What would you do if your adult daughter called you names?

@getnbuy (1315)
United States
November 10, 2008 1:36am CST
My daughter called me on the phone.First she invited me for Christmas and then, for no reason, she started calling me names and defaming my religion. She said horrible things about my beliefs.I was so shocked that I didn't know what to say. After we hung up I emailed her and told her she could not call me names and defame my religion. She got mad and called me more names. Then she decided that she would no longer be in communication with me or my husband. She totally skipped her father's birthday, which broke his heart. I swear on a stack of Bibles that I said nothing to bring this on. I would apologize except that I don't know what to apologize for. I still don't think she should call her own mother names.What do you think? Do you think an adult daughter should call her mother a freak? What do you think a mother should do?
2 people like this
14 responses
@niqbloo (62)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I don't want to sound mean or rude, but I think the younger generation (such as myself) doesn't really find any reason to believe in religion. I think she just might have got fed up with your views. And trust me, you might say that you didn't do anything, and maybe you didn't, but I know a lot of parents who are really religions, and try to pass their views to their children. Now I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but maybe she just got fed up with how religious you are. Just give her some time and maybe she'll apologize.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
16 Nov 08
This may be true. I try not to push religion on her, but since I do live my religion the example may weigh heavy on her.
• India
16 Nov 08
Do You people even know the true meaning of religion?????????? You all are just Idiots. Religion teaches the way of leading ones life If You follow a religion, You won't get into a Trouble cuz it teaches You about the Basic principles of life. You don't have brains if you Think that You'll reach some God if You follow the Religion You'll Just lead the best life if You follow a Religion. But Sure Its Your belief, Believe In Your self and Your beliefs. Sorry If You feel offended after reading my Comment Take care - Ash
@chislady (28)
• United States
10 Nov 08
HECK NO! Our children have no right in this kind of disrespect or any other. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but the Christian Bible states in the book of Exodus Chaper 20, verse 12 "Honour they father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD the God giveth thee." There other verses that talk against disrespecting parents. Our children shorten their own lives by doing so. They don't have to obey us after they are grown, but they still must honor their parents. They may say this is old fashion, but God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and always. They do so at their on risk. If you are under age and disrespectful, I will get the courts on you, and as soon as you are 18, you are out. And if you are grown enough to speak to me like that, don't speak to me at all. I didn't raise you so, I didn't work for you so, I didn't give my all to you so that you can disrespect me. I still love you, but you got to go.
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
11 Nov 08
Yes, I am a Christian and I know that Jesus came in to the world to give us hope for eternal life and to love one another. Division in a family doesn't make any sense to me, my friend. Ther is obviously something deeper going on in this family that neither of us knows. The best thing we can do is to pray that this family will one day unite. I think of how many sins I have committed and have been forgiven by my God and I must forgive others too. I respect you opinion and in return I am entitled to my opinion. In His endless and forgiving love.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Thankyou, Chrislady. I am a Christian and it breaks my heart to have my daughter break this commandment. I guess she will just have to learn the hard way. She does not respond to my offers of love, but says I should apologize to HER for telling her not to call me names!I am afraid she is a very mixed up lady.
@kaka135 (13425)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
It's quite sad to hear that. I know some families call their elder siblings or parents by names, but I guess you family don't. In my family, we are not allowed to call the elders by names, it's kind of respect. Also, the way we speak to the elders should be respectful too. Although the elders are not always right, we need to respect the elders too. This is how I brought up. Perhaps your daughter has mixed with some friends who act similar, and she started to adapt the culture from them. If you are in this situation now, perhaps it's difficult for her to listen to you now. Try to get someone else to talk to her. My mum likes to ask me to talk to my younger sister, as she thinks we are both young people and we can communicate better. Hope she'll change her behavior soon.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I have always admired the respect the eastern countries give their elderly. It is not so in America. Youth is the honored time of life. Many are not taught to respect their elders. Perhaps I can find someone to talk to her, as you suggest.
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
ohhh nooo, that's so heartbreaking... if that happens to me, i wouldnt know what to do. this is the one thing, i have told my kids not to do... to call names to people especially me... i just hope my kids would not do it to me...
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
11 Nov 08
You are wise. I put up with the name calling way too long.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
10 Nov 08
i think it is very disrespectful of your daughter to do that to you... i will never dare to do that to my parents... or else, i will definitely get a slap from them... i think you have to have a chat with your daughter and let her know how you feel about her behaviour... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Thankyou. I appreciate your support.
