I have NO friends!!! I pay people to pretend! (go ahead and laugh)

@mommyboo (13198)
United States
January 14, 2009 4:01pm CST
Ok, don't take this literally! I am not talking about me! Have you ever SAID this, however jokingly, or have you heard someone you know say it? What do you think possesses people to say this? Do you really think there are people who have no friends? I'm talking about people who know them well, in person, not via social networking. Is this really funny? Or is this a lighthearted attempt to prevent people from seeing what's really going on? I know the world has produced a few recluses but I don't think there are really that many true ones.
10 people like this
24 responses
@angelia286 (2029)
• Singapore
15 Jan 09
Lol Well you caught me there! I seriously thought that you were talking about yourself when I saw that attention grabbing title! That was a good and catchy title! Well, I have never said the second part of the title, but I have had said to others before that I have NO REAL friends in my life. It's not that I do not let people in, but often, I feel that my circle of friends around me are not sincere at all. THey are friends because they want something from me, and once they get what they want to get, they disappear. When trouble comes, often, I find myself all alone. But when the troubles pass, all of sudden, my calender is flooded with invites from 'friends' again. So, are these people considered to be my real friends? I say this because I do not want to be in denial with myself and that is a sad thing to be cheating oneself when I myself know that its not true, so why do I want to lie to myself? All of has friends, but real friends I would think that 50% of the world's population would not have. This is what people meant when they say this sentence, and not say that they really have no friends around them. As such, I would not call them recluses. I know of a few people who seemingly are very popular with appointments with their friends every single day, and are surrounded by people. However, they said that they have no friends. And why is that so? It's because even though they are surrounded by lots of people and many treat them as friends, there is not a single person out there who they feel comfortable with enough to open up with when they are down or in trouble. How many people would be around when one really run into trouble. I would dare to say not many. It's not funny at all when people say this, especially to me. That is because it is more of an inner cry for help than anything else. For example, sometimes I get so lonely that I would just feel like hanging out with my friends. Though I know that I have hordes of people who would jump at the chance of going out, I hesitate to call them. Because I have experience the feeling of loneliness even with hordes of people aroound me.. And that sort of loneliness is 100 times worse than feeling lonely alone. Of course, there are some people who say this just to get a laugh from others. Some say it just because they are proud of the fact that they can survive alone without friends. It all depends on the tone of how the person say this sentence. It's hard to say.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
Hehe... oh I have days but it always passes. I don't actually feel this way for any extended period of time. I think it's true that when it comes down to REAL TRUE friends, most people do not have a big contact list. When you think about people you can trust with sensitive information, your children, people who will not judge you harshly but WILL be honest when you ask for it, there never are that many. I don't really think we are designed to have tons and tons of very close friendships, first of all it's hard to have that kind of time. You can't see someone once in awhile for 20 minutes at a time and develop a close bond and keep it going without care and attention. Genuineness and sincerity is something that crosses my mind all the time. I don't usually invest much time in people who don't exhibit both characteristics. Before anybody deems that I'm rude, quite the opposite, I want to know that the person will be worth the time I know I'll be investing . I don't always share some things with some friends, some people just don't know what to say or how to help if things go south. I also have a variety of friends, some who get depressed easily or already have problems, and the last thing I want to do is bring them down with MY problems, know what I mean? I am usually the stable one so if for some reason I'm not, I don't want them to think the sky is falling and the unthinkable is happening lol. As far as the loneliness issue, that is true. Some people could be surrounded by friends or other people, with a busy full calendar and they are STILL lonely. I have met people who would rather stay in a bad relationship or remain with toxic family members instead of being alone, because they fear being alone - but when all is said and done, they are already 'alone' in most senses of the word. I think that a person would have to face that and get over the fear of being alone before the loneliness will go away. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me!
@xboxboy (5578)
14 Jan 09
I have no friends. Let me elaborate. i had many friends when growing up. i was truely lucky with my group of friends. I had an unforunate experience approx 10 years ago and no one was there. So i consider that i have a lot of aquantances but no TRUE friends. I probably have more real friends on mylot!
1 person likes this
@Rosekitty (19455)
• San Marcos, Texas
14 Jan 09
I'm your friend....
