mountains. Don't feel that you have to magically be happy all the time, or that it will happen in a day or week or even a month. But it will get easier.
1 person likes this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
26 Sep 08
Oh thank you very much SukiSmiles. I really need some awakening event to make me wake up from this situation right now. Because hatred has makes me lost all of my life. Thank you very much... I am trying to be happy again, and you know what, being here and talk to mylotters really help a little :) Thank you again, and have a nice day :)
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 08
I do not hate people but hate the wrong things they do to the society and when they spoil mood by doing some thing wrong it hurt me and to get rid of I leave the place for a while and keep my self busy in one or the other activity and after these memories are faded I am normal again. I do not keep the hate and anger permanently with me because I do not want to be eaten by the anger and hate from eternal.How you see it please comment and have a nice day.
2 people like this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
Yes I hate what they did, but I also hate them for doing that. Even when I thought about what they did over and over again I felt like actually forgot what had they done to me but still I can't get rid of the anger and the hatred out of my mind. I wonder why
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Oct 08
It's hard sometimes to let the anger go. Just keep working at it, and one day you will notice that it's not there anymore. Good Luck!
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 08
Hi Klaudine, these are negative emotions, and can affect you badly - not only emotionally, but also physically. Sometimes it can make you lose focus on the important things of life; and takes away your enjoyment in life. So I've learned not to let these experiences crowd me or rent unnecessary space in my heart. It's not easy; I find it hard to forget a bad experience, but I am able to forgive. Forgetting will take some time. Your life is worth more than this - learn to enjoy life and slowly let go of these unhappy times! Take care !
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
That is correct lazeebee. I have experienced that and have got all the bad impact that you've said before. I knew it very well and yet, I still cannot let go. I still hate people and somehow wanted them to be suffered. But the more they suffer, the more the hatred left the wound in my heart. It just made me down deeper and deeper
1 person likes this
@NrgDfenZ (1811)
• Belgium
24 Sep 08
I think it is possible to make you sick.. But I think it would make you mentally sick.. But not physical.. Have a nice day..
2 people like this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
You are right. Not only mentally sick, but this distressful moment really makes me sick. I had migraine once in a week now, something that I have never got before. I hate this. I hate this situation
1 person likes this
@icegermany (2524)
• India
24 Sep 08
before i use to get angry more and i use to get so irritated that i use to shout on others but after my marriage i could realise and learn lessons. we get pampered at our parents place and we take advantage i feel and after my wedding i need to adjust with everyone i had to face some difficulties of family too and i really learnt what life is and i started adjusting to it and from then i even started controlling my anger and i had to do it as compromise plays a big role in a wedded life. and from then i just try to adjust all things and i really feel sometimes life is just to adjust. and i really dont feel like keeping anger on anyone and i just forget it and avoid it. its very difficut but i do it but one thing which is even more difficult is to see the person again and again whom you get angry on.
1 person likes this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
I rarely get irritated, I never shout on people. I never did that even before, I only kept the rage inside me, since last year and nothing in my appearance would show any differences between the old me and the new me. Yes I think I need some anger management therapy right now, but I just don't know how to find it LOL
2 people like this
• India
25 Sep 08
i have seen on tv that the best way to manage anager is to start counting numbers and just try to avoid whats happening. but i dont do this, i dont count numbers instead i start i start reading within myself some of the religious prayers and then i try to control myself and avoid all things happened. and i think its the best way just avoid the things happening around and start doing things which interests you and you will be able to control your anger, but its very difficult to control anger but you have to be determined from inside.
1 person likes this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
26 Sep 08
I started with taking a long deep breath when I am feeling the anger coming, and I really hate when I failed to control it even I have done the deep breath therapy for me. Counting numbers would only makes me more depressed because I hate numbers (out of my special hatred with mathematics from school years LOL)
2 people like this
@redman7t (35)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I know how you feel.... sometimes people do stuff that makes you so angry, but you don't say or do anything about it and it starts to eat inside of you. I'm not trying push religion on you or anything but when something bad happens to me, like you I sometimes keep it inside but then I pray about it or just leave it up to god. This might not sound logical but it helps to clear my mind and I feel the some of the weight of it come off. When I do that it seems like things always get better.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
This is a very good approach. Sometimes you have to confront the person you are angry with, but lots of times if you just let God handle it, He will. Let go and let God, they say. It's hard, but if you can do it, it really helps.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
Thank you for sharing your tips to handle anger, redman7t, but I think we have a different approach. But thank you very much, I really appreciated it :) Good luck and happy myLotting :)
@metschica25 (5412)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hi , sometimes letting go of something frees the soul . yet sometimes the pain and hurt is too deep down that you just have to try to forget and maybe sometime later on in life forgive . I like to find the reasons a person did what they did and that makes it easier . I am sorry for anyone who was hurt and it is ok for a bit to be that hurt you are or not wanna be involved with a person .
