Forgive and Forget

United States
December 16, 2008 6:56am CST
They say "time heals all wounds" but what happens when old wounds never heal....... I say this because I'm curious to know how long it would take you to forgive someone who's either cheated on you or betrayed your trust.... Does the time line determine how long you've been with this person or what type of relationship it was..... Or is this just something that can be considered another cliche phrase???
3 people like this
19 responses
@jha2x_09 (74)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
hi there...... Im already married but until now i cant forgive my ex boyfriend who cheated on me,because he never admit that he cheated on me,his reason when he broke up with me is,he's not happy with our relationship but i found out he's dating a girl.. and i also found out that its not just dating, they were already in a relationship which i cant accept until now,i dont know why.... i dont love him anymore... but im still hurt when i remember those things.. what is your assessment??? do i still love my ex or not???
@j47lee (742)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
It is easy to say.. hard to do.... i had a fight with this friend of mine when i was in grade 10 and i havent spoken to her since.... probably wouldnt even say hi to her if i met her.. and thats like more than 10 yrs back lol
• Singapore
17 Dec 08
It quite a while to forgive someone who has cheated or betray your trust. Unfortunately, I have experience with that. Furthermore, it will hurt a lot when it is your closest friends who betray or cheat on you. It takes me very long to forgive my friends after they betrayed me twice. But I will not forget as I treat it a lesson. I did not want to encounter the same thing again, therefore, i will not forget the lesson. To add on, my friends who betray me did not know what they did wrong. Thus, our relationship is never the same.
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
There's no such thing as never heal. The wound will heal in time when its ready to heal. Forgiving someone might take long or short , it really depends on the person's feeling and how deep is the wound. Nobody can really tell the time but one thing i am sure of is time heals all wounds, that's when you learned to forgive yourself and that you have move on. In my own experience when i was broken hearted before, it took me 3 years to forget and forgive but when i learn to set it free the grudges and pain, i have learned then to forgive and it was a big relief that the heavy burden is not on me anymore. It was a great feeling. Now i am happy moving on with a new found love.
@micahbrul (307)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
I do believe in that tag line. I had that experience before when I felt like I am the most fool ever in the world. Betrayed by your own friend whose you think will be the one who will be in your side no matter what. Woah! that's 3 years ago and still feel the pain but as I've seen it. I should move on and forget everything. Until now I never talk to them or at least give them a hi in emails. I do forgive them but I just don't want to be fooled again by them by having contact again with them. I feel more healed when I don't see them though it was nothing anymore in me and I forgave them already.
• United States
17 Dec 08
'Forgive and Forget' that is easier said then done, my friend. I tend to forget a lot these days. But there are other things that hurt so much, that you just can't seems to forget. No matter how hard you have try, you can't do it. You can't forget the past. I guess it all depends on how big, how deep your wound is. If it's just a little scatch, then in a few days, the skin will regenerate itself and you wouldn't even know that you have been scatch there before. It all depends on the circumstances.
@meow1988 (39)
• India
17 Dec 08
huh...i think there is no specific time you take to forgive or forget someone...see...the main link is...we can forgive the person for waht he or she has done with us but usually we can forget them...may be...i dont knw whats the case with you but this is the case with me...i do it almost all the times..but ya there have been times when i dont either forgive the person neither i do forget the person for waht they hv done to me...may be they must hv hurted me or so...but i dont forget or forgive them even if the world turns up or down or even if they ask for forgiveness..
@Calais (10900)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
Wow, thats not me, I cant do that easily and I dont think I could...I could hold grudges forever I think...Once ive been hurt thats it for me...
17 Dec 08
Time may heal old wounds, but the scar will remain with you forever. But I think this is just a cliche. We can accept the idea that we have moved on, but truth be told, we just put the wound at the back of our minds. What really hurt us we just choose to ignore. So everytime we get reminded of it, we cannot help but hurt again, although not as intense as the first time around. Old scars can bleed again once they get scathed again, can't they? Anyway, you may learn how to forgive, but it's not that easy to forget.
