What should I do

Maybe it is better to say nothing at all. Dear X, You do seem to have been in the wars. I am sorry to hear about XYZ. We've had our share of ups and down this year, but apart from Fred's [whatever it was] we're bearing up well. You should have seen [Fred] trying to decorate..... Take them away to the good stuff. Good luck.

Something similar came to me last year at this time. I sent a lot of support, understanding and love along with prayers. I let my friend know she could count on my shoulder any time she needed a place to cry. I didn't mention any of our problems, etc., because I didn't want to make her feel worse, and she obviously needed the attention to be all hers. I figured we could get to my problems some other time!

Sounds like what our card would be like this year, if I were sending them, lol. I think the most important thing you can convey to your friends is that you care. I know that sounds like a "pat" answer, but it isn't. We all need our friends to rally around us when we are in a difficult spot. Let them know that if they need to call on you they can. It sounds as though you too have had a rough go of it this year. Tell them what is happening, maybe soften it a little. I'm sure they will be there for you as well. 2008 was just one of those years, I think. I hope 2009 is better for all of us.

Never be surprised. If you are surprise, it means you didn't prepare well enough, you didn't do enough contingency planning. Be in control...be in charge...act, don't re-act. Things happen every day to which we need to respond. Surprise is another name for opportunity. The faster our world moves, the more important our ability to respond and react becomes. Just try saying, "This is not a good time, let me pencil you in for a three-thirty tomorrow so that I can think of a strategy and can act rather than re-act."

You could mention something like even though they're going through such tough times lately that it's wonderful to hear from such a dear friend and that they will always hold a special place in your heart and that you wish them peace in the new year.............