1 person likes this
@xboxboy (5578)
14 Jan 09
Rosekitty, you and several others make me proud to be on mylot. even if i do write rubbish!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Jan 09
Oh now this is what I mean . Do you want to reach out and make some new friends or are you more comfortable just leaving them all as acquaintances? Just remember that even if something bad happened in the past, it's a new day, new friends may not be like old ones. Give people a chance to prove themselves
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
15 Jan 09
I see a lot of people here are using the word recluse and that is exactely what I am. I absolutely do not have any friends. To me a friend is someone you talk to about everything and anything, someone you go out with for coffee, shopping, and maybe out for a meal. Well here's the truth my one and only friend living close to me is my daughter. I do talk to her a lot. Yes I tried to have friends but I gave up when I had so many go behing my back and tell what I said in confidence. Then there's an old lady I took under my wing, I found her an appartment, I cleaned, painted and wall papered and because I was still healthy and able to work and she was on welfare I even helped her out financially. She was more than 20 years older than me. I went back home for a visit one summer, my daughter and I and I wound up coming home early to find the old bag in bed with my husband so there went my marriage and it was then I said NO MORE. I literally built a wall around myself and I strongly recommend you never do that. At times I am the loneliest person in the world. This is not saying anything that is not true, but the ONLY friends I have is right here at myLot, I swear I'd loose my mind without you girls. I hope that I will always have some contact with someone from here. You have no idea.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I am SO sorry . I do realize that sometimes bad situations contribute to people withdrawing from others. There have been times in my own life when I have done that. There are also times when it's easier just to be unapproachable or kind of 'prickly' to avoid people trying to cozy up to you because you aren't sure what they want. It's a bummer for the genuine people but honestly, someone who really wants to be your friend will cut thru the bs and still want to be your friend even if you prickle them some out of fear. A friend to me is someone who you talk with about everything and yes, go have coffee, go shopping, have lunch, visit. You also would do almost anything for them and they for you, when life is good you call, when life is bad you call, they could come stay at your house or you could drive them 100 miles if they needed to get away. Sometimes you just 'get' each other, no explanation needed. Those are the best kinds of friends. Most of the time my hubby is one of those. Do you think if you were able to trust somebody you could open yourself up to having a friend or two again? Not everybody is bad, I can guarantee it. I can also say I too am grateful for mylot. There are some very treasured people here and I'd have NEVER met them if I hadn't given this place a chance.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Jan 09
Yes if I found a girlfriend I thought I could trust I'd again open up, it wouldn't happen in an hour but Yes I'd give it a try because it is as I said a lonely life this way. Thank You for your comments. I sense you are a very genuine person. I did truly mean what I said, Thank God for myLot!!!
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
15 Jan 09
It may sound strange but there are many people out there who are afraid to make friends with other people for various reasons. Some people simply do not like to be bothered with making friends. They are so engrossed with themselves that they simply do not have any room for other people. I do know someone who prefer to be alone. I don't think that he is sad about not having friends. He likes it that way.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I don't usually hear something like this said by someone who prefers not to socialize though. Without giving it away, the context I heard this in would be someone you might see on your tv lol. Not necessarily a celebrity but someone who doesn't live in the middle of nowhere under a rock and knows a total of 3 living people. People who are socially awkward and prefer to be alone are usually kind of proud of the fact that they have no support system or don't 'need' other people. I myself enjoy having a support system and I like the friends I have plus I like meeting people, but after that, I kind of want it on my terms. I don't want people hanging all over me all the time. Some people are going going going 24/7 with activities and friends and it exhausts me just thinking about it. These people also seem to work and go to school and take 6 kids to 15 different activities in a week and still go on dates with spouses and have time and money for a vacation. I don't fit in that category. In fact I hate people who belong to that category
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
22 Jan 09
Yeah, me too. I like having a support system and safety net but I don't like to hang out with my friends all the time. LOL Too much socializing is bad for my nerves. I prefer to chill at home and play with my little boy. I like to spend more time with my son before he gets too grown up to play with mom! I do go out occasionally with friends but I limit my socializing to just a few hours a week.
