Unhappy Living Situation

@Indojo (242)
United States
December 7, 2008 2:48pm CST
I need help with a problem. My husband just took a new job in India. So we moved to India, into a big house shared by his boss and his coworkers. (It's a very small company). It is a Japanese company, and I am the only western person living here. Most of the women living here don't make any attempt to talk to me, even though they all can speak English. I can speak a little Japanese, but not very well. We all have to eat meals together. They laugh and talk and ignore me. They used to talk to me a little, but they had an argument with my husband, and they have ignored me ever since. It's not fair...I had nothing to do with it. To make matters worse, the meals are tha are prepared for us are either Japanese or Indian. I like Indian food, but this food is prepared so spicy I can't eat it. The cooks are Indian, so they don't know how to make Japanese food very well. We have just noodles at least twice a week. I mean just noodles and rice balls. Nothing else. No protein. I'm also trying to raise my 3 years old daughter in this environment. She doesn't like the food either. I have to pay for the food whether we eat it or not. I've complained about the food, but no one seems to care. My husband has spoken up about it with no results. He is afraid to complain anymore, for fear of losing his job. I'm so lonely and unhappy. And hungry. What should we do? Should we move out? That will bring more problems: higher rent, having to buy furniture and appliances, having to pay for electricity and gas, etc. Any advice?
2 people like this
11 responses
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Well, I feel for you. Heck your a better woman then me.As if that was my Husband he would of went by himself. Well, you can try this. See if the other women will teach you how to cook Japanese and ask them to teach you how to speak it better. That mite help. As Japanese people there children can speak english by age 4 they are big on that. So you can try for the can you all teach me and my daughter how to speak Japanese? And you can try to bake cookies. Let me know hhow it goes. Onlydia
1 person likes this
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Hi, I didn't really want to come to India, but it was a good opportunity for my husband. I would love to bake cookies, but can you believe we don't have an oven? It's very common in asia for houses to not have ovens.
1 person likes this
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
8 Dec 08
OK I know they bake bread. Where do they do that? Hey you could make fried cookies. or not will try it to see if it works. sounds kind of fun. See if I can fry a cookie and have it taste good. They should get you at least a stove with a oven. Every woman needs a oven. I hope you have a good day at least try. YOur new friend here in the USA. onlydia
1 person likes this
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I have no idea how they bake bread here. Although Indians eat a lot of rice, and they fry some kind of bread.
1 person likes this
@Savvynlady (3686)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Can you reach out to the ladies perhaps? make some peace. Also can you cook Japanese food? perhaps you should volunteer your services in that area. As in Western, what do you mean? what nationality are you? can you eat away from there? do you HAVE to eat there? if you ain't happy, maybe you should move, but then you'll be alone with your daughter and perhaps no one around to talk to. That is sad. But there should be something there where some solution could be found. Do you read? do you sew? perhaps you should check out the cultural amenities there and get into that. I am sorry that you have to deal with that, but I pray the situation gets better for you. You know we think about well you have a job, whatever, but you should be happy in whatever situation you get into. With those women,they probably have the attitude that you go with your husband and they won't deal with you. Reach out to them if possible.
1 person likes this
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
thanks for commenting. I can't cook Japanese food. I don't even like it. I'm not allowed to cook my own food..we only have one kitchen, and they are afraid that if lots of people want to cook there won't be enough room for the cooks to cook. As for reaching out to the women...it's difficult. I'm a little shy, and they seem kind of hostile. I will look into cultural things here. I know India has lots of culture!
1 person likes this
@sk14143 (21)
• India
8 Dec 08
Dear Friend, Its really sad, Anyway don't loose your heart, Pls ask your hubby to look out foa a person who can cook your food, Its possible. By the way which part of India you stay. I am very sure there must be some cooks who can do it for you. Anyway friend will let you know on this.... SK
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
We live near Delhi.
• India
8 Dec 08
Daer Friend, You stay in the Capital city of india, Pls ask your hubby to call just dial from your mobile where you fill find the good cooks... Love sk
@Indojo (242)
• United States
9 Dec 08
Hi I wish it was that simple. But our CEO hired the cooks. We have 4 in all! And between them all, they still can't cook! I guess you are Indian...can you tell me, is ALL Indian food spicy? I used to eat Indian food back in the USA, at resteraunts, but it was much milder. Is REAL Indian food always so spicy?
