Unhappily married, but not willing to change it...?

I have know of several people including myself that have stayed in relationships way to long. The most common reason is for the kids and the fact that for many of us that is all that we knew our entire adulthood so the fear of the unknown is great. I always found myself wanting to go back even though I knew that I no longer felt the same way that I once had. I knew that the only reason that we were even together was because I had gotten pregnant. I never wanted my daughter to think that was why we got together so I continued to stick it out. The people that tried to give me advice I always found away to push away from me. I had to make the decision that it was time for me to leave not anyone else. I had to know that it was truly over and that their was nothing left for me to give before I could finally say that I had had enough and it was time for me to move on. Your friend will have to figure out what her feelings are and if she is ready to go before she will. Give her some time and I am sure that she will know when it is time to go. Until then just give her support and be there if she needs you.

I can sense that she is trying to save her marriage. I think we all experience the same thing in marriage at some point in time, when everything stays the same and the romance has already gone. For this one, it is right that you do not involve yourself into this one since I guess in the end it is her that should decide on this matter since this is her personal decision to make for herself. I think you should just support her in all her decision. Right now, I guess for the children sake then that must be a noble reason for her to decide on. It is especially hard on the children to understand this to happen on them and just as devastating as it is for them. I think what only lacks in that relationship is communication. Having dialogue is very important especially at this point in time. Maybe both might have to compromise about how they would like to see the future of their partnership would be. Separating is one way but there are many option to consider when it comes to being happy in the circumstance they are in.

I have never had that problem so I don't know what to suggest aside that you will do what a friend would do. Be there for her because she definitely needs you. Things may turn out bad for her it seems it has started. As you said, the guy goes to places leave her alone already. she is not trapped, she just thinks she is. it would be good if she can get advice from professional too.

My husband and I have hit some rough patches. I felt like that. I was unhappy and wanted to leave but when it came down to it I couldn't do it. It is a really scary thing to start over on your own. I think there really isn't anything you can do. If she is choosing to stay then she has made her choice. If she is really unhappy she will leave when she is ready. Offer your help if she wants to leave. Then let her decide what she wants to do and support her no matter what she decides.

well it's certainly surprising that they have two children without being intimate. i guess your friend isn't really unhappy. i think she just want to whine about it. sometimes we do whine about our situation even though we are not unhappy. another thing is we can only help those who want to help themself. what can you do for her when she doesn't want to leave her husband? we all choose our way of life and no one is living a 'better' life than others. just be there for her when she needs you and i believe that's the best you can do for her. cheers

She really in a hard situation, being married to a man and have kids is a perfect combination of family and that was ideal. Looks happy family. But the case of your friends is differ from that ideal one. As you wish to help her please tell her to think over what she really want to her life. Set the priority and look at her kids. I believe that when she got marriage she loves her husband. Think from the very beginning of their marital relationship. From where she meet her husband to the time he proposed a marriage until the time they got kids. How they live. Is that for love or for security reason. I know that woman is not hard to be in love if a guy was thoughtful and loving. try to look back and then to the present Let her out first the guy that she was now in love. Try to focused on her family only then balance the situation from the advantages to disadvantages. Then what does she feel. She can carry to lose her family or to have personal happiness. Figure out the main problem and try to have he solution by means of communication between the husband and wife only. A heart to heart and close door talk. This is what exactly happened to me. On the first place we analized what is the main problem then find the solutions. And the final is, examined ourselces and consult our hearts if there is a LOVE. And the miracle happened we still love each other. From now on we are together and live happily. You can help her explain what is right. And ask the help of God.

well i know a couple too who is in a very unhappy relationships but fortunately dont really have any children as of now....but i wonder why they are really trying to work it out when neither one of them is really truly interested...the only reason they are trying is that they dont want the divorce thing to come up and then the family problems to start i guess.... but i think that the couples should really reconsider all the options they have in front of them cos in this case neither will the mother be happy, nor the father and nore the children.... sometimes seperation isnt always the last option..there is counselling too but when that too doesnt work then the seperation should happen mutually... it does fall alittle too hard on the kids but they get used to it in the end.... but its atleast better than having a big unhappy family....as for you to say or advice them regarding their marriage is totally up to you as sometimes it could be a boon to them and sometimes it may lash back on you.... i still repent advicing my best friend about her relationship with her boyfrend though i gave her the right advice and she still thanks me for it...but there were many other people who still tell me that i shouldnt hav egone between the two as i might also have been the reason they are seperate where as they could have solved their differences and moved on together.... so i really dont know whether to feel happy that i was right about ending the relationship or was i wrong in coming between two people who could have been happy with each other.... i would advice you to not get too deep in their life right now...just be a good support to your friendwhen she needs it thats all and if she does ask you for advice then tell her to sit with her husband too at the time of giving the advice if you have any

What can I advice is, it's up to them really. It's for them to decide what they should do in their marriage. If it is okay for them to be in that situation even if they have no love or if someone is already cheating then let them be. But I think that kind of relationship will not last for long.

Hi tklich.. I felt bad about women who stays with their marriage not out of love but out of responsibility with their children. If I will be on a situation like this I will of course get out from it as fast as I can after realizing that the relationship is way over already. With your friend, I guess you have to stay out of it. It might be good to give an advice by telling her to assess the relationship better but not to pushy about it. It would be best that she will decide on things because she see the need of it. *sigh! I just wish her all the best and hope she can decide on things that will be for the best of her and their children. Thats why maybe Im so afraid to take a vow because I am not financially stable. I always have this personal outlook in marriage that a woman should not depend financially on her husband so when things go wrong, she would be able to pick up the pieces and be whole again.

I don't know i think that would be a tough one but something that she would have to do for herself. I mean money isn't everything and besides he would be the one losing money there. It's always the man that loses the money and the woman takes everything, doesn't she know that. That's why i don't ever want to get divorced either. But the funny thing is even me and my wife have had our tiffs but always go to bed together. I've never had to sleep on the couch and i hope i never will. But for you i'd say let her work it out with her husband and the best thing i'd suggest is maybe marriage counseling or something.

hey i am realy sory for ur frend....yah give her time...give her ur moral support..but they have to take their own decision..she is in unhappy marriage agree..but if she get separate is she realy gonna happy?i mean u all people know ..raising kids without partner is difficult thing...financialy also..dats the reason she is nt daring to end relationship..its better she make sure before living sdat she will ba able to raise kids alone.

Take your friend to many events and introduce her to lots of men. Eventually she will find someone else and divorce her husband.

Take your fiend to special events and introduce her to lots of guys. Eventually she will find someone else and divorce her husband.

If the husband knew about the other man in her life, before they got married would he have married her with out a blood test. If she had the balls to leave she would not be there to start with. Have a serious talk with your friend. What would she do with her life if HE left her for anotherd woman. Now times are bad,probably hard to find a JOB to support and two kids. Get out first and get child support or alamony if possable. IF YOUR FRIEND is unhappy now will she be happier in 5 years or so. Weigh the pros and cons with your friend and let her make the decission on her own.