@derek_a (10902)
15 Jan 09
I remember knowing somebody when I was in my teens who was a total cynic. He reckoned that a person never has any real friends as everybody wanted something from you. I would say to that, yes we all want something from each other, but when it is just the pleasure of being or talking to a person that we want, wouldn't that be a real friendship? I think so. :-) Derek
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I am cynical sometimes too, can't help it. I tend to be more positive rather than negative though and would RATHER believe the best unless all the evidence points to the worst. People do want something - with friendships it is usually support, someone to listen, someone to care.
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10902)
21 Jan 09
I agree, we need to be cynical, but always give the benefit of the doubt to get a balanced experience. I guess it my Libra traits coming out there. :-) Derek
@CRIVAS (1820)
• Canada
15 Jan 09
Truthfully I think that there are people out there like that. I happen to be an almost recluse. Aside from the two people I talk to outside of my family. I have no friends, it's not because they don't like me, it;s just that I have little time free and this doesn't always appeal to them. Personally I don't mind it, I don't like to go out much and I have very little patience. I do however talk to quite a lot of people online so I don't know if I count. i think there are a lot of people out there that either don't know how to meet new people or who don't want too.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
Sometimes a situation is self-imposed and a person can't do anything about it. For instance I was talking to the daughter of a friend today - and even though she's the daughter, I have seen her much more often lately than my friend. Basically, it's hard to have it all. Either you work all the time and have money but no time (and likely not many friends because you're too busy working to invest time with them) or you have free time and friends and no money lol.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I thought I answered this... I wonder what is wrong with my computer lately. too many open windows.. lol.
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jan 09
I haven't said that but I do say "nobody loves me, nobody cares" like Eeyore. What it really means is that I'm not having a good day.
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Jan 09
I think that as a person all of us have something special inside just let other people shared with you and I am sure you going to find truth friendship I have friends that I dont even know them in person but we talk all the times share good times and bad times that is what frienship is.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Jan 09
When I'm not having a good day, I get cranky but I try really hard not to think 'nobody likes me'. I have an acquaintance who every other day is thinking that I don't like her or I'm mad at her and it confounds me. I don't see her nor talk to her every day and there's nothing she could possibly have done or not done to cause anything like that. Very frustrating...
• United States
18 Jan 09
Well I honestly have only one true friend. Why i say this is she is the only one i socialize with on a regular basis, the one who knows me the best and all that jazz. Alot of people don't believe me and one person who i said something to about it didn't believe me and was insulted that i didn't consider him a friend. Well i explained to him that i don't talk to him on a regular basis and see him maybe once every three months. To me thats not really a friend but an acquaintance. Different people have different standards for defining friendship and acquaintances. I do have to say that the reason i have only one real friend is because of social and trust issues. Some times it is lonely but for the most part i have no problem with it.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I have one very close friend and a handful of other friends and then I have long-distance friends. My long distance friends would be people I'd willingly invite over or go visit if they were ever to be in my neck of the woods, but I wouldn't likely call them up cheering and hollering because I won $300, or call them crying my eyes out because my daughter is starting kindergarten and I don't know what to do with myself. Granted I might POST about those things HERE or something but I wouldn't just randomly call up someone here lol. I also have some friends I have known since I was 5, but despite the length of time, I don't talk to any of them very often, so they are my friends but not close... i'm not even sure if they lived near me I'd consider them 'close', as we are pretty different as far as what drives us, our goals and passions. I'm not lonely for the most part. I am bummed that so many of my friends work all day but that is neither here nor there lol.
