Friends Forever?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
January 20, 2009 12:41am CST
When I take time to develop a friendship, the kind that has the freedom for one friend to call another when anything goes wrong, or when help is needed, I am forging a relationship that is unique and worth nurturing. I can honestly tell you that I am one that has a thick ice coating in my heart, am not so easy to make friends, may be a usual 'Hi' when I meet a new person and that doesn't register in my book of friends. Call me whatever you think I am, unfriendly, stuck-up, proud..but once I find the right chemistry in a friend I will stay with him/her through the end of life. Put simply the friends I have here are friends that I can interact and connect on various levels (humour, politics, religion, interests or even circumstances)
But there are times when I find myself rubbing people on the wrong way which is causing me a lot of stress. Friends disagree. Imagine a world where everyone thought, behaved and acted just like you. (only in your dreams!) But, in reality, as unlikely as it sounds, you'll go to bed one night and feel badly that harsh words were volleyed back and forth between the two of you. I believe that managing conflict and stress will become a necessity, and that relationship will require immediate attention. While we cannot change our personality or that of our friend, we might pick up some pointers by watching those who come by diplomacy naturally. Listen to the tone of voice or words they choose. creating peace again is not easy, and some inward thinking is a good start. But what causes a friendship to blast into oblivion?
3 people like this
16 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
20 Jan 09
you just keep on keeping on the way u are. if you are like me what u see is what u get.alot of ppeople have a hard time w/me on here but i'm just me, take it or leave it.u can't please everybody, i found that out a long time ago & accepted it, quit trying. i love my friends that i have & they have all learned me so i hope the same thing will happen on here but it's not something i'm going to lose sleep over. i love to have friends & most of the ones i have, i have had forever, about the only new friends i make now are on mylot. i don't get out anywhere to make new friends anymore. i stay home most all time. i think u do fine lady. have a good one.
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
21 Jan 09
thanks, hope so to. have a good one.
1 person likes this
@rjeyaprakaash (152)
• India
20 Jan 09
friendship has no limits . An individual can be born as an orphan but he becomes an adult only with a friend. http://rjeyaprakaash-friendship.blogspot.com
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
20 Jan 09
I buy your argument that when we converse and interact with our friends, there are bound to be some conflicts and some contradictions in our views. Two persons cannot think alike. It depends upon us how do we bear all those contrary views and in which spirit do we accept those. We should not take it too personal, I believe and should not spoil our relationship, because of our contrary views. We are mixure of good and bad so are the others, so we should accept others as they are and vice versa.
For that matter, I also do not open up with any stranger and do not become friendly till I am sure, the other person knows how to get along and how to give me respect and regards and vice versa.
Good Post!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
21 Jan 09
Misunderstanding and disagreements are part of every relationship/friendship and they are bound to occur. But we should see friendship in a broader prespective and be open minded about maintianing our relations with our friends.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 09
Friendships are based on mutual ties and trust. Even the best of friends will have misunderstandings, disagreements, arguments or open hostility. Contradicting views is a normal thing in a friendship so I don't regard it as a problem in maintaining a good relationship in friends.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Great discussion
As for what causes friendship to blast into oblivion? Could be change. I think lots of times we expect not only our friends but ourselves to remain exactly the same forever. But to me that isn't "growing"---without change in who we are as a person, we would never grow, we would remain static I think. So sometimes, a friend might not like the change that we might be going through or see in us. When I was younger I was very self-conscious and a real "people" pleaser trying to seek everyone's approval...it took me eons to realize there is only one person that needs to approve of me...ME. So now my attitude is if you like me fine, if not that's fine with me too. As far as being diplomatic....LOL. I can be very blunt as you know from some of my discussions and how I reply to people, but hope I do so in as much of a diplomatic way as possible
As for what causes friendship to blast into oblivion? Could be change. I think lots of times we expect not only our friends but ourselves to remain exactly the same forever. But to me that isn't "growing"---without change in who we are as a person, we would never grow, we would remain static I think. So sometimes, a friend might not like the change that we might be going through or see in us. When I was younger I was very self-conscious and a real "people" pleaser trying to seek everyone's approval...it took me eons to realize there is only one person that needs to approve of me...ME. So now my attitude is if you like me fine, if not that's fine with me too. As far as being diplomatic....LOL. I can be very blunt as you know from some of my discussions and how I reply to people, but hope I do so in as much of a diplomatic way as possible1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
Well I buy your argument here. Yes, people change as much as we change ourselves as we advance in age. And maybe the stress and pressure of everyday living conditioned the changes in the character of a person. But whatever it is we need to be also flexible in adapting to the changes in a friend. I like people who speaks their mind out and you are one person that I can see the colours in you in all your discussions. It is not all that bad Pye when you show that in what your writings. I am slowly accepting your friendly character and like you I can also rise up to the needs of a situation.
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
20 Jan 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
I am not astonished for opening up of your heart and painting true picture of 'Friendship', it takes time for many to establish 'friendship', we say, 'A friend is indeed a friend in need'. These are the testing time for both. If i can not do anything, at laest, i can stand with you in time of distress. So long people are happy and they get something in return, friendship is considered worth. With a single un-happy of difference in opinion, it is taken back and friendship starts counting days. So you are very much right in chemical analysis. may god bless you with bonded friendship. have a great time.
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
21 Jan 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji,
So nice of you for acknowledging and considering my views. I fully know taht you too stood during my distress, which bonded me to re-group you. I am too lucky to have a friend, who would frankly come out with correct advise. may god bless you and have a great time.