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
8 Dec 08
Wow! Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Being that you are halfway around the world, in a different culture. A culture is very different from ours in the west. If I am not mistaken, men are the authority figure's and women in essence are asked to abide by their husband's wishes. In this environment it may be extremely difficult for you to advocate on behalf of yourself and and your daughter. There are many things that I cannot even fathom or understand. I have never been overseas and I cannot comprehend war or terrorism to the degree that you experience it every day. Because you are up against cultural, societal, and gender biases that are different from ours, you may need to rely on your husband as a go between for you. In this situation, there are many many things which you cannot control, so you have to focus on what you can change. You have already mentioned that you take your daughter regularly to the park and that you can socialize there. If the people in your household seem hostile and cold, you may need to find an outside source of support. It will be important for you to develop your own interests and or a hobby to occupy yourself when you get lonely. Once you have done things to improve your situation like making friends and participating in activities you may be in a better position to decide whether or not you want to stay or if in fact you want to move. None of us are sitting where you're sitting, and would never presume to know what you "should" do. For that you will need to ask your heart. But here is one thing I do know for sure. Life is short. Too short to be unhappy, if you don't like the way things are going find a way to change it and make it better. I have heard it said, " the only thing worse than being unhappy for a year, is being unhappy for a year and one day." That is because there is nothing worse that feeling "stuck" in a bad situation. Good luck to you my friend.
@Indojo (242)
• United States
9 Dec 08
Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I'm actually hoping my husband will take a new job somewhere else. Keeping fingers crossed!
@Frederick42 (2017)
• Canada
8 Dec 08
That is a very sad thing and I am afraid I cannot think of a good solution. THis problem is always faced by those who have to move to foreign countries. The food is also a very big problem. Moving out may be a difficult thing to do.
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Yes, adjusting to a new culture is always difficult. I've lived in several different countries, but this has been the hardest for me. Maybe because I have to live with both Japanese and Indian culture at the same time.
@gracie04 (4556)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
I guess you need to work that out.. why don't you cook your own food? don't just sit there and pretend to be okay... i guess you need to be more patient.. i know it's hard but i'm sure everythings gonna be alright soon.. just try to do happy things that you used to do before.. try to be friends with your housemates then once friendship is made then you can now suggest what food to prepare, etc..
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Thank you for your encouragement. I'm not allowed to cook, but I guess I can try harder to get them to prepare food I like.
@mz2981 (36)
• Qatar
8 Dec 08
try to find something to do outside your house. Like find a part time job or learn some stuff in your spare time. You will be disappointed more if you keep thinking about how to get along with your housemates. There are many good sites in India, try to adventure sometime just to get a fresh air so when you return home you will be too busy to take care of your family and less time to notice your housemates.
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
We do go out sightseeing and shopping sometimes. But I usually wait for my husband to be off work because going out alone in a strange country with a pre-schooler can be difficult. I guess we will get more confident after we've lived here awhile.
1 person likes this
@kerriannc (4282)
• Jamaica
8 Dec 08
Can you purchase your own food and cook it. Sometimes out of ignorance person behave the way you describe. Don't sit down and starve your family try and see if you can speak with the person who is cooking. Inform he/she that you will be preparing your own meal. Inform those who collect the money for food preparation that you will no longer needing the service. Signed a written agreement between yourself and the boss so that if it is taken from salary deduction that does not happen any more. Remember your child health is important and as to they ignoring you just pray. One day they will be needing help from you.
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I feel so sad about your situation. I dont understand why some people make life difficult for some. I suggest you still reach out to them. It might help. continue to be nice still. They would soon realize the you're not a bad person. Can't you cook for your family? You might want to tell the company not to include you anymore when they cook, and you wont pay since you will be the one cooking .
@mychattime (1013)
7 Dec 08
Oh you poor poor person, I really really feel for you! That must be awful and so so hard, to me those people are just ignorant, I think its rude to ignore others especially at meal times when you are all sat together, it is a big step moving away to work and leaving you life and security behind you. I'm sure you feel a bit better just being able to write it all down and wait for a response. I don't have the answer for you but your story really touched me. Do you go out in the day time with your daughter and try and meet others, there must be more people over there that are friendly and maybe even from the west! You must try to meet others or your life will become more and more sad and you will end up depressed. Work out how much it would cost to move and if you would be able to live if you did. What about asking the chefs if prehaps you could cook a meal with their help, teach them different foods. Sit down and think long trm, do you want to stay there for several years or do you want to go back to your roots and do you have somewhere to go if you decide enough is enough? It must be horrible for you, I shall add you a a friend and then you can message me whenever you want and I shall message you back and hopefully you will feel a bit happier. Stay strong honey, you will get through this :-)
@Indojo (242)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Thank you for responding to my problem. I do take my daughter out to the park, and the chidren there all treat her very well. I do have one friend, who lives down the street, but she is very busy. We have talked about moving, but I am a little worried about security, with recent terrorists attacks against americans. Here at the house, we have an armed guard. Anyway, I do feel better to have someone listen to me. Thank you.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
8 Dec 08
i think it was complex problem but and i think the way out from that it you must looking for another activities that will refresh your mine and forgeted all of bored and problem in your home.