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Yes, it is ok to be angry and hurt. Just not to the extent that it makes you sick. Good explanation!
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
I really want to forgive, forget and let go. This kind of feeling really tiring me and it is painful to had this feeling inside me. I want to do that but there were something holding me back, and didn't let me to do that. It is really hard , yet I still want to try
1 person likes this
@alecz23 (486)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Well forgiving a really bad person is really hard...and I really hate a person whom I don't even know.... well what should I do? I'm a friendly person but yet still there are people who dislikes me and I don't know why... Its really nice to hear once you forgive, you forget all the things you done him wrong....I'm proud that your such a nice person....GodBless
1 person likes this
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
I think you don't have that kind of problem of forgiving, alecz, you are so lucky, since I know how it feel to be really easygoing for any situations like that. I used to be someone who easy comes, easy go, and never take it hard. I used to be someone like that and I wanted to come back like the old me. But it seems the hatred has left the wounded mark in my heart for now
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I think that anger can take a lot out of someone. It takes a lot from the person's life and can cause disruption. I don't feel that it is very healthy for an individual to harbor too many feelings of hatred and anger. It can eat you up inside and you won't be able to function because of the crippling effects. I find that I just try to forgive and move on. I like to focus on constructive instead of mulling over yesteryear's hurt and animosity.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
Yes this anger has made me a destructive person. It took the happiness out of my life and that was a lot. I wanted to forgive and move on, I used to be able to do that, but somehow I can't. There are something that holding me back and that I didn't know how to resolve
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
i had that feeling, and maybe i still do but i just rationalize it. you are right, anger really consumes your entire being , and worst is whe you look back once the tide is gone, you wouldn't realize the aftermath once u saw what is left behind. its normal to experience anger , hatred and resentment, we afterall are bound to experience those emotions. its up to us how we manage ourselves within and after the storm. its nt really easy to experience negative feelings and thoughts. i too had had my own share or maybe stil has.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
I am glad that someone brought rationality in this discussions. It is really hard for me to be rational regarding to the anger and hatred I am feeling right now. You are right, the effect after the anger and the hatred was really bad. I know it and I realize that it would take all my life if I can't handle it well. And how did you handle this?
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
how did i handle it? i place in mind that it soon will pass. i have this schema in mind that all personal struggles can be diagramed and we can get each level at a time. first and foremost , Acknowledge to yourself that you are hurt, badly hurt. 'enjoy' the feeling of being hurt, and keep a time frame when can u get on with that feeling. also consider which aspect were u badly beaten, and what really is the main reason for the wailing emotion. you can only defeat an enemy if you know who the enemy is. for the meantime, u can engage yourself with activities that will help lead to your internal healing. blogging at MYlot helps too! thats why im here..hehehe. hmmm, let me see if i still missed somethings... ah.. and keeping in mind the larger perspective. and assuring yourself that you will be fine. say this to yourself, "I will loose my self momentarily. just momentarily. I own my feelings, I own my decision. I love my self, and i will step up with my present situation."
• United States
5 Oct 08
Oh yes, I certainly have, many times! I'll give you one memory of mine: See everyone though I was somewhat shy throughout my school years, I'm not really a shy person at all when you get to know me, I just wasn't interested in what everyone was doing or talking about at times, that's all i.e. i may see a group of straight up ghetto black kids who seem very rough and are discussing a Lil' Wayne album or whatever, I love rap but I don't like what's out in the late 2000s and I absolutely can't stand Lil' Wayne and the roughness is a definite turn-off for friend potential. So one day in high school, I just came back from the principal's office because he wanted to talk about my grades (I was in a very bad and mentally draining relationship with someone who was bipolar and that distracted me from school at the time), I was on my way back to class and I was just straight up depressed and upset. So this big fat black girl who was the LOUDEST one in school and had the most friends said out loud: "Aw, Look, he's so quiet!" I so wanted to knock my fist right through her forehead and crush her worthless excuse for a mind/person that she was. UGH! But yeah, I get what you're saying though. It makes you want to become the next Adolf Hitler and not punish by people's race but by what people have done to you.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
5 Oct 08
Ouch! That was really irritating moment, it is good that you can control yourself or you would be summoned to the principal office again LOL. I bet you hate her so much, but I guess the hatred wouldn't get to you for a long time, or was it?
@Amagnimo (637)
• India
29 Sep 08
Dear klaudine, how you doing? Well, as you know, I am just living the life as an optimist. Its not difficult for me now, well, there are strikes of anger but not hatred any more... I do love to live life happily without holding grudge... I have had many ups and downs, but I stopped holdiing grudges... I tell to myself - "Am I so free enough, don't I have to do anything important rather than wasting time after thinking this rubbish?" And then everything else turns on to be important, and I am able to shed off the anger... Its all the same, but its all different. Am I a bad thinker? I don't know, but atleast I am able to shed off the anger and hatred this way.... and anyways, these days, it has been so hectic that I am not able to think of hating any one, I just don't find time to do that. In fact, at work, I just cant remember to hate someone or feel anger for someone. I am trying to even shed off the momentary impulses that I have had at times... Well, wish me luck! lol... Just enjoying life to its fullest... and making a longer and happier thing! By the way, have you selected BRs for the last topics of yours... You must do that, I am waiting...