@artaucan (97)
• United States
21 Jan 09
Friends are very important in our lives, they make us laugh, they give us a shoulder to cry on, but more importantly they give us love and companionship when we need it, sometimes we don´t understand why they behave in certain way and viceversa but generally true friendship can get through anything and when that happens we realise how meaningful this relationship has been and that we haven´t wasted our time, they love us for the way we are with good things and bad things, and we recipocrate that love, there will also be times when for unknown reasons they get away and we think what we did wrong, most of the times, specially when we think that with our hearts, it´s not us but them, they change their priorities and suddenly we´re not what they need in their lives, it´s sad but it´s true, and there´s nothing we can do because if we honestly gave our love to someone and they don´t appreciate it, then we are the ones who don´t need them.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
How true. Friends are indeed important in our life as no man is an island. Many a man has to wait patiently while love stirs in the heart of a woman. Falling in and out of love is a very normal thing and if your woman leaves you, let her go and if it is fate she will come knocking at your heart again.
@mbasolvedpapers (33)
• India
21 Jan 09
We should choose good friends who always with you. He always helps you in all ods of life. But the true friend is founds only one or two or limited.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
Have been in mylot for quite sometimes and made many friends, more than friends in the real world. But only few stand out from the hundreds of friends I have which I can truly communicate without fear of hurting their feelings. These are real true friends. They light up my life.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
20 Jan 09
Good and true friendships are very hard to come by, especially these days. I have tried to have friends over the years and it never worked out. I was always there for them and they were never there for me. They used me and treated me very badly.
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
20 Jan 09
[i]Hi zandi, just like you I don't easily go chummy with other people. My friends are of quality, not quantity. Thus, it is definitely very painful when my friends and I have a fight because I have few really close friends but I am counting on a lifetime friendship with them.
I have a bestfriend, someone I am willing to understand even if there are times she acts really bad towards me or do things against me. I know i cannot change my friend's personality, she is what she is but I was hoping she can tone down a little for the sake of friendship. Nevertheless I tried to understand her in any way I can, until I can't take it anymore.
I lost the friendship. We're still "friends", we still talk, but it's not the same as before, it can never be the same as before. I guess that happens, when a friend, whom you think you can count on, betrays you and leaves you alone to fend for yourself just when you needed her the most...[/i]
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
20 Jan 09
nice thought of friendships zandi.at this time we can count or picky as afriend.some friends only good if you have something good but not for bad times
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
20 Jan 09
This morning first thing, I read your discussion, it went straight to my heart. I get so sick of being told I'm to up tight for friends, I don't like people or such. But I think people like you and me tend to like people to much and have been burned many times. I do like people but to be my friend and for me to be yours is a very important relationship, it means I'll stand by you no matter what and that you can tell me anything and I can trust you with my life. There just aren't many people out there that I will trust like that. BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOIW I UNDERSTAND.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 09
Something in this discussion must have strike your heart this morning. Though we might find it difficult to trust a stranger to be our friend but once they become a friend they will be glued to us. With trust, our relationship are well anchored. I believe that when someone want to befriend us they must gain our trust first.
@Dday50627 (359)
• United States
20 Jan 09
sweet lady, IF you are evil {LOL} you hide it well. As for those that say they are a fruend but then take offense to something you may say, as long as they smile, agree to disagree and still love you, then THEY are a friend. The kind that if you call and say you killed your idiot friend, lover, boyfriend, dog, lol then their only responce will be "I'll be there in 20 minutes with the rug and shovel. Smilessssss... We all have our "off" days, me more than most, but it is our friends that help us stay grounded when we are ready to fly off the handle.
I have learned and perfect something that I believe in strongly. I would lie to you before i would hurt you badly. I would tell you look beautiful when perhaps you look a little Not. But if there was something I felt you needed to know because it was truly important to you, or if you asked me a question truly wanting an answer, then i would tell you the truth.
Friendships and trust are very hard to gain from me but when you do, even if you hurt me, I would be loyal to you. friendship that is deep and true is a precious gift. A gift that should be cherished and nutured and kept in your heart always. I am always diplomatic in what I say and it does help a lot. Words spoken in anger may be later forgiven but trust in me, they are NEVER forgotten. I say, treat every friend as a treasure and you will have them forever. Sadly, Friendship comes hard but it can so easily be lost. And that is always a sad thing. Hugsssss to you and great discussion as always. Signed Mr. Long-winded. ;)
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
21 Jan 09
Hi, Darrel, I love the way you are. From the many words you said I can visualize that you are soft spoken and caring (correct me if I am wrong). When someone lies to you, it teaches you that things are not always what they seem. Look beyond the mask people wear if you want to know what is in their hearts. First of all,one should remove one's mask and reveal the self. When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have. You never know when you might lose it! Never take your friends for granted, because today we have them and there is no guarantee for tomorrow. If someone inflicts injury upon you, it is an indication that human beings can also be cruel. Therefore, look after yourself and most importantly, don't hurt that person yourself. Understanding the personality traits of those around you and learn to mould yourself accordingly. So if you learn to create love inside your heart and silently give it to everyone you meet, love will grace every corner of your life. Wisdom enables us to accept everyone no matter how different they are.
@riyasam (16556)
• India
20 Jan 09
it does take.i am also quite friendly on a social level but when it cometo maintaining a friendship,i back out.maybe,i am rekationship-phobic.actually,i have only one trusted friend who has stood with me through thick and thin.i donot get to communicate with her as often as we used to previously,as she has a family of her own and that keeps her busy.i think arrogance and not agreeing to even listen to others point of view(narrow-minded),maybe some of the reasons why a friendship doesnt thrive.
@denise002 (444)
• Australia
20 Jan 09
you will not always agree on everything and every friendship will have its minor disagreements or even fall outs, but the real test comes with the ability to admit ur wrong and swallow ur pride and apologise if needed. small things often break up a well bonded friendship and stubborness can see to its demise
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