• United States
10 Nov 08
What is her religion? Do you push yours on her, if it is different than yours? Maybe she is hormonal or pregnant. When my husband acts weird and gets mad about strange things, I usually start asking alot of questions and get to the root of the actual thing bothering him and sort that out, as what I said probably just annoyed him a little and set him off... I don't think I would call her names back, but I would ask her calmly, if she really means what she is saying, without getting upset, and then also ask her if you think religion is a reason to split up a lifetime relationship
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
She was raised in the same religion as the rest of our family, but she has broken away from it. I don't bother her about it but maybe she thinks I blame her. It is difficult to reason with her right now because she won't communicate. I will just have to wait until she calms down enough to talk sanely about it.
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
10 Nov 08
It is disrespectful for any child, regardless of age to call their parents names. In your daughter's case, it is strange that a normal conversation would result in name calling. Has she ever acted this way before? I do not think you owe her an apology, she definitely owes you an apology.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Thankyou. Yes, she goes off on rants every now and then and then expects everyone to just forget it. she denies she said anything wrong . Maybe she actually believes she didn't say what she did. I am afraid she is one mixed up person.
@Drumman (305)
• United States
10 Nov 08
You should find out what you did. People don't just call people names for no reason. Whatever you did, she still should not treat you that way...but you did do something.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
What i did was tell her not to call me names or defame my religion. She is not used to me sticking up for myself and it made her mad. Now she denies she said anything bad, but i have her emails that prove it. that made her mad, too.
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Well, obviously your daughter is harboring some ill feelings about your religious beliefs or she wouldn't have gone on her rant. Maybe she feels like she can't talk to you about what's bothering her, thus the sudden explosion of feelings? I would let her stew and try to talk to her about it and ask what's bothering her when she cools off.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
She hasn't cooled off yet. it may take a long time. I hope she will get some help and resolve whatever issues she has, because she won't communicate with me.
@cynthiann (18572)
• Jamaica
10 Nov 08
HI Getnbuy, I am sorry that this has happened to you. If my daughter did this I would be so shocked. Obviously something is going on in her life and when this happens to adult children, they dump it all on the oner person(s) they can trust and that is usually thier mother or father. I would not send her any emails that were argumentative. I would be lovong and say that something may be going on in her life and yo want her to know that you arealways there for her. Assure her of your love. Don't get into the 'you said, I said' discussion. It doesn;t make any sense and will lead to further arguments. You are the adult. Ask her if yoku said anything to offend her in any way/O could gently remind her that Jesus came into the world for ALL people and al He is requiring is that we love one another. These are just a few random thoughts and I do hope that I have not caused any offense. God Bless.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Thankyou for your kind advice. It is very good and I am trying to follow it.
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 08
Hi Getnbuy, it's sad to hear about this. No matter what, we as children should never call our parents names, nor belittle their beliefs or superstitions. I'm curious, is your daughter of the same faith as you? I wonder why there was a sudden turn-around that she started insulting you and your religion. It really looks like something is bugging her ! Well, take care, and I hope you will find a solution soon!
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Nov 08
She was raised in my religion, but has left it. I do not blame her and tell her I still love her. I think you are right that something is bugging her, but I do not know what it is. Since she is an adult she will have to work it out herself. I do not expect a solution soon, though. She is one angry woman.
• United States
26 Feb 09
I think this is awful of her. What is it with adult children today? I have four, two wonderful, loving respectful, one I get into it with every so often but other wise a good son, and my oldest daughter who has written her father off and takes any opprotunity to not speak to me for months and months on end. The more money she and her husband earn the meaner she is. Our children should treat us with the same respect (or more) that they do their friends and co workers. As pastor Rick Warren recently said I don't have to agree with my brother to love him. I wish you well and know how hurt you are. Hurt mom
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
26 Jan 09
[i]Hi get, Wow..this is sad, I hope by this time she realized how bad it is to hurt and call you names! I will never do that to my Mother or Father! ANyway, this post was 3 months ago and wish everything is fine now with your daughter and that she apologize for what she did![/i]
• India
16 Nov 08
Its not at all Good to call Elder people by names, Specially when they are related to You by blood + if they are Your Parents... Maybe she was just upset about something that happened in past...After all You need 2 hands to make a sound...so its not 100% her mistake...