• United States
16 Jan 09
there are some people with no friends.. and there are usually reasons for it!! i have tried making friends with people that had no friends and more times than not it turned out they were PSYCHO!! so no one was ever their friend for long and avoided them because they never knew when the person would go skitzo on them!! but some people just dont want anyone close and if you think you are some what close you never really know because they seem to change with the environment etc.. i think its sad if some one has no friends though.. which is probably why i have tried being friends with people that have no friends because i am thinking they may be shy or just not knowing how to meet people etc..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I tend to feel bad for people who claim to have no friends IF they come across as nice people. Sometimes I figure out they really ARE nice people but they are doormats - and being too much of a doormat sometimes makes people avoid you. Ahhh.. the 'psycho' person phenomenon. This makes me think about Corinne from Survivor. She is one person who likely has no friends but she is a b*tch!! From that place that begins with an H! She is NOT somebody I would feel sorry for because her attitude and actions cause people to run away! Now... people who seem like genuine sweet people but also tend to push people away and not let them get close - well those people I figure something bad happened to them in the past, that they might have been abandoned by someone, a parent, a significant other, a spouse, a close friend, a child. Maybe they were abused, or felt like nobody ever loved them so they must be unloveable. Because of something I experienced - I think shy people get the shaft. I was shy at one point and after I wasn't - people TOLD me they thought I was stuck up, or that I didn't want to be their friend, or that I was too busy or never seemed interested. That is how shyness seems to project, which is awful because what shy people want is for people to invite them, talk to them, help break the ice so they can stop being shy. It was an eye opener to find out that shyness is perceived as snobbiness, confidence, or a desire to push others away.
@gemini_rose (16193)
15 Jan 09
Yeah I am one of them I am afraid, I have no friends where I live. No one to go out with for a coffee, no one to come around for a chat or to go to theirs for a chat, no girly days out or shopping trips or girly nights out. It is just me and the four walls of my house, i have my daughter still at home, but when she goes to school it will be just me and it can be quite lonely. I recently went on facebook and my hubby had to ask people he knew from our area if they would be my friend on there!! The only thing I have never said is that I pay people to pretend. If I was not married, gosh only knows what it would be like, I would have no one apart from people who I might talk to on the computer.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
I have a facebook, I'd be honored to be your friend lol. For awhile I didn't have local friends either. I didn't mind at the time because I was dealing with instant kids and pregnancy and then a baby. I slowly came to realize that having some social contacts would help, and if not for me, then for my then-toddler so SHE could have friends. Is there a local moms group where you live, or groups thru a community center, or something that features a hobby or interest you like? I met some moms thru my daughter's first mommy & me class at the community center, and the moms group came out of a chance meeting with a mom who was part of one. I have since met other moms at my gym and I think there may even be ways of finding local groups via facebook and other social networking utilities. Having been alone (except for hubby) at one point, I can say that there was a time when I didn't care and a time when I did. When it didn't matter, my life was full enough, I didn't pursue anything. When it did matter, I took advantage of any option to be around people and meet potential friends. I certainly did not become friends with them ALL but it worked out well in the end. I did also have a pretty big group of moms I talked with regularly online, in a forum like this as well as instant messenger and occasionally phone. It kept me sane before I had local friends, so I am the first to say that friends are necessary, even if they are strictly in your computer I can pm you my info or you can give me yours...?
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I don't think I have ever heard someone say this before, but I do know that I've heard people say some crazy things that made me wonder why the said it in public. I don't think that everyone is a recluse either, they just want to come off his mysterious, but those who are I guess really aren't all that bad.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I think really a lot of people feel that way sometimes. I know a great many people, but I am not certain that I would count them as friends. These days I am not certain that I would even count most of my family as friends. I think trust is a very difficult thing and that is the foundation of friendship.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Interesting that you say that. I don't always count all of my family as friends either. Family connects you but it doesn't necessarily give you things in common lol. I don't count everyone I know as a friend either, and oddly enough some people I count as friends are either people I have never met in person (but have spent years knowing) or people I get to see or talk to very rarely but again we've known each other a long time. Trust is a funny thing, if you trust someone then a lot of other things do not matter. If you don't trust them, almost everything you want could be present except for trust and that could be the deciding factor.
@checapricorn (16069)
• United States
15 Jan 09
[i]Hi mommyboo, I don't know anyone who has no friends and who are not hanging with their friends..But, when we think how big in this world is..LOL! and how possible for everything to happen, I would say,this is not impossible to think! Especially for those who are aloof or very introvert people or those who just love to work alone! I do know..It is interesting to learn from other people who have the story![/i]
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
LOL! Well, I actually am better off working alone, but I usually have a plan and just want to get something done - the quickest and easiest - and right the first time. When you have to work with other people, a lot of times it throws a plan like that into shreds and then it takes twice as long. I know there are probably people who feel alone and like they have no friends, but I wonder a lot about the reasons for it. Some of it can certainly be the fault of others, but sometimes it is because someone makes no effort and also has no time to invest in anybody else. You can't expect something from others when you give nothing, right?