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
30 Sep 08
I think I am doing better now, Nemo. I am still hating people now, still working hard and fighting, and struggling not to be drowned down in the hatred and anger. I am trying to fill my time with more productive activities that not only would bring me money but also new knowledge that would not only broaden up my mind but also would help me to forget things about hatred and anger. I don't want to hate people and being angry all the time. I can't live peacefully that way
• Sri Lanka
26 Sep 08
Dear klaudine, You have understood that keeping the anger and hate eat you from inside. So why let you be eaten having know the cause of it? Yes, there are and there have been people like that for me also. I will keep my anger for them for certain instances. But I will not keep it for a long time. I just forget it because it harms me only. Virtual world is not a real world. You don't know who I am. It is good to learn but it doesn't give the comfort where a good friend of yours could give.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
26 Sep 08
Ye I know it already, and I am trying so hard not to let them taking control of me but it is so hard to do because I was too late when I realize that I have become someone else in the real world when I saw myself in the virtual world. I know they are different, but somehow it helps me to remind myself how I am supposed to be. Thank you very much for keep reminding me, I think that is really helping and encouraging.
@fayeeh (117)
• Japan
25 Sep 08
You weren't able to control your anger and now it is the anger that controls you. When it gets out of control, it will lead problem to your overall quality of life. Yes, I once had an experience of hating a person to the max. Instead of becoming a worst person, I turned to a better one. I always kept in mind that the person I hated most is not worth it. I lived with that anger for years but I always kept on fighting not to destroy my life because of it.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
And that was I wonder, how can someone keep the anger without making themselves not to make something stupid. I mean, because when the anger take control of me, and when I hate someone so much I tend to lose my logic and use the emotion more than I use my brain.
@LittleMel (14062)
• Canada
25 Sep 08
yes I have, but the strange thing is after years I actually forgot about what they did. I usually put them on ignore or just moved out of the place so even if I forgot I don't have to deal with them at all until I remember what was it exactly that made me hold grudge upon them this way it's safe for me too I don't have to make the same mistakes trusting the same people again and no it didn't change me to the worst person, it taught me a lesson I need to base my decisions in the future constant anger may not be good, but if this anger makes you take steps to protect yourself and your loved ones, it won't change you to someone worse but it will change you for the better and stronger person
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
You're right! I almost forgot what they actually did, but it was the anger and the grudge that you feel and would never forget. Somehow it is funny when you get something like that. Isn't it?
1 person likes this
@lovenluck (1068)
• India
25 Sep 08
Anger and hate really are more harmful then all the other vices together. i too was a normal guy who use to forget and forgive until a sudden change of fate and like you i too started hating and seeking revenge after the incident.it completely changed my life, myself my attitude. I too live here in this virtual world for months. But finally i realized, I reflected back into my past and realized my foully. I had became someone else and have lost complete track of the person i was. I was at loss all this while and In order to be successful in life we need to compromise and adjust with life. Take life slowly and as it comes helps you to understand life. I understood this and now i am back to normal and enjoying life. Though i still love this virtual web world but i learned to balance it with the real world too
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
Thank you very much lovenluck.. I know that you would understand the battle inside me, because you have experienced the same thing with me. I know that seeking revenge would be the first thing that you thought would make you felt better, but after it's done, it didn't make you feel better, even it made you even worse than ever. I know that. I think I am slowly taking the pieces of my old life back, but I don't know how long I would be able to stay this way. I mean it would take so long, and I hope I just have the patience. Just like you, I found the virtual world as my sanctuary, my salvation and the only place I can keep my old life. But with the very distressing real world, it was really painful. Thank you for your understanding and your participation. Glad to have you here. Have a nice day :)
@lifbrue (108)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I absolutely agree. There is really no reason to hold onto hate since the only thing it really does to you is isolate you from the person you are holding a grudge against. Eventually, by that line of reasoning, you will completely isolate yourself from everyone in the world and what could be more lonely than that? It's not worth it. Raise your self esteem some other way than by proving to yourself that you are in the right -- for the sake of us all -- thanks.
@klaudine (3654)
• Indonesia
25 Sep 08
I know that. I have no more reasonable answer of why I should hate these people. I have lost the logic of why I hate them but I can't get rid of it even it has been there for a year. I know that I can't hold it any longer, because the feeling has started to intruding my old self and I lost it... I am totally losing it
@PRIYANK1992 (1678)
• India
26 Sep 08
Yeah it's truth.That Anger and hate eats us from Inside.Anger gives us sadness and sadness gives us the feeling of hate.