@mokbul (616)
• Singapore
17 Dec 08
Probably it all depends on how deep was the relationship instead of time factor. An unwanted action or behavior of a long time friend but with only few encounter may be easier to forgive, it may not be same for a close friend who is known from much shorter period. Forgiving needs generosity and openness of the heart. Forgetting is rather difficult, it needs strong will power to forgive some events.
@musaid (40)
• Malaysia
17 Dec 08
I guess, time indeed heals most but not all the wounds. I can forgive and forget too, but somewhere in your life, if something similar happens, you will recall your past. That's a law on nature. About how long it will take to forgive someone whom cheated/betrayed on you, it depends. Sometimes when your feelings are intense for that particular one, you tend to forgive right at the end of situation. Other times, you just take a whole lot of years to forgive.
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
yes, for me time heals all wounds...as time passes you'll forget what the person did to you (cheat,lie,left, whatever)BUT you can never forget the person especially if you really love that person. it's up to you how long you can forget what he/she did to you...
@chel2004 (63)
• Philippines
16 Dec 08
In any relationship, be it between friends,mother and daughter,father and son,lovers and couples, TRUST plays a vital role for the stability of the relationship, for if this factor is loss the relationship is not that normal anymore. This is my personal opinion.For me the degree of betrayal should also be considered, for with proper explanation with regards the situation on how he had done that foolish act against you also be considered. For let us accept the fact that there are things happening in this world that are situational in nature. For instance your man is with the company of his group, sometimes with those booing effect he was moved to do what his companions are into for fear that if he will not be going with them, he is a left behind with the group. I can still stand the betrayal. But if it is something that goes beyond understanding. I think it is the other way round. I can forgive but it takes time, I will expect from that person that he is really sorry for what he had done.But to forget is not as easy as to forgive for no matter what happens in the future, let us face it that sometime along are lives we remember the act of betrayal that was done to us, sometimes unintentionally the incident occurs to our mind that we become bitter with our partner. But we just have to face the fact that those actions are part of our life.It is just how we take and accept it in order to live at peace with one another.
@kaka135 (14130)
• Malaysia
16 Dec 08
Well, I can actually forgive and forget easily. Perhaps I'm a forgetful person, and I don't like to keep the unhappiness in my heart, hence I'll choose to forget. Also, if I get angry with someone, it makes me feel not comfortable, thus I'll choose to forgive too. ^_^
@INGA832 (1114)
• Russian Federation
16 Dec 08
I know for sure that time heals as I passed through it. It takes me a lot of time to forgive a betrayal. So I can say that it's very difficult for me to forget and it's even more difficult to forgive.
@nchap36 (556)
• United States
16 Dec 08
The bible said to forgive and forget, but that just hard for me to do. Its been 5 years and I am still mad about a situation in my life. I have a lot of anger issues that I need to resolve.
@smartie0317 (1612)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Here are my beliefs on forgiveness. I think you should make peace with someone who as wronged you, as I feel it it wrong to make them feel guilty until they die. However, forgiving does not mean you have to be friends or be connected with that person. I think sometimes it's good to make peace and walk away from people. Staying with them, or continuing some type of relationship, may just hurt you in the end. I also think I'd more likely to stay with a person, or keep being friends with a person, if they hurt me earlier in the relationship. I.e. I'd be mroe ok with a friend of 2 months hurting me than someone I've been friends with for 10 years, because I would hope they would know better.
@Frederick42 (2019)
• Canada
16 Dec 08
It is easy to forgive, but not to forget. Forgetting is very difficult and almost impossible. But recently, it has been easier for me to forget. In order to forget, you have to be the master of the mind. You will have to learn to control your thoughts. Only then, forgetting becomes possible.
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
16 Dec 08
Welcome to mylot yes, time does heal all woulds but it will always be in the back of your mind. I can forgive but I cant forget. Happy Holidays!