• India
15 Jan 09
Well, if having no friends makes one a recluse, then I might term myself as one. It all depends on how you would define a ‘friend’…to me there’s a big difference between friend and acquaintance. If I count the number of people I know quite well and interact with regularly on various issues, I would certainly exceed the number of fingers on both hands. I share with them everything…my office life, my family life, gossips and children and…you know. However I would not term any of them as a ‘friend’. They are there for me, to advise and give emotional support, maybe financial too (if ever required) but only till a certain point…there’s a threshold which none of us will cross. In friendship there should be no threshold…so based on this criterion, maybe there is only one friend I have and that is my husband (or maybe not…I don’t know…I wouldn’t like to test it, though)
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
If you share that much of yourself with them, and they with you, I would consider them friends. It's natural to feel closer to some people than others but if you share more with them than other people (those you don't know much about), then they are definitely friends.
• China
15 Jan 09
Hi,it is a good question for people to discuss.Yes,we all know that it is ashamed if a person who has no friend.Friend is very important just as one's ability.But how to make friends and how to contact with the friendship is hard to learn.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I guess it depends on how much time you have to invest in other people. In order to have friends, you have to be willing to BE a friend, for everything you want from other people, you need to be willing to provide back to someone else.
• India
15 Jan 09
hi mommyboo, Emotions depends on chemical generated in our mind. Sometimes in depression, person think that he/she does't have ne metal support and sometimes he/she is having world in his/her hand.All this things are psychological.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Jan 09
So are you saying that depression is responsible for someone believing they have no friends or that believing you have no friends causes depression? I'm sure they could be linked, yes.
@dfollin (12391)
• United States
15 Jan 09
I have found that most of my true friends are ones online.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I have some like that. Mostly it's due to geographic distance that we can do nothing about. It doesn't make them any less 'real' than local friends, and if the relationships are deep enough, it's almost like they are realer.
• United States
15 Jan 09
I think it's about what we perceive. I have friends, but my good friends all live out of state. I could say I have no friends locally, but I do they just aren't what I would call good friends. So, that's why I say it's about perception.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
16 Jan 09
That might be what people mean anyway - that they have friends but not real ones, not ones that would be with you if everything went wrong for you for a solid year. Everybody needs at least one friend that would stick with them through everything, and I mean a friend, not necessarily a relative or a spouse.
@LadyMarissa (12163)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I don't think you have to be a recluse to feel like that. I have a severely obese friend (450 pounds) who feels that way. He may be right. There are days it's extremely difficult to be his friend!!! I think he's built a wall around himself so nobody can hurt him. Then, when anyone tries to be his friend, he immediately subconsciously pushes them away. He's protecting himself before he needs to be protected. It is sad to watch. I pretty much just leave him alone. I remind him frequently that I'm there if he needs me. Other than that, I just leave him be until he calls in a panic. His idea of a girlfriend is hiring a hooker for the night. That way if he doesn't like something she does, he can hand her some cash & tell her to go home. I find it really sad as he is a GREAT guy!!! That is once you get past his hard shell!!!He wants friends so desperately to not be willing to open up to them which makes it unappealing to be his friend.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Jan 09
It can be so frustrating when you care about somebody and they push you away. If I'm in one of those moods, I try to warn people so they aren't hurt if I disappear for awhile. Relationships take give and take from both people, I hope he is able to open up to somebody eventually. Hiring a hooker (or similar behavior) is so one sided
@Rosekitty (19455)
• San Marcos, Texas
14 Jan 09
Mommybo..I said this once to be goofy and couldn't believe how many people believed it.. I do think there are people out there that think they have no friends which is sad but it depends on the situation of if they are alone or depressed. I don't think i have anyone close thats like this otherwise i need to go give a hugg..
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
15 Jan 09
Well, there is being alone, and then there is being lonely. There's a big difference and I feel bad for people who are lonely, especially if it's all the time. I think that people tend to believe this because it's pervasive and widespread. No man is an island but many of us think we are one